"We break ourselves only to fit better into the wrong hearts." Laura Chouette, Profound Reverie

---- 

VI.

Jem felt such a deep sense of pride as he watched the tears fall from Cressie's expressive brown eyes. Ordinarily he would have thought it a great sin to make a lady cry, but he could see from the look on her face that what he had done had meant a great deal to her.

Cressie was seated not two feet from him, the conch shell still pressed against her ear as she listened to the sea for the first time. She smiled as she cried, with the dimples underneath her eyes forming utterly endearing craters.

Her reaction to his gift tugged at Jem's heart a great deal. He already cared for Cressie. He had done from afar ever since he had laid eyes upon her. But he hadn't known her, not really. There was still much of Cressie Martin that remained a mystery to him. But with each meeting, she showed Jem the type of person that she was.

Cressie was a beautiful soul who wore her heart on her sleeve. She was tender yet spirited, and in that moment, she was someone who believed in the magic of seashells. Jem found it truly difficult not to adore her immediately.

"I cannot believe this," whispered Cressie, her voice filled with wonder as she kept the shell to her ear. "It's the sea. It really is the sea. It is exactly how I imagined it, and nothing like it as well. You gave me the sea, Mr Jem."

Jem wanted to tell her to call him by his name, just as he wanted to ask if he could call her by her Christian name, but he knew not to push his luck with Cressie's mother sitting nearby, listening to every word they spoke.

Jem had visions of really giving Cressie the sea. He, himself, had never been either, and he could see the scene clearly in his mind of the two of them running into the blue ocean waves, laughing uncontrollably.

"I am glad you like it, Miss Martin," Jem murmured sincerely.

"I love it," Cressie said earnestly.

"It is a very kind gift, indeed, Mr Denham," called Mrs Martin. "I am certain Cressie will find a place to keep it where it shan't be broken."

Cressie seemed to ignore her mother's comment, and Jem offered her a quick nod in acknowledgement before turning his attention back to Cressie. She lowered the shell and held it in her lap.

"You have a big family, I think," Cressie stated. "What must it be like to have extended members from all over."

"I do," Jem confirmed, nodding. "I am the youngest of five children." He hated that his voice sounded as though he were admitting a vice rather than a fact. He knew that he did not look any older than his eighteen years. He did not want Cressie to see him as the baby his siblings did.

"Five," breathed Cressie, marvelled. "My, how lucky you are. I do not have any siblings ... well, I suppose I do, but –"

"Cressida!" silenced Mrs Martin firmly, and Cressie stiffened at her mother's sudden harsh tone.

Jem's brows furrowed as he sensed a rather sensitive subject within the Martin household.

"Sorry, Mama," Cressie said sheepishly. She took a breath before her brown eyes returned to Jem's. "I have grown up an only child. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have so many siblings."

Jem chuckled. "I think my instinct would be to offer you the one who is vexing me the most, but I do joke. I know I am very fortunate." Extraordinarily so. Jem would never forsake his sisters or brother, for he knew it was his elder siblings and their sacrifices that made his childhood as carefree as it was.

Cressie giggled. "It was happy then, your home?" she asked.

Jem nodded with a fond smile. "Yes," he confirmed. "It was not always easy." Despite the fact that his mother and siblings had often tried to protect him from their hardships and woes, he had known that there had been times which were very tough. "But I am very grateful for my family, and for the in-laws my siblings have brought into our family. They all chose exceptionally well."

"I remember you saying your eldest sister in particular had made a wonderful love-match," Cressie recalled.

"But, of course," exclaimed Mrs Martin. "The duke and duchess' love-match is clear for all to see. I imagine, Mr Denham, that the duke favours your family extraordinarily."

By the window, Mrs Martin's back was straightened as she leaned towards Jem and Cressie, as far as she could go without leaving her chair. Her eyebrows were raised as she awaited an answer. Jem resisted frowning uncomfortably. He rather hoped that he was being too sensitive to assume that Mrs Martin was inquiring after the level of financial support that the Denhams' received from the Ashwood estate. That was rather a personal question, was it not?

"The duke is a kind and attentive master of the Ashwood estate, ma'am," Jem replied carefully. "In fact, he has been gracious enough to take me on as his apprentice. I am training to be his steward so that I might one day manage his affairs."

Jem had been proud to share this information, proud to state how he was planning on rising up in the world. One had to be clever to be a steward, and Jem was clever. He would always enjoy making fun, but he was not a fool.

But the moment it had left his lips, he felt his stomach fall as he saw the look on Mrs Martin's face. Disappointment.

"A steward?" she repeated, her voice no louder than a whisper.

"Mr Jem." Cressie commanded his attention with a rather forceful tone. Her brow was stern as she glanced at her mother before devoting her attention to him. "I have formally met all your siblings but one, is that not correct?"

"Y-yes." Jem tore his eyes away from Mrs Martin, but a sick feeling was bubbling inside him. He was not a gentleman, he knew this, but he was trying. Jem was trying to make his way up in the world, to gain respectability and a position. He wanted to be good enough.

"Won't you tell me about her? And your mother and father?"

Jem could see Cressie's heart once more, the tender thing it was. It might as well have existed outside of her body she showed it so purely. Jem wanted to tell Cressie about his family, and he wanted to learn about hers. He wanted to know all about how she had grown up, and how it had come to be just her and her mother. He had not missed her comment about having siblings in some sort of way. But he couldn't talk to her in the way that he wanted to in this room. Jem was determined to find another opportunity.

***

The moment the door to the drawing room closed and Mr Jem was away, Mrs Martin flocked to Cressie's side, seizing hold of her hand in desperation.

"Oh, Cressie," she practically moaned. "A steward? Though, of course, he is but an apprentice! He is not even a steward yet!"

"Mama!" snapped Cressie as she whipped her hand out of Mrs Martin's reach. She returned to the settee where she seized the conch shell. Just holding the precious object made her feel incredibly warm.

"Oh, my darling, I will never deny that Jem Denham is charming young boy, but he is exactly that! He is a boy!"

"I know that!" Cressie exclaimed. Mr Jem was a boy, the same as she was just a girl. They were both young and she sensed they had the same spirit. She wanted Mr Jem to be her friend, even if it was rather unorthodox. She already liked him better than any other man she had had occasion to meet. "Mama, did you not realise that you were being terribly rude?" Cressie admonished.

Mrs Martin recoiled. "I would watch your tone, young lady!" she scolded. "I was doing no such thing. If you are referring to my line of questioning, I am certain you can understand why I inquired seeing as we learned Mr Denham is nothing but a future steward."

Cressie felt a spark of anger in her chest when she heard the words 'Mr Denham' and 'nothing' in the same sentence. "Mama, you are being cruel, and you are never cruel."

Mrs Martin sighed sympathetically. "I am not being cruel, Cressie," she said calmly. "I am being realistic. I truly believe that Mr Denham is a fine young man ... but for someone else. For his own prospects, he needs to secure a match with wealth, for he has none of his own. You would not be the right sort of woman for him either." She shook her head. "I believed that as the brother of the duchess he might have some land or some form of income from the estate, but this does not seem to be the case. I am sorry, dearest. I truly am. But I think we can both agree that for our needs, Mr Denham is simply not right."

Cressie felt her frustration brewing. She was not thinking of marriage! Cressie knew that she would have to marry someone like Mr Delaney at some point, but for the interim, she had found a friend whom she liked immensely. Cressie had never had a friend before. She and her mother had never lived in one place long enough for her to form such connections. But she knew that had she had a friend, and had her mother dismissed them as she was dismissing Jem Denham, then she would have acted in exactly the same way.

Mrs Martin reclaimed Cressie's hand, pulling one away from the shell as she guided them both down to the settee. With her other hand, she cupped Cressie's cheek and forced her to look into her mother's sympathetic grey-green eyes. "I wish things were different for you, Cressie," she said softly. "You cannot know how I wish this. I wish that I had been the sort of woman who could keep our family together so that you might have had the opportunities that you deserve. But I have done the best that I could. I hope you believe that. This year, this Season, is our one chance. We have not the funds to make it another year. We have not the funds to make it beyond the summer, and I know you know that. I hate that I have put this onto your shoulders, I hate that I have burdened you, but I know that you are beautiful and sweet enough to make a fine match that will give you the life that I could only dream of for you."

Mrs Martin's change in tone weakened Cressie's resolve to scold her mother for her cruelty, and she was harshly and epically reminded of their circumstances. Guilt festered within her as she remembered exactly what her mother was trying to do. Cressie gripped onto the conch shell even harder.

"Young Mr Denham is simply a boy," Mrs Martin continued quietly. "And if good intentions were enough to fill a household's coffers then he would certainly be a wealthy someone. Mr Delaney, on the other hand, is a mature and distinguished gentleman. He has money and property and is in the sort of position to support and care for you. Now, I am not saying that he shall be your match, as you may well find another gentleman you like better, but Mr Delaney is the more sensible match. You understand what I am saying, don't you?"

"I understand, Mama," Cressie murmured. But despite understanding, Cressie felt entirely unprepared to give Mr Jem up. He was her friend, and he had given her the ocean.

----

Hope you liked it!! 

Poor Jemmy and Cressie, I hope they're given a chance! I'm loving reading your theories and opinions, particularly about Mrs Martin whom some believe to be Book 1 Cecily reincarnated hahahaha. 

*skips merrily* you guys have no idea what I've got in store *skips more merrily*

Weird time to be updating, I know, but I wrote half of this last night and finished it off when I woke up this morning. But I need to get up and I'm in desperate need of hash browns so I'm gonna head to Maccas hahaha. 

Alright, vote and comment!