"There is something extraordinary about the first time falling." Ally Condie, Reached

---- 

IV.

It had been five long years since the Duke and Duchess of Ashwood had made an appearance in London for the Season. Their invitation to the opening ball of the summer had become one of the most coveted in a long time, and each invite had been responded to rapidly with eager acceptances. Jem had kept a sharp eye out for the acceptance of Mrs Martin and her daughter, and it had promptly arrived.

Though the wiser of the ton knew many would be making an appearance to gawk at the duchess, as Grace had been the 1807 Season's favourite topic of gossip. The union between the duke and the housemaid had been touted by many to fail. How long would it be before the duke spurned his 'flavour of the month'? Such were the questions asked by those of whom who were not intimately acquainted with Adam and Grace. They had certainly proved the aristocracy wrong, having been happily married for five years and a half, with their third child expected in the next few months.

Jem clearly had been living in naïve fairyland in Ashwood, as he really had had no idea of the level of trouble and gossip the rich folk had caused Grace five years earlier. Cecily had spent a great deal of the afternoon raving about it, targeting her bitterness at the situation at Jem as he was the only one in the vicinity to hear her.

Cecily claimed that she was sharpening her knives, and her tongue, in preparation for that evening's festivities.

Jem had previously thought that he was the one with the most nerves surrounding the upcoming ball, but in seeing his elder sister, Jem felt immensely guilty. After all, it was he who had bade her come to London in the first place. Grace was doing all of this for him so that he might have a chance to reacquaint himself with Cressie. In her condition, Jem wanted to tell Grace to go home. He also wanted to fall at her feet in gratitude. He would in fact.

Grace resurfaced a little while later, dressed immaculately in a gown that both flattered and modestly concealed her growing figure. Her brow was stern as she spoke to both Mr Cole and Mrs Hayes, ensuring that the preparations were in order. Servants scurried about moving furniture and fixing candles while the footmen assisted the musicians with their instruments.

"Grace, would you like to sit down?" Jem asked his sister carefully.

Grace frowned at him, before she exhaled and smiled knowingly. "I am alright," she promised. "People will say what they wish to. It will not change anything. Though, it will always bring me comfort to know that I have Cecily Beresford behind me. Nobody knows better how to dress down a matron of society than her."

"I take that as the highest possible compliment, dear Grace," Cecily announced, having heard her comment from across the ballroom.

"And I meant it as such!" called Grace.

An hour before the guests were due to arrive, Jack and Claire arrived, shortly thereafter followed by Peter and Belle. Both ladies were dressed in impeccable ballgowns, which could only be of Belle's creation. Belle really was a walking advertisement for her business.

Jem greeted his family members with welcome relief, feeling grateful to have familiar faces in the vicinity as he took his first fawn-like step into the deep waters of London society.

"You must quite be the favourite of Grace's to bring her back to London," mused Jack. "Or perhaps my dear sister-in-law is merely the romantic and she is desperate to see her brother swept up in a felicitous courtship."

"Of course, he is. Jemmy is the baby of the family," chuckled Claire as she clutched onto the arm of her husband. "Though I know we are all itching to meet with your Cressie Martin. I am anxious to see her. Peter told me that he and Belle met her at the assembly last November."

Of course, Peter did. He was a traitor. "She is not my anything," Jem snapped at Claire. "And you would do well not to call me 'Jemmy' in front of her, or baby me, or anything else!" Nobody knew what a fool he had made of himself at the assembly, and he would be truly grieved if his family made him appear to be an even greater fool.

Jem felt the need to take back his relief at seeing the familiar faces of his family.

Peter seemed to sense Jem's embarrassment. "Relax, Jem," he urged. "Your family will all be on their best behaviour. Though I would like to have it pointed out that upon my first encounter with Belle at Ashwood, you sat there laughing at my every folly from across the table."

"That was different!" Jem said exasperatedly.

"How so?"

"That was you and this is me!" he retorted.

Jack burst out laughing and Peter grinned.

Belle rubbed Peter's arm as she said, "I have seen Miss Martin a few times since she has arrived in London. I sense she is not happy to be here. I believe her to be sad even. Her mama seems to be the one who is most excited for her debut. I am certain that if you are sensitive to Miss Martin's feelings this evening that you will renew your acquaintance most successfully."

From what Jem had heard from Cecily, Cressie's dynamic between herself and her mother was not at all foreign in London. But thinking back to their conversation, he wondered if she would rather be swimming than dancing. He would certainly endeavour to be sensitive. "You are my favourite sister," Jem told Belle sincerely, "after Grace, of course."

Belle giggled as Peter slapped Jem on the arm. "You know you have us all as allies this evening, Jem."

"We cannot help but tease our youngest brother," added Claire, "but you know I wish you everything that we have managed to find."

"I might blush," Jack teased his wife, leaning in to kiss her temple.

"Jack! Claire!" Cecily voice called from the door of the ballroom as she walked in with the confidence and purpose of a queen. "And you have brought Peter and dear Belle with you also. Welcome!"

Jack separated from Claire briefly to receive his mother. Cecily received his kiss on the cheek warmly, as she looked around them expectantly.

"Where are my granddaughters?" she demanded to know with a frown on her face.

"Oh, well you know our two," Jack sighed, shaking his head with disappointment. "Jackie's drunk and passed out in her bedroom and Maria is at White's playing cards. She may be only nearing one, but her talent at the tables is to be revered. I am as disappointed as you are, Mother, but what are we to do?"

Cecily pressed her lips together firmly as Peter did his best to stifle a laugh. Claire rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of a smile in her eyes.

"They are at home in bed, Your Grace," Claire interjected, "but you are most welcome to join us tomorrow for luncheon. They will be most excited to see their grandmamma, Jackie especially."

"Claire's in denial, Mother," complained Jack. "She can't control the drunkard or the gambler any more than I can."

"Sarcasm rarely passes as wit, Jack Beresford," Cecily quipped.

"Oh, Mother, I heartily disagree." Jack grinned wickedly.

Cecily shook her head. "Thank you, Claire. I should very much like to join you. I hate to think how my girls have changed since I saw them last. Have I told you what I have decided on as a birthday gift to myself for this year?" she asked Claire as she stepped forward to claim her arm.

Claire looked quite suddenly shocked at Cecily's attention, but the dowager duchess did not seem to notice. Cecily pulled Claire away from Jack and took her on a turn about the room.

"I shall be commissioning a portrait of my grandchildren to be painted at Christmastime. Both Grace's and Susanna's little ones will be here by then and I shall have all six together," Cecily planned gleefully.

Jack smirked, before shaking his head. Jem was glad for the distraction, even if his nerves were still up in his throat.

***

An hour later the halls of Ashwood Place were filled with London's elite. It seemed every thirty seconds another lord, lady, countess, marquess or baron was being introduced into the ball.

Jem had never felt so extraordinarily plain before, and he did not think that it had ever occurred to him just what a duke or a duchess was. Grace had always been his elder sister, even when she had married Adam, but seeing the people among whom she outranked, or ranked equally, was bewildering.

Jem was wearing his very best of suits, and he knew that aesthetically, he did blend in well with the gentlemen, even though he was not one. The ladies were all draped in luxurious cloths and jewels and effortlessly glittered in the bright candlelight of the Ashwood ballroom.

The musicians played their strings beautifully, and the dancers had already taken their places for the first of the evening. In standing at the edge of the ballroom, Jem was in prime position to view the entrance, but he was also privy to the snide conversations shared between the guests who were not dancing.

"I see Lord Harding has already secured Miss Denny's hand for the first dance," sneered one. "Does he not know that she is only to share in five thousand pounds when her father dies? She had six siblings and her father appears to be in excellent health. I wonder why Lord Harding wastes his time."

"Oh, I quite agree, Agatha," chimed in the first's conversation partner. "And Miss Denny is hardly anything to look at. What unremarkable features, indeed."

Jem followed the two ladies' line of sight to lay eyes upon a couple who could only be the Lord Harding and Miss Denny in question. Indeed, they looked like a young couple rather enjoying the other's company. Lord Harding was smiling, and Miss Denny was blushing as she danced.

Jem was about to dismiss the two women as ridiculous and jealous before walking away when his ears suddenly pricked up at hearing the mention of Grace.

"How altered the Duchess of Ashwood appears this evening," commented the first, Agatha. "So pale and unsightly. She is not fit to be seen. I suppose that is what five years in the country will do to a maid. I do pity the poor duke having to hide the shame of her away. What an embarrassment."

Jem looked upon the woman with astonishment, as they could certainly not be referring to his sister! No matter how nervous she was about this evening, Grace stood at the entrance of the ballroom on Adam's arm, greeting her guests with a beautiful glow that could only be attained through impending motherhood.

Not fit to be seen. An embarrassment. What utter stupidity.

"She has kept the duke away from London all these years as well," continued her friend. "I hear he remains quite faithful to her. Very peculiar, indeed. I wonder what beguiles him so," she mused with a distasteful tone. "But then, did we all not wonder this five years ago? It seems housemaids nowadays do so much more that lay fires and change linens."

Jem's tongue seemed to swell in anger as he couldn't find the words to admonish the two women for insulted the duchess, his sister, in her own house. Jem was fortunate, though, that the dowager duchess had also been nearby. Cecily appeared beside the two women with a saccharine sweet smile and a deadly stare.

"Good evening, Lady Thornbridge, Mrs Clymoth," Cecily greeted.

Jem could see the blood draining from the faces of the two women.

"Your ... Grace," they both stammered.

"I could not help but overhear that you had some concerns surrounding my son, the duke, and my daughter-in-law, the duchess," Cecily said sympathetically. "While I thank you for your anxious interest in the duke's fidelity, I can happily assure you that he remains very devoted to his beautiful wife and their children." Cecily placed a condescending hand on the arm of the first woman, Agatha. "Though, I cannot say the same for your husband, Lady Thornbridge. I heard your recently dismissed scullery maid was lately delivered of a child that bore the striking image of Lord Thornbridge. The poor child, indeed. No innocent creature should have to suffer that nose." Cecily smiled. "Good evening to you both."

Jem stared openly at the exchange. He had heard time and time again that Cecily Beresford knew how to operate within ballrooms such as these, but to witness it firsthand was something else entirely.

Cecily subsequently noticed Jem's presence, and she offered him a cunning smile. "And that is how it is done, young Jem," she said coolly, before moving past him to greet an old acquaintance.

Moments later, the next guests were announced into the ballroom.

"Mrs Martin and her daughter, Miss Cressida Martin!"

The volume of heads turning did not increase as it did when an eligible peer was announced into the room, but Jem's head certainly did. There she was. Cressie walked into the ballroom on the arm of her mother, dressed in a gown of rose pink, her blonde hair affixed with flowers of the same colour. Cressie and Mrs Martin were immediately received warmly by Adam and Grace, and Mrs Martin looked incredibly grateful for the renewed acquaintance.

An attendant assisted Cressie in fastening her dance card to her wrist before they were moved along as the next guests were waiting to be greeted by the duke and duchess.

Lord, she looked beautiful tonight. She looked beautiful always, but tonight she was especially lovely. From where Jem was standing, her skin looked like flawless porcelain, save for the healthy flush in the apples of her cheeks. Her hair shone under the candlelight as she looked up to marvel at the chandelier above them.

Though the announcement of Cressie's name had not sparked the attention of many, Cressie's appearance had begun to turn heads. Like they whispered about Grace, they begun to whisper about Cressie.

"So lovely. So young. A pity about her lack of fortune."

"Good family on her mother's side. Her face should certainly find her a suitor or two who would not want for a sum."

"Really, fancy her mother launching her when she is only what? Seventeen? And with no dowry, the poor child does not stand a chance."

"What a beauty. She will certainly be a prize, to be sure. I wonder what would make a girl like her blush. Who do I have to shag to arrange an introduction?"

The last comment was not spoken by one of the gossips, but by one of the gentlemen, though by the tone of his voice and the wickedness of his brow, the man barely warranted the name.

Jem managed to swallow his nerves and find his feet as he moved away from the edge of the ballroom and started towards where Cressie and her mother were taking in the splendour of the occasion. Jem was not the only man making his way towards Cressie, and this knowledge made his legs move faster. Owing to the fact that he possessed disproportionately long limbs, he reached the Martins first, almost accosting them in his ambition to beat his fellow suitors.

And suddenly, Jem came face to face with Cressie after several long months of wondering exactly what had happened to her. And his tongue swelled once more.

Cressie's deep brown eyes widened in recognition, her brows rising as her lips parted in surprise. "Mr Jem!" she gasped.

"Mr Denham," greeted Mrs Martin with a little more composure than her daughter, though she, too, appeared a little affronted at Jem's sudden appearance before them. "How nice to see the brother of the duchess again."

"Ladies," Jem managed to finally say, bowing his head, taking a moment to look down at his feet while taking a breath, before standing back up straight and ordering himself to behave normally. "I am pleased to see you both again, as well." His eyes flicked to Cressie's, and she was looking upon him intently with an undiscernible expression.

Was it pity? Was it compassion? He was loathed to think it was pity. Jem was not at all certain his pride would survive it. But Jem dismissed this. His pride would survive it. It had to. Jem was determined to make amends for his ridiculous faux pas and present himself to Cressie in a better light.

"Miss Martin, would you do me the honour of dancing the next with me?"

"Oh," breathed Cressie, before she looked to her mother.

Mrs Martin gave her permission with a nod as Cressie extended her gloved wrist to him, from which her dance card dangled. Jem signed his name to the Cotilion.

The musicians played the final notes of the first dance as Jem finished his signature. When he was upright again, he extended his arm to Cressie, and was thankful when she placed her hand on his forearm. Out of the corner of his eye, Jem spied Grace watching him with a proud smile at the entrance. Jem was certain that his siblings and their spouses were likewise watching from wherever they were in the ballroom.

While Jem thought that he would be the first one to speak, as soon as they were out of reach for the ears of Mrs Martin did Cressie speak to Jem with fervent concern. "Oh, Mr Jem, I am so pleased to meet with you again. I have been in dreadful disarray every time I have thought of you since last we met at the Winter Assembly."

Jem's pride foolishly swelled at the thought that Cressie had thought of him during their time apart. Reality quickly settled him as he sensed the sympathy and regret in her voice.

"What on earth do you have to be in disarray about, Miss Martin?" Jem asked with genuine confusion, his thoughts leaving his mouth without volition. "It was I who assaulted you with my own foolishness." Jem immediately regretted his words. Why was he trying to convince her of his own folly?

Cressie frowned momentarily before she shook her head. "No, no. You must understand that nobody has ever spoken to me in that way before. I didn't know what to do or how to behave, and I know that is not excuse for my behaviour, but I do sincerely apologise for turning away from you as I did. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. In seeking me out thus I do hope that means that you possess a forgiving heart."

Jem could not quite believe what he was hearing. Cressie was anxiously apologising to him. He could see the anguish in her eyes as she spoke. There was indeed guilt in their doe brown depths.

Much of Jem's own apprehension seemed to melt away as he became determined to settle her, and to take away any unnecessary and ridiculous guilt that she was feeling.

"Miss Martin, please," he murmured softly. "You have nothing to apologise for. I wanted to apologise to you for my own abruptness. I did not mean to alarm you, and I can assure you that I was most embarrassed by my own actions. I ... I realise what an extraordinarily odd thing it was to do to ..."

"Propose to me?" Cressie interjected, finishing Jem's sentence as his own words failed him.

"Yes," Jem nodded, replying awkwardly.

Cressie bit down on her bottom lip as she looked up at him in study. "I think we are both too young to be in this world of balls and suitors and marriage," she mused.

"I don't know," returned Jem. "I have seen enough happiness in marriage to know that if one has the opportunity, one should not waste any time in being with the one they love."

Jem was suddenly impressed with himself. That was said in a remarkably smooth manner. And he had not even had a drop of champagne. Whatever it was that was flowing through his veins, he prayed it continued.

Cressie frowned as the musicians began to play the opening bars of the Cotilion. Both she and Jem took their places in the sequence. "You are not suggesting that you have already been married at your age, are you, Mr Jem?"

Jem openly chuckled as they stepped forwards towards each other, spinning around each other, his breath momentarily catching as he held Cressie's small hands in his. "No, certainly not. I refer to my sister, Grace. She –" It suddenly occurred to Jem that he ought not to be discussing his sister's affairs in the middle of a dance sequence among those who probably would enjoy spreading gossip about the duchess.

"The duchess seems very devoted to the duke, and he to her," Cressie observed with a smile, the dimples under her eyes deepening.

Jem managed to fumble his way through the remainder of the dance, and he was once again regretful that he was not at all a graceful dancer. He could feel that his cheeks were hot with embarrassment as the music ended and he bowed to Cressie. Cressie, in turn, curtseyed.

"Truthfully, Mr Jem, you dance like a fawn and I find it to be a very redeeming feature in you." Cressie stood a few feet from him with her arms at her sides, seemingly possessing no qualms at offering a man a compliment.

Jem did not know whether it was boldness, naivety, or a combination of the two that allowed Cressie to speak so openly. Whatever it was, he admired it.

"Truthfully, Miss Martin, I feel very out of place here," he confessed.

Cressie's eyes softened. "Truthfully, Mr Jem, so do I. I feel as though it is in my nature to be unladylike no matter how my mother tries, and I worry that there is a rather large part of my will that wants to deliberately do something childish just so that I might feel a little bit more like myself in this dress."

Jem found it extraordinary that this young woman could make his stomach sick with nerves, and yet he could talk to her, say things to her as though they were old friends, and not relatively new acquaintances. He believed that Cressie felt this way, too, or else she would not speak with him so openly without fear of a consequence. Not only was she outwardly beautiful, there was something overwhelming enticing about her spirit. He was quickly believing her to be a kindred spirit.

----

Aaaaaaand Laura let them all live happily ever after from Chapter 4. The end :) 

You can hear my evil laugh through the screen, can't you? Yep, thought so. Lol, you all know me too well. I'm sorry my baby Jemmy and Cressie, your writer is a mean one with evil plans ... 

An extra long chapter so you won't hopefully be too mad at me for a potential two week wait for the next chapter!! I will do my ABSOLUTE BEST to get a chapter up next Saturday, but I'm going to be out late, and on Sunday I'm heading overseas!! Knock on wood. Let's hope it doesn't fail like my trip to Fiji in January. 

I will be overseas until late Sunday the week after, and I'm sure I'll be jet lagged af when I get back so it might be Monday the 19th when I get the next chapter up. I'm sorrrrrryyyyyy!!

Be sure to be following me over on Instagram (littlelo62) as I'll post heaps of trip stuff and tell you where I am. I feel like I'll jinx it if I say now lol. 

Eventful tiring week with my tribe of kiddos. They love me so much (and sometimes I wonder why as I feel like I yell all the time hahaha) but they love hugging me and making cards and drawings for me. This culminated in them giving me a group hug so affectionately violent that they knocked me off my wheelie chair and nearly smothered me lol. I momentarily thought I was going to suffer "death by the crushing of five-year-olds" but I managed to wiggle my way out hahaha. 

A little fun fact. Cressie has dimples under her eyes because one of my little five year olds has gorgeous dimples under her eyes. When she smiled at me on her first day of school, I literally thought, those dimples are the cutest thing ever - Cressie needs them hahaha

One week to go before the school holidays. I am so ready for a break. I'm tired. They've worn me out lol. 

I hope to see you next Saturday. If I don't, I'll see you on the 19th. I'll update you on Instagram and post a message on my message board if I won't be able to get a chapter up next week. 

Vote and comment xxx