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Creature Comfort

"Saying God, make me famous. If you can't just make it painless, just make it painless" ~Creature Comfort - Arcade Fire

Trigger warning: drug abuse

A/N: OMG!  to anyone who read in the last 12 hour or so, this was a bit hastily posted.  editing now - Sminky  

Dearest Charli,

I haven't slept in days it feels like! We've been playing non-stop. If my writing is a bit sloppy...every fingertip is bandaged! We played so hard last night my fingers bled! I'm losing my voice, but I'll be golden by tonight!

Germany loves us (next the UK, then America, then the world!). It's amazing! I hope someday you'll write me, just to let me know you're ok, I wouldn't doubt your bloody father has intervened somehow.

As soon as we're making enough, I will find you and bring you home!

Love you still.

All my loving,

JPM

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Minnesota, May 1961

"God, the look on Cindy's face when you told her off at lunch," Eddie laughed as he exhaled the joint in his hand before passing it to Charli. He laid hanging off the edge of Charlie's bed, upside down. This had become a regular routine, they would go to each other's homes to study, smoke and talk, Eddie fast became a close friend to Charli.

Charli looked up from her homework to take the joint from him.

"It's too bloody easy!" she laughed, "She thinks she's so fucking high and mighty...its fun watchin' her face go red"

"Rumour has it," Eddie said as she passed the joint back to him "It's between you and her for Valedictorian"

Charli laughed "It'd be rich if I got it!"

"Why's that?" Eddie asked flipping onto the ground.

"Because she desperately wants it," Charli said sitting up "And I don't really care"

They both laughed. Eddie looked on the bedside table noticing a small blue elephant toy.

"I've been to your house plenty of times.." he began.

"Something that my parents hate, but go on" Charli grinned. Eddie smirked knowing the secret disdain her parents held for him.

"I've never asked, what's with the elephant?" He said picking it off the bed stand.

Charli clenched her teeth, thinking if she really wanted to tell him anything.

"C'mon Charli," he said "We've been friends for awhile, you know you can tell me anything"

She thought another moment, there was a sadness in her eyes.

"It was a gift," she began "from me best friend in Liverpool's little brother just after my parents moved me here"

"It's cute, is the raccoon from him too?" he said pointing to Rocky.

"No..." Charli said sadly "Rocky is a gift from...someone...."

She thought a moment, "Remember when I tol' ya's about the worst Christmas ever? When me da' dislocated my shoulder?"

Eddie nodded. He hated the abuse her father inflicted on her and one night when they were high, she'd told him about that Christmas, which had made him cry over everything she'd been through.

"I didn't tell ya's everything," she said. She opened the bedside table and took out 3 photos and a few letters.

"That's me and Jenny," she said handing him the photo of her and Jenny walking by the pier, Charli laughing loudly in the photo. Eddie looked at the photo, Liverpool looked so different to anything he knew, Jenny looked mischievous and like someone he could easily be friends with, Charli look happier than he'd ever known. Granted, she'd become much more open and laughed often, but this was a different kind of happiness he saw in the photo.

"Another friend, George took that photo...we were just havin' fun along the pier before a show at The Casbah"

"Man, your life in Liverpool sounds so cool," Eddie said looking at the photo again. She then passed him another photo, it was the photo of Paul, playing his guitar, a slight smirk on his face as he sang, his dark hair styled as close to Elvis as possible, but slightly messy and love in his eyes.

"Who is this??" Eddie asked, "He is gorgeous!"

Charli laughed slightly, "That's Paul..." she said with some sadness in her voice "I took that one afternoon at his house after school, you should hear him play, he learns different instruments so fast and his voice..."

Eddie could hear it in her voice, she was in love. She handed him the last photo in her hands, this one was of her and Paul, together. Paul's arms were around her waist, and hers were around his neck, their bodies close to each other in what looked like a small club or basement to Eddie, they both looked at each other seeming slightly drunk.

"You loved him a lot," Eddie said before Charli could explain more. She nodded, there were tears in her eyes.

"My parents didn't approve, even though we grew up together" she said "Anyway, he gave me Rocky as a Christmas gift...said he was going to marry me someday....then..my da'" she said "That was the night he practically left me for dead in the hallway, only telling me mum to check on me..."

Eddie hugged Charli.

"Hey, someday...we're getting out of here...we'll go to New York, you'll gain fame as an artist. I'll gain fame for being fabulous and making new fashion staples in America...and eventually you can go back to England" Eddie said. The thought of her leaving made him sad, but he knew it was what she'd wanted. Charli laughed slightly.

"And honestly, if there are more handsome fellas like that...I may sneak in your suitcase" Eddie grinned. "Anyway, what happened?"

Charli shrugged. "We were writing each other for awhile....then I got this rather abruptly...unfortunately, my father found it...that wasn't a good night," she said.

Eddie read the letter, a puzzled look came over his face as he read another she had shown him.

"There's something odd about this," he said.

"I know...it was so...sudden" she sighed.

"The tone of this letter doesn't even SOUND like the others," he said then laughed "That could be the pot speaking..."

Charli shrugged sadly.

"Cheer up, Charli," he said. "I'm sure you'll see him again"

"I hope you're right," she said.

"I'm always right," Eddie teased "Now, onto important all American high school matters; have you found a date for the prom?"

Charli scoffed. "What do ya' think?"

Eddie grinned excitedly.

"Well, since you hate all the boys in school....and I have high standards, and frankly would get the shit beat out of me if I asked, I figure... let's shock everyone and go together"

"I don't think so," Charli laughed as she rolled her eyes.

"Aw, C'mon...it'd be hilarious and you might actually have fun...your parents want you to have the whole American experience don't they?" Eddie said. Charli thought a moment.

"It would probably fuck them off, going with you...they don't like you much," she said before grinning wide "Ok, let's go to prom!"

"Great! I'll even help you pick out a dress" Eddie laughed.

Hamburg, May 1961

"I can hardly wait to see our lads," Cynthia said eagerly.

"It's been weeks!" Dot said "I've never actually been to Hamburg"

They sat knee to knee on in their small train compartment sharing a tin of biscuits and chatting about what they planned to do when they arrived in Hamburg.

"It'll be good ta' see the girls," John said unconvincingly as he and Paul entered the train station. Paul simply nodded.

"Might hafta' put a hold on yer letters ta' Charli" John said nudging him.

"Sod off," Paul laughed "You might hafta' put a hold on yer nights with Elke"

"Mate...I can't tell if I'm still drunk from last night, the prellies haven't worn off yet" John said lighting a cigarette.

"It's mad" Paul admitted, "I love it!"

"Yeah...ya' look like ya' slept in a rubbish bin" John laughed.

"And you look like ya' slept in a toilet" Paul teased back.

The train came to a slow stop, the wheels screeching in a long hiss. Dot and Cyn eagerly exited the train looking for John and Paul, each had been talking about how romantic it would be.

"Hi girls," John said.

Both Paul and John looked disheveled, they seemed wide awake, but also looked like they hadn't had a full shower or sleep in days. This was not the romantic image they had discussed on the train.

"It's good ta' see ya' luv," Paul said kissing Dot on the cheek.

"Paulie, you look like you haven't slept in weeks!" she laughed.

"That's not too far from the truth," he said with a smirk "I've rented a nice little cabin on a houseboat for the two of us while you're here"

"That sounds lovely!" she said throwing her arms around him. He pulled back after a moment.

"Yer not wearing the skirt I bought you?" he asked.

"Um...well..no" Dot said nervously, she knew he wanted her to dress a certain way. "It's not really me Paulie"

Paul frowned. "I bought that just for you, it's how all the girls dress now"

"It's how Bridgette Bardot dresses," John said eagerly.

"Exactly!" Paul laughed.

"I dyed my hair blonde for you," Dot said, hoping he would be happy.

"It's a start," Paul said putting an arm around her shoulders and taking her bag as they left the train station.

"It's so good to be with you again" Dot sighed as she laid her head on Paul's chest. Paul blew smoke from his cigarette and smiled.

"You too luv," he said, his mind was elsewhere and the Preludin he'd taken earlier was wearing off fast. "Be just a mo luv, need to use the loo"

He shifted off the bed and made his way to the bathroom for a quick shower and to freshen up, it was the one night off he'd had in awhile and the band was set to play another all night show the following day, he figured now was the only time he would get to clean up before popping more pills and doing what he loved.

Dot rolled over on the bed, she was in bliss at what the last 24 hours had brought. As she rolled over, facing Paul's side of the bed she glanced at the bag he had packed with him, she saw various papers with what she assumed were song lyrics but noticed one, in particular, resembling a letter. She knew she shouldn't pry, she knew it would make him angry at her, but curiosity got the best of her as she reached for the letter.

Dear Charli,

Every day, I wish you were here even more!

I know you'd love everything about this place, the seedy pubs, the crazed Germans, the nightlife, everything!

And I can't stop writing! John and I have written some bril lyrics...

Dot's hands shook as she read the letter, she set it down on the bed, something caught her eye on the floor, she saw a small paper in the pocket of the trousers Paul had worn that day. She listened toward the bathroom, still hearing the shower running. She still had time. She pulled the paper from the trousers in a heap on the floor, it was a photo. She recognised the girl in the photo with Paul, it was the copper-haired girl from the very first night of the Casbah club. She had thought everything was over, nobody really knew what happened to her, at least not amongst those Dot knew...there was talk of course, but she didn't know where she was. There were tears in Dot's eyes as she set the photo on the bed.

"I think that's the first real shower I've had in days" Paul laughed as he entered the room, towel drying his hair. He glanced at Dot who was wiping tears from her eyes hurriedly.

"What's wrong luv?" he asked as he cocked his head. Dot shook her head and swallowed hard.

"Paulie," she said cautiously "What's this?"

She held up the half-finished letter and the photo. Paul went white, but he regained himself instantly.

"Its nothing," He dismissed "Just a letter to a ..friend." the word caught in his throat.

Dot, who usually was far more demure and never wanted to anger Paul, suddenly snapped.

"You're lying!" she said "That's the girl from the first night at The Casbah...I know everyone called her Charli!"

"Jesus Dot," Paul said frustrated "I can't write letters to anyone now?"

"Why should you? Ya' never let me see my friends!" she said angrily.

"Yer friends are a bunch of bitches and slags, they tried puttin' ideas in yer head about me" Paul argued.

"I don't even see any of my friends anymore! I only spend my time with you, I dyed my hair blonde to be more like what you want, I may not have given it up so easy for you at the beginning as her.."

"Stop it.." Paul said as he felt anger rising.

"Maybe I should dye my hair red like hers! Would that make you happy? Would that make you actually love me?" Dot yelled. Paul grabbed her shoulders angrily.

"JUST SHUT UP DOT!" He yelled at her "NEVER talk about her again! You will NEVER be like her! You know NOTHING!"

Paul suddenly snapped out of his anger and saw the look of terror in Dot's eyes. He dropped his hands from her shoulders and sat on the bed.

They were silent a long time, Dot finally spoke.

"I'm sorry..." she said finally "I shouldn't have pried"

Paul said nothing, he was upset...he was scared at the anger he'd just shown, but he was also angry she pried into his secret.

"Its fine.." he said eventually "Let's just go to bed"

Dot nodded.

"And Dot," he added "Never talk about her again"

Dot nodded sadly before crawling under the covers, he turned his back on her as he crawled under the covers. Dot lay awake a long while before exhaustion finally hit her and she fell asleep.

Minnesota, Late May 1961

"Charli, you look fabulous dahling!" Julie laughed as she passed a joint to Charli. Charli was in the mirror fixing her hair and checking the bruise healing under her eye from yet another argument with her father was covered. She laughed accepting the joint.

"Sod off," she said, "I look like a muppet!"

Julie and Charli had decided to get ready for prom together. Julie's dress was teal, floor length, with a sash and a small rose on the hip. Charli wore a sleeveless dress as well, floor length in dark blue, it didn't have the same embellishments as Julie's but she had taken Eddie's fashion advice when she chose it despite her mother's protests at the colour.

"Nah, you do look gorgeous you know," Julie said smiling "That colour is perfect for you!"

"Dark and moody?" Charli laughed "Eddie was picky but I swear, I tried on bloody twenty dresses when we went shopping!"

"Yeah, that's Eddie" Julie laughed. "How'd your parents take the news you weren't going with the populars"

Julie sighed dramatically, faux fainting onto Charli's bed.

Charli scoffed "Da' tried setting me up on another date with Luke! That's why I'm coverin' this bit," she indicated her eye.

"Your dad's a jackass," Julie said "Besides, he and Cindy are going together...it's been all the news at school"

They both laughed.

"Whatever, I'm just going because what the bloody hell am I going to do otherwise?" she shrugged. "Of course, if I'm not careful I may bloody well fall out of me dress!" she adjusted herself again nervously.

"Well, they actually hold it in St. Paul...so we don't have to have another crappy dance in the gym." Julie said "Plus, I brought something for the 4 of us to make it more fun"

Charli raised an eyebrow. Julie winked. They heard a knock at the door.

"Should we check on the carnage?" Charli said with a grin knowing her parents' opinions of Eddie and Jesse.

Mr. McLeod stood straight-lipped, attempting to make small talk to the two shaggy-haired boys in his front room.

"Ah, here they are," Mrs. McLeod said to distract from the tension in the room (which both Eddie and Jesse seemed to be relishing).

"Charli!" Eddie said hug tackling her "Look at you! You DO clean up nice!"

"Sod off ya' git!" Charli said smacking his shoulder.

Charli and Eddie, Prom 1961

"'Spose we should get a photo," Mr. McLeod grumbled. The photo was far from proper, and each photo after that as Mr. McLeod tried to gain control was worse.

After bidding the McLeod's a, not so fond farewell, Charli and her friends drove themselves to the prom in Eddie's small car.

"Bloody hell!" Charli said as the entered a large business building in the capital city. It was reserved for such occasions and much as the school colours were everywhere making it a little less immaculate, Charli was impressed.

"Aw...our little Charli's first prom," Eddie said hugging her shoulders.

"FREAKS!" a voice called from the upper level of the building, they turned to see Luke and Cindy as well as a group of the populars laughing.

"Oh Sod off, ya' manky arsemonger" Charli called. Her friends laughed, Charli then noticed Cindy laughing loudest "Nice ta' see they allowed ya' to bring yer dog to prom, Luke!"

Jesse had doubled over laughing, Julie had tears in her eyes as she held onto Eddie who was also laughing harder than anticipated.

"Bitch!" Cindy called angrily.

"Slag!" Charli called back as she and her friends went to another end of the floor for punch.

Charli, Eddie, Julie and Jesse spent most of the night on the dance floor, after an energetic twist to Chubby Checker's Let's Twist Again, the music slowed to Where the Boys Are by Connie Francis.

"Fuck!" Charli said "I hate this song"

"Perfect!" Eddie said, "let's dance!"

"Nonono.." Charli laughed as Eddie dragged her into a dramatic dip. Jesse and Julie joined in, the four being over dramatic through the entire song.

"Aw, Charli," Eddie said as the song ended "I'm glad we became friends!"

Another slow song began, one Charli instantly recognised as her face flushed and the opening chords of Sea of Love began.

"Oh no," she said suddenly, "Not this song...anything but this song.."

"Aw c'mon Charli," Julie laughed mistaking what Charli meant "Ya' can't hate every slow song"

"I need to go...somewhere...not here...sorry," Charli said running from the floor. Julie looked at Eddie confused as Eddie followed after his date.

He found Charli slumped against a large pillar on the far end of the dance floor, hidden from view, her face buried in her arms, rested on her knees.

"Hey...Charli," Eddie said crouching down in front of her "You ok?"

She shook her head.

"Is this about the boy in Liverpool?" He asked, realising he'd forgotten the name of the young man in the photos she'd shown. She nodded, lifting her face.

"It was our song..." She said quietly "I still miss him so much, Eddie"

"I know," Eddie said placing a hand on her shoulder "Look, I know you'll find each other again...call it intuition...or something stupid...but I know it'll happen."

"I hope yer right," she said sadly.

"I'm always right," Eddie winked "Why don't you write him? Just see how he's doing."

Charli didn't agree or disagree.

"I'm fine," she said finally, wiping at her eyes carefully trying not to smudge her mascara. No sooner had she said this than Julie and Jesse appeared to offer support.

"Hey Charli," Julie said "I don't know what's up, but we're here if you need us"

"Ta luv," she said.

"C'mon, let's get you up," Jesse said offering a hand, which Charli accepted.

"And...I think now is the perfect time to make this dance a little more fun" Julie said with a smile as she reached into her purse. She pulled out a small pill container with 3 pills inside.

"Ok, obviously Charli gets one...the rest of us, rock-paper-scissors...one of us has to drive the rest home," Julie said. She, Eddie and Jesse played until there was a clear loser.

"Aw man!" Jesse said as Eddie covered his hand and paper won.

"What is this?" Charli asked as Julie handed her a small pill.

"Lysergic acid Diethylamide...LSD..." Julie said reading the small pill bottle "My mom was trying it out for awhile, her doctor gave it to her as a final effort. But since she's in a psych ward now, she doesn't really need it so I decided to give it a try. It's insane Charli, you'll love it!"

Charli knew Julie's mother wasn't well, she didn't know the extent until a few months prior. Julie had told her one night the reason she was no longer popular was when Cindy and her friends found out about her mother they turned on her, Julie had left Cindy with a black eye and received a week's suspension after Cindy insulted her mother.
Her mother was talked about in hushed tones, her erratic behaviours, the fact she switched personalities in a second, her outbursts. Julie had seemed relieved her mother was in a ward, Charli couldn't blame her as Julie had told them she found her mother one afternoon after a suicide attempt.

Charli apprehensively took the pill and swallowed as Eddie and Julie did the same.

Within moments everything changed, the dull grey and white marble floors were a wash of colour, the room itself moved in a fluid motion.

"It looks like...the room," Charli said looking around "it's breathing"

Julie laughed "Cool huh?"

"This is brilliant! I want to paint everything!!" Charli laughed.

"Let's dance first!" Eddie said excitedly. The night became a blur of colours and laughs with her friends.

That night, Charli returned home, her parents had gone to bed and left her with a late curfew, she didn't even care if she woke them at that moment. She bid her friends farewell, the LSD still in effect, she reached her room and managed to remove her dress and put on a light pair of pyjama shorts and a singlet. She sat on the bed, focussing on a wall and laughed softly at it pulsating. She then did something unexpected and grabbed one of her exercise books and wrote a simple message:

Dear Paul,

I miss you.

I love you...

Still yours,

Charli

"We'll see if I actually send it.." she said falling back on her bed. She glanced at a self-portrait of Frida Kahlo Eddie had given her for Christmas. Frida sat, staring straight at whoever was looking at her image, a black monkey on one shoulder, a black cat on another. She wore a necklace of thorns with a hummingbird.

"Paint your story.."

Charli blinked a moment and rolled onto her stomach staring at the portrait again, it seemed like Frida was speaking to her.

"Paint your story..."

Charli sat up "I love this stuff..." she muttered. She suddenly dashed to her closet where she kept her easel, her paints, and her canvases. She had a single 16x20 canvas that hadn't been used or scrapped. She hurriedly set up her easel and the canvas. After quietly making her way to the bathroom for a glass of water for her brushes, she began painting. She began her own self-portrait. It was near 5 am when she finished, in front of her was a portrait of herself, staring straight at the viewer, a look of defiance on her face. Her red hair tied halfback, dressed in her teddy girl finest, on one shoulder sat a raccoon, on another a magpie. There was no necklace, instead, she added another element of Frida's works she loved, her chest had an open hole, with an anatomically correct heart, the veins leading and fading into her neck. The background was awash of large, bright, colourful plant life and grey sky, just behind the plants were the gates to Strawberry Field.

She fell back into bed, satisfied with herself.

Hamburg, Late May 1961

"Oh, Besame, Besame Mucho

Love me forever, make all my dreams come true.." Paul's voice rang through the club.

The show had been going for 3 hours so far, the German audience demanded more after each song.

Dot and Cyn sat calmly in the audience, each growing tired from the evening, the smoke, the heat, it was nearing midnight.

"Right, the band is going to take a quick 10-minute break," Paul said as the song finished.

"We need a piss!" John added.

"We'll be back in 10," Paul said. He looked like he was ready to pass out.

"Paulie," Dot said throwing her arms around him "You sounded wonderful!"

"Thanks, luv," he said giving her a small kiss.

"You look exhausted," she said worriedly "It's getting late, do you think you could call it an early night? You've been playing since 9 and I'm exhausted"

"Not a chance luv," Paul yawned "The owner expects us to play all night"

"But yer so tired," she said.

"I'll be right," Paul said as John interrupted them.

"C'mon Macca," John said passing him a drink "Need ta' rehearse before the next set"

John looked equally as tired.

"Johnny, it's getting late," Cyn said, "Can't you tell the owner you need sleep?"

"I don't need sleep" John snapped "What I need is this bloody paycheque they keep giving us so I can get a new guitar"

"Girls, if you're tired...ya' can go, ya' don't have ta' wait up for us" Paul smiled.

"Yeah, we'll catch up with ya's tomorrow," John said pulling Paul away.

Dot and Cyn looked on sadly as their lads disappeared into a back area of the club, before taking their advice and turning in.

"Bottoms up lad," John said as they reached the narrow hallway of the club, handing Paul a glass of beer and a small pill.

"Ta...the last lot was starting to wear off," Paul said without much thought as he swallowed the pill and took a large drink of his beer "Ya' could hear it in Besame Mucho, I sounded ruddy awful on a few notes!"

"Relax, Macca," John said taking his own as George did the same "Where're Stu and Pete?"

Paul shrugged drinking more beer.

"Stu is with Astrid..somewhere," George said "And Pete found some German stripper and escorted her into the alley behind the club"

"Good thing the lad only lasts 5 minutes!" John laughed. The effect of the prellies was fast and Paul was feeling much more awake and euphoric as he laughed with John and George.

"Right!" He said excitedly "Let's make the next set our best lads!"

"There's the Macca we know and sometimes love!" John said happy to see Paul waking up.

"Where are we goin' boys?" John asked. Paul and George grinned.

"To the top, Johnny!" they said together.

"And where's that, fellas?" John asked.

"The toppermost of the poppermost!" Paul and George said excitedly.

"Right!" John said happily "Don't forget it! We're going to the top!"

Minnesota, early June 1961

"Charli," Mrs. Johanson said looking in awe at the self-portrait Charli had brought to class "This is...stunning. There is just so much going on in this, I can feel the power of your symbolism"

"Thanks, Mrs. J.." Charli said bashfully "It's not as good as anything Frida did...but I tried"

"It's you," Mrs. Johanson smiled "That's what matters most. Now, did you know magpies symbolise creative expression?"

Charli shook her head.

"And a single magpie...can represent danger or sorrow...however, 2 magpies represent joy in union" Mrs. Johanson continued "Now raccoon, well he can symbolise shyness, but charisma and a social side once he gets to know others, also he can represent ingenuity and questioning without fear."

"I've just always liked raccoons" Charli laughed "and magpies are my favourite bird"

"It's funny what the animals we're most attracted to can teach us about ourselves" Mrs. Johanson smiled "These gates appear in a lot of your pieces"

"Strawberry Field," Charli said "It was my favourite place in Liverpool"

"Well, I'm featuring this at the end of the year showcase if you'll let me," Mrs. Johanson asked. Charli nodded.

"Jesus Charli," Julie said as she entered "That's incredible"

"Told you!" Eddie said entering just behind her "I saw just after prom"

The 3 took their seats as Mrs. Johanson began their next assignment.

"Good afternoon students and teachers," the principal's voice came over the loudspeakers "I have important news. After much discussion, we have chosen the class of 1961's valedictorians."

There was a pause, Jesse finally entered the room "Huzzah! They're going to tell us who gets more shitty accolades!"

Julie, Eddie, and Charli laughed.

"Take a seat, Jesse," Mrs. Johanson said. She seemed more annoyed at the announcement than Jesse interrupting class.

"The first student is one, I'm sure you all know, she's head of the glee club, head cheerleader, founder of Youth for a Better Tomorrow as well as prom queen, Cindy Lindberg"

There were a few sarcastic "yays" in the art room.

"The second student has gotten straight A's since she joined our school, and is an Art Honour student, Charlotte McLeod"

"Shite..."Charli said under her breath as Eddie, Jesse and Julie had a mixture of laughs and congratulations her way.

"Congratulations Charli," Mrs. Johanson said, "It's nice to see they're finally recognising the creative students".

"Fuck...I have to come up with some 'inspirational' speech now?" Charli said as she and Eddie walked the hallways to her locker.

"Don't think of it like that," Eddie said, "think of how pissed Cindy is going to be that she has to share the glory with you...think of it as the last 'fuck you' to the assholes in this place!"

"Thanks, Eddie," Charli said unconvincingly as she shut her locker door.

**

A week had passed, it was graduation.

"Have you figured out what you're going to say?" Julie asked as they got ready to enter the field.

"I have," Charli grinned "You'll see"

Charli sat on the stage that had been set up, Cindy made her entrance waving and blowing kisses to her fellow students and parents in the audience. Charli rolled her eyes as Cindy sat next to her and glared at her.

"Fuck sakes," Charli said, "Could you be any more ridiculous?"

"At least people like me," Cindy said "The only reason you're here is because they wanted to honour someone who got good grades"

"I'd rather be smart than liked" Charli countered.

"Bitch" Cindy whispered through a smile as she waved to more friends.

"Slag," Charli said back as she waved to Eddie who had just entered the field and taken his seat next to Julie and Jesse.

"At least she is being honoured due to her hard work," Mrs. McLeod said as she and her husband watched the students from their seats in the stands. She watched as Charli sat looking bored and annoyed.

"I just hope she doesn't do anything to embarrass herself," Mr. McLeod said grumpily "Or worse, us."

***

"...We've all grown so much together and made friendships that will last forever" Cindy said to the crowd as she wiped tears from her eyes. Charli merely rolled hers, then laughed to herself seeing Julie mocking Cindy's dramatic face in the crowd of graduates.

"And so, class of 1961 I just want to remind you, you are all my friends and remember: 'The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams'" Cindy finished to loud cheers.

"Thank you very much, Cindy, for your words of inspiration," Principal Owens said. "Our next student came to us from Liverpool, in England. She has been a straight-A student since her arrival and became an art honour student this year, much of her unique art has donned the halls of our school; Charlotte McLeod"

There were polite claps as Charli took the podium.

"Right, I'm supposed to give a speech. I'm better at art honestly," she began "In my short time in this school, I have learned a lot about people and have learned, even those who seem the worst by most standards can actually be the best people you'll ever meet. Class of 1961, I have one thing to say regarding our graduation, from the illustrious Frida Kahlo: 'I hope the exit is joyful, and I hope never to return" She finished with a smirk.

Eddie was on his feet cheering, he had dared her mere days before to end with Frida's famous quote.
"To New York!" He shouted to her.

"To New York!" She shouted back.

Julie and Jesse cheered loudly as well as the rest of the students clapped politely, a few cheers were uttered from other art students and misfits from the school. Charli was pleased with herself as she waved enthusiastically to her parents who looked mortified in the audience.

"Charli, you are officially my hero for how you sent everyone off this afternoon," Julie said handing Charli a hamburger from the barbeque.

"Ta luv," Charli grinned. Julie's father had given her permission to throw a graduation party for her and her friends. The turnout was larger than Charli had expected.

"Yeah, there was a lot of gasps from Cindy's followers" another girl Charli knew from art laughed.

"I guess I don't get it," Charli said as she sat amongst her friends and fellow misfits. "Does everything in America have to be all...big?? I mean really, we just finished school."

"Pomp and Circumstance, Charli, Pomp and Circumstance," Eddie said leaning his head back in his chair and exhaling a cloud of smoke.

Charli rolled her eyes and laughed. There was a large splash as Jesse jumped into the pool and water splashed both Charli and Eddie.

"Dammit, Jesse!" Eddie yelled, "I just bought this shirt!"

"Awe...poor Eddie," Jesse laughed "Ya' poncy git"

Jesse imitated Charli's slang.

"Ya' drenched me burger ya' wanker!" Charli laughed.

Julie's family lived in a nice house in the area, complete with a large backyard and in-ground swimming pool.

"That's pretty much WHY I was popular freshman and sophomore year" Julie explained to a few other students who hung around the art rooms "I have a pool"

"Why'd they ditch you then?" A boy who was a grade behind Charli and her friends asked. Julie bit her lip nervously.

"Because they're fickle twats" Charli called over her shoulder knowing Julie didn't share information about her mother's mental health easily.

"I should know," she added "They loved me for a week then went back to hating me when I bailed on a date with their fucking golden boy"

Later that night when Charli, Julie, Jesse, and Charli were the only ones left they sat in Julie's room.

"Wait here guys," she said "I've got a surprise"

She went into the walk-in closet in her room, they could hear her rummaging through a drawer.

"What do ya' think it is?" Charli asked as she passed a joint to Jesse.

"Something cool...Julie has the best surprises," Eddie said "And the best connections"

She emerged with a book and 4 straws and a small, plastic bag of something.

"Ok..don't ask how I got this, one of dad's colleagues..." she said embarrassedly "I've only ever heard of what this can do and wanted to try it with my best friends"

"What is it?" Eddie asked cautiously as she started laying the powder from the small bag in four straight lines on the book.

"Heroin..." Julie said, "He said I should call it by its proper name, diamorphine...but most people know it as heroin."

"Dia...morphine?" Charli thought a moment "Wait..morphine, that's what they had me on after me surgery last summer!"

"Yeah?" Julie said excitedly "How was it?"

"Euphoric..." Charli said remembering she had felt no pain, no sadness, only the dreams of her life in Liverpool and life with Paul. Much as her shoulder had healed, she was still in pain regularly from the beatings her father administered, she still harboured a deep sadness her friends didn't see, she still cut to release it all...the idea of not feeling any of that, excited her.

"Well, this is supposed to be even better than what they prescribe people after surgery," Julie said handing Charli a straw.

"And just what do I do with this?" Charli asked as Julie passed straws to Eddie and Jesse.

"You..breathe it in," Julie laughed "Hold the straw to your nose, close your other nostril and sniff it up! I guess its usually done by injection, but.."

"Fuck no!" Charli said, "I hate needles!"

She hesitantly followed after Julie as Eddie and Jessie did the same.

Soon after, Charli felt no pain...she was back in Liverpool. She was with him.

Liverpool, early July 1961

"It's good ta' have ya' home son," James said giving Paul a welcoming hug.

"It'll be good ta' have a real shower" Paul laughed setting his bags and guitar down. "I could sleep for months!"

"Well, I've made some tea, care for a cuppa?" James asked amiably.

"Sounds great da'," Paul smiled.

"There's a bit of post for ya' on the table...one you might be interested in," James said hesitantly.

Paul sorted through a couple letters Dot must've sent for him to read when he returned as well as birthday gifts from Aunties. Then he saw what his father had mentioned, a letter from the states, his eyes lit up as he tore it open.

The letter was short but said all he needed to hear.

"Cor, she's alright!" He laughed happily.

"I'm glad you're happy son," James said handing him a tea and sitting across from him at the table "However, what about Dot?"

"Dot? What about her?" Paul said as he sipped his tea.

"Paul, Dot has been desperately trying to get in touch with you since you said you were coming back to Liverpool" James advised.

Paul hadn't called her as much since she and Cynthia returned to Liverpool, there had been more arguments and Paul wasn't sure what he wanted to do about her. Charli's letter only muddled his mind more.

"She seemed pretty upset yesterday when she stopped by," James said. No sooner had he said this than there was a knock at the door.

"And I'm certain that's her now," James said standing up to answer the door. Paul pocketed the letter and grabbed his tea feeling this could be a difficult afternoon.

"Dot, my dear" James said greeting her "Do come in! Paul is home finally and I'm sure he wants ta' see ya's"

"Hullo, Dot," Paul said appearing next to his father. Dot smiled weakly.

"Hello, Paul.." she said "It's been awhile"

"Yeah...sorry," Paul said rubbing the back of his neck "You saw how crazy it was for us in Hamburg"

She nodded. "Can we talk? Alone?" she asked.

Paul nodded and led her into the garden.

"You can't be serious.." Paul said as all colour had drained from his face.

"Yes, Paul.." Dot said slowly "I'm pregnant"

"And you're sure it's mine?" he asked.

"Of course I'm sure!" Dot cried "I haven't had sex with anyone else since I met you"

Paul tangled his fingers in his hair.

This can't be happening, not now... He thought

"Paul, what should we do?" Dot asked, "I've told me parents, but..."

"I don't know," Paul interrupted "I know my da' will say we should get married...and he's probably right."

He felt that the band was on the brink of something big, but would it be the same if he was married and taking care of a baby?

"Look, Dot," He said finally "I'm here for ya's, but I need a little time to meself to get me head around everything...and talk with me da'. I just got back from Hamburg, I'm a bit rattled. I'll call you soon and we'll get through it, alright?"

He smiled up at her and held her hand. She smiled back feeling better for telling him.

"Ok Paulie," She said "I'll wait to hear from you"

Soon, she was gone. Paul sat alone a few moments before getting up, he didn't go inside to find his father. Instead, he climbed over the back gate and walked his way down the familiar road.

***

"Macca!" Jenny exclaimed as she answered the door "I haven't seen ya' for yonks!"

"It's good ta' see ya' too, Jenny Wren" He smiled as he gave her a hug "I do have a couple prezzies from Hamburg for ya's...but it can wait, I need to talk to you."

Jenny could see the unrest on his face.

"Of course," she said leading him inside.

"You're joking," Jenny said after he'd told her the news. They sat in the front room, Simon drawing nearby.

Paul shook his head.

"No...she's pregnant," Paul said.

"Fuck me," Jenny sighed. "What are you going to do?"

"I guess marry her," he shrugged.

"Is that what you want to do?" Jenny asked. Paul had always admired Jenny's ability to read her friends so well.

"Not really," he admitted, "I mean, the timing is shite...and I feel like you're the only one I can tell about this..."

"About what?" Jenny cocked her head inquisitively.

Paul said nothing at first as he took the letter from his pocket and passed it to her.

"After months," he said finally, "Charli wrote me"

Jenny's eyes went wide as tears filled them, it was the first time either of them had heard anything from her. She hugged Paul not knowing what to tell him.

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https://youtu.be/xzwicesJQ7E

A/N:  Sorry I'm so late in updating!  This took awhile to write....and yes, it's long...I'd sort of thought of scrapping it altogether, but with Charli's addictions in later chapters...I couldn't, and it sort of builds up the characters a wee bit more.  Paul isn't exactly a shining example of greatness in this, but not many of the characters are to be fair.

 2 more chapters before they're reunited!

I sincerely hope I've still got readers!  Your comments, votes, etc mean a LOT to me and keep me going :)


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