Did Adrien find it as a breath of fresh air?

Yes, he certainly did.

To hear that the doctor does not want to continue seeing him outside of work really did make his heart ache a bit, but upon realizing it, she was doing him a favor.

He never thought of what he would do after he confessed to the doctor. When she started giving him attention, he liked it, of course, but he did also feel very conscious.

Doctor DC is an esteemed doctor who is known by a lot of people and Nurse Adrien is just a nurse of six months, going seven in a week.

Everything about him is nothing compared to the doctor's mere achievements. She is an amazing person, thus she deserves someone as equally amazing, too.

Also, there is another reason why he finds it better if they stop seeing each other in that way.

It's because he feels like she is forcing herself to act differently when they are around each other, and he does not feel great about it. He does not want to be the reason why she would have to force herself to act like a nicer person.

If her cold, ruthless (and perhaps heartless) demeanor is who she is, then that is what Adrien would rather deal with than a woman forcing herself to be all giddy and happy.

He feels that he can see right through the doctor, yet she is not even aware of it.

Grabbing around five pairs of gloves, Adrien lets out a heavy sigh and places them in their designated compartment in the nurse cart.

"What's with that sigh? Bet you're bummed that you didn't push through with your date?" Nath asks, working beside him - also replenishing the nurse cart. "Also, I bet you're pissed that you suddenly had to do a 24-hour shift with the Devil."

Adrien chuckles softly and shakes his head. "I did not sigh because of that," he replies.

Even if the two had a bit of lingering tension since that day, it slowly dissipated through time (and also through constant work). Now, they seem to be back to treating each other like how they would usually do.

"In fact," Adrien continues, his eyes still on his task at hand with grabbing some rolls of medicinal tape, "I'm not going to have any more dates with her."

Nath stops in the middle of counting and whips his head to look at his colleague in surprise. "Huh?"

Adrien flashes a smile at his confused friend then shrugs his shoulders. "I just want to continue liking her but I don't need dates. Working with her is just what I want, and I got it. What more should I ask for?"

"Um, maybe what a person who likes another person would ask for? A chance to be together?" Nath utters as a matter-of-fact.

The other nurse shakes his head. "That's not what I want, though. And I know that she wouldn't want that also."

Nath breathes out in disbelief, "You're weird."

"I'm unique. Plus, I like it more when she has a fiery side to her."

Nath suddenly busts out laughing and playfully nudges his friend. "You kinky bastard."

"Why?" Adrien utters in defense and growing confusion, "What did I say? Her fiery side is really something I enjoy of her. There's nothing wrong with saying that."

"Promise me you won't share what you said to others?" Nath reaches out to clap his hand on Adrien's back. "You might sound like a masochist to them."

"A maso..." Adrien trails off then immediately turns red. "D-Did I really sound like one?" He exclaims in horror. "Nath, is that what you're feeling from me? Am I becoming like one?"

Nath laughs again and grabs the handle of his nurse cart. "You do what you want to do, Adrien," he says and starts to walk away, going back to work.

"That's not going to help me, Nath," Adrien mutters, feeling his face flush all the more. It never crossed his mind, the very fact that he might come off as...something like that. He can't even bring it to himself to think of the word.

Now that Nath has left, Adrien also makes his way to the room of his new patient: E-420.

He pushes his nurse cart with him and knocks on the door of the room before opening it. "Good afternoon, Mr. Leon!" Adrien greets the man sitting up on his bed, his face covered by the newspaper he's holding in front of him.

He places the newspaper down on his lap then flashes a bright smile at the nurse. "Nurse Adrien, my boy! It's about time you showed up!"

Roland Leon. Age: 67. Diagnosis: Atrial Fibrillation; in layman's terms, a kind of heart arrhythmia - irregular heartbeats. Has been currently confined in the hospital for two days already. Doctor DC plans to keep him here for a few more days and is checking to see if he would need any surgical procedure done such as placing a pacemaker in his body.

The nurse fully enters the room and parks the nurse cart by the bedside. "I have your medicine that you need to take."

The patient groans a bit and whines, "I feel like vomitting every time I have to take the medicine after lunch."

Adrien cocks his head to the side. Holding the medicine cup where the tablet is in, he retracts his arm just as the patient mentions his condition regarding the specific medicine. "And when did that kind of feeling start, sir?"

"Hmm," Roland thinks for awhile then answers when he finally remembers, "actually, it started ever since I've been taking that medicine."

"So...around a day and a half, sir?" Adrien clarifies and the patient nods. "You don't need to worry about it, sir," he reassures him, "Your medicine is carvedilol. It is a beta-blocker, meaning that it lowers down the strain on your heart. It blocks epinephrine from letting your heart rate go higher than usual." He hands the medicine cup to the patient and a glass of water.

"When you talk like that it makes me want to apologize for even feeling sick."

"Oh, don't, please. One of the adverse effects of carvedilol is nausea or vomitting. I will tell Doctor DC about your condition regarding the medicine and she might make a change with the dosage. Your nausea is not that alarming since your body is getting used to the new medicine."

Roland places the tablet in his mouth and swallows it down his throat with the aid of water. He sighs after and hands back the now empty glass to Adrien. "Will I be okay?" He asks as Adrien places the empty cup on the nurse cart.

The nurse nods and beams at him. "You're in good hands, Mr. Leon. Everyone here is giving their best to ensure that you become better."

With a hint of a smile on his face, the patient then runs a hand through his graying hair. "Your hospitality is making me question my past choices when it came to health check-ups," he murmurs.

Adrien knows what he means. Mr. Roland Leon was actually brought in by a mere stranger who saw him clutching onto his chest tightly, and deeply heaving in and out. The same stranger brought him to the hospital's emergency room and from then on, he has been under the responsibility of the hospital and the people working in it.

What's difficult here is that he does not have any past medical records except for a birth certificate and a few blood tests taken decades ago. Aside from those, there are nothing else. The man did not go for any regular check-ups for many years. Maintenance may be hard for Adrien since anything can happen to the patient. The patient's age and condition are driving factors of the nurse's growing uncertainty.

What Adrien finds more upsetting is that none of Roland's family members have arrived at the hospital to check and even help in watching over him. Any one of them should be here by now. But...no single person has shown up looking for a man named Roland Leon.

The patient folds his newspaper into half and asks the nurse to place it on the table located at the side of the room. "Also, can you grab me my bag, too?" He adds which Adrien happily follows.

Upon taking the bag away from the table, a book falls down from it.

"Sorry, sir!" Adrien immediately apologizes.

"It's okay."

The nurse first gives the bag to the patient then bends down to grab the book that fell. Yet he pauses in place as the contents of the book are left open for him to see some of its pages.

It's not a book, rather it's a sketchpad. A sketchpad full of different designs of dresses, skirts, blouses; there are even hand drawn and colored patterns on some of the edges of the paper.

Adrien finds it tempting to look through all of the pages. The designs are entirely mesmerizing. He finds them unique yet sophisticated.

"Did you draw these, Roland?" He breathes out in a question, standing with the sketchpad in his hands while curiously looking at the patient.

The patient smiles softly at the nurse and answers with a question, "Well, what do you think of them?"

Adrien looks back down at the sketches he is holding and slowly walks toward the patient. "I'm not entirely sure with what you're trying to achieve here. But I think that you're trying to make designs that could fit...all kinds of body types?"

Roland's smile goes wider. "You're smart," he compliments the nurse. "I'm surprised that you caught onto it that fast. Not a lot of men are fond of fashion design...and I did not expect someone from the medical field to even pick that up."

The nurse nervously laughs and hands the sketchpad back to the patient. Rubbing the nape of his neck, he admits, "I...um, I actually graduated with a degree in Fashion Design before I decided to become a nurse."

Roland's eyes widen with the sudden revelation. "Really?" He exclaims. "That's amazing! You're one of the lucky ones who got to escape from this world of freelance and unemployment!"

"E-Excuse me?"

Roland lets out a long and tired sigh. "You have no idea how these designs only brought nothing to my life. Working on them made me lose almost everything..."

Adrien is still confused, he thought that the patient was proud of his designs. "Sir, I thought that you would be showing pride with these designs? They all look meticulously done and they way they come together show wonderful combinations."

"Yes, they do. I know they do," Roland utters in assent. "But they do not guarantee money for me to put food on our table or even purchase essential goods. Unless I have a name for myself, then these designs are just one of the many works that the public will never appreciate."

The nurse could only turn silent and look down at his hands. He understands what the patient means. Adrien would not lie if he says that his life is easier now than it was before. Life was hard with only a degree in Fashion Design. Now, he has a stable job and feels more important in society.

"I used to love my designs," Roland continues, looking at his designs makes him feel nostalgic and sad - Adrien can see it in his eyes. "These designs meant everything for me. I would spend time to even create some of these dresses for my wife and she would wear every one of them..." his whispers. "But things do not always stay that way. Money was always a problem. It came to the point where I could not provide for my wife...and my newborn daughter."

Adrien's eyes widen in shock. Still, he decides to stay quiet and continues to listen to the patient.

"...I ran away," he confesses, "I could not take the feeling of shame that accumulated every time I would fail my job interviews and see how the people around me had normal jobs that could let them survive. I-I could not let my family go through that kind of pain."

"But-" Adrien starts but immediately stops himself before saying words that could maybe hurt the feelings of the patient. But wouldn't that be not helping them at all? "N-Never mind," he mutters, feeling embarrassed in himself.

"But...that would have been selfish of me, is that what you wanted to say?" The patient quietly asks.

The nurse throws the patient an incredulous look. "S-Something like that," he admits after, in a shy voice, "yes."

Roland chuckles. "Don't be afraid to ask me those questions. I should not be afraid to answer them since those were all my decisions. I can't do anything about them now since 30 years have passed..." he trails off then sighs for a long time. "I felt that if I left, my wife would not feel that ashamed to go back to her parents for help. I felt that if I stayed...I would only be holding them down."

"But these designs? You did not stop; you're still making these designs..."

"I wanted to make something for my daughter," he whispers, looking woefully at a specific page where a light pink dress with the skirt made of tulle which ends right by the ankles is sketched on it. By its torso are dots of silver scattered all over. "My daughter would be 35 years old by now," Roland tells the nurse, "but I've never seen her wear a dress that would make her look like a princess. I've done a lot of styles but I think this one is my favorite. Does it look childish to you, though?"

The nurse instantly shakes his head. "Not at all. I think it's beautiful."

Roland groans softly and closes the sketchpad. "I don't even know what she looks like anymore. I don't even know her body type."

"You may never know what fate has in store for you..."

"I doubt that." The patient clasps his mouth as he suddenly gags. The nurse grabs an empty canister on the cart and hands it to the patient. Roland takes it then exhales deeply, moving his hand away from his mouth. "I feel that it's coming."

"I'll make sure to immediately tell Doctor DC after this. For now, if ever you have the urge to vomit, you may do so. Just please vomit in this canister, okay?"

Roland nods in assent. "Got it, murse. Also, sorry if I was sharing a lot."

"I do not mind at all, sir. I'll be right back."

"Great to know," he coughs out then clears his throat before continuing, "I haven't talked to anyone like this in a long time so...I...I feel happy, at peace actually."

------------

Roland Leon has been in the hospital for five days already. And until now, none of his family members or even friends have come to visit.

His only friend is Nurse Adrien who would spend a bit of extra time to collaborate in making different designs of clothes from what could be worn on the head to what could look attractive on the feet.

"You should make something for the woman you like, my boy," he tells Adrien one day.

Upon hearing that, the nurse could only manage to blush. "I-I can't," he stammers. "I think the woman I like wouldn't appreciate what I would make."

Roland scoffs, "She would like it, trust me. Anyone would like a gift that could not be found anywhere else, and my wife always enjoyed the clothes I made for her since nobody could find where else to get them."

"Then...will you help me?" Adrien requests quietly, causing the man to laugh heartily.

"This is exciting! Of course, I would love to help you!"

With Doctor DC finally lowering the dosage of his carvedilol, Roland seems that he's getting better. There is more color in his face compared to when he first arrived in his hospital room, and his appetite has gone better. Still, the chances of having a pacemaker placed in his body is high.

The nurse is currently busy going through some of the inventory in the stock room before he goes around to give the medicine of his patients.

Adrien has not seen Doctor DC a lot ever since that day and frankly, he seems okay with it. Although seeing her works as a boost of energy for him, now is not the time to go searching for her.

"Okay," he drawls out, eyes raking through the different shelves to see if he missed anything. "I think I'm done," he murmurs under his breath. "Now I need to-"

"ATTENTION, ATTENTION: CODE BLUE AT 4TH FLOOR, LEFT WING," The intercom from the corridor and even in the stockroom comes blaring the same words for three times. "ATTENTION, ATTENTION: CODE BLUE AT 4TH FLOOR, LEFT WING."

The announcement grabs Adrien's attention and he listens to the full details.

"ATTENTION, ATTENTION: CODE BLUE AT 4TH FLOOR, LEFT WING."

Code blue means that a patient is in urgent need of medical emergency. The patient may either be suffering from a cardiac or respiratory arrest.

4th floor, left wing? That's my area, Adrien thought and rushes out of the stockroom.

Which of the patients is in need of urgent help now?

He could feel the erratic beating of his heart against his chest as the adrenaline coursing through his body drives him to run to the left wing of the fourth floor. It will still take around three to five minutes for the code blue team to arrive, so for the nurses and doctors around this area, they have to administer chest compressions immediately.

Adrien finally reaches the left wing and continues to run, checking if there is a door to any of the rooms that is left open for help to arrive.

It is only then when his stomach drops as he realizes that the only door left open is room E-420.

"N-No," he shakily breathes out, feeling tears starting to brim his eyes, "No, no please..." 

He runs to the room and stops right at the side of the door. Everything is happening so fast and the only thing he could do was stare at the people administering urgent medical care.

Doctor DC is working on chest compressions now as there is a nurse holding the bag-mask device over the mouth and nose of the patient. Another nurse is holding down the mask and checking the airway of the patient frequently. Nath is also in the room, recording what is happening with the time that it takes and what the heart monitor is currently displaying.

But it's the state of Roland that entirely leaves Adrien speechless and completely frozen. His patient looks completely helpless, and on the brink of death.

"Get me the defib," Doctor DC grunts out loud, eyes still on the heart monitor as she exerts all her energy on each compression. She pulls apart the hospital robe of the patient into two and goes back to chest compressions.

"Yes, doctor," Nath utters in haste and grabs the manual external defibrillator from the crash cart and brings it near the doctor. "Switching on defibrillator."

Doctor DC immediately grabs the paddles, one with each hand, and loudly commands, "Defibrillate with 200 joules."

Nath instantly replies and adjusts the charge to 200 joules, "Charging to 200 joules."

"Clear!" The doctor exclaims and places the electrodes, connected to the bottom of the paddles, on the patient's chest. The shock causes the body to jolt upwards. "200 joules delivered!" But nothing changes in the heart rhythm as the patient is still on asystole - a flatline.

"Damn it," Doctor DC curses sharply under her breath and goes back to administering chest compressions. "He's taking beta-blockers," she utters, "epinephrine won't help. Administer glucagon!" She glances up and meets the eyes of Adrien who is still standing by the entrance.

"Newbie, prepare glucagon!" She shouts, still administering chest compressions. No one else can do it now since all are busy with their current tasks. Only Nurse Adrien could be the one to prepare the medication. Yet, he is not moving or even reacting at all. It is like he is in a deep trance-like state that is proving useless in this situation of dire need and assistance. "Hey," she shouts louder, "we need glucagon!" She grits her teeth then shouts at the top of her lungs, "ADRIEN!!"

Suddenly a new group of people come dashing in the room from outside. It is only by then that Adrien comes back to his senses. He lets out a shuddering gasp and moves out of the way for the new set of people to prepare more equipment to help the state of the patient.

It's finally the code blue team.

Another person takes over the chest compressions which gives Doctor DC the chance to grab a vial of glucagon and prepare to administer it through the patient's IV. "Administering glucagon!" Right after injecting the medication through the IV fluid, only minimal changes of the heart rhythm are seen on the heart monitor.

"Patient signed consent form upon arrival regarding intubation and other procedures. Prepare endotracheal intubation!" The code blue team follows Doctor DC's command and goes straight to providing the anesthesia to intubate the patient.

Someone suddenly places their hands on Adrien's shoulders which causes him to jump in surprise.

"Nurse Adrien," It's Doctor Chloé who placed her hands on him. "If you can't help then we need you to step out of the room."

"B-But..."

"Please, step out of the room."

Everything after that felt like a blur. Roland was transferred to the ICU and is now intubated and hooked to three more machines that aid in keeping his heart in a steady beat and for blood to continue flowing in his body. He has not woken up...Adrien does not know when he will wake up.

A postcode debriefing was conducted right after and Adrien had to be there since he saw what happened.

And now, he cannot stop the feeling of dread slowly starting to overcome him. The doctor told him that she wanted to see him in the office right after the debriefing. He knows that he is going to get scolded for doing nothing during the code blue.

Adrien knows that he cannot do anything regarding the anger the doctor may be feeling now. What's done is done and in the end, he never helped at all.

"What the hell was wrong with you?" She spits out once they are finally alone in the office.

Adrien exhales shakily then whispers, "I'm sorry, doctor."

"You should be!" She exclaims. Adrien flinches a bit and lets his head hang low to not even make any kind of eye contact with the doctor. She is completely seething with anger. "It may have been your first time to experience a code blue but there's never an excuse to just stand there all frozen and in shock!"

"I-I was scared-"

"You were scared?" She scoffs then states out sternly, "The patient was more scared than you.While you were there standing, he was there dying!" She raises her voice, emphasizing her point. "I know what I am doing as a doctor; I gave up nine years of my life just for this profession! I know the responsibility I hold and you should, too!" She shouts.

The nurse keeps his head and eyes downcast, and his hands cannot stop shaking out of fear. He is trying his best to fight back the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

He then hears the doctor exhale deeply. "I feel light-headed," she murmurs.

Adrien looks up in concern and begins, "Doctor-"

"Stop," she interrupts and turns the other away, resting her hands on the desk. Adrien could only see her back as it falls slightly up and down every time she would take deep breaths. "...He's not going to last long," she admits in a whisper.

The nurse could only stare at the doctor and his mouth falls in utter disbelief. Did I hear that correctly? He thought.

"Unless a miracle happens," she continues in a soft voice, tired from all the shouting ever since that code blue, "he's not going to last long in that state." She faces the nurse once again and throws him a tired and defeated look. "Call one of the hospital social workers and ask them to find any of his family members. We need at least one of them, now."

"...Are you losing hope, doctor?" Adrien dares to ask in a soft voice.

Doctor DC sullenly shakes her head. "I never lose hope, but it does not stop me from preparing for the worst."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you liked this chapter :)

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