It was not the first time that Wei Zhan has been gazing at the busy street like that. It might be the fourth one as far as he remembers, but some memories were foggy. His head hurts since he has been crying nonstop the last few hours. He cannot think straight any longer.

He thinks to himself, 'All those tiny people are busy with their lives. If I jump right now, some people might get scared, but they will go on. However, his parents and grandma might be sad. Also, the janitor of the building might be forced to clean his brains and blood from the street if he jumps. The man might not be his friend, but he smiles every time he enters the building, so his death will be a hassle. After pondering about different ways to die, he concludes that most of them are actually inconvenient for someone. It is not that someone besides his family will care for his life, but his death will be annoying for someone else. 

Is he too selfish for thinking about ending it all? Kind of, but at least he will be selfish once. Being a selfless soul is what drove him to this point. At least that was his first thought. Looking back, it was actually his decision. Jiang Lu warned him. However, he didn't listen. She told him more than once that Meng Yao was not truthful. Wei Zhan thought that he knew him better.

Now Meng Yao had taken it all, and Wei Zhan had nothing left. His money, his possessions were gone. His friend abandoned him, betrayed him. When things went south, no one stayed by his side. Jiang Lu would have stayed, but he avoided her as much as possible. Probably, she doesn't know what is going on. However, even if she knew, his husband might forbid her to come to him. It was inappropriate.

His head hurts too much. Wei Zhan wants to close his eyes. He should not have trust Meng Yao, but he was his friend. He stood by him when he was starting his career. However, even then, he had intentions. He wanted him. He wanted his money. He wanted the glory. He wanted to feel approved. He wanted to show everyone that he was a winner, a leader. 

Meng Yao stood by his side when Chieng Zhun told everyone that Wei Zhan was not good enough. He supported him when the hate texts and threats came. He protected him, or so he thought. He probably just wanted to recruit someone to face Chieng as he also bullied him. They did. They won, and Chieng never bothered them again. 

However, Meng Yao was always up to something. He was indeed ambitious. Wei Zhan regretted having stood by his side afterward, but that is what friends do. They support each other, protect each other, help each other if needed. However, every time he felt odd, Meng Yao made him feel bad for asking questions. He then proceeded to bomb him with flattery and smiles, and Wei Zhan let go of his doubts. He shouldn't have done that.

Wei Zhan climbed to his bed. If he survives until the next morning, he had to reexamine many things. 

How to value vice and virtue in a person's past? 

What does it truly mean to be a friend: flatter someone even if he is wrong, or tell him the cold truth? 

What are the real implications of loving someone unconditionally? 

He is not sure about anything now. Maybe it is time to go home and start over. If he opens his eyes again, he wishes only one thing, to find someone that does the right thing because it is what they are supposed to do. Not because he can gain something or because he expects something in return. 

Only then can he rest. Only then will he love someone again.