Otto had decided to stay for New Years, even though his dad had offered to book him a new flight.

A friend of Eddie's was hosting a party and we'd been invited. I promised Otto that we would find a TV to watch the Times Square Ball Drop.

I was scrolling through my Insta when he knocked on my bedroom door.

"Can I come in?" he asked, quietly.

I patted the spot next to me on the bed and he sat down with a look that I'd never seen before.

"Have you ever heard the joke about the epitome of mixed feelings?"

"Can't say that I've had the pleasure," I said. What was this really about?

"When your mother-in-law drives off the cliff in your brand new BMW."

I actually laughed.

"Roy, I'm going back to Germany," he said, looking out of the window. "I was offered my dream job in Berlin."

Fuck!

"But that sounds like an amazing opportunity for you!" I said, trying to fake enthusiasm.

"I will miss America," he said, returning his gaze to me. "Most of all, I will miss... this place."

Was he going to say something else? Stop, enough with the wishful thinking.

He was actually leaving, I still couldn't process it.

"When do you need to go?" I asked, needing to keep my shit together for a bit longer.

"Beginning of January," he said quietly.

Oh, wow. That quick.

"Otto, this is fantastic news and I'm super excited for you," I managed to say after taking a moment to breathe.

"I really want you to know how much I appreciate all the good times we've spent together," he said, leaning in for a hug.

"Let me get changed so we can go out for dinner and celebrate," I said, needing him to leave my room.

Once he was gone, I covered my face with a pillow and screamed. This mad one-way affair was coming to an end and it was sure to leave the same wounds as a broken relationship.

I hoped that "out of sight, out of mind" would eventually bring me peace, but right now all I wanted to do was cry.

Fuuuuuck!

***

Everyone at the party was either staring at Otto as if he was a piece of art or trying to find a way to engage with  him. He was cordial and humorous as always, and they couldn't get enough of him.

My time with him was slipping through my fingers and now I had to watch this gaggle of queens fawn over him. I was desperately jealous.

When we approached midnight, I took Otto to an upstairs guestroom. As promised, we watched the Ball Drop on an iPad; the best I could do considering that no one else in the house was interested.

Five, four, three, two, one...

When Otto turned around to wish me a happy new year, I did what I'd wanted to do since the day I first met him; I grabbed his face and kissed his perfect lips.

He was temporarily locked in shock before saying, "Roy, I'm not..."

"Shhh, I know," I said. "That was just for me."

"It wasn't someone from work, was it?" he whispered, finally seeing the obvious.

"No," I replied, the heavy burdon of unspoken truth falling off my shoulders.

"But..."

"It's done," I said, realizing that it really was. I'd stomped on my own heart more than I could bare. "Sometimes things are just not meant to be."

"Roy... Can I still be your friend?" he asked, hesitantly.

"Of course, you gorgeous dumbass!"