Now you realize why you should have the least expectations from people. 

Laying on the terrace, I stare at the vastness of night. The sky is embellished with the constellations like delicate gems, twinkling happily despite the absence of the moon. Perhaps they have accepted this eternal cyclic absence, hope waxing and waning.

Ivaan's soft breaths caress the skin of my neck, his small self cuddled into me. The little eyes of his give company to mine, capturing this beautiful scenic night sky far away from city life.

"Shortee, the stars are so pretty tonight," Ivaan whispers, his voice laced with wonder.

I can't help but smile at his innocent words. "Yes, baby, they are really beautiful," I murmur, pulling him a little closer. He is the only peace to my heart.

Ivaan snuggles deeper into my arms, his chubby fingers trying to trace the constellations in the sky. "I want to touch them," he sighs cutely.

"Someday, you may just get that chance, baby," I say, my heart swelling with the thought of Ivaan's immeasurable curiosity and dreams.

"Shortee, Can I ask you something?" Ivaan says. "You can ask me anything bacha." I caress his chubby cheeks and press a kiss on his temple.

"Why are you sad, lately?" He asks, his brow furrowed with concern.

I am shocked listening to such a concerning question coming from an innocent kid.

I quickly blink back the tears all ready to spill over and offer him a reassuring smile. "I'm not sad, Bubba. It's not that it's wrong to be sad, but I am fine and happy that's why I'm admiring the stars with you."

Ivaan studies my face for a moment, his eyes filled with wisdom beyond his years.

He hugs me tightly, and mumbles, "You know people say a hug can make you feel really happy. Whenever you feel low, come to me I'll give you loads of hugs."

I feel overwhelmed listening to his words, "That's a beautiful thing you know Ivaan, promise I'll come to you." I whisper, coddling him in my embrace.

As we continue to gaze up at the twinkling stars, I find solace in Ivaan's words. With a deep breath, I resolve to let go of my expectations and embrace the reality of my situation, focusing on the precious bond I have with this baby right here.

In this moment, surrounded by the the night sky, I find the strength to face the challenges that lie ahead. For as long as I have Ivaan by my side, I know I can bear any storm, and perhaps, one day, even find a way to mend the scratched pieces of my heart.

And about the money I owe Abhiraj, I'll pay him as soon as my funds mature. I can't trust anyone when it comes to money.

What if, after some time he blames me for being money-hungry or a gold digger?  

I agree right now he is fine with helping me and wants to show his husband rights...but if, by mistake, he gets angry over any of my actions, it won't take him a second to point out all my shortcomings and what all he is doing for me.

And this always happens, I am telling from experience.

Every time I disappointed anyone either because I made some mistake or they had too many expectations from me, they never left a single chance to demean me and dumped their mean judgments on me. They were merciless.

I don't want a repeat of the same.

My alarm rings, telling me it's time for Abhiraj to arrive. I have set this alarm so that we all can have dinner at the same time.

"Kiddo, come on let's go down. Your Mr. Big may come back anytime and I have to fill your tummy also. Get up."

He quickly gets up from the mattress and wears his slippers.

"Can I ask one more thing?" He asks, meekly.

I nod. Picking my phone and stall.

" You know I don't have parents, and it's you who has been taking care of me since the day they left me. I don't call you mamma but you are my mamma. I don't know if you wanna be called that  and badi Nani scolded me a lot one day when by mistake I called you mamma." He pauses, his little fingers playing with the threads of his shorts.

I pick him up in my arms, clutching him close to my heart, which this boy completely owns.

I am shocked. I never thought Ivaan would ever call me mamma. He always treated me like his best friend which I am happy to be. Stil I have always thought of him as my son, my little love.

Tears fill my eyes, as he wraps his hands around my neck and clings to me.

" My baby. I am whatever you want me to be." I whisper.

" Mama."

" Mama it is." I kiss his crown, overwhelmed with all the emotions.

"Can I call you mamma in front of Mr. Big?"

"Why can't you?" I ask while climbing down the stairs.

"Because he is your husband." He mumbles into my shoulder.

"But you're my son," I say, patting on his bum.

"Okay, mumma."

I smile happily. And giving him a tight hug, I put him down.

"Now let's get the table ready. Guessing from sounds coming from the first floor, I think he is already home."

He gives me a sheepish nod and climbs on the stool to wash his hands.

My sweet boy.

My phone pings with a message catching my attention.

Mummy:
Are you free? I will be calling you in a minute. If Abhiraj is around move to a separate room it's urgent.

Me:
I am free. You can call.

Ring Ring.

I attend the call while moving towards the table near the window and sit on the chair.

"Hello? Yes mummy, what happened?"

"You just called me once after your marriage. Why?"

"I was busy mumma. You know getting used to a new place and new people is difficult." I say while messing around with the salt bottle.

"How's everything going on? How's Abhiraj? I did not get time to talk to you when you came back here to pick Ivaan."

"Everything is okay. Abhiraj is just like...papa, the way he was with you. Not in character but in behavior. " I mumble the words, finally. I haven't voiced out my thoughts about him to anyone till now.

But my mother, she is different. She knows most off the happenings of my life, and I can't hide this one.

Silence.

"Hello?" I whisper.

"You used to hate talking to your Dad because of that. You always complained to my parents for getting me married to him. "

" Now I have the same fate as yours." I joke, trying to swallow the lump clogging my throat. I hated her life. That man never treated her the way she deserved.

" No, at least you're living with your husband and not away from him with us or your in-laws."

" Mumma, please. I know what I deserve. And I also know what to do if I don't get it." I tell her irritatedly, clearly getting the implication behind her words.

" No Ishu. You'll not take divorce from him if that's what you're thinking of. Marriage happens only once. And secondly, it's just been a month since you both got married. It takes time beta. You'll both become accustomed to each other."

" Sure mumma." I roll my eyes. As if he'll give one. The Contract exists in our marriage.

I can't even tell her how doomed my marriage is.

" I have something else to discuss."

" About what?"

" I got an email two days before from some Cascadia Northwest University, Seattle. It said you applied for the doctorate, is it true?"

What the fuck...I thought the university asked parents details just for the sake of asking.

"Ohh, what did that say?" I look at Ivaan, who is busy with Abhiraj in setting the table.

Wait a minute, when did he come? My eyebrows scrunch.

"It said something about scholarship and the brochure was also attached. Did you apply to the University?"

" Yeah, kind of..." I mumble while looking at my husband. Who by the is looking drop-dead gorgeous in that beige cuban collared shirt and khaki colored pants. Looks wise The man has every right to reject me left right and center. He is literally like the kind of a guy I saved in my private Pinterest board, named 'Just Fairytale Men' who later on became my book boyfriends.   

"Ishika...you there?" Fuck, Ishu stop fangirling your husband and talk to your mum.

"Haan, ma. I am."

"Then tell me what you mean by kind of...either it's yes or no."
Her tone is turning a little strict, like one wrong word and she'll scold me.

"Um...yeah I thought of completing my doctorate. I don't wanna get stuck at one point maa, that's why I applied. But again I am not sure about it unless and until the universities I applied for accept my application."

"But bachee America? India also has top universities where you can pursue PhD, somewhere closer to us, closer to your husband. It's just been what hardly 45 days, and you're all set to abandon your married life and go videsh, where there will be no one. And especially when you're saying you both are struggling in the marriage. It's not the correct step bitto, it might put strain in your personal life. Secondly, why didn't you discuss it with your father and me?"

I close my eyes in disappointment, why did I even expect her to support me in going to the USA, far away from my Mr. Husband?

Definitely not, she wouldn't allow me to repeat the same mistakes she made.

I get up from the chair and move towards the window pane to avoid any of the guys listening to my words.

"Maa, even you did your doctorate after marriage, what's the big deal? And I am sure you didn't regret any of it, then why me?"

"It's not about not doing Ishu. What I am saying is don't go America, India is good enough beta. At least you can come back home once a week or a month to your husband. You're not a bachelor bachee."

"Maa, I have already done master's from one of the best colleges in India. And it was always my dream to explore more. Married or not I was always planning it. Even you studied away after marriage at that time."

" Yeah I did, but I stayed with your Nani's family. Any you know what those decisions of mine resulted in. And I am still regretting some of them. Don't do the same."

" Yeah maa. But we all have our own fate. It doesn't mean what happened to you will happen to me also. And it's not like I'll be gone for a lifetime, it'll be only for a few years and it will go in a jiff." I say, completely understanding where my mum is coming from, but I can't allow that fear of hers to govern and dictate my life.

"It's difficult," her voice breaks a little. "You know I never said it to you, but it was always difficult. I may have been a successful woman, but I was unhappy emotionally. Living away from your father created a huge gap between us, he was never an active participant in this marriage, and this distance just tore whatever was left. Even now, after living under the same roof, it's impossible to fill that gap. That's why I was warning. I would love to see my daughter fly high, and no one knows it better than you and Divya."

I stare at the forest covered in the darkness, my mother's words reminding me of the sacrifices she made for us. When I was a kid it was always difficult for me to understand my parents' relationship, even more difficult to explain it to someone else. But always knew whatever happened I'll never want that kind of a marriage.

But let's say God seems to have some different plants. Still, I am trusting him like my mother did.

"Why don't you leave him?" I say, tired.

"No. He'll have to suffer. What he made me go through, I'll never give the happiness of my absence, to him. Never. And where will I go? What will everyone say about us? I can't do that."

That's what I have been listening to all my life. My mother's emotional aspect has always been weak. She only dreamt about us or her career and when she did think about herself her partner, my father was a great disappointment. She never left him, because she did not want him to get unburdened from our responsibilities. And when we achieved something, it was about making him suffer for her pain.

From the date of her marriage she had never been truly happy except for the day she got her appointment letter, me and my sister getting admission to our dream Universities, her becoming a doctor, me post graduating. Us getting married. Yeah that's it.

I still hope maybe her God does some miracle and fill her with the abundance of love. It's never late you know.

"Acha mumma forget all that. What I am saying is I'll be going for doctorate to America and when I'll be coming back we'll make sure you come and live with me. And don't worry everything is going to be fine. I'll tell you whatever happens. Now I should go, Abhiraj has come okay. Chalo bye bye."

"Ok. Do whatever you want. Goodnight." And the call goes blank.

Her way of telling, she is not happy. But never mind. She'll get along.

Okey Ishu, now you have to face your bipolar husband who saw you nakey yesterday and played with your princess parts. Which you definitely liked, but you'll have to pretend like it didn't affect you, okey. Can't show him that right. Otherwise again he'll point out the reality of our marriage. And have to tell him about the college stuff also. Lord.

Clutching my phone in my hand I move towards the dining table, where Abhiraj is sitting across Ivaan, both of them engaged in a serous discussion. Interesting.

"Ivaan, tell me - what do you think happens when we go to sleep at night?" Abhiraj asks, his tone gentle and inquisitive.

Ivaan pauses, his brows scrunch as he ponders upon the question.
"I dunno, Mr. Big. We just...sleep na?"

Abhiraj smiles," That's partly true. Our bodies rest and recharge while we sleep. But what about our brain?"

Ivaan's eyes widen in curiosity, "What happens to our brain?"

"You see," he leans forward and shows him a picture of human brain, "when we sleep, our brain which is also referred as mind is still very active. We dream, and in dreams all sorts of magical things can happen."

" Wow," Ivaan breathes out, amused. "What kind of magical things?"

With a chuckle, Abhiraj launches into an explanation of the science behind the dreams- the REM cycle, the subconscious mind, the way our brain works, how it process information and emotions during slumber. I aan listens, enraptured.

"Sobour dreams are like movies in our heads?" He asks.

" Exactly." Abhiraj confirms. " And sometimes, they can be so real, we can actually mistake them as reality."

Ivaan giggles. " That's so cool. I can't wait to fall asleep tonight."

I watch both of them, can't belive how amazingly Abhiraj ignited such an intellectual conversation with Ivaan. He isn't even how easily he is making a special space in the little boy's heart. Ivaan strives for people who actually treat him the way Abhiraj is and not disregard his queries thinking he is a kid.

I put on a smile and interrupt their conversation, "Should we have dinner? I am sorry for the delay, my mum called." I say the last part looking at Abhiraj. Who in return gives me a nod.

We all settle down and enjoy dinner in comfortable silence. Ivaan makes little conversations in between with Abhiraj telling the tales about his classmates, and he listens to him attentively, offering the occasional words here and there.

I'm still not able to process it. When did they get so comfortable with each other?

It's still uncomfortable for me, as this man's wife, to chat to him while sharing the same room and bed.

After we finish, I turn to Ivaan."kiddo, time for you to get ready for bed. I'll be in shortly to tell you bedtime stories,okey?"

Ivaan nods and scuttles away, leaving me and Abhiraj alone at the table.

I feel a little guilty for still not paying him back the money and now I am planning to pursue my PhD that too from USA. I sigh, but again I can't afford to rob my future.

I look at him, and ready myself for the conversation to come.
" Umm, there's something I'd like to inform you."

He looks up, his expression neutral. " Go ahead- I'm listening."

"I've been planning to pursue my doctorate. And in regards with that I applied in four universities in the United States. Hopefully I'll get the response till the end of the month."

Abhiraj's brows raise in surprise. "The United States? That's...quite far away."

I nod, watching his reaction closely. "I know, and I understand this is a big decision. But it's been a dream of mine for a long time, and I was hoping to apply for it, this year happened to be the lucky one. "

He's silent for a moment, contemplating my words. "I see. Have you discussed this with your family?"

"Yes, I have. My mother has some concerns, but I know I'll make it work."

" How long will this course be?"

I shift a little on my chair. "It typically takes around 5 to 7 years," I pause, gauging his response. "What are your thoughts on this, Abhiraj?"

He leans back in his chair, his brow furrowed. "Tinkerbell, this is a significant decision that will impact your life. I'm not sure I have or should have any say when it comes to your career. But I hope you have made the decision of choosing USA thoroughly, considering the implications."

I feel a twinge of disappointment, Why didn't he say anything about how it'll impact us? Asshole. But I try to keep my tone calm and rational.

"I did. The universities I have applied offer incredible opportunity for me to further my education and research. And I believe it could also benefit my career in the long run."

He nods slowly. "I appreciate your perspective. But have you considered how you are going to handle Ivaan?"

I deflate with the thought of staying away from him for that long, but it's not possible for me to take him along with me, atleast not in the initial years. I'll be living in the university hostel which will be covered in the scholarship.

"I think I'll have to request my mum to take care of him, at least for the initial years."

"Well that can be discussed later on. Let me know about the university once they accept your application, I'll see it that your living place is sorted out."

I blink in surprise not expecting such response from him.

I give him a gentle smile, "That'll not be necessary, I have applied for scholarship and hostel fees will be covered in it. So that'll be sorted. Thanks for your concern."

Abhiraj nods, "Let's see."

                                                                        To be continued...

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So Ishika is leaving to USA...Gosh specially when there relation is so tender.

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