"I want that good grief
The one that heals me
That leaves me clarified by fire
When I'm burned clean" ~ Good Grief - Dessa

15 August 1968 1.17pm

Charli stretched waking up slightly. It was a rainy summer afternoon, it felt like morning. Paul had been recording until around 4.30am and Charli had been out until around 3 with Jenny and Pattie.

Lately, their days didn't start until after the rest of London was having lunch.

She smiled as Paul, still half asleep, pulled her closer to him.

"Mmm..morning luv," he said before kissing her. She felt him growing hard against her.

She laughed softly.

"Somebody's already awake..." she teased as she grabbed him softly. Paul moaned and kissed her deeply.

"Can't help it," he said breaking away "I get to sleep next to you every night, you bloody well turn me on more than any girl ever could"

"What on earth do I do to get you so wound up?" Charli laughed slightly as he kissed her again.

"You don't have to do anything," Paul said in a raspy voice that drove Charli wild as he kissed along her neck. Charli moaned as he trailed kisses over her breasts and down her stomach, he smiled feeling her writhe beneath him.
"What do you need, kitten?" he asked.

"You should know by now, luv" she groaned impatiently. Paul moved so they were face to face.

"I want ta' hear you say it," he said kissing her softly. She ran her fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes enjoying her touch.

"I need you, Paul," she said softly, she knew it drove him wild to hear her say that,

"I love hearing you say that," he smirked slightly before kissing her deeply and eased inside her.

"I know," Charli gasped as he grasped her hand. "And I love how you feel"

This had become their normal routine. Each returning home late most evenings, sleeping in until mid-afternoon and making love before going about their days. Much as they were enjoying the bliss of being engaged and the wedding getting closer, the tensions in the studio had been taking a toll on Paul. Some nights he'd return home so angry or upset he was nearly in tears. With Yoko in the studio, George seemingly not caring, Ringo giving up on keeping the peace, John turning caustic and Paul feeling like no one else cared, the air had been tense, to say the least.

"Fuck, she criticises me playing, me songs, everything" Paul complained as he towel dried his hair "And fuckin' John just goes with it"

"Maybe you lot need a break" Charli suggested, "You're not the lads you used to be...maybe you need to sort that out first?"

"What we NEED is to focus on this album" Paul sighed.

"Alright luv," Charli sighed putting her arms around his neck as his arms naturally made their way around her waist "I know you love recording, but you've been so stressed. Please tell me you're at least taking a break on Saturday for my show?" She ran a hand down his bare chest.

"Of course, wouldn't miss it" He smiled "But if ya' keep doing that you're going ta' be late"

"Bugger...you're right," Charli laughed pulling away from Paul. "Any idea what time you'll be home tonight?"

"Late....we aren't even recording until 7..." Paul said as he put on a shirt.

"Alright, I'll see ya's whenever yer done" Charli said packing her bag with comfortable clothes for rehearsal "Should I have wine at the ready?"

Paul winked before kissing her cheek as she left the bedroom and was on her way.

**

"I can't believe we're doing this," a young blonde girl said to her friend as they looked around the rehearsal space.
"And one of our teachers is Paul McCartney's fiancee," the other said excitedly "Maybe she'll get us an autograph!"
"Maybe we'll meet him!" the blonde said as the two girls giggled loudly.

"Paul's fiancee has a name," Charli said as she snuck behind them "And she hopes new students are here to learn...not get a signature"

Both girls gasped as a few others giggled quietly.

"Right, now that Charli is done terrorizing our new students," Mika laughed "Let's get right into it!"

Jillian and Charli pulled down a few silks and lyras to set up for the class.

"My name is Mika," Mika introduced "I'll be one of your teachers along with Charli, who you've already met, and Jillian. Beginner classes are Thursdays from 5pm-6pm."

"Please be on time," Charli added, "An hour isn't a lot of time!"

"And we have rehearsal after!" Jillian laughed.

"The girls are right," Mika smiled "Time is very important"

One of the students raised her hand.

"Yes..." Mika said prompting her to state her name.

"Christine," the young blonde said. She couldn't be more than 18 or 19 "When do we get to perform with you?"

"Baby steps luv," Charli said as the class began.

**

It was just after 8 pm when Charli arrived home from teaching and rehearsal. The phone was ringing and Martha was begging to go outside. Charli rushed to let Martha out and ran to answer the phone.

"Hullo?" she said finally reaching the phone.

"Charlotte?" her mother's voice came over the phone just as she heard the intercom being buzzed repeatedly. "I got yer number from those New Yorkers"

"Bloody hell," Charli sighed as she answered the intercom.

"Charli, it's your Aunt Mandy," Mandy said as Charli let her in before returning to the phone.

"Sorry," she said insincerely into the phone "Mandy is here, what do you want?"

"I thought Mandy might turn up," Mrs McLeod said "Your father died this afternoon...it was a heart attack. Quite unexpected..."

Charli was silent as Mandy entered the house.

"I thought you'd want to know," Mrs McLeod concluded "I'm sure he would have appreciated it if you could take time off from yer busy life to come to the funeral"
"I'll think about it..." Charli said coolly "I'll let you know later"

She hung up the phone.

"I take it you know..." Mandy said as she sat on the couch.
"Mum just tol' me.." Charli said still staring at the phone "I'll give her credit...I did tell them never to contact me unless one of them died"

"Are you alright?" Mandy asked.

Charli shrugged. She felt strange, she couldn't explain it.

"Well, I'll be at the funeral," Mandy said "I'm flying out tomorrow evening...I feel like I have to"
"I don't know..." Charli admitted "I'd have to bail on our show this weekend and Paul's been so stressed with this album...I don't want to leave him alone...but I don't want to go alone...maybe I should stay in London..."
"I'll let you decide on that luv," Mandy assured "But even if Paul can't come, you won't be alone. I'll be there with you"

Charli nodded.

She then picked up the phone and began dialling.

**

Paul sat in the studio working through the bass part for a song with John.

"Paul," Mal interrupted "You have a phone call"

"Ta Mal," Paul said leaving John and Yoko behind. 

Charli would call occasionally to see if he'd wanted her to bring dinner or just to make sure he was doing alright before going her own way for the evening.

"Good evening to the most gorgeous girl in the world," he greeted happily.
"Hey Paulie," Charli said, "Um..I'm not sure what to say.."

"How about, you love me?" Paul suggested.

"I do, I love you so much," Charli said. He could sense something wasn't right.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"Da' died today.." she blurted out.

"Oh.." Paul said. He wasn't sure what to feel, part of him wanted to celebrate. "I..I'm sorry luv...are you ok?"
"I don't know," Charli admitted. "I think I'm still in shock.."

"Why don't you come to the studio?" Paul suggested "I don't want you to be alone, but we have to get this song recorded tonight. Are you okay to drive?"

"I..I think so" Charli stuttered.
"Lovey, I'll drive you" Paul could hear Mandy in the background.

*

Mandy and Charli stopped at a small Thai restaurant before making their way to the studio.

"They record quite late," Charli explained "I'm sure he'll be hungry"
"The two of you make a lovely couple," Mandy smiled "I can't wait for your wedding"
"You were the first to RSVP," Charli smiled weakly. They pulled into the car park of Abbey Road Studios, Paul stood out front smoking a cigarette and chatting with Mal.
"Ta Mandy," Charli said as she stepped out of the car.
"My flight leaves tomorrow at 8.30pm" Mandy smiled "Let me know tomorrow afternoon if you're planning to come"
Charli nodded as Mandy waved quickly to Paul before leaving the studio. Charli was relieved to see him and made her way to the door where he was standing.

Paul smiled warmly as she approached.
"Hey baby girl," he said as his arms went around her "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," Charli admitted as tears came to her eyes. "I brought dinner"
"We're on a bit of a break," Paul smiled as he took one of the bags of food from her and led her into the studio. "And I'm starving"

"I'm not really sure what to feel, honestly" Charli admitted finishing her meal. "Part of me feels sad, but why the fuck should I?"
"He was your father," Paul shrugged "He was a monster, but he was your father...family shite is weird..."

"I guess...he wasn't really much of a father though," Charli said.

"That's an understatement, luv" Paul admitted as he picked up his guitar "What do you want ta' do?"

They had been discussing the funeral, Charli's thoughts were all over the place throughout dinner along with her emotions, overall she felt numb, but there were spurts of rage, sadness and guilt.

"I don't know..." she sighed "If I go...I'll have to leave soon...I'll miss the show...but...I feel like I need to go..."
"If you want, I'll take time to be with you," Paul said lightly strumming the guitar.

"But yer album..." Charli countered

"You've been tellin' me I need a break..." Paul shrugged "'Sides, George and Pattie are off to Greece this weekend...and yer more important"

Charli smiled weakly.

"Is it bad that part of the reason I want to go.." she began and swallowed hard before speaking again "Is to actually see him dead."

"No," Paul frowned "Charlotte, Jen and I were terrified that one day we'd hear he'd killed you in that house. I never told ya's, but I wanted to rush back the night he broke yer arm...I was scared if I did, I'd find you dead...I couldn't sleep for weeks when he moved ya's to America, I kept thinking 'that's it, the bastard is goin' ta' kill her and I can't do anything'...when I didn't hear from you, I had to force meself to think 'she's fine...she's not dead...she just moved on'..."

Charli reached out and caressed Paul's cheek, he held her hand softly.

"Honestly luv," he sighed "When I saw ya's for the first time in New York...even if things hadn't turned out the way they have, I would've at least been happy knowin' you were alive and well"

"I'm glad it turned out this way," she smiled, "I think...I should go...I need to know its real"

"Alright, I'm going with you luv," Paul smiled and continued on before Charli could counter "Being there for ya's is more important than this album"

"Paul McCartney," Charli teased "I never thought I'd hear ya's say anything was more important than an album"

He laughed softly "Very few things are!"

"The soonest we can leave is Saturday," he thought "I'll have Mal arrange the flights"

"I'll give Mika a bell and let her know I can't be in the show on Saturday," Charli sighed. "Mind giving me a few minutes to do so?"

"Of course," Paul smiled "I'll talk it over with Mal, when we're done I'll show ya's the song we're workin' on"

"Won't the rest be back by then?" Charli asked.

"Long dinner break," Paul shook his head "I might do a little recordin' on me own, but the rest will be back around 11"

*

"Well, Mika was extremely understanding," Charli said after returning from her call.

"Of course she was!" Paul laughed "She's a good person, luv. Mal is arranging our flights right now. In the meantime why don't I serenade ya's?"

"Alright, I'm always keen for that" Charli smiled.

"This isn't what we're workin' on tonight," Paul said as he picked up the guitar "But it's somethin' I wrote for ya's"

Paul began singing

Who knows how long I've loved you

You know I love you still

Will I wait a lonely lifetime?

If you want me to--I will.

For if I ever saw you

I didn't catch your name

But it never really mattered

I will always feel the same.

Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

Love you whenever we're together

Love you when we're apart

And when at last I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

Oh, you know I will.

I will.

Charli smiled to herself as he finished the song.

"What do ya' think luv?" Paul asked.

"Paul, what are we doing?" she asked. A look of panic came over Paul's face before Charli laughed.

"I mean, why are we waiting 'til December?" She asked. "I've wanted ta' marry ya's since we were kids..."
"Ya' can't scare a lad like that," Paul laughed, "I thought this was about ta' be a very different conversation!"

"Sorry luv," Charli said "But, I'm tired of waiting...after we deal with this funeral...let's get married"

Paul grinned wide "You don't need ta' ask me twice...we've got some work to do before we leave then"

"Already planning," Charli winked "I'll make a few calls for venues and suss out the date tomorrow...it'll be a nice reprieve before we leave"

George and Ringo were first to return from the dinner break, George immediately hugged Charli.

"Paul tol' us about yer da'" He said before placing his hands on her shoulders "I'm not sure whether to congratulate you or show sympathy"

"A bit of both?" Charli offered.
"Well, if ya' need anything," George smiled "Let me and Pattie know"

Ringo was next with a hug. He knew Charli least of the four but understood enough to know it was a difficult situation.

"Same goes for me and Mo, luv" Ringo said.

"Actually..." Charli thought, realising the next day would be crazy with abrupt wedding changes "I have the perfect thing Pattie and Mo can help with tomorrow...and Pattie will love it!"

"Are we ready to get back to work?" John said as he and Yoko entered, he noticed Charli sitting with Paul. "Oh, erm...Charli luv, sorry to hear the news..I'm glad the bastard can't hurt ya's, but.."

"Ta John, I'll be alright" Charli smiled "'sides we're gettin' married when we get back from the states!"

"Think ya's get yer dress by then Johnny?" Paul grinned.

*

The evening saw The Beatles recording Paul's song, Rocky Raccoon. Charli was amused as she thought of the small toy raccoon sitting at home.

"He was a fool unto himself!" John called as they began recording again.

Paul began playing and ad-libbing.

"Rocky Raccoon...He was a fool unto himself....and he would not swallow his foolish pride...mind you, coming from a little town in Minnesota..." Paul said in an over the top Western accent, winking at Charli. She laughed slightly as they continued on.

It was nearly 2 am, but she couldn't have thought of a better way to spend, what could have turned into a difficult evening. Not to mention, it was a nice break from what would be a chaotic few days.

"The doctor walked in sminking of gin," Paul sang before laughing and questioning himself "Sminking?!?"

Charli giggled as Paul continued on after the blunder before they began another take.  Despite the evening's events, she was content to be amongst the sometimes tedious nature of recording.

Saturday 17 August 1968, 2.34pm

"I'm still a bit shocked at how much we were able to sort yesterday," Charli said as she sipped her wine.
"Having Pattie, Mo and Jenny helped" Paul laughed "September 5th it is!"

He raised a glass toasting to their new wedding date. They sat in first class on their connecting flight in New York, they would arrive in Minneapolis in a few hours.
"I think that's why I slept so much on the flight over," Charli admitted "Yesterday was bloody exhausting...I really hope at least Eddie can make it with the change of date"

"I'm sure you'll be surprised, luv" Paul winked.

"Either way," Charli said "It's something to look forward to...the next few days will be...interesting"

*

"Charli! Paul!" Mandy greeted as they arrived in the home Charli lived in during her final school years. "Glad you could both make it, do come in"

The house was busy with neighbours showing sympathy and bringing food for Charli's mother.

"Charli? Is that you?" a voice said as she entered the kitchen. It was the mailman's daughter, Ruthie.

"Yeah, Ruthie, it's me" Charli smiled weakly.

Ruthie's father, Mr Williams, had told her about Charli staying with them after her last visit with her parents, both realising what they had seen during her school years and wishing they'd helped.

"Gosh, it's been a long time!" She said hugging Charli "I'm sorry about your father.." Ruthie recoiled slightly then whispered, "And I'm sorry I didn't say more growing up".

Ruthie suddenly glanced just behind Charli and gasped.

"Ohmygod.." She said nervously noticing Paul.

"Ruthie, meet me fiancee, Paul," Charli laughed.

"Pleasure ta' meet ya's" Paul smiled and shook her hand happily.

"I've been reading about you Charli," Ruthie admitted, "I just never thought, here he is.."

"Alright, Molly, we should go," Mr Williams said "We'll see you on Tuesday at the funeral, let us know if you need anything before then"

"Why, Charlotte!" Mr Williams smiled as he noticed who Ruthie was talking to "It's good to see you, just wish it wasn't under such...um...sad circumstances"

"Ta.." Charli said before her mother arrived in the kitchen.

"Ah, Charlotte," she said "Nice of you to come. I know your father would appreciate it"

Charli nodded. Unsure what to say, at that point, she wasn't even sure why they'd come.

Eventually, the neighbours were gone and all that remained were Mrs McLeod, Mandy, Paul and Charli.

"Well, I think we have enough of this.." Mandy said looking at yet another casserole dish "What is it called?"

"The people who live here call it tater tot hot dish," Mrs McLeod said as she cleaned a countertop.

"Right, we have enough of it...what do you say we order out?" Mandy asked.

"That won't be necessary," Molly said. 

Mrs McLeod seemed more distant than usual, Charli couldn't figure out if she was at all affected by her husband's death or the arrival of her daughter and her husband's sister.

"Look, Molly," Mandy said soothingly "It's quite late, it would just be easier"

"Fine, do what you want Mandy," Molly said annoyed "In the meantime, Charlotte, why don't you take your things to your old room."

Charli and Paul stood to bring their things to the room.

"Not you," Mrs McLeod snapped "You'll be sleeping in the guest room in the basement"

"Mum, we're engaged" Charli began.

"I'm aware," Molly scoffed "But yer not married yet and if yer father in heaven saw the two of you sleeping together in his own house before yer married...it's bad enough ya' agreed to marry-"

"It's fine" Paul interrupted "I'll just bring me things downstairs then"

*

It was nearly 1 am when Paul checked his watch. He laid on a small bed in the guest bedroom in the basement, staring at the ceiling. Mandy was using the sofa bed upstairs, Charli was in her old bedroom and he couldn't help but worry about her.
He knew that while it was her father who physically abused her, her mother wasn't much better and it didn't seem to be improving with his death.

Maybe Mrs. McLeod will be better since he died, Paul thought closing his eyes.
He then thought about what they had to do when they returned to London to get ready for the wedding.
He worried about the upcoming funeral and how it might affect Charli.
He thought of the album and what the band needed to do next...

He was lost in his thoughts when he felt two warm lips on his.

"Hey kitten," he smiled wrapping his arms around Charli as she climbed on top of him.
"Surprise," She said before kissing him again "I didn't wake you did I?"

"Nah, just thinking" he answered "Everything alright?"

"Fine," Charli assured "I just wanted ta' be with you"

She kissed him again, deeper as his hands wandered inside the oversized t-shirt she'd worn to bed, he pulled away from her kisses for a moment.

"You're not wearing anythin' under that shirt?" he asked surprised.

"Surprise again," Charli smirked.

"Yer so fuckin' sexy" Paul growled before kissing her.

"I think you are far too overdressed for the occasion," Charli said reaching down and tugging at his pyjama pants.

*

19 August 1968, Minnesota, 6.22pm

"Come on Molly," Mandy consoled "I know this has to be hard on you, but really, why don't you move back to England when all this is over?"
"I'm fine here for now," Molly huffed "I have me neighbours and the church, Joseph always said it was far more sinful back in England. Plenty of Godly people here..."

Dinner had been strange the past few nights, it was the night before Mr McLeod's funeral.

"You have family in England," Mandy protested. Charli had been quiet, she wasn't sure if she could trust her mother, even with her father dead.

"You could always stay with us," Paul volunteered. Charli shot him a look.

"I'm not stayin' with you!" Molly snapped.

"Mum, we don't have to offer up our home...Paul especially doesn't, given how you and da' treated him" Charli began.

"How we treated him?!" Molly said indignantly "You were the perfect child until you met him and Jennifer.."

"Because I was afraid of you and da'!" Charli interrupted angrily "Paul and Jenny let me be meself"

"Charlotte," her mother argued "I'm just...tired. Your father's death has exhausted me...I don't want to talk about this! Now, I'm going to the church to get things ready for tomorrow, you lot do what you want"

Soon, Molly was out the door.

"That went well..." Paul said.

*

Later that night, Charli laid with Paul on the bed in his basement room.

"Are ya' ready for tomorrow?" Paul asked softly.

Charli shrugged.

"She wants me to speak at the funeral..." Charli admitted "What the fuck am I going ta' say? Do I lie and prattle on about what a great man he was? Such a great man that he beat the whore out of me? Such a great man that I turned to cutting up me arm to escape the pain? Such a great man he..he.."

"Shh.." Paul calmed her as she grew more agitated "Say whatever you want luv or don't, you don't have to say a bloody thing"

Charli smiled weakly as Paul pulled her closer.

"I know this is a short stay," Charli sighed "But I'm ready to go home now"

"Me too, luv" Paul agreed as he stroked her hair.

Minnesota, 20 August 1968 2pm

Guests began filtering into the lobby of the church, offering condolences to Molly and Charli.

"Charli," a familiar face greeted her.
"Mrs Johanson," Charli smiled as she hugged her former art teacher "It's good to see you"

"You too," Mrs Johanson smiled "You've been doing quite well, I read your book"

"Oh erm...what did you think?" Charli asked nervously.

"Honey," Mrs Johanson said quietly "Despite what anyone in this town may think, it was lovely and I always knew, why do you think I invited you over after school so often?"

Charli pressed her lips together nervously as she remembered the kindness shown by Mrs Johanson.

Charli then turned to introduce Paul to Mrs. Johanson.

"Paul luv," she said "There's somebody I'd like you to meet"

Paul turned from his conversation with Mandy and poured on the charm shaking Mrs. Johanson's hand.

"Mrs. Johanson," Charli began "This is me fiancee, Paul. Paul, this is the art teacher I tol' ya's about"

"Pleasure to meet ya'!" Paul said amiably "Charli has tol' me all about ya's"

"Oh my," Mrs. Johanson blushed "Charli dear, it's been hard not to keep up with your life...I knew you were engaged to a Beatle, he's more handsome in person"

"Ta.." Paul said running a hand through his hair nervously as Charli laughed. Much as the world was constantly reminding them he was in fact Paul McCartney, she loved that deep down he still felt a tinge of modesty over the fuss people made over him.

Soon, the service began. Kind words were said about Joseph McLeod by the priest, neighbors and colleagues. Charli watched as her mother sat stone-faced with tears in her eyes. She almost felt sympathy for her, before glancing at the casket and seeing her father as memories swirled around her head.

"And now, Joseph's daughter, Charlotte will say a few words" The Priest said jarring Charli from her thoughts. There were hushed whispers throughout the congregation as she approached the pulpit.

Charli swallowed hard as she glanced around before spotting Paul, sitting with her aunt and mother giving her an encouraging smile.

"Well, erm...what is there to say about my father that hasn't already been said," Charli began. There was a long pause before she began.
"My father had a strong moral compass...that he set on his own standards," Charli said "He was a good dentist, I never had a cavity growing up..."

Charli couldn't think of anything else to say really. She heard whispers from mourners as she approached the open casket.
She stared at her father's body, for the first time since before she could remember, he looked peaceful. She still felt a sense of fear looking at him. That's when the words came out.

"It's your fault," she said quietly. She felt anger boiling inside of her.

"It's your fucking fault I didn't have a childhood!" She said angrily "It's your fault I hated myself growing up! It's your fault I did everything I could to myself to drown out the pain...and what's worse? You're fucking dead now, before I could tell you...I will NEVER forgive you and I fucking HATE you!"

She spat in her father's face before she rushed outside the congregation.

*

Charli sat against a wall in the lobby of the church, her hands tangled in her hair.

"Hey kitten," Paul said softly as he crouched next to her. It had been barely a minute before he found her.

"I'm sorry you had to see that" Charli sniffled "I just...I hated him so much.."
"You said exactly what I would have," Paul reassured. 

Before they could have another moment together, Molly came storming out followed by Mandy trying to calm the situation.

"Charlotte Anne McLeod!" Molly said storming toward her as Charli got to her feet.

"You are a disgrace!" Molly screamed, "I can't believe you would say such horrid things to your father..."
"Who cares? He's fucking dead!" Charli yelled, "I wish I could've said it to him when he was alive!"

"He did everything for you" Mrs McLeod contested.

"Everything?!?" Charli yelled "He could have killed me! And what would you have done then, mum? Covered it up for him? How many times could you use the stairs excuse? You never once helped me! Never once felt sympathy for me! You were supposed to be my mother!"

Guests were beginning to filter out.

"I would never be mother to a child who behaves the way you do," Molly bit, "I think you should leave Charlotte"
"Fine!" Charli said as tears stung her eyes "I had honestly hoped things would be better with him gone...but I realise now, you were just as responsible.."

Mandy left with Paul and Charli, they stood outside the church.

"Let's get your things," Mandy said placing a hand on Charli's shoulder "And then, why don't the three of us find a hotel in the cities, make a bloody night of it and head back to England better for it"

Charli nodded and smiled weakly. "I'd like that"

"I'll find us a hotel," Paul offered as he grasped her hand warmly.

"Charli," Mrs. Johanson said approaching her.
She hugged Charli as Charli sobbed.
"Honey, let it go," She said "You're free now"

Liverpool, 31 October 1956

"You can do your homework later," Mrs McLeod chided "We're going to the McCartney house"

"Why?" Charli asked. She had become close friends with Jenny and Paul, however, her parents rarely wanted to visit anyone outside of their church.

"Mrs McCartney passed on this afternoon," Mr McLeod advised.
"Oh.." Charli said feeling like the wind had been knocked out of her.

Mary McCartney had always been kind to her and she worried about Paul.

"Perhaps if she'd just gone to church, she wouldn't have gotten sick" Mrs McLeod shook her head "Ah well, we should show our sympathies"

Charli felt a pang of anger at her mother for saying something so crass about someone but helped her pack up food to bring to Jim and his sons.

"You're not going like that, are you?" She said looking over Charli's outfit. Charli wore a pair of jeans and a tweed jacket.

"Mum, these clothes are warm...and it's cold out" Charli rolled her eyes as the McLeods left their family home.

*

"Joseph, Molly," James greeted with a weak smile. His eyes were red and puffy, he had been crying. "Do come in"
"James," Joseph greeted "We're terribly sorry to hear about the Missus"

Just as they entered the house, they saw a slightly flustered Miss Jamison carrying a distraught Simon.

"James, I think we should be turning in," she said as Simon grabbed a fistful of hair and screamed, "Simon just gets overwhelmed sometimes.."

Jenny saw Charli and pulled her aside.

"Hey Charli," she said, "sad news, huh?"
"Yeah..." Charli agreed "How is Paul?"
"He says he's alright," Jenny began "But I think he's lying...he seems to open up to you more, can ya' just make sure he's really ok? He's in the back garden"

Charli nodded as the Jamisons made their way out the front door.

Mrs McLeod began helping James' sister Jin with dinner as Mr McLeod chatted with James.

Charli slipped out the back door into the garden unnoticed.

She found Paul sitting on an overturned bucket, smoking a cigarette. As he heard the door close he quickly tried to extinguish it.

"Hey Paul," Charli said "It's just me"
"Oh, hey Charli" he smiled. He didn't want her to know that only a moment ago he'd been on the brink of tears. He had to be strong for his father.
"Paul, I'm really sorry about yer mum," she said sitting on the ground next to him. Paul moved from the overturned bucket to sit next to her.
"It's a shame, really," he said. He wasn't sure what to say. So many people offered their apologies, their sympathies...were you supposed to thank them?

"It's weird saying sorry..." Charli said jarring him from his thoughts "I mean, I never thought about it...I guess, I'm just sad that you lost yer mum"

"I know, thanks luv," He smiled.
"Are you ok?" Charli asked.
"Me? Of course," Paul said "I mean sure, its a bit sad, but I'll be fine"
"Well, I'm here if you want ta' talk," she said resting her head on his shoulder. 

That was all it took. She felt him shake suddenly.

"What are we going ta' do Charli?" he asked, the words catching in his throat "She's gone...I can't fucking believe she's gone"

Charli was silent allowing him to let out whatever was in his head.

"I saw me da' cry today," Paul sniffed "Do you know what it's like ta' see yer ol' man cry?"
I don't think mine knows how... Charli thought to herself.
"It's why I can't be in the house right now," Paul admitted.
"Let's just stay out here then," Charli suggested "We can talk about yer mum if ya' want, or anything else you want ta' talk about"

Paul smiled at her as she looked at him, he noticed a small bruise near her eye that was healing.

"What happened to yer eye?" he asked.

"Oh..erm...nothing..." Charli lied nervously "We were playin' Queenie...and the ball hit me.."
"Queenie Eye.." Paul laughed softly. "Thanks for being here tonight, Charli"

Charli rested her head on his shoulder again.

"I'll always be there when ya' need me," She comforted.

**

21 August 1968

After their night out with Mandy, Charli and Paul were both relieved to be on a plane back home to England.
Paul glanced at Charli momentarily, remembering when she had been there for him during his mother's death.

"C'mon luv," she laughed "If yer goin' to check me out, maybe be a bit less obvious"

Paul laughed as well.

"Sorry kitten," He smiled "Can't help meself, what do ya' say to another glass of wine before dinner?"
"You do know how ta' spoil a girl" Charli grinned. She couldn't deny, she loved first class and she was happy they were returning home.

Paul took notice that Charli had seemed quite happy since the funeral, he couldn't blame her and he'd even fed into her happiness promising her a large birthday party at their home a couple days after they'd returned.

"Really, are you going to be okay?" Paul asked suddenly grasping her hand.
"If there's one thing I've learned, 'okay' is a relative term" she smirked after some thought "I don't know how to describe it..."

"Try luv," He urged. Charli looked out the window of the plane, it was dark but a few clouds passed by.

"This isn't a cure, him dying, It's not magic and I still have shite goin' on in me head, but..I feel," she paused, smiling at the realisation "free"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

https://youtu.be/Zpb1gJyMKIs

A/N:  Right, what to say...I've seen a number of comments at how terrible Charli's parents were...so one of the monsters is dead?  I had actually planned that from the beginning.  Oddly enough, the chapter really took shape in my head about a year ago when we were on a visit to where I'm from last year and this song debuted.  (Dessa is one of my favourite female artists)

I sort of had to work in Rocky Raccoon (and the nod to my sn), since it ties into the gift he gave her years ago.

Thanks as always for the new follows, votes, comments and reading!  You lot are the best :D

Cheers!

~Sminky