I gasped and started panting fast "Chanel, What's wrong?" I heard someone saying from a distance. "Chanel!"

I blinked continuously and opened my eyes cautiously to the sight of Xander rubbing my shoulders and the pub guy- Leo, standing by his side.

'We're still at the bar? What?' I don't understand.

"You okay?" said Leo, his eyebrows moving downwards touching each other

"Yeah, I'm okay... Thank you" I nodded then he gave me a smile and walked away

"What happened to you?" Xander said moving his hand on my cheek softly and looking at me worryingly, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to tell you to leave. Don't be mad at me"

"I saw something..." I held onto his arms for protection and looked at him trying to contain my breathing

"What do you mean?" He asked in confusion

"It was like pictures; a video playing, but in my head, although it seemed so real..." I said in confusion shaking my head in the process of speaking

"What was it?" he asked and sat me down on the tall chair and kept rubbing my shoulders to comfort me. He looked like he didn't understand what was going on or what I was saying, honestly neither did I.

I took a deep breath, gradually feeling calm then started, "It was like someone grabbed me firmly from my hand and it hurt. It was harsh and blurry. It's like I was fighting with someone, it looked like a break up maybe, but he was so strong and so furious." I breathed out "He yelled so loud in my face. It was horrifying"

Xander's eyes looked at me in sincerity. He slowly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in a tight hug, making me feel peaceful and relaxed. I didn't understand the relationship I had with Xander; but it felt like it's beyond friends, his arms felt good around me and I felt secure with my head against his strong chest.

I slowly let go of him and sighed "Who would do this? And why?" I looked at him in a daze.

We left the bar, going back to my house. Xander was sweet to me for the rest of the day; he stayed for a movie that I picked although it was 'Ghost' Starring Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore which is a movie that most guys actually hate- for some reason that I don't understand, he also made me popcorn which I think was his way of running away from half of the movie. He also somehow bared my questions the whole night.

He was preparing to leave when I asked him to stay the night on the couch in the living room; it was too late for him to leave anyway. I kept thinking of how sweet he was and it surprised me that he didn't have a girlfriend or that I was not his girlfriend.

I layed in bed feeling all overwhelmed from what happened and what I "saw" if I could say that. I kept thinking of "it" as a vision or that maybe my brain was trying to remember.

'Maybe I'm hallucinating?'

A big part of me felt scared; if this really happened then maybe I have an abusive boyfriend out there somewhere.

'Maybe it was a friend? Was I raped?'

"Oh my god..." I sighed putting my face into the pillow and groaning.

I started to feel like I literally lost my mind. I was scared of sleeping; I didn't feel like it.

I got out of bed and walked out of my room, then down the stairs. It was pretty dark; I looked at the clock hanging on the wall that read 2 in the morning. I walked into the kitchen to drink some water. I spotted Xander, sleeping on the couch with his hair messy, hiding his face. I stood behind the counter in awe, yes- in awe. He's handsome; he has a face that screams care and kindness, eyes that look at me with appreciation and... love? A thing I never really thought I'd get any time soon, but it may be closer than I thought it was.

I walked to the couch and adjusted the cover over him then silently got on my knees in front of him. I slowly put my hand on his forehead to move his hair away from his face, then somehow, unconsciously moving It down his cheek.

I gasped, freaking out and took my hand back fast when he started to shift, but he was just adjusting himself in a better position. 'Is he dreaming?' I thought 'What could he be dreaming about?'

He started mumbling words and groaning, my curiosity made me lean in a little trying to understand what he was saying; all his words didn't make sense though. So I decided to just let him have his sweet dreams and walk back to my room.

As I started to stand up, I was stopped. "Sneaky" Xander groaned sitting up slightly on the couch "I'm a light sleeper"

My heart stopped and I swallowed a lump that formed inside my throat. It was starting to get hot, I felt embarrassed, and felt my cheeks flame, trying to find an excuse to tell him why I was doing what I was "I'm sorry I woke you up. I just wanted to um..." When I finished explaining, I looked at him and found him smiling.

"No need for excuses, it's not really the first time you wake me up" he chuckled "It was a habit of yours" he sat up "Why are you up late?"

"I can't sleep..." I sighed, smiling.

He looked at me like he was trying to analyse what was going on in my head then he patted the space beside him "I can cuddle you to sleep..." he smiled

"No, no it's fine." I hesitated "I will just go back to my room and try again" that was what I said but inside my mind and my body I wanted it, I just hoped he'd ask me one more time

"Come on Chan, It's really okay." He nodded

"But I'll-" I started

"Again, don't make excuses. It's alright Chanel; I don't bite" he smirked as he pulled me to the couch and between his arms with my back to his chest.

"Hey! Get that smirk off your face" I said laughing, and I felt my cheeks showing that I'm not the badass I thought I was.

He smiled at me then spooned me tightly, his arms felt warm against my skin; but I didn’t forget to focus on how masculine he was. His big arms made me feel protected like... I was safe.

He kissed my cheek softly and whispered "Sweet dreams, beautiful"

"Goodnight" I whispered back and closed my eyes, slowly drifting to sleep.
_____________________________________

"Chan" I heard my name being called and felt a rub on my arm softly that made me smile as I stretched and opened my eyes slowly "Morning, Beautiful" Xander- who was sitting on his keens in front of me, smiling.

"Morning, Xander"  I said smiling, stretching my arms that cracked from the uncomfortable position I was in.

"We made Pancakes" He smiled down at me sweetly, his eyes shining, as he moved a hair strand behind my ear

It caused my cheeks to blush a little, but my stomach groaned with the mention of pancakes.

"Come on let's eat" he chuckled and said “So you’d forget my charming self that’s making your cheeks look like a cherry tomato” then got up and walked back to the kitchen

I blushed more and looked down in embarrassment then got up and walked behind him “Thank you” I said smiling at him looking at the plates set on the counter

“Oh don’t, your mother basically made them, not me” he smiled back

I didn’t know what I was doing but I felt the urge to hold his hand and I did "That's not what I'm thanking you for" I looked up at him, feeling his hand move over mine as he moved his head down and kissed it softly "Anything for you, Channy"

I felt my breath hitch and every hair in my body stood straight. This man... Something about him made him amusing. I was surprised that he cares about me that much, it made me feel that we were really pretty close.

"The pancakes won't eat themselves" mom said walking into the kitchen as I smiled softly at Xander, who let my hand go as my mom walked in.
__________________

A few weeks later:

Per usual, every time I finish a book; the library existed for me to borrow a new one. I’ve been reading a lot of books since I came ‘back to life’. Books to me had this warm feeling to them; they have a smell that made me feel like home, made me experience a different life, different possibilities, and a different me.

I walked into the library quietly to meet Mrs. Larson sitting in front of her huge desk. Mrs. Larson- the librarian and I, became best friends although she's way older than I am, but I felt like she is a second mother to me.
I moved around her desk, located in the middle of the library and kissed her cheeks and hugged her tightly.

"Hi, sweetheart" She whispered with a smile on her face

"Hey Mrs. Larson" I smiled whispering back "I finished the books; I'm here to borrow new ones. Any recommendations?" I said returning the books i had to her.

"What about The Mortal Instruments series? You might like them; a lot of these teenage girls do" she suggested

"Hey Gran," a guy said behind us catching both our attention, causing me to turn around.

I recognized him. It was the guy I saw at the bar when I was with Xander. ‘What was his name?’ I asked myself
Until Mrs. Larson started "Hey sweetie" she smiled "Chanel, this is my grandson Leo. Leo, this is the granddaughter whom my children never gave birth to; Chanel"