Hi...so I don't know how did this chapter come out to be.

It's basically a monologue. I was out of ideas so it's just a single scene.

Hope you'll like it.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Ishika's pov

Three months later.

The dorm room is silent except for the faint dribble of rain and the occasional rustle of papers. I sit at my desk, hunched over a research paper of Mancur Olson, my eyes scanning lines of text that are beginning to blur. Scribbling the notes in the margins, I try to make sense of the complex information.

I push my glasses up my nose and sigh, leaning back in my chair. I strech my neck to ease the stiffness and glance at the clock on the wall. Midnight.

Didn't even realise how fast five hours went. The paper I'm reading is crucial to give a pace to my thesis, but right now, I need a break.

Pushing back my chair, I get up  and lay on my bed. I turn towards the window, hugging one of my pillow close to my chest.

Outside, the campus is cloaked in darkness, the warm yellow lights of campus reflecting the wet pavement. The drumming of rain drops on the window pane was turning louder, looks like it's going to rain the whole night.

My mind begins to drift as I watch the scene outside.
How different things have turned out to be then what I expected.

Ivaan is already getting used to my absence. Lately, whenever I call, he's always busy with something—his toys, a cartoon, or just lost in his own little world. He talks less, his answers are short and distracted. And then he'd go back to whatever he was doing, leaving me on the other side of the screen.

It’s not his fault. He’s just a child, adapting to the situations. He’s learning to live without me being there every day, and that realization is like a punch to the gut. The thought of him not needing me as much, scares me.

I chose this path for myself, for a better and secure future, but every time I see that distant look in his eyes, the only question which comes to my mind is, if it’s worth it. I miss his sticky little hugs, his endless questions, his smiles. I miss being there.

The wind picks up, rattling the windowpane, and I snap back to the present.

I take a deep breath it's been so long since I talked to someone. And I really wanted to speak, it's been quiet a few days since I have had a conversation with someone.

I reach for my phone, unlocking it with a swipe. The home screen glows in the dim light, and I tap on my contacts app.

Scrolling through the list, I realize just how few numbers are  there whom I can talk to randomly—barely more than twenty-five but now they have also turned useless, hardly any calls made.

Most of them are work-related: colleagues, professors, research assistants. I scroll through the names, each one more impersonal than the last.

Useful contacts, but not the kind  I can call just to talk, to share how lonely I’m feeling right now.

My thumb hovers over my mother’s name for a moment, but I dismiss the idea quickly. 

Our conversations often turn into lectures about how I should come home apply in a university there itself. And secondly my mother's EQ is too low.

As I keep scrolling, my eyes land on Abhiraj’s name. My husband.

The thought of calling him makes my heart ache.

It's been months but it's so different, we are not like a typical married couple. Still.

He is cordial but distant. We talk about Ivaan, a little about kitchen matters, and occasionally  he asks about my research and how I am doing three to four sentences max, that’s it.

Though sometimes I feel as if something changed, but it's like a flicker and it fades.

It feels almost alien, you know randomly calling him just to talk.

I can imagine his reaction if I did call him now.

Very politely and formally he might ask if everything is okay, concerned but reserved.

I highly doubt he’d know what to say if I told him how lonely I’m feeling, how I haven't talked much this week, and all the overthinking my mind is doing.

My finger hovers over his name, the urge to call him is overwhelming.

I want to hear his voice, to find some solace in the familiarity of it, even if our conversations are often stilted and formal. But I can’t...I am unable to click his name flashing on the screen.

What if he doesn’t understand? Worse, what if he doesn’t care?I sigh and lock my phone, the screen going dark and leaving me with my thoughts.

I turn back to the window, staring out at the campus bathed in moonlight. I think I should write something,.maybe it'll help.

Quickly getting up from the bed, I open the almirah. Pulling out my ziplock bag, I rummage through my stuff for my diary. I packed all my personal stuff in it.

As my fingers deftly sift through the clutter, my heart heart starts pounding.

I dig deeper, shit. Where is my dairy?

I upend the bag onto the bed, spreading things desparately. Pens, notepad, balm,__ everything but my diary.

Did I forget it at the mansion itself? Because it's the only bag untouched, rest all I unpacked.

Suddenly it hits me. I kept it under my pillow. I slam the bag on the floor in frustration.

With a sigh, I collapse onto the bed. My eyes well up with tears.

"I don't know what's happening, and why I am frustrated. But I so badly want to talk to someone." I mumble, my voice cracking a little.

With a deep breath, I unlock my phone again and scroll back to Abhiraj's contact.

Maybe I should text him first, just check if he's free.

My fingers hover over the screen, slightly trembling. I type out a "Hi." And without thinking much hit send.

The message sits there, undelivered. His last seen status shows hours ago. He must have turned off his data or gone to sleep. I sigh.

But I need to hear his voice.With every ounce of confidence, I press the call button before I can overthink it. The phone rings, and my heart rate rises with each second.

It's 1 am here so that means in India it would around 1:30 pm, he'll probably be in the middle of work.

After several rings there's a click.

"Ishika?" Abhiraj's voice comes through the phone, clear and alert.

I can't help the way my heart races hearing him say my name. He rarely calls me by my name.

I involuntarily close my eyes.

"Hii." I say, my voice small. "I'm sorry to disturb you at work."

"Is everything alright?" His tone mix with concern and surprise.

"Umm yeah, everything is fine. I just thought to... I'm sorry, I know you're busy-"

" No it's fine," he interrupts. "I'm free right now."

" Do you wanna discuss about something?"

All the thoughts I had moments ago seem to evaporate listening his words.

" Nope there's nothing. I just...called you to...ask about Ivaan. How's he doing?"

" Ivaan is doing well. Coping up with new changes and he misses you." His voice softening a little as he talk about my baby.

I humm in a yes, and glance out of the window.

Keeping my tone steady, "that's nice. I miss him too."

There is an awkward pause, I can hear some muffled office noices in the background.

I sigh. I am out of words. And I can't actually tell him why I really called. Just Great.

"How's your research going on?" He asks filling the silence with a safe topic.

"It's going fine..."

"Keeping me busy." I say, I don't have in me to tell him how the whole thing is getting overwhelming.

"That's good." He says, his voice calm.

"Hmm."

I shift near the window, and reach for the latch, pushing it open. It's getting suffocating in here.

The crisp night air rushes in, immediately filling the room with a refreshing chill.

I pull the pillow onto my lap, hugging it close for warmth. I tilt my head a little to feel the first few droplets of rain on my face. They’re cold.

"What're you doing?" The Words come from the other side of the phone.

I grin, "Nothing, it's raining so I was opening the window. The breeze is chilling."

" It's always raining." He states.

" Yeah. But it's good. The weather is the only constant I'm enjoying." I joke.

" There must be other things aswell." He retorts.

I sigh and close my eyes for a moment. Yeah there maybe, but I have excluded myself from everything.

" Hmm."

And we fall into another silence, and I scramble for something else to stay.

" How's work for you?"

"It's busy. Nothing out of the box happening." He tells.

The conversation feels stilted, formal. Nothing like the emotional outpouring I had imagined earlier. I realize with a pang that I don't know how to bridge this gap between us.

"Well, I think I should let you get back to work, you just have a lot to do." I utter, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

"Alright," Abhiraj replies, sounding relieved. "Was there anything else you needed?"

I hesitate for a moment, then shake my head, even though he can't see it. "No, that's all. Thank you for taking my call." Disappointment crawling back to my heart.

"Of course," he says, his tone softening slightly. "Take care, Tinkerbell. Goodnight."

"Goodbye," I whisper, and the line goes dead.

I stare at the phone in my hand, feeling more alone than ever. The rain outside has picked up again, matching my mood. I get up and sit on the window pane, hugging a pillow to my chest, and try to push away the ache of loneliness.

Is it me?

Am I the reason why we are still so distant? We do our moments, but they're like a passing cloud. Feels like they never happened. It's like a loop.

Because even in college days it felt it was me who's failing to build a bond

" I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Got a husband and a kid and I left them and came here seas away. And I have expectations for things to get better." I chuckle, in bitterness.

Suddenly my phone starts buzzing. I startle, fumbling to grab it from where I'd tossed it on the bed. My heart skips a beat when I see Abhiraj's name on the screen.

With shaking hands, I answer the call. "Hello?"

"Ishika," Abhiraj's voice comes through, sounding different from before - a hint of concern coloring his usually composed tone. "I... I wanted to check if everything is truly alright."

I'm momentarily stunned by this unexpected follow-up. "I'm fine," I quickly say, then hesitate. "Why do you ask?"

There's a pause on his end. When he speaks again, his voice is softer, almost tentative. "It's 1 am and you rarely call at this time. I thought perhaps... perhaps there was something you weren't saying earlier."

His words catches me off guard. I open my mouth to reassure him again, but the words stick in my throat. I want to reassure him but also want to tell him how I'm feeling.

"And I only want to hear truth from you. Don't dare to hide anything. Tell me what's happening to you?"

This is my chance to open up, but the fear of vulnerability grips me. "It's nothing," I say, my voice betraying the truth.

" Tinkerbell," Abhiraj's voice is firmer now, more insistent. "I can tell something's wrong. Please, just tell me."

I stay silent for some time.

" Tell me bella."

I swallow hard, trying to find the right words. "I... I just feel so alone here," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I miss Ivaan, I miss being with him. And I miss...you."There’s silence on the other end, and I can hear him breathing.

"I understand," he finally says, his tone softer. "But this is something you wanted, remember?."

"I know," I reply, frustration bubbling up.

"But it's harder than I thought. You know back in India I stayed away from home for 6 years, but I never felt this lonely. I coped up with things pretty nicely, and I loved staying away. And here everything is different."

He's silent. Maybe processing my words, probably thinking of a way to respond without making things worse.

"I never realized it was going to be this tough for you," he admits quietly.

"It is," I say, tears stinging my eyes. "I thought I could handle it, but I feel so disconnected—from Ivaan, from everything. It's like I'm going through the motions."

He sighs deeply, and I can almost see him running a hand through his hair. A habit of his I've come to notice when he's stressed. 

"Do you wanna come back home?"

"No." I answer frantically.

I can't abandon my dreams.

"Then?"

"I don't know." I say, my voice breaking.

"You made this decision for a reason. Don't doubt yourself. It'll take time but you'll get used to things."

" I know. It's just hard."

" Don't worry. See for sometime, if things doesn't change. We'll look for a way. Just don't overwhelm yourself."

" Hmm."

" And baby you can call me whenever you want. I'll also make sure to call you more frequently. You have gone to achieve things and we can't let you feel sad. I do care for you, don't ever hide even if it's hard to talk sometimes." His words bring a small smile to my face and tears in my eyes.

" Thankyou. It means a lot."

" Now relax yourself and go to sleep. Stop overthinking. I'm here, Ivaan is here. There's nothing for you to worry."

" Yeah. Good night."

" Good night. Will you be alright?"

" I'll."

" Good. I'll cut call, you keep your phone away and go back to sleep. Take care."

With that the line goes dead.

I set my phone aside, feeling drained but somehow lighter. As I lie back on my bed, listening to the rain outside, I realise Abhiraj is not that bad maybe he's poor at expressing himself or takes time to warm up.

             To be continued...

Hiii people...

Hope you all are doing well.

I am just busy hence the delay.

So did you like the chapter?

I know the story is going too slow. But I love the slow burn. I can't just make a couple fall in love immediately. It takes time.

But when it'll happen, you all will love it.

And yeah if you people have any ideas do drop them in message box. It'll help me brainstorm a little.

Take care.