— neuf ; nine —

IT WAS ONE IN the afternoon when they returned to Castle Evermore, and practice for the day had ended. That just meant all the Ravens were in the Nest during their rare extended free time and every single one was there for their arrival. Henri considered just walking straight past the expectant faces and napping for the rest of the day, but he didn't think they'd let him.

"You look fine to me," Jude said, from where he was lounging on one of the sofas.

"No thanks to you."

Jude arched an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm to blame now?"

"Weren't you the one to check me illegally countless times?" Henri hadn't sorted out the exact details of the story he was running with in his head, but he had no trouble throwing Jude under the bus. "Yeah, I'd say you're to blame."

"Fuck that," Benjamin sneered. "Checks while wearing gear wouldn't put you in hospital."

"Yet that's where I had to spend the night."

"Are you accusing your own teammates of putting you in hospital?" Alixis' voice was dangerous. "Careful, rookie. That's a pretty large allegation to make."

Henri didn't know why he was wasting his time trying to explain anything to them. Maybe Soren thought they wouldn't let him go without an explanation, but he didn't owe them anything. Let then dump him in a pool again if he pissed them off. He'd kept the knife he took from the kitchen hidden in his drawer and he wouldn't hesitate to use it this time.

"Hey, where the hell do you think you're going?" KJ demanded, as Henri brushed past Soren and headed towards the Black Hall. "We're not finished here."

Henri didn't even glance back. "Yet I'm finished with you."

"The Master is still waiting for you."

Those words from Alixis were enough to make him stop in his tracks and sent the chilly fingers of fear sliding down his spine. He saw light glinting off mahogany and metal as the cane arced through the air, whistling with speed. Henri didn't want to be scared of something so insignificant but it was difficult when he knew the damage it could cause. His stomach throbbed at the memory.

Swallowing his unease, he turned around. "Now?"

"Upstairs," she said. "In his office. It would do you well to obey him."

Henri knew that better than any of them. "Fine," he said, shoving his pills into Soren's hand. He might be needing them again when the Master was finished with him. "At least I won't have to put up with the rest of you while I'm there."

"So much attitude for such a small body," Aria snickered, as if she wasn't shorter than him.

Henri shoved his hands into his pockets as he began trekking up the stairs that led to the court, trying to contain the tremors shaking them. He was glad he'd taken some of the painkillers on the way here, for his stomach at the time but now because he felt like the rest of his body would be aching soon enough. He hesitated outside the Master's office and stood with his fist raised above the door for too long before he finally knocked.

"Enter."

Henri had never been in the Master's office before. He didn't get a chance to look around, bowing his head the moment he stepped into the room. "Master," he murmured. "You wanted to see me?"

"I want to know what you told them."

"Racquet," Henri said, with a dry throat. "To the stomach. They didn't question me."

Henri risked a glance up at him just as the Master set his pen down. "I will tell you once," he said. "No matter what happens, what you think, you will never go to a hospital without my permission again. Questions and queries are the last thing I will deal with. If I learn you have gone against my will in the future, I will beat you so hard you won't be able to leave bed until I say so."

Henri forced a nod. "I understand."

"Good. Then get out of my sight before I change my mind."

Henri allowed himself a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him. For now, he was out of hot water. Without the unease of a potential beating, Henri could appreciate that he hadn't eaten at all today and he was pretty fucking hungry. Some Ravens had put a movie on the large screen TV as Henri made a beeline for the kitchen area, and Jude called out, "Enjoyed your scolding?"

Henri didn't bother responding beyond flipping him the finger.

The fridges were always fully stocked, although Henri wasn't sure who did the groceries or where they came from. He wanted nothing more than a huge burger or a fat bar of chocolate, but the Ravens didn't do unhealthy. Everything available was all carbohydrates and protein and leafy greens. He settled for a sandwich, as exciting as food got around here, and began unloading he ingredients on the counter to prepare it. He heard when someone joined him in the kitchen, but assumed it was just another Raven looking for food, until they leant against the counter next to him.

He looked up to see Matthias flash him a smile. "Hey."

Henri turned right back to his sandwich. "Not in the mood."

"Aw, c'mon," Matthias protested, leaning forward. "You didn't even wait to see what I was going to say."

"Fine. What do you want?" Henri asked flatly.

"How was your first week here?"

"Ha-ha. Very funny." Henri glanced at him and waited for the punchline, but it never came. His expression was genuine. "Seriously?"

He shrugged. "It's an honest question."

"I got shoved blindfolded in a swimming pool and just spent the night in hospital. How do you think it went?"

"Oh yeah, the hospital," Matthias said. "You never did say why you had to go, you know."

"Right, that's what you wanted to talk about." Henri rolled his eyes as he slapped a piece of bread on his completed sandwich. "You should have just started with that and saved us both some time."

"Hey, I was just trying to make conversation." Matthias paused a beat to see whether Henri would take things up from there and continued undeterred when he was rewarded with silence. "We bugged Soren after you went to see the Master, but all he'd say is you threw up blood. Is that true?"

"Why would he lie?"

"Sounds pretty serious. You okay now?"

"Look, whatever you're playing at, just drop it," Henri said, shooting him a withering look at his wide eyes of supposed innocence. "As if you give shit whether I'm okay or not."

"You passed the first trial," Matthias said with an expansive shrug. "That means I'm allowed to talk to you now. Hopefully you can get through the second so I'm allowed to do more, and then it's plain sailing from there. Hazings with the other freshmen will be a piece of cake because the Master wouldn't let us rough newbies up too much."

"Allowed?" Henri scoffed. "What are you, their pet?"

"Alixis didn't trust you. KJ and Benji still don't, but it's fine. They wouldn't stop me."

Henri looked at him suspiciously. "Stop you doing what?"

Matthias just smiled and pushed away from the counter. "You look just like Jean, you know," he commented casually. "Except you're a lot cuter."

He strolled off before Henri could say anything more and Henri was left staring after him in bewildered confusion. He wasn't quite sure what just happened, but he thought Matthias Reacher might have just hit on him. It raised all those perplexing questions regarding his own sexuality which he'd been shoving down with for some time. He'd always known he'd liked girls, confirmed by his first kiss with Lucie Devereux behind the stadium after their Exy team had won a match when he was thirteen. Exy was a co-ed sport but there was still a sexist bias, and Lucie was one of the only girls on the team.

That didn't mean she wasn't great when she made out with Henri, all soft curves and long hair that got tangled in his fingers. Yeah, he'd definitely liked that. He'd kissed a couple of other girls since then but never anything serious, never anything more than a bit of fun. The first thought that maybe girls weren't the only ones he liked came about at a house party Henri attended when he was fifteen. He'd gotten drunk for the first time, light-headed after a few beers from his absolute lack of tolerance, and ended up kissing a boy in the darkness of the garden.

The boy himself was irrelevant. Henri couldn't even remember the colour of his hair, forget his name. What mattered more was the way his lips felt against Henri's and the undeniable spark of desire he'd felt. That should have answered any questions, but it wasn't that easy. Henri had harboured doubts for a year now, always wondering whether it had been alcohol or attraction that had fuelled that one kiss. The last place to address that confusion was on the Ravens court. His primary concern here should be survival, not his muddled sexual desires.

Not that he had any. He couldn't.

He was still thinking about the matter and Matthias' words when he wandered into the bedroom, sandwich in hand. Soren was on his laptop but looked up at Henri's entrance, the screen lighting up his green eyes. Henri could read the silent question in his gaze as he scrutinised him from head to toe, no doubt searching for any possible injuries or hidden marks as if he could somehow see them through clothing.

"Still in one piece," he confirmed.

Soren turned his attention back to the laptop. "For now."

Henri shrugged and dropped onto his bed, munching down on the sandwich as he turned the question over in his head at different angles to see if any sparked a sudden revelation. Do I like guys? Are guys attractive to me? Would I want to kiss a guy? Almost unwillingly, Henri's gaze drifted to Soren and he studied him from a purely objective stance. Yes, Soren was good looking. That much was undeniable. But being able to appreciate someone was attractive wasn't the same as being attracted to them.

That being said, Henri wasn't entirely sure he could rule out not being attracted to Soren. He didn't like him — Soren was irritating at best and insufferable at worst, and had made it clear that he harboured no fond thoughts towards Henri. But in terms of physical attraction, he couldn't pretend his gaze didn't linger a little longer than it should have when he came out of the shower in only a towel and that he sometimes found himself following the movement of his throat when he tipped his head back to swallow water during practice. He couldn't pretend whenever Soren touched him, even the briefest of touches, he wished he'd touched him for a little longer.

Fuck, Henri thought, a little alarmed at the turn his thoughts were taking. This is why he didn't think about these things. He could prioritise self-preservation where necessary but it was hard not to think about Soren when he was around him pretty much every second of his life now. They'd only known each other for a week but extreme exposure made it feel like far longer.

Soren's fingers stilled on the keyboard and he looked at Henri. "What?"

Belatedly, Henri realised he'd been staring. He needed an excuse or a topic change, and the latter felt safer. "Is Matthias gay?"

Clearly, Soren hadn't been expecting that question. "Huh," he said, looking thoughtful as he considered it. "Why the sudden interest?"

"I just had an encounter with him in the kitchen. No," Henri interjected sharply, at Soren's expression. He heard how that sounded and hurried on before he could get the wrong impression. "Not like that. I mean, he was acting weird and it seemed like he was interested. In me. Which could only be a possibility if he was gay."

"Regarding his sexuality, I have no idea and I don't care either. I know he's hooked up with teammates — most Ravens get around to it at some point, considering we're all forced together and have nothing better to do — but I don't know about the gender." Soren looked back at the laptop but Henri knew his attention was still on him. "As for being interested in you, he is."

Henri blinked. "Really?"

"He made it clear enough from day one," Soren said, sounding bored. "I'm surprised he didn't make a move sooner, but Alixis no doubt told him to back off. They follow her orders even over the stupid things."

"Oh," Henri said, absorbing that information.

"If you're going to fool around with him, don't bring it back here," Soren said. "I'm not listening to that shit."

"That's not happening," Henri said, and rolled over onto his side away from Soren, effectively ending the conversation.

It was too early in the day and he was fucking up his sleep schedule, but Henri dozed off in a nap. He only felt even more confused about everything after Soren's explanation and sleep was the best way to avoid it all, not to mention he was still a little drowsy from the hospital drugs. He felt like he has only been sleeping for a few minutes before someone was shaking him awake. "Go away," he mumbled, not even bothering to open his eyes. "We don't have anymore practice today."

Soren sounded irritated. "Stop being difficult and get up."

Knowing he wouldn't let it go, Henri sat up and rubbed bleary eyes. "What?" he grumbled, summoning up as angry a glare as he could while still half-asleep. "This better be important. If someone isn't dying or dead, I'm going to kill you and then I'm going back to sleep."

Soren looked unimpressed at his threat. "Your new uniform and jersey has arrived. You need to try it on to see whether it fits or another size needs to be ordered."

As much as Henri would have gladly dropped his head back onto the pillow and slept through till tomorrow morning, he knew Soren wouldn't let him. So he dragged himself out of bed and trudged after Soren up to the stadium, down the hallway and into the locker room. His new things were waiting for him in his locker, folded neatly with a shiny new helmet sitting atop the pile. He set the helmet aside and changed into the outfit as quickly as he could without making his stomach ache. He paused at the jersey to be pulled over his gear, holding it out in front of him.

He had two, one for Home games and the other for Away games. It followed the usual depressing colour scheme the Ravens were so fond of, the former with red print on black and the latter with black print on red. The name MOREAU was printed on the back, along with his newly assigned number. It hadn't occurred to Henri that he would be getting a new number but of course he couldn't keep his one from back home.

"Four?" He slanted a look at Soren, who was leaning against the lockers and waiting. "Seems apt. Did you know four is considered unlucky in Japan because it sounds like the word for death?"

"I did. Riko made sure we all knew it when he gave Neil Josten that number."

"Which he didn't take," Henri added.

It didn't come out immediately, but the moment the media latched onto the knowledge Neil had spent Christmas with the Ravens and came into the Spring Championships with a tattooed 4 adorning his left cheekbone, it was clear Riko intended for him to join his perfect court. That Neil not only stuck with the Foxes but went on to destroy Riko's team in Finals alongside Kevin Day, who had once been inseparable from Riko's side, was one final fuck you. It led perfectly into Riko's supposed suicide, meaning no one would ever look into it further and question whether there might be something more to that death.

Soren scowled. "Just put it on."

Henri tugged it over his head and of course, it fit perfectly. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror across the room and wished he hadn't. It looked better on him that he'd expected, the black-red combination making his hair look darker and his eyes lighter — it looked right on him. Like he was meant to be a Raven.

"Okay," Henri said, turning away from his reflection. "It fits. Great."

He yanked the jersey off and shoved it back into the locker which was quickly followed by the rest of his uniform. He could feel Soren watching his inexplicably aggressive movements, but he didn't know how to explain how he felt. Jean would have once stood in this locker room, in the same uniform and holding the status of the Ravens, but he also knew this could never be a home for him. He had finally managed to escape, but Henri knew it wouldn't be that easy for him. There was no escape for him.

He slammed his locker shut and turned to tell Soren he was going back to sleep and don't you dare wake me, when he saw the racquet sitting on the bench. His racquet. It was fresh and glossy and brand spanking new, not an inch of the shiny black paint scratched. The head was embossed in red paint and there were two red stripes along the handle, one at the base and one just below the head. Henri picked it up, marvelling at the weight in his hands as he twisted it over and over between his palms. It felt light and easy in his hands, fitting him better than the scratched old model he'd used in France.

"The Master ordered a different version from the one he said you used to use," Soren said, as if reading the silent question in Henri's gaze as he stared at the racquet. "This one is lighter, with a deeper net. Makes for a more adaptable dealer on the court who was can alternate between defensive steals and making shots. You have summer to adjust to it."

Henri probably should have said thank you, but any words died on his tongue. This racquet felt right in his hands, more right than any other racquet he had trained with, and was just another reminder that he was a Raven now. The emotions stirring in his chest were too complicated for him to make sense of. All he knew was, joining Castle Evermore had given him a love-hate relationship with Exy. He loved seeing the Ravens, the fast pace of the game and the impossible goals, the way Soren shot across court. He hated that it was all consuming, that for the Ravens it was the be all and end all, an intense mindset leading to cutthroat competition that made it difficult to enjoy anything on court.

Instead of thank you, Henri said, "I want to go." He shoved his racquet into Soren's chest and took a step back at Soren's puzzled expression. "I want to go away from this place."

"Where?"

"Anywhere. I don't care," he insisted, feeling sick and a little claustrophobic at the black walls that felt like they were crushing down on him. "I'll get in the car and you can drive wherever you want, as long as it isn't here. Please."

Something in Soren's gaze softened. "Okay. Let's go."