"When thinking about what to do next with your life, don't ask yourself what you would succeed at, but what you would most enjoy failing at." Clifford Cohen

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X.

Jem attended two further balls following the Fentonbury soirée, and was unsuccessful in securing a dance with Cressie at either of them. He was not at all certain how Mrs Martin had managed it, but she had filled Cressie's dance cards entirely before the commencement of the actual ball.

Jem's authority on this was sound as it had been Cressie herself to tell him this in the very brief moments that he had managed to speak to her, often in passing as she was handed off to her next suitor for a quadrille.

In watching her dance with a dozen gentlemen, Mr Delaney more than most, Jem ought to have felt jealousy. Of course, he did feel envy as any other red-blooded man would, but he did not feel jealousy. This was because it was apparent that Cressie would rather have been plucking chickens then spending time with any one of the fine aristocrats who sought her attentions.

But she didn't look at him the way that she looked at them. That was what saved Jem's heart from the anguish of jealousy. Her brown eyes filled with pleasure and enchantment whenever he was near, and it was only him who could provoke a smile in her that would show her adorable dimples. At least, Jem allowed himself to think this way. To hope this way.

Despite her lack of fortune, Cressie had a natural and effortless ability to be endearing and amiable. Those who could afford to marry for beauty saw Cressie as a fine prize.

Jem did not see her as a prize. She was not a thing to be collected or kept.

On the twenty-eighth of April and nearing one month into the beginning of the Season, Adam and Jem kept busy in the study. Despite being in London for the social festivities, the estate would not run itself and Jem was still committed to his vocation. It took Cecily marching in an hour or two before luncheon to announce that they all would be going for a promenade to pull their eyes from the ledgers.

Cecily was closely followed by Grace, who appeared less than impressed with the idea.

"Mother, we have work to do," Adam replied to Cecily idea dismissively.

"I don't believe I asked for a negotiation," Cecily retorted. "I am in no mind to be cooped up indoors today. Look at your wife. Look how sallow she appears having seen no sunlight."

Grace flushed as her eyebrows furrowed. "Your kindness knows no end, Cecily," she murmured.

Adam huffed as he abandoned his quill. "Anyone who believes my wife to be sallow is an idiot."

"Good!" enthused Cecily. "Tell that to the Marchioness of Highbury when we promenade, for that is exactly what she said about Grace at the ball two nights ago."

Jem frowned deeply, feeling anger and frustration bubble inside of him at the littleness of some people. Why did his sister offend them so?

"I really did not need to hear that," muttered Grace as she made her way to an empty chair before the desk, lowering her larger frame into it gently. As soon as she spoke, Adam left his chair and made his way to her, standing behind her and placing his hands on her shoulders protectively.

"I have no doubt in my mind that you dressed down the Marchioness of Highbury as soon as that unjustified comment was made, Mother," Adam theorised.

Jem recalled the first time he had heard Cecily verbally tear some of Grace's critics apart. Cecily could be vicious, and rightfully so.

Cecily sighed. "Of course, I did," she retorted. "I asked after her grandson. The illegitimate one her son bore by a prostitute." She tsked before sighing once more. "Adam, you do not know these people as I do. The best revenge is to force feed them your happiness. My son imminently expects his third legitimate child."

"So, from what I understand, you desire to prove to the Marchioness of Highbury that you have ... won?" Adam deduced.

Cecily huffed. "You are as contrary as your father used to be," she scolded. "We are to promenade immediately. Dress!"

***

Cecily got her way, but she usually did. Within the hour, the family were among the many, many families who used their days to walk through Hyde Park, politely nodding and smiling at others, remarking on the weather and asking after the health of absent family members.

Adam and Grace walked in front, which left Jem to escort the dowager. He felt intimidated to be walking with a woman like Cecily Beresford on his arm. It almost felt like walking with the queen. She was distinguished, respected and superior, and people bowed and curtsied to her as they passed.

"You look so much like your father, Jem," Cecily murmured softly.

Jem was so taken aback by her remark that he was certain her had heard wrong. It was not until he looked down into Cecily's eyes that her comment was confirmed.

"I didn't know you knew my father," he managed to stammer in reply.

"Not well, but I did," Cecily returned coolly. "He mended a hem for me once when I was a little younger than you. I see him in you."

Jem wondered what it must have been like for his father to attend to a distinguished lady like Cecily when he was but a country tailor. He wondered a lot about his father, actually.

And it almost brought a tear to his eye to hear someone mention him or connect Jem to him. Most of his family seemed to forget that Jem had been so young when their father had passed away. He didn't have the ability to remember as they did.

"I want to know how you are going in your pursuit of Miss Martin," Cecily continued, not waiting for Jem to respond. "You might be surprised to learn that I am, indeed, a fan of young love."

Jem found that he had very little control over his tongue as he found himself divulging all to the unlikeliest of ears. Cecily listened intently to Jem's story of affection, and his perpetual hope. He did not, however, tell her of his poem. While he knew it was terribly silly, Cressie had loved it. She had told him so herself, and he liked that they shared a little secret that belonged to the two of them.

"If I can offer you anything, Jem, let it be this. When all is lost, the heart is constant. It remains constant, always. I know this to be true."

Jem silently thought of Cecily's lost husband. She had known true love and loss.

"Only a fool allows others to get in the way of true constancy."

In the distance, Jem spotted Cressie and her mother walking together under the shade of a parasol. Cressie was dressed in a white day dress with a blue sash being the only drop of colour on her.

"Only a fool, eh?" Jem uttered under his breath.

***

Cressie had fond memories of her sixteenth birthday. Of each of her birthdays, really. All of them consisting of her wearing a dress that was hemmed above her ankles as she celebrated as a child.

Today she turned seventeen, and she was spending the day promenading in a dress that showed all that she was a woman of marriageable age.

It was her worst birthday ever.

Cressie had told her mother as such, and Mrs Martin had accused her of being ridiculous.

"Think of it this way," Mrs Martin said to her as they walked, "next birthday you will celebrate in a fine house with a husband who adores you.

Cressie scowled, and Mrs Martin promptly instructed her to remove the expression.

They walked, curtseyed and conversed with the parties they passed. Cressie tired of being 'delighted' to see any of them again very quickly, and found her attention wandering as Mrs Martin laughed musically at a tasteless joke made by a gentleman whom Cressie had quite forgotten them name of.

She was so distracted that she was quite startled when a young boy bumped into her, knocking her into her mother's side.

"Oh, goodness!" cried Mrs Martin.

It took Cressie a moment to realise that the boy, who was now running away from them, had shoved a piece of folded paper into her hand.

"Urchin!" shouted the unknown gentleman, a Mr Smith. "Are you quite alright, ladies?" he asked. "The streets are filled with ragamuffins like him. I only hope he has not pinched anything valuable!"

As Mrs Martin assured him that they were unharmed, Cressie subtly turned her body to conceal that she was unfolding the note that she had been slipped.

Messy Cressie, can you find a way to escape and meet me at the park entrance?

It wasn't signed, but it did not have to be. And the very idea filled her with a sort of thrill that was becoming all too familiar. Cressie did not know at all what was happening to her, but what she could understand was that talking to Jem, however briefly, at these last balls had made her happier than dancing with any one of the gentlemen her mother had insisted upon.

"Mama, I dropped my handkerchief a way back, I must go and fetch it!" Cressie said suddenly, coming up with the first excuse that popped into her head.

"Won't you allow me, Miss Martin?" offered the nameless gentleman. "I would be honoured to be of service to you."

"You are too kind, sir," replied Cressie, "but only I know our path and I will not be long."

Mrs Martin frowned. "Why didn't we bring Nelly?" she asked under her breath. "Quickly then, Cressida," she permitted, nodding her head.

Cressie did not wait for her mother to change her mind as she turned on her heel and walked swiftly back the way they came. Though following their path, she was heading towards the park entrance.

Her stomach fluttered and her heart thundered as Cressie tried to appear as nonchalant as possible, so as not to appear that she was running off to meet a man alone which, of course, was exactly what she was doing.

But Cressie's excitement was far too loud to hear the anger that she knew her mother would have when she found out.

When Cressie reached the entrance to Hyde Park, she looked around, searching her surroundings anxiously for a tall, dark haired man. There were plenty of people about, all occupied with their own agenda of being seen, but none were Jem.

"Psst!"

Cressie's attention was caught by a hand waving out the dropped window of a small hackney. Had that sound come from there?

The hand at the window was swiftly replaced by the head of the man she most wanted to see. He only briefly showed himself to her, before he beckoned her again with his hand.

Taking a deep breath, Cressie looked around to ensure that nobody was directly watching her. And then she darted over to the hackney, the door opening for her just in time to practically launch herself inside.

Cressie tripped on the step and fell into the hackney, quickly feeling Jem's hands on her arms and back as she all but laid across his lap. He helped her to right herself, and before she knew what was happening, she was staring in his blue eyes from only a few inches away.

What on earth was she doing?

And why on earth did she have no desire to go back?

Cressie had never been this close to Jem before. She had never been this close to any man before. Jem was so tall that it was quite impossible to look upon his face from this distance during normal functions. Lord, his eyes were exactly what she imagined the sea to be.

"You came," he breathed.

"You asked," she returned.

A smile tugged at the corner of Jem's mouth. "Only a fool," he seemed to mutter to himself.

Cressie wasn't certain who the fool was, but she knew that they both would be fools in the eyes of everyone if they did not get away quickly. And the very notion that the idea of escaping was in her head shocked her ... and excited her terribly.

Jem seemed to read her mind as he banged on the roof of the hackney with his fist. Moments later the carriage took off and Jem helped Cressie to the seat beside him. The feeling of his hands on her only increased the flutters in her stomach.

"This is madness," she whispered.

"I know," Jem assured her.

"But I don't mind. It's my birthday today."

"April twenty-eighth," he mused, as though he was committing the date to memory. "Then let my gift to you be a day of madness."

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Awwww Cressie and Jem's first proper date - my heart is melting for them ....

........... and then of course my heart freaking pities them ...........

..........

........

...... because I'm evil muahahaha

ANYHOO

Hope you enjoyed it! Massive week on my end. Bloody exhausting. 

But in some good news my new car has finally arrived! I get to pick it up on Wednesday wahooo. I ordered it 5 months ago and it's finally here!! I've had my car for 9 and a half years so it's time for an upgrade! 

I also bought an Oodie this week which if you follow me on Instagram, you'll know has become my entire personality. Why did I never buy one earlier? There's no other way to exist at home then in an Oodie!

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mamas reading! And a blessed Mother's Day to all who struggle on this day for a multitude of reasons. 

I made a Mother's Day card with my class where I interviewed them with questions about their mums (obviously hoping to get funny juicy answers hahaha) but I filled one out for my mum as well lol

Vote and comment! Xxx