"Love never dies. It fizzles out maybe but it stays there in your heart buried by emotions controlling you. Once the fire is rekindled, love resurfaces again, breathes a new life." Elizabeth E. Castillo

----

XXVI.

It had been two weeks since Cressie and Zara had arrived in London. They had only been back to Belle's shop once to confirm Zara's debutante gown, as well as to order a half dozen other designs for subsequent invitations that would undoubtedly follow. They expected Zara's debutante gown to be delivered in the coming days, ready for the presentation ball this coming Friday.

It had also been two weeks since Cressie had been in the presence of her husband, and yet she felt just as caged as she had done in Yorkshire. Distance had done nothing to loosen the chains that Everett had on both her body and her mind.

"... I saw Anne Kimpton walking today from my window. I went to school with her, you know. I swear she was wearing one of Belle Desjardins' gowns. I feel I would know them anywhere now." Zara spoke, often to herself, as she filled the silence at mealtimes.

It was the morning, and breakfast had been served. Cressie would ordinarily have been served up in bed as a married woman, but she could not well leave Zara alone to eat. So, her maid served Cressie her tray in the dining room each morning and stood there to watch exactly what she ate.

Zara, on the contrary, was served a full portion for every meal.

Cressie had become used to eating so little that she did not suffer from hunger anymore. Or perhaps she had managed to somehow talk herself out of hunger. It had been a realisation she had made some time ago. Everett preferred her thin, of course. But he loved her weak.

"... It really makes me wonder what she will be wearing at the presentation. I know that we will all be wearying varying shades of white, but I hope my lace – Cressie!" The way in which Zara's tone shifted made Cressie jump. As if she had been able to read Cressie's mind, she said, "Cressie, you are about wasting away in front of me, and no wonder!" she exclaimed. "You pick at an egg each morning and consume nothing of substance. I have been noticing, you know!" Zara lifted the dish that was in front of her, only to reach over to Cressie's, before she passed over two thick slices of ham and cheese. "Please, eat them!" she urged.

"That won't be necessary," Cressie's maid, Imelda Wrigley said, stepping forward from the side of the room to reach for Cressie's plate. "Mrs Delaney does not require anything further."

Zara frowned at the sudden and unorthodox interruption from Imelda. "I think Mrs Delaney can decide for herself if she requires anything further. Don't you have anything better to do this morning than to stand there, Wrigley?"

Cressie could hear the frustration in Zara's voice, and it sounded completely foreign as she was so used to her young niece's excited and optimistic tones.

But Imelda ignored Zara's question and took Cressie's breakfast plate from her. She then disappeared through the servant's entrance with the remnants of Zara's breakfast upon it.

Zara was dumbfounded, and Cressie said nothing. She did not fight it. What was the use?

"I ... I have never had a maid of my own before," Zara murmured, "but I do not think that I would allow her to ..."

"You're right," Cressie said, interrupting her. "You have never had a maid before. You don't know." Zara didn't know what it was to have a husband either. Perhaps Everett could not be called a husband, as Cressie had observed husbands in her time who were not at all like her own. Zara had never had an owner before.

And it was her responsibility this Season to ensure that Zara never was subjected to the life that Cressie had fallen victim to. Zara did not need to know. She was innocent, optimistic, with a joy about her spirit that reminded Cressie of the remnants of her own soul that were buried deep within her.

Cressie's soul had been taken, along with everything else that she possessed. Zara could yet live. She could yet be happy. There was hope for her where there was none for Cressie.

So, she took a breath, picked up her teacup, and changed the subject. "Have you thought about what you might say should the Queen address you on Friday? She has been known to verbally acknowledge some of the young ladies each year."

***

An invitation to Ashwood Place for the opening ball of the Season had become quite the coveted honour for the debutantes and their mothers. After being presented before the Queen, the ladies paraded and pranced around the Ashwood ballroom in their finest ensembles as guests of the Duke and Duchess of Ashwood.

As Grace had not set foot in London in years, it was often Cecily who made the trip to London as host, but to enjoy the social chess matches of the summer. But as Cecily had not made the trip this year either, it had been left to Jack and Claire to host the ball.

Despite the fact that Jem was the only member of the Beresford family in residence at Ashwood Place, he could not host. Who would accept an invitation from a Land Steward?

A voice in Jem's head bitterly retorted probably the same amount of people who would accept a proposal from one. It was fresh. The pain was fresh and raw, festering and inflamed, as he combed over the guest list for the four hundredth time that day.

Mrs Everett Delaney

Miss Zara Delaney

She had accepted. She would be here in a matter of hours. He would see her for the first time in five years. Would she see him? Would she know him?

Would he know her?

Belle had repeated her worries to Jem in person when he had arrived in London, and Jem had all but to retrain himself from calling upon her there and then. But he couldn't. She was a married woman and there were rules. Jem hated them.

He had been counting the hours until this day, going over in his head of what he might say to her when they met again. But in his heart, Jem knew that what he would say depended entirely on what he saw in her. If she was happy, if Belle was wrong, then perhaps it would not be right at all to even approach her.

Jem wished her happy. He could lose her if it meant that she was happy.

"Jack, you know those biscuits are to be served tonight!"

Claire's voice disturbed Jem's thoughts, and he looked up from the guest list to see his sister's family waltz into the ballroom.

"I had to be certain the biscuits weren't poisoned," Jack replied with a shrug.

"So, you decided to test them on our daughters?" Claire challenged, folding her arms over her chest.

Jack grinned sheepishly as he looked down at their two girls who had followed their parents inside. "What do you know, they're right as rain. They're safe to eat." Jack then fished another biscuit from his pocket and popped it into his mouth whole.

"You're impossible," Claire declared, but she could not hide the burgeoning smile that teased her lips.

"Yes, yes, impossibly handsome, I know," Jack agreed. "It's a burden, but one I endure."

Claire shook her head as she rolled her eyes and went to turn away from her husband. But he was quick with a devilish smile as he caught her hand and captured her in a tight embrace.

"I am also impossibly in love with you. It cannot be helped."

The ease and declaration of affection between husband and wife was so intimate that Jem knew he ought to have looked away. But for a moment, it was also such a clear reminder of what he did not have, and yet what all his siblings had found.

Why was he forsaken?

Jem heard his nieces exclaim noises of disgust as their father kissed their mother. Jack laughed lightly as he pulled away from Claire only for a moment, before fishing two more biscuits from his pockets to give to Jackie and Maria. "Don't tell Mama," he whispered, though still right in front of Claire who, again, was rolling her eyes with a smile. Jack's eyes then flicked to Jem across the room. "Why don't you two go and make Uncle Jem smile for me? Mama needs to see to some last-minute details for this evening," Jack encouraged artfully.

Jackie and Maria obeyed their father immediately, allowing Jack to steal Claire from the ballroom in as much time as Jem devoted his attention onto his nieces and not onto his sister's business with her husband.

They would be a welcome distraction, anyway. There was only so many times Jem could stare at the words 'Mrs Everett Delaney' without the inclination to set something on fire.

His sister's girls were so different. Really, the only similarity between the two was their height. At seven and six, Jackie and Maria were about the same height, with Jackie having perhaps a half inch on her younger sister.

Maria was Jack's double in female form. The whole family declared it whenever they saw her. She had the same dark, unruly hair and mischievous hazel brown eyes. She had even inherited her father's wicked smile, though Maria's was still filled with little baby teeth.

Jackie, on the other hand, was very fair, with very light blonde hair inherited from her Aunt Susanna. Her delicate features were very elfin-like, but what was most remarkable about her were her expressive green eyes.

They were nothing at all alike but were as inseparable as sisters and best friends could be.

"Can we come to the party, Uncle Jem?" Maria asked him sweetly.

"No, Maria," whispered Jackie, elbowing her sister softly in the ribs. "Papa said we had to make Uncle Jem smile."

Maria pursed her lips, before suggesting, "Should we tickle him?"

But Jem did smile, he chuckled even, at the two little girls before him. While he could and did feel envy and sadness at what his siblings had found, he would never take his own happiness over theirs. "It's been a long time since I have danced. Would you two help me practise?"

Jackie and Maria eagerly agreed, and Jem entertained them for a little while by humming tunes that he knew while twirling them around the empty ballroom. They girls laughed hysterically and joyfully as they watching their skirts fan out around their legs.

"You're smiling, Uncle Jem!" Jackie declared cheerfully as Jem spun her.

"Do you think Papa will give us another biscuit then, Jackie?" Maria called out to her sister excitedly as she was twirled on Jem's other hand.

"Maybe!" Jackie said enthusiastically.

And at the idea of another treat, both girls sprinted from the ballroom, leaving Jem standing in the middle of the dancefloor.

A few hours later, Ashwood Place was alive with noise and gossip, just as it had been during the first Season Jem had been in London. Speculation was already running rampant about which lady would make the best match, which debutante made the best impression, and which poor girl had the most unfortunate appearance and connections.

Jem possessed neither Cecily's talent for dressing down these women with her tongue, nor the inclination at that moment, as he kept a keen eye on the arrivals.

Jack and Claire were dutifully hosting, greeting their guests with polite attention, though neither of them looked especially pleased to be the centre of such attention. Claire had always been a little awkward about the nobility of the Beresfords, and Jack had certainly never aspired to be his brother. But nevertheless, when called upon, they represented the family well, and looked exactly the part as Lord Jack and Lady Claire.

It was hard for Jem not to sense eyes on him. He was a young, well-dressed man who appeared to be a gentleman, even though he was not one. Though the ladies in attendance did not know that. It was easy for them to assume that he was one of the eligible bachelors in attendance that evening out to sample what this Season had to offer.

Of course, he could not be introduced to any one of them as he had no acquaintances here. Unless Jack and Claire came over to introduce Jem to anyone, he would be left alone to watch the door.

Jem's only interest in marriage was the already married woman he had travelled to London to see, the check on.

A few minutes after the clock had chimed eight, another two of the invited guests arrived. The young, red-haired lady stepped into the ballroom on the arm of her blonde chaperone, a lady far too young to be her mother.

She was a lady far too young to look like ... to look like a ghost.

"Presenting Mrs Everett Delaney and Miss Zara Delaney!" cried the announcer.

Cressie. 

----

Hope you enjoyed it! 

I am very sorry for missing last week. I have been really unwell, just germs caught off my kids at the tail end of winter! But thankfully, Spring is here! I have one more week of school before holidays!! And you guys know what that means ... ;)

But obviously a very sombre time at the moment as so many are mourning the loss of the Queen. My mum (who is English) has cried so many times. A big piece of my heart belongs to England and mourns with you. I don't really know what else to say. It's all still a bit surreal, isn't it?

I'd better head to bed. It's very late! Vote and comment xxx