Nang mga panahon na y'on gusto kong tumakbo palayo sa lahat.

Palayo sa bahay namin, palayo sa mga kaibigan ko, palayo sakaniya.

Inilagay ko ang unang damit na madampot ko mula sa damitan ko papunta sa backpack na hawak ko. Hindi ko alam kung ilang pares ng damit ang kinukuha ko, or kung may nailagay na ba akong bra at panty? Bahala na!

Gusto kong maglayas. Pagod na ako sa buhay ko.

Pagbaba ko sa second floor ng bahay namin ay binuksan ko agad ang ref sa may kusina para tumingin ng pwedeng dalhin na pagkain, pero mahirap nga pala kami kaya wala akong madadala.

Buti nalang may nilagang itlog sa sinaing, okay na yon.

Inaantok ako ngayon dahil sa pag iyak pero nakaya pa ng katawan kong maglakad at sumakay ng bus papunta saan?

Hindi ko din alam.

"Hello Issa? Uhm... alam kong late na pero pwede ba akong magstay sa apartment niyo ni Ken ngayon?" Isa lang ang naisip kong tawagan sa mga oras na 'to.

"Uy bakit? Okay ka lang ba?" Sagot ng kaibigan ko sa kabilang linya. And that just stung.

God, I hate being asked if I'm okay.

"Uhm ano...o-okay lang naman pero...p-pagod na ako Issa. Ayoko na." My voice cracked and wala akong pakialam kung tinitignan ako ng katabi kong lalaki sa bus.

Seeing a girl crying in a bus at 11pm.

Yep, very common experience.

"Save it up, pumunta ka nalang dito ha? Susunduin kita sa kanto sabihan mo ako pag andun kana. Ingat ka sa byahe."

"Yep, I will. Thank you Melissa." And I ended the call. I put my phone back in my bag and looked outside the window.

They're two cities away from my place, and an hour and 30 minutes ride doesn't help me from calming my nerves. I just kept on rewinding things in my head for that long period of time.

I remembered what happened the morning before that, when the job as a barista (that basically accepted my application) just fucking ditched me. They've accepted my application pero pagdating ko don sarado sila and I got nothing but a text na may tinanggap silang mas "fit" for the work.

I was there exactly 7am! Maaga pa nga ako sa shift kong 8am e. Wearing my white polo shirt na binili ko pa gamit yung ipon ko and called "investment" para naman pampalubag loob sa sarili ko. With my black slacks na hinalukay ko pa sa baul dahil hindi na kasya sa pera ko kung bibili pa ako ng bago.

And they'll say na joke lang pala yung pagtanggap nila sakin?

I wanted to cry right there and then but I fucking stopped myself. I have to be strong.

Pero tangina, napakahina kong nilalang. Hindi ko kaya yung disappointment. I felt betrayed and wronged!

This is so unfair. I needed this job more than anyone else. I needed this job to at least help my family that's now breaking apart. I needed this to at least start boosting myself that whatever happens, I still got my shit together.

But fuck. Just fuck.

I just needed to be consoled. I need to hear words like I am not that of a disappointment and this is out of my hands. I need comforting words to hold myself together.

So I dialed my mom's number that time and after few rings she answered.

"Ma."

"Oh anak saan kana? Nakapasok kana ba? Okay ka lang ba jan?" My mom's voice just breaks my heart. I just wanted to hug her and cry.

Looking for a job isn't that easy for a 17 year old girl like me. This kind of betrayal scares me. Ganito bang mga rejections ang haharapin ko after college?

"Ano ma...'di daw ako tanggap e. May kinuha daw silang iba. Sarado yung shop." I said as clearly as possible kahit na tuloy tuloy na yung luha ko.

And I thought my heart just got broken but may mas isisira pa pala siya.

"Ha?? Bakit? Paano yan wala kang trabaho? Paano tayo? Hindi na magpapadala si papa mo, hindi na niya ako kinakausap 'nak." I can feel the frustration on her voice but all I can mind was the disappointment that I felt.

May mas ilalala pa pala.

Akala ko magiging emotional support ko si mama, nakalimutan kong ako nga pala ang sumusuporta sakanila ngayon.

Hindi pala talaga ako pwede maging mahina, ano?

"Ma, alam ko. Nadisappoint din ako e. Umasa ako e." Ramdam ko yung parang may nakabara sa lalamunan ko, gusto kong humagulgol nalang sa kung nasaan ako.

"Anak, minessage ko ang papa mo kaninaㅡ"

"Ano??"

"Gusto kong makipagbalikan 'nak. Hindi ko kaya ng wala ang papa mo. Hindi natin kaya 'nak." My grief was mixed with anger. I put my all just so we can escape from that man's manipulation tapos gusto niyang bumalik kami sakaniya??

"Ma! Bakit? Kaya nga naghahanap kami ni kuya ng trabaho 'di ba? Para hindi na tayo umasa sakaniya. Ma naman please, pagod na ako." I sat down beside the shop covering my face full of tears.

My dad got an affair with who knows who and who knows how many times, but my mom always forgives him. And that makes our lives a fucking trauma with a hint of anxieties and trust issues.

Pero this time, now that I am turning 18 in few months, I stood up and said na kaya na namin ng wala siya. After a lot of painful words, profanities, and a few physical abuses, he went out of the house.

My mom thank me for being there for her to stand for her. Not until depression hits her and he wants my dad back in our lives.

"Pero anak, mahal ko ang papa mo e."

And with that I ended the call and took all my strength not to throw away my phone kahit na nakaamba na talaga akong ibato ito.

Yep, our lives have anger issues in it too.

I took my time to cry myself there. Luckily the coffee shop was not nearby the high way, kaya kahit na mag-aalas otso na ng umaga ay walang tao na dumadaan. Walang nakakakita sa pag iyak ko dito na parang tanga.

How can she say that she loves him kung pera lang ang dahilan kaya kailangan niyang magstay sa marriage nila?

If we have lots of money my mom wouldn't take that man back.

If kuya just have stable work and less debts, if I just got this job at least, she won't be thinking of taking that man back.

Fuck reasons.

I chatted sa group chat namin ng mga friends ko sa college.

"Guys, ano gawa niyo? I need someone to talk to."

I know it's summer vacation and halos araw araw na kaming magkasama last month, pati ba naman summer vacation mukha pa din ng isa't isa makikita namin?

But I needed someone to hear me. I can't take it anymore.

I waited for there reply, they're all online.

But all I got is seen.

Wow! What's with today huh? Full of disappointments and feeling of betrayal.

Do I even matter to anyone? Do my feelings even valid? Does anyone even cared for me?

Lalo lang akong naiyak sa nangyari, so I stayed there for few more minutes of crying sesh. Then I thought of going somewhere.

Pinunasan ko ang mukha ko para man lang 'di ako magmukhang baliw sa daan. I tucked out my polo shirt, grabbed my bag, and off I go.

The place is not that far, so I went there by foot. Hindi din dinadayo ng mga tao kaya pwede kong gawin ang gusto kong gawin.

Few minutes and I arrived at a water dam. It's not that big of a dam pero mataas pa din, hindi din siya ganon ka secured because (on some very minimal occasions) dinadaanan din 'to ng mga tao to cross from one town to another. Risky lang since lalo na pag umuulan.

I stood there right in the middle of the narrow cemented way that stops the water from going all the way down that big rocks and rivers.

Few minutes and it's 8am. My favorite time just because 8 is my favorite number.

Good time to be gone. But too bad it's not raining so I have to jump... I guess? Or just roll over this cliff. Pag bagsak ko naman sa mga bato mamamaㅡ

"Sight seeing sa umaga?"

My heart almost jumped out of my chest when a guy suddenly popped out of nowhere. I calmed myself.

I don't really talk to strangers because they creep me out so I ignored him. I didn't even threw him a look. My eyes were there straight into the cliff.

"Tatalon ka?"

What the damn hell? Hindi ako makapag concentrate. And hindi ko kailangan ng audience.

"Okay ka lang ba?" He asked again.

And when I say that questions just almost pushed me off the cliff, it really did.

My knees got weak and I almost fell off but I put my strength on my back and made myself sat on the floor.

Fuck I want to jump but my reflexes just don't want it.

The random guy sat beside me while looking at the cliff too. He sat there, silently.

And I just started crying out of nowhere.

It's weird. I just felt like I wanted to cry. Maybe because of the fact that I badly needed someone right now, just someone to talk to or someone to listen to me, pero lahat ng taong mahalaga sakin busy sa kani-kanilang buhay.

Walang nakaalam sakanila, ni isa, na habang ginagawa nila ang mga ginagawa nila sa oras na 'to andito ako, nagbabadyang tumalon. Walang nakakaalam sakanilang lahat. Just this guy. At ang sakit kasi ni hindi ko nga kilala 'tong lalaking 'to.

My vision was blurry dahil sa pag iyak but I know that he looked at me then pat my back.

"Sige lang. Iyak ka lang, sakto lang kasi nasa water dam ka." The guy randomly said. I don't know if I don't get the humor or walang kwenta lang talaga yung sinabi niya pero 'di ko talaga siya na-gets.

That goes on for almost 30 minutes, then 30 minutes of silence again.

The sun is getting high and its sun rays started to burn my skin. I wanted out but I remembered why I'm here in the first place.

I have nowhere to go.

Ayoko sa bahay. Wala akong trabaho. My friends ignored my messages.

I am supposed to end it all here, pero bakit hindi ko pa ginagawa?

"Anong zodiac sign mo?" Napalingon ako sa katabi ko and that random guy was still looking at the cliff hindi sakin.

"Either Pisces or Cancer? Yun kasi yung mga iyakin na signs na alam ko. Or pwede ding Aquarius?" Dagdag pa niya.

This guy was the reason kung bakit hindi ko nagawa yung dapat kong gawin dito.

I stared at him, scanning every bits of him. Do I know him? Does he know me? He doesn't even look familiar to me.

He's still looking at the cliff kaya side view niya lang ang nakikita ko and what I know is that ang haba ng pilik mata niya and medyo matangos ang ilong niya na lalong na bibigyan ng focus dahil nga naka side view siya.

Nagulat ako ng bigla niya akong nilingon at kahit na may isang metro ang layo niya sakin pakiramdam ko ang lapit pa din niya.

He has pretty doe eyes.

"Do you believe in destiny?" He asked so random things.

But I didn't answer anything of those. Hindi naman sa ayokong sumagot or hindi ko gusto sagutin ang mga tanong niya. It's just the vibe and the atmosphere.

I am about to end myself but these out the blue questions from this super creepy and random guy just take my mind off of that idea.

"May suggestion ako, panoodin mo yung How I Met Your Mother na series tapos kapag natapos mo na yun bumalik ka dito."

How I Met who? Anong series daw?? At bakit kailangan kong panoodin 'yon?

Nakatingin lang ako sakaniya habang nakakunot ang noo, still bewildered with everything that comes out of his mouth.

"Have... you met Ted?" He asked and then he smiled.

He has a pretty boyish smile.

"Ang init na dito. Una na ako sayo ha. Tsaka please, gawin mo yung sinabi ko. Panoodin mo yung series." He said tsaka siya tumayo sa posisyon niya. Now that he's standing I realized na nakayapak siya.

I looked up and saw him looking straight at the view as if mesmerized by it.

"Ingat ka pauwi." He tapped my head playfully then turned his back walking his way off the narrow cemented floor.

I just stared at him walking away tsaka ko lang narealize na hindi ako nagsalita ng kahit na ano sa loob ng one hour and I don't know how minutes na magkasama kami dito. I looked at the cliff and then realized...

Ano bang ginagawa ko?

I'm better than this. I know I can handle more than this. What the damn hell am I doing here?

So I went home and everything was just the continuation of drama, anger, and shouting here and there. This house was not peaceful anymore. Or maybe never naman naging peaceful ang bahay na 'to.

Or maybe that's just my life. And maybe I have to live with it. Sabi nga nila if you can't beat it, just join it. Go with the fucking flow. I'm too tired to go against the current anyway.

If you're in the phase of life where you experience hell, don't stop there and keep moving. Why would you stop in hell?

But the day's not over yet, and life has many cards it hasn't put over the table.

My dad came home and the day got hell-er. Hence, the running away.

"Uyy sorry, wala kaming foods dito puro cup noodles lang." Sabi ni Melissa pagdating namin sa apartment nila.

"Okay lang yon, si Kennedy on shift ba?" I asked and as if on a cue someone got out of the room right next to us.

"Babe dumating na ba siㅡ uyy! Buti andito kana. Kamusta ka? Oks ka lang?" Kennedy asked then he came near us to tap my shoulder.

"Tignan mo naman magang maga ang mata. Natupad na ang pangarap niya maging chinita." Melissa answered, we laughed then I started telling the story of how my day went.

Everything from that bullshit coffee shop hanggang sa mga nabasag na plato sa bahay bago ako maglayas.

"Your day's tough. Dapat pinapasara yung coffee shop na yon e. Walang professionalism. I-stress eating natin yan! Kaso... wala pala kaming pagkain dito." Kennedy said.

"Okay lang yon, ano ba kayo. Ako nga dapat mahiya anong oras na andito ako. May mga shift pa kayo." Sabi ko.

"Para ka namang iba." Sagot agad ni Ken sakin. I've know her since 3rd grade pero nagstart lang kaming maging magbestfriends last year. Then he met Kennedy tapos naging friend ko na din siya.

"Besides, normal lang yan sa teenager makafeel ng rebellious feelings. Paglalayas? Please. Nakailang ganyan na ako. And kahit na ilang beses mo pa uli gawin yan, welcome ka dito sa apartment namin." Dagdag pa ni Issa.

They've been together for a year then decided to live together. Ahead sila ng 2 years sakin, or maybe mas matanda ata samin si Kennedy? I'm not really asking about his age.

"Thank you guys. Salamat kasi nanjan kayo, salamat sa pagtanggap niyo sakin dito. It's just for today, uwi din ako bukas papahupain ko lang ang lahat." I told them.

"Sure ka? You can stay here as long as you need. Alam kong minsan kailangan din natin tumakas sa toxic place, sa mga tao, sa problema. I know that feeling kaya wag kang mahihiya samin. We have your back." Melissa said with her sweet and caring voice.

And with that, I cried for the nth time today.

Few more catch ups, tapos tinanong din nila ako if willing ba ako mag work for a BPO company, call center to be specific, hiring daw kasi sakanila. I can't thank them enough for everything nang naitulong nila but I promised them na someday babawi ako.

So I accepted their offer and told them I'll email my resume tomorrow.

I was preparing the folding bed that they gave me at the salas when Melissa came out of their room holding a laptop.

"Eto may spare laptop kami, movie laptop namin siya actually. Pwede ka manood dito kung gusto mo. I recommend panoodin mo yung favorite namin ni Kennedy, yung How I Met Your Mother hahahahahaha." Sabi niya. I wasn't really paying attention kasi nilalatag ko na yung mga unan pero alam kong nagdala siya ng pwede kong pagkaabalahan habang may shift sila for work.

"Sure Issa, maikli lang ba?" I asked getting myself comfy sa folded bed.

"Until season 9ㅡ"

"Season 9?"

"Yes pero maikli lang per episode. May mga movies dito, korean dramas, tapos ayon nga, yung mga american series. Ikaw nang bahala actually kung anong trip mo panoodin hahahahahah." Sabi ni Melissa sabay lapag ng laptop sa mini table sa salas.

I looked at her and opened my arms wide for a hug which she accepted.

"Thank you talaga sa lahat, Issa."

"You're always welcome. Okay lang yan ha, wag kang mawawalan ng hope. Okay lang umiyak at maging mahina. It's all part of growing up. Don't worry, everything is just a phase." She assured me. She smiled then stood up to get back into their room when she called me.

"Tracy!" I hummed to her in response.

"Everything will get better." She smiled.

"Thank you." I smiled back.

-------
A/N: I'm back to writing anything my mind says. No proof reading, just my characters wanting to speak. Lol.

Kudos to the series of How I Met Your Mother. The series was superb and the actors too. Because of this I feel like I want to write again.

Also, 23:11 and 11/23 by pilosopongtasya gave me the push to write again too.

I hopeㅡnope, I'll finish this book. I promise.