"I fall back down. Gotta stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you" ~Stay High - Tove Lo 

**Trigger warning: abuse, addiction, implied overdose**

New York, 28 August 1966

The first letter arrived the afternoon of the 28th of August. Charli arrived home from her appointment, she hadn't been expecting anything so soon.

"Charli!" Sophie sang out "You've got mail!"

Charli raised her eyebrow at Sophie's excitement but went to the kitchen counter where the mail was sitting.

"How was your appointment?" Eddie asked as he handed her a coke.

"Fine," she said absentmindedly as she sifted through the mail, she had just come from an appointment with her psychiatrist "We came up with some plans if I decide to confront me parents"

Finally, she found a letter with familiar handwriting.

"That was fast," She laughed opening it.

My Dearest Charli,

I'm writing you from Seattle, we arrived this morning. Mal and I met the rest in Los Angeles and enjoyed a bit of time off. Not as much as I enjoyed spending with you.

We have 2 concerts, we're all a bit knackered from this tour, I think we're all looking forward to returning to England. I only wish you were coming with me.

I already miss you and can't stop thinking of you, I can't wait to see you again, to make love to you again and kiss every inch of your body again.

I'll write again when we're back in LA.

Always yours,

Paul

"Girl," Lily said over Charli's shoulder startling her "If that's how he's starting his letters, I'm going to need a shower every time you get mail"

"Fuckin' nosey git!" Charli laughed folding the letter quickly.

Charli sat in the nook sketching and smoking a joint, she had drawn a very psychedelic portrait of herself and Paul.

"Charli," Eddie said looking over her shoulder on the couch "That is stunning!"

"Nah, just mucking about" She sighed exasperated as she exhaled a large cloud of smoke and passed Eddie the joint "He's always liked my art, figured I would send him some artwork along with my letter"

Eddie smiled as he inhaled.

"Hey, I've got a friend who's running a small magazine for the gay community in Greenwich," he began "They're always looking for artists to run adverts for their events, think you might be interested while you're still in New York?"

"Sounds good" Charli smiled.

"Groovy!" Eddie laughed "I'll get you in touch with Greg"

Eddie paused a moment looking at the recent artwork she'd done.

"Hey Charli," he asked "When do you think you'll be moving to London?"

"I don't even know if I am yet," she laughed "He's still got to sort things out with his life over there, doesn't he? And he's still on tour"

"You know he's going to" Eddie encouraged.

"I hope so" Charli said. "Want ta' make a trip to the post shop with me?"

She grabbed her artwork and letter and she and Eddie were on their way.

London, 08 September 1966

Martha barked loudly as someone rang the front gate. Paul got up from the song he was working on, annoyed, figuring it was the fans trying to get his attention. He'd been in London a mere week and already they had started camping out in front of the front gate again. He'd already spoken with Charli for 2 hours upon arriving home, she listened enthusiastically as he talked about the last leg of the tour and Martha.

"Not now girls," He sighed into the intercom.

"So sorry to bother you Mr. McCartney," a man's voice came over the speaker "Just a bit of post for you"

Paul went to the front gate to accept his post, he'd expected the usual letters the fan club would send, maybe a few parcels.

"Afternoon," he greeted the postman.

"Lovely autumn day today, isn't it?" The postman smiled "A few letters for you," he said handing a stack of letters, most with little hearts and initials drawn on. "And one parcel with a letter attached."

"Ta," Paul said taking his letters and a flat packed parcel. He looked at the letter attached and a smile instantly spread across his face.

"Martha!" He exclaimed as he entered the house again, the large sheepdog wasn't sure what had her master so happy, she just knew she was excited too! "Looks like a parcel from New York arrived"

Martha danced around excitedly, Paul scratched her ears absentmindedly as he opened the letter first.

Dearest Paulie,

I'm sorry this won't arrive before you're home again. After paying to have your gift wrapped (I hope you didn't open it before my letter!) properly, shipping it first class was just to expensive and the bloody post office couldn't guarantee anything!

It's only been a week since I saw you, held you, kissed you, made love to you and already I'm craving all three! Look what you've done, you've turned me into some soppy girly girl!

I miss you terribly already, I hope you like the art piece....Its not much, but its how you make me feel.

I can't wait to be in your arms again. Until then,

Love you more,

Charli

Paul smiled at the letter, and excitedly opened the print, his smile widened as he looked at the print.

There was what was quite obviously Charli, hanging from a Lyra by her legs, her arms wrapped around what was obviously himself, and his arms around her as the two kissed happily. The background was a pallet of psychedelic patterns and colours.

"Looks like we need a frame" Paul said to Martha who cocked her head. He glanced at the clock, "Perfect!"

New York, 08 September 1966 11.03 am

The phone rang throughout the flat shared by Charli, Lily, Eddie, Mina, Toni and Sophie. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" Charli said as she rushed around the flat gathering various illustrations she'd done and hadn't been expecting a call.

"Hello, residence of mass chaos, Lily speaking" Lily laughed as he picked up the receiver looking around at Charli rushing and swearing, Mina working on a sign and Eddie sitting at the window with a joint.

"Charli, it'll be fine" Eddie said calmly "They've already seen your stuff, just do you"

"Easy for you to say!" She said turning around a couple times after misplacing a piece she'd wanted to show.

"She's here physically, mentally...I'll check" Lily said into the receiver. 

"Hey, girly!" He shouted to a flustered Charli "You have a call!"

"Take a message!" Charli shouted back.

"It's Paul," Lily grinned. Charli looked confused, but happy.

"Paul?" she said grabbing the phone from Lily. "I wasn't expecting a call from you, What a pleasant surprise!"

"I know," he answered "I just got your letter and your art, Charli, luv, you are amazing!"

"Ta," she smiled.

"Everything alright, kitten?" he asked noticing the rushed sound in her voice.

"I'm fine," she said "I just feel terrible, the connection is remarkably good today and I'm ecstatic when you call, but I'm just getting ready for a meeting with a local magazine to publish and commission some of my work...I'm losing it Paul!"

He laughed softly.

"It's alright luv," he said warmly, Charli seemed less stressed hearing his voice "I can call back, if you like"

"You're not upset?" She asked.

"Upset? No," he said "I did want to chat with ya's, but if ya' can't talk I understand"

Charli looked at the clock, she looked at the art she'd gathered and sighed.

"You've got 5 minutes luv" she laughed. "Sorry my letter came so late"

"No need to apologise, I wasn't expecting art" Paul responded "That was worth the wait"

"Being with you again will be worth the wait" Charli sighed, there were a few laughs and catcalls from her flatmates, none louder than Eddie who she threw a small throw pillow at, smacking the joint out of his hand.

"Congrats luv," Paul laughed "You made me go red. And you're right"

She smiled into the phone, he had a remarkable way of calming her a few minutes earlier she was stressed, frenzied and ready to give up on the meeting she had.

"Oh, Charli" Paul began "I did want ta' let ya' know, I may be going to Liverpool for a few days. I'll try calling while I'm there if I can, but it might be difficult"

"Is everything alright?" She asked realising he had planned on staying in London for awhile to relax and take the scene in again.

"Yeah, just need a little time with the fam" he answered "Need a little advice from da' on handling the situation with Jane"

"Understandable," Charli agreed "If you see Jenny..."

She thought a moment, what on earth would she say to Jenny? Paul laughed softly.

"You know me too well," he said "I was planning to talk with her, I'll let her know you say you'll see her soon"

"Ta," she smiled "Right, I really do hate cutting this so short, but I've got ta' get to this meeting"

"Good luck," Paul said "I'll call ya's again soon. Love you, kitten!"

"I love you too," Charli said ringing off. She grabbed her artwork and was heading for the door when Mina called for her.

"Sorry! I know you're in a rush," Mina said wiping paint from her hands "Were you still going to help me with signs for the march?"

"I'm not going ta' have time for any of me own work" Charli sighed over dramatically "Of course I'm going ta' help ya's!"

Liverpool, 14 September 1966

"It's good to have ya' home son," James McCartney said giving Paul a quick hug "Yer Auntie Jin is in town as well, couldn't have picked a better time for a surprise visit"

"Thanks Da," Paul said setting his bag in the hall. "Just needed an escape for a few days"

"Paulie!" a familiar voice called "Look at you! So you know,  I've kept every article about you, I must look like some little teenage girl to me friends"

"Hi Auntie Jin" Paul smiled as she reached him and hugged him tight "It's good ta' see you"

"Pick your bag up off the floor, ya' silly sod" she laughed "Honestly, some things never change"

"Sorry," Paul laughed picking up his bag "Just going ta' put my things away"

After Paul had settled, James had called his brother Michael to come visit as well.  After they had all sat down to a large dinner cooked by Auntie Jin; Jim McCartney sat happily in his front room. Family had always been important to him, and he was pleased when Paul called him to ask if he could spend some time in Liverpool for a few days.

"Hey Da'," Paul said sitting in a chair across from him.

"What can I do for ya' son?" Jim asked happily. He had noticed that Paul, much as he was happy to be home, seemed distracted, like something was on his mind.

"I need advice," Paul sighed running a hand through his hair nervously.

"Go on Paulie," Jim said putting down his paper.

"It's about Jane..." Paul began. Jim had a feeling this day was coming and he couldn't be happier for his son.

"Don't worry son," he smiled "marriage is a wonderful thing"

"Marriage??" Paul stammered. "No, Da'...sorry, I know ya' want me to be happy and settled...that's not what this is about"

"Oh," Jim said "Then how can I help?"

Paul smiled weakly.

"Da', do you remember Charli?" he asked.

Jim remembered all too well, the poor girl who lived just a few doors down from them in Allerton, her abusive father and the heartbreak Paul went through when they moved.

"Of course son," Jim ventured. Paul bounced his knee and chewed his fingernail, he thought it would be easier to talk to his father about this, however, his family loved Jane. He wondered if any of them remembered Charli well, or if they were like John, and felt she only caused heartache.

Paul let out a heavy sigh.

"I saw her again," he said finally "When we were in New York"

"Really," Jim responded cautiously "Is that a problem?"

"Da', I'm still in love with her" Paul answered "She still loves me"

"I see," Jim said lighting a pipe "I asked you this a few years ago with Dot, I'm going to ask the same now; What about Jane?"

"I know..." Paul said "I cocked things up...how do I call it off? What should I do?"

James smoked his pipe thoughtfully.

"Well, Paul" he began after some thought "It really is up to you. From my perspective, it seems whenever you get the slightest acknowledgement from Charli, you leave behind what could be a sure thing. She stopped writing you all those years ago..."

"I think her Da' interfered" Paul interrupted. James thought another moment, he never liked Joseph McLeod and when thinking about it, he thought it was likely true.

"Even so," Jim continued "Are you willing to risk everything you've built with Jane, in case things might be how they were with Charli?"

Paul thought a moment.

"Yes," he said finally "Yes, I am."

Jim sighed  "I hope you're right. I can't tell you who to choose, you know my thoughts. I just want ta' see ya's happy. If you think this will make you happy, I think you need to talk to Jane as soon as possible"

"Da'," Paul said "We had the worst tour possible, the one night I got to spend with her made the Hell we went through worth it"

"Then you need to talk to Jane" Jim said sternly "It's not fair to leave her wondering. As soon as you get back to London, you need to tell her the truth"

"I know," Paul sighed running both hands through his hair "I'm worried about what Brian is going to say about publicity, it could all blow up"

"Ah, my poor famous son" Jim laughed softly "You make your own decisions in life, don't let anyone control that."

Paul smiled a half smile "Thanks Da'" he said "I think I'm going to go to bed a bit early, a lot on me mind"

"Good night son," Jim said happily.

Paul began making his way to his room when Auntie Jin stopped him.

"Hey Paulie," she said warmly "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with yer da'"

Paul raised an eyebrow.

"Lad, do what you feel is best" she smiled at him "I remember little Charli, she was there for ya's when yer mum passed on, wasn't she?"

Paul remembered too well. He had only met Charli earlier that year, but she was the first one to be there for him. He smiled at the bittersweet memory.

"Yeah," he said "That was her Auntie Jin"

London, 22 September 1966

"I set your post on the counter, dearie" an older woman said as Paul entered the home. He had just arrived back to London from Liverpool that morning, he was tired and knowing what he had to do was exhausting him even more. He had been a little disappointed Jenny wasn't home when he tried to visit, but decided surprising her at Christmas when Charli planned to visit would be even better.

"Ta Mrs. Kelly," Paul yawned "Was Martha a good girl?"

"As good as a puppy can be" Mrs. Kelly huffed "I'll be on my way then"

Paul nodded and started looking through the letters that had amassed since he'd been away. He smiled seeing the familiar handwriting, doodles and New York address. As he opened the envelope, he noticed there was something inside the letter. As he unfolded it, 3 photos dropped onto the counter; the first was of himself and Charli the night of her birthday, they sat together on the couch, his arm around her waist, staring at each other happily. The second was of just Charli during a silks performance, and the last was a group shot of Charli and her flatmates, all looking excited and happy, if not a little drunk.

He was happy to see what she had been up to but wished he was with her.

Dear Paul,

I should explain the photos first before I dive into the naughty writings.

The first, obviously, is me and you. Eddie took it at my birthday party when we weren't paying attention, just wee reminder of what I hope we can recreate soon!!

The second, that was taken at a show we did in the village earlier this month...it's from a silks act I did to "Tomorrow Never Knows" (sorry it wasn't one of your songs, I'll make it up to you somehow)...I also did another burlesque number that night, but I'm not sending photos of that...I'll give you a private show when I see you again.

The third, was taken after we went to a protest about this stupid bloody war the US is involved in! That said, we met a lot of great people at the protest, I've been commissioned to do a few more pieces for some rallies and I'm getting lots of work from the magazine. Anyway, we were all a little sozzed in the last photo but everyone wanted to say 'hello'.

I know you're probably still in Liverpool, but I wanted to make sure you had something greeting you when you got home.

How was Liverpool? Did you see Jenny??

I miss you like hell, and think of you all the time.

I cannot wait to be in your arms again, I hope its sooner rather than later, a girl has needs!

Alright, luv, I miss you. I hope to hear from you soon.

Love you the most,

Charli

He smiled at the letter and reminded himself to call her that night.

"Oh Martha," he said patting the sheepdog's fluffy head as she rested her head on his lap. "I've got a mess to sort out"

Martha huffed like she understood.

"I can't get you to talk to Jane for me, can I?" He asked his faithful companion, who at that point became bored that there were no treats and walked away.

There was a familiar buzz of the intercom.

"Paul," a female voice came over the speaker "Its Jane"

"Here we go," Paul said getting up from his chair. He had contacted Jane from Liverpool asking her to come over the next day. Originally, he had planned on asking her to move in with him when he was done touring, maybe even proposed....that wasn't the case today.

"It's about time!" she giggled as he let her in, she hugged him and went in for a kiss before he turned his cheek.

"Sorry luv," Paul said as the made their way into the lounge "I've been busy since I got back, did you want a tea?"

"No thank you, I remember before you left you were determined to have a talk," Jane said as she sat on the couch "And I haven't been able to get a hold of you since then and you disappeared to Liverpool for a week, I'm going back to filming next week, you know...I was hoping we'd have more time together"

"Yeah..." Paul said running a hand over the back of his neck trying to find the right words.

"Paul, are you alright?" Jane asked.

"We need to talk" Paul said making a steeple with his hands.

"I'm aware," Jane said curiously. 

Paul sighed.

"Jane..." he began "I don't quite know what to say"

She waited patiently, she wasn't sure if she should be excited or filled with dread.

"I...um..while we were on tour..." Paul tried piecing the words together.

"I don't want to know about what you did on tour" Jane said waving a hand "We've talked about that, I just don't want to hear it"

"This time...you need to," Paul said finally.

Jane swallowed hard. This couldn't be good news.

"Look, Jane...this isn't easy" his voice shook "This tour was absolutely hell on us. But....I met someone while we were in New York...actually I should say, I found someone."

"Ok..." Jane said nervously "And?"

"She's someone from my past..." he tried explaining and sighed heavily as he couldn't get the words out properly "Remember I told you about the Christmas I lost me best friend?"

Jane nodded.

"She was more than my best friend Jane...." he said finally "She was my first love and...we found each other again and I'm still very much in love with her."

"Really..." Jane said, she felt the anger rising in her face "Tell me, did you plan this? Did you plan to find her?"

"What? No...I mean, not this time..." he stammered "I had given up....she just sort of, turned up where I least expected"

"So, just what does this mean Paul?" Jane said as tears threatened to fall, she was trying to keep to a stern resolve but was crumbling as she knew the inevitable.

Paul put his head in his hands.

"What does this all mean Paul?" Jane demanded, her voice shaking.

Paul looked up with tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Jane," he said softly.

"Sorry?" Jane said suddenly choking back sobs "What do you mean you're sorry?"

"Jane, I'm sorry...I just can't do this" He said "It's over"

Jane sobbed for a moment, Paul reached out to comfort her.  Before he could she jerked back and stared at him with a fire in her eyes before she gathered herself angrily and made her way to the front door.

"Jane wait," Paul said knowing the gate birds would make a scene.

"No Paul!" She said angrily "Tell me one thing before I go....Did you ever really love me?"

"Of course I did," Paul said "I just.."

"Somehow I knew," she interrupted biting her lip "That you would leave me for some girl on tour"

"It's not like.." he explained. The door slammed. "That"

"Shit..." Paul said. "That could have gone better..."

Jane stormed out to her car, she tried making it less obvious she had been crying.

"Jane!" one of the girls yelled "Are you moving in with Paul?"

"No" she snapped. The girls were taken aback, Jane had always been so cordial and kind to them.

"Look, girls" she said finally "It's over. Paul and I are finished"

"But why?" one said shocked, although there was chattering that maybe they had a chance now.

"He was on tour, what do you think?" Jane said as tears came to her eyes and she got into her car.

***

"Oh no..." Charli said into the phone "That sounds terrible.."

"Yeah," Paul sighed "It went worse than I thought...not that I thought it would go well."

"I'm sorry luv," Charli said warmly "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"Just talking to you helps," he said. Charli smiled, she had stretched the phone cord from the kitchen, through the open area and was laying on the couch looking at the mural she and Sophie had painted 6 months earlier, the way she was laying, the mural was upside down and she had a few ideas to add to it. It was late, but she figured she would be up most of the night working on a commissioned piece and she wanted to talk to him.

"I'm glad I help," she smiled as she blew a puff of smoke from the cigarette she'd lit. "Hold on a mo"

Lily had gotten her attention.

"Hey Charli," he said "We're going out for Thai, do you want us to grab anything for you?"

"Of course!" she exclaimed "That noodle dish I like with cashews....and money bags....oh and a couple spring rolls!"

"Right, got it, so half the menu for Charli" Lily laughed. "Tell Paul I say 'what's up sexy?'"

"I'm not telling him that!" Charli laughed. Paul laughed hearing their antics on the other line, he wished he could be there.

"Sorry about that luv," she said as she came back on the phone "Just realised I haven't eaten all day"

"It's alright," Paul smiled "Tell me about your day, kitten"

Charli laughed.

"Nothing too exciting here," she said "working on about 3 pieces at the moment, more stuff for a rally happening, more adverts...and just practicing Lyra work. Haven't actually ventured out of me flat today"

"I don't care, I like hearing about it" Paul smiled "I only wish I could be there with you"

She could still hear the sadness in his voice.

"Tell me something good that happened today," she said rolling over onto her stomach.

"What?" Paul laughed slightly.

"I'm serious!" Charli laughed "My psychiatrist asks me this question all the time when I'm feeling shite about everything and it works, it makes you focus on the good"

Paul thought a moment

"Well, I started working on a new song, not sure if its going anywhere, but I like it....I took Martha for a long walk...I got to talk with you..." he listed.

"That's 3!" Charli laughed interrupting "Overachiever!"

Paul laughed softly.

"It worked though, didn't it?" she asked.

Paul smiled, "It did actually...I'm looking forward to having you here to make sure there's at least 3 good things each day...starting with both of us naked"

Charli covered her face with a couch pillow "Stop! You know I have a dozen flatmates who could walk in at any given moment"

Minnesota, 15 October 1966

"Ladies and Gentlemen, you may now unfasten your seat belts," the stewardess's voice woke Charli "We will be disembarking shortly, please gather all of your belongings and welcome to St. Paul and Minneapolis"

Charli breathed deep and exhaled heavily.

"Nervous dear?" the elderly woman.

"A wee bit," Charli yawned "Seeing me parents for the first time since Christmas"

"Cheer up," the little white haired woman said patting her knee "I'm sure they'll be more than happy to see you."

She continued on talking about her grandchildren as she and Charli made their way off the plane to baggage claim. Charli helped her with the rather enormous suitcase she had brought.

"Well, Thanks for the chat" Charli smiled "I really should try to get one of these bloody taxi's attention"

"Nonsense," she said "My son is picking me up, I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving you a ride to your parents home as well. Where do they live?"

"I couldn't ask that, miss" Charli said "They live in Lebanon Township and I don't even know your name"

"It's Rose," She smiled up at Charli, peering from a pair of glasses that took up most of her face warmly "And its no trouble, my son doesn't live far from Lebanon. I insist"

"Thanks for the ride" Charli said stepping out of the car passing a few dollars to Rose's son.

He waved a hand "Don't mention it, I hope you have a good visit home" he said. The drive had been pleasant, both Rose and her son, Jonathan were kind and talked to Charli about growing up in Liverpool and seemed fascinated by her performance and life as an artist in New York.

She watched sadly as the drove away and prepared herself for the surprise visit with her parents.

It had been just over 3 weeks since Paul called things off with Jane, he and Charli had spoken many times since then and sent more letters and photos to each other. Since the breakup, Paul had been having to deal with the PR disaster from the fallout. The news even reached America "Paul leaves Jane for another girl from America" the headlines read. How wrong they are... She thought, secretly happy they hadn't discovered her yet. Paul and Charli had agreed it would be best for her to visit at Christmas as they wanted to spend the holidays together with a move planned for February 1967. By then, he figured things would have died down. Charli, in the meantime decided there was still one thing she had to find out.

"Please, be careful luv" Paul pleaded with her before he had to go to another interview to try to smooth things over. Charli had called him early, for her, to get some reassurance, she hadn't slept much the night before and was up most of the night talking with Sophie about her anxiety at this visit. Needless to say, sleeping most of the flight from New York to Minnesota was necessary.

"Charlotte..." her mother answered the door "What an....unexpected surprise"

"Hullo mum," Charli said nervously. "Just thought, since I had some time I'd visit you and da'"

Her mother didn't seem overly happy or excited to see her, not that she had really expected it.

"Well, make yerself at home" Mrs. McLeod said wiping her hands on her apron "You're just in time to help with dinner"

"Can't wait.." Charli said coolly.

"Is that all you've packed?" Mrs. McLeod commented on the small backpack Charli had.

"Can't stay long," Charli said "I'll just set this in me room"

"Charlotte," Mr. McLeod said as he entered the kitchen seeing his wife and daughter "What an unexpected surprise, we weren't expecting you"

"Especially since you didn't come for your birthday" Mrs. McLeod added.

"I told you, I had a show the day before" Charli said sipping her tea.

"Still performing in that sex show?" Mr. McLeod said shaking his head, Molly shook her head as well.

"Cabaret" Charli defended "Ca-bar-et...I corrected you on this before, I would appreciate it if you would stop calling it a 'sex show'"

She held her head high, it was one of the boldest statements she'd made to her parents in her life.

"Dinner is ready," Molly said from the stove.

"Lovely," Mr. McLeod said "We'll have a nice family dinner, the first in quite some time"

And the last...Charli thought as she finished her tea.

Dinner had been awkward at best as they all tried to keep up the facade of it being normal.

"You know," Mr. McLeod began after swallowing a heaping mouthful of mashed potatoes "Luke and his wife are about to have their second child"

"Ok....and why do I care?" Charli asked bluntly "He had every intention of raping me 5 years ago"

Mr. McLeod ignored that fact "You should care," he said "Charlotte, when are you going to start acting like an adult and settle down?"

"We're beginning to think we'll never be grandparents" her mother shook her head "We pray about it nightly"

"Well, funny you should mention your want for ME to be happy" Charli bit sarcastically as she tipped back in her chair "Because, I am becoming a successful artist....and a rather good aerial artist. And, thought you'd want to know....I'm moving back to England next year"

Mr. McLeod looked shocked.

"And just why is that? Who said you could do such a thing?" he asked incredulously.  They had never approved of her moving to New York, but moving out of the country was unheard of!

"Well, da'" she smirked "I'm an adult...I don't really need permission to do anything anymore now do I? I make my own decisions"

"You are still my daughter!" He bit coldly

"By blood" Charli began "But I'm my own person"

Her mother shook her head, disappointed her daughter would behave in such a manner.

There was a long awkward silence, where Charli could see her father was trying to figure out a response, he was losing control fast and he didn't like it.

"By the way, da'" she said "I ran into Paul a couple months ago....funny story, it was at one of the cabaret shows you like to downplay so much. We had a long talk...and he said some interesting things about writing me over the years..."

Molly McLeod instantly looked panicked as she looked to her husband for his reaction. Joseph's face was slowly going red, he calmed himself enough to carry on the conversation.

"Did he now?" Joseph said crossing his arms.

Charli nodded feeling like she had the upper hand for once.

"It seems he's been sending letters here well after the supposed letter you 'found'" she asserted. Mr. McLeod breathed deeply then simply shook his head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," He said calmly, he glanced at Molly directing her with his eyes to the bedroom door, which was open. Charli saw this gesture and was up from the table bolting for the master bedroom.

"CHARLOTTE!" Mr. McLeod boomed knocking his chair over "DON'T YOU DARE!"

Charli was much faster than either of her parents, as soon as she was inside the room she locked the door behind her and pulled a large trunk in front of it in case her father, as he often would, did anything brash.

She could hear them yelling at her outside the door as she quickly looked around the room, suddenly, she saw a medium sized box sitting just under the bed, an envelope with her name stuck out as if it wanted to show her something. She pulled the box out from under the bed, opening it fully. Her eyes went wide, the box was filled with letters from Paul over the years, she opened as many as she could, quickly reading over them, each one stating he still loved her. Tears formed in her eyes as she found a larger envelope, which she realised was what she had caught a glimpse of on the kitchen table just over a year ago. She opened it, something fell to the hardwood floor with a TING, Charli found the source of the noise and held it in her fingers; a small gold ring, she knew exactly what it meant. Also contained was a special ticket to the Minnesota show The Beatles had performed.

She couldn't stop the tears, everything Paul had said was true and she nearly pushed him away when they first saw each other due to her parents' lies.

"CHARLOTTE ANNE MCLEOD!" Mr. McLeod pounded on the door "OPEN THIS DOOR AT ONCE"

Mr. and Mrs. McLeod could hear the large trunk being moved and the familiar sound of the lock being turned as the door opened, Charli stood with the ring on her finger and various letters in her hand.

Joseph was fuming and was just about to yell when Charli spoke.

"It's true," she said softly "It's all true....he was writing me...you wrote that letter that....broke me"

"Charlotte," Mr. McLeod demanded, "You listen to me NOW!"

He grabbed her arm hard.

"NO!" She screamed "I won't listen to you! I should never have listened to you!"

"Everything we did, we did to make you.." Mr. McLeod fumed.

"Into what you wanted me to be!" Charli interrupted.

"We did everything for you and that....boy only corrupted you" Mrs. McLeod hissed.

"Everything you did ruined me" she bit looking straight into her father's cold eyes "It's your fault I'm a self-harming, fucked up, ex-junkie who's wished for death most of her life!"

"You take that back, we did NO SUCH THING!" Mr. McLeod yelled raising his hand.

"I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU ANYMORE!" Charlotte screamed before his fist connected with her face.

He let go of her, feeling somehow defeated.

Charli picked up the letters she had dropped after he had hit her and went to her room.

She came out with her backpack over her shoulder, the ring still on her finger.

"I'm going back to New York," she stated "And next year, I'm moving to London to be with him"

"Charlotte," Mr. McLeod bit through gritted teeth, his fists clenched at his side "If you leave, if you go to be with him. We will never accept you"

"You never did" she countered "Don't try calling me unless something happens. If one of you dies or something"

She left the house slamming the door. She was a block away from the home she spent her teenage years in when she dropped to her knees in the grass just outside a dark house and sobbed.

Suddenly the lights came on and a figure stepped out.

"Charli?" a familiar voice said. It was Mr. Williams, the postman she remembered had always been so kind to her when she was younger.

"Mr. Williams?" she choked through a sob "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake ya's."

"No no, it's fine...come inside, let's get you warmed up," he said.

As Charli sat at the table of the Williams household, she couldn't help but wish she'd had the childhood his daughter Ruthie had.

"I think we always knew," Mr. Williams said after Charli told him what had happened "But, everyone was too afraid to talk to your father. I'm so sorry, Charli. Is there anything I can do for you now?"

"Call me a taxi?" she ventured "I need to get to the airport, my flight comes in tomorrow afternoon. Figure I'll stay at the airport overnight...."

"Charli, don't be silly," he said "you can stay here overnight, you can take Ruthie's old room. We'll drive you to the airport in the morning"

New York, 16 October 1966

Charli landed in New York early in the evening. She was hurt, she was upset, she couldn't believe what her parents had done....she knew it deep down, she always knew, but that didn't take the pain of their actions away. She had decided to make a stop before she went to her cozy flat in the Village.

She stepped off the subway near the old, rough, neighbourhood she and Eddie used to live in. She walked the dark streets and found the crumbling house she was looking for.

Charli nervously knocked on the door, she held her arms around her anxiously. She heard scuffling and voices before the door opened.

"Charli!" a man with a scraggily beard and decaying teeth answered the door "I knew you'd be back"

"Sod off Max," she said, "It's not for me..."

She was lying, but she was fighting the urge at the same time. The dark feeling inside her wasn't going away, the urge was winning much as she'd been trying to fight it since she stepped off the plane.

"Sure it's not," he said leading her inside.

Max sat at a small table packing the familiar powder into a small bag.

"Now," he stood eyeing her up in a way she hated "We have to discuss the matter of payment"
He added as his hand groped her breast. She slapped his hand away.

"Piss off!" she bit angrily "I'm not going to fuck you"

She grabbed a large wad of bills. Max took it angrily.

"Fine," he said pocketing the money "Stupid bitch..." he grumbled.

"I'm not a stupid bitch," Charli countered "I just have higher standards than you"

She slammed the door and pocketed the small plastic bag. She shook in the dark streets before making her way to the subway that would take her home.

**

"Its gotta' be here somewhere..." she whispered frantically searching through a pile of old clothes she hadn't worn in years. Her flatmates appeared to be out, she knew it was only a matter of time before they returned, she had hoped it would be a late night for them...she had hoped they wouldn't find her.

"Ah ha!" she said as she found what she was looking for in an old, worn out coat's pocket. The familiar black case that contained her needles.

"Just this last time....this pain...I can't" she argued with herself as tears fell from her eyes. She looked at the ring on her finger "he won't have to know...."

The urge argued with her, she knew it was going to win as she took off her sweater and wrapped a thin scarf tightly around her arm, tapping at the veins. It had been years but she knew just what to do, she'd already grabbed a spoon from the kitchen and began cooking the powder with her lighter as she held the syringe in her teeth.

"They did this to me..." she said as she plunged the liquid into her veins.

**

"That new club is amazing!" Sophie said excitedly as she, Eddie, Lily, Mina, and Toni walked into the apartment.

"I told you, best drag in the village" Lily beamed "Those are my drag mamas. Taught me everything I know"

"We have to take Charli soon!" Eddie laughed. "She'll love it!"

"She got home tonight didn't she?" Mina asked.

"Probably tired from the flight," Toni thought.

"I'll see how she's doing," Sophie said "She's always a bit down after seeing her parents"

Sophie opened the door to the room she shared with Charli, the lights were out and the curtains were drawn.

"Charli?" she said quietly, something didn't seem right. She turned on the light to find Charli passed out on the floor, all the colour was drained from her face, a syringe nearby.

"OH MY GOD!" Sophie screamed backing out of the room, she collapsed onto the floor sobbing. Mina immediately rushed to her side. Eddie and Lily rushed into the room.

"Shit!" Eddie said upon entering the room. "FUCK! She was doing so well! FUCK!"

"Eddie, calm down," Lily said checking on Charli, "I need you to go upstairs to Susan's apartment, tell her its an emergency"

As luck would have it, one of their neighbours was a doctor, and as she understood the counterculture, she never asked questions other than what she had to to do her job.

Eddie breathed in and nodded before rushing out of the apartment.

"Oh Charli dear," Lily said pushing her hair out of her face "You are so loved, I just wish you could see it" he kissed her forehead before lifting her onto the bed.

Mina sat on the floor trying to calm Sophie who was in the middle of a panic attack.

"Its just like how I found Daniel.....when he died," She said tangling her hands in her hair before the panicked breathing came back.

"She's not dead," Lily said.

"THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT DANIEL!" Sophie screamed.

"Toni, Mina...can you take her to my room?" Lily asked "Sue is going to have her work cut out for her and this is too much for Sophie"

Toni nodded "C'mon Soph, let's go honey" as they pulled her to her feet and tried calming her sobs.

Lily sat on the bedside next to Charli who was unresponsive, he wiped a tear from his eye just as Eddie arrived with their neighbor Susan.

"She's just in here Sue," Eddie choked out, he wasn't sure if they were in time.

"Jesus," Sue said entering the room "You're lucky you got home when you did"

Lily got up from the bed "Will she be okay?" he asked.

Sue nodded "It's bad...I'm not going to lie" she began taking Charli's pulse. "She's going to have a rough few days"

Sue pulled a syringe and a small vile, "This has only been around for a few years, but it works" she advised as she plunged the syringe into the small bottle labeled naloxone.

"Ok, Charli...." she said gently moving Charli's arm "Time to come back to us"

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https://youtu.be/SYM-RJwSGQ8

Note:  this is a remix of the song that I like a bit better (the chapter lyrics aren't here...but I found it more fitting)

A/N:  Okay...so I am writing beasts of chapters...I know they're long, but while things are getting better in their story, there's still some things that sort of hold things up.  Also, I realise this one sort of jumps around a bit.

This chapter isn't quite a filler, it started off that way but I had to get it to the point where Charli relapses as its a bit crucial to her and Paul's relationship (which you'll see in the next couple chapters)

Anyway, if anyone is wondering why her father would keep the letters; he's pretty unhinged himself...I always had it in my head that he would feel Charli would hunt for them in the rubbish or the house if he didn't know the exact hiding place.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading.  I know I say it constantly, but really, your votes and comments mean a lot to me :)

Cheers!