The wedding went on with Nathan wishing he could be anywhere but there as he couldn’t take seeing Tracy acting freely and laughing with everyone while he had not said a single word. It wasn’t long, the vows were said, the rings were exchanged and everyone left the church following the newly wedded couple that was going out to take their pictures.
While everyone stood outside the church and chatted while taking the pictures, Nathan avoided his classmates and friends and went to the parking lot to calm and probably get a hold of himself. Approaching the parking space, he heard the voice in which the owner was responsible for his restlessness and followed the sound till he found her standing beside her car and taking a call. If he didn’t know better, he would say that she was trying to sneak away without anyone seeing her but he knew better and he knew he was right still.
“You are leaving?” he asked, surprised to hear his own voice since he hadn’t said anything since seeing her.
Tracy turned and on seeing him, she sighed, “I will call you back Stella,” she said to her phone and hung up. She licked her lips, secretly scanning around them to be sure there was no one around to see or hear them. “Yes,” she answered, “I have to, I have work.”
“And you didn’t care to say goodbye, even to Mom?”
“What are you doing here Nathan, shouldn’t you be taking pictures or chatting away with your peer group ‘cause I’m pretty sure I saw a lot of them in there.”
“You are pushing me away aren’t you?” he asked solemnly, knowing he needs to get it off his system. “Why?”
Tracy sighed, scanning around them again, “Nathan, this is not the best place to talk about this. Someone could be near, someone could hear.”
“I don’t care.”
“Well I do, Nathan, I really do,” she sighed like everything was too difficult for her; “do you have any idea how hard it is trying to act normal in the presence of your mom? Do you have any idea what consequences it would bring should anyone—I mean anyone— to know about us or what happened? You don’t but I do Nathan, neither of us is going to survive it. Well I don’t care about me but about you, how can you survive it? I am trying to protect you here in case you don’t know. Now I just wish I can take back the hands of time to when things weren’t awkward between us. I just want things to go back to normal, I don’t know what got over me and I think I am paying the price already.”
“Since you are worried about me then don’t, I don’t care about the consequences,” he replied, closing up their distance.
“You don’t know what you are talking about,” she shook her head.
“I do, I sure as hell know what I am talking about and I know that I love you.”
“Nathan please,” she closed her eyes, “I have told you that that is just an illusion.”
“It only is to you if you call it that, but it’s not to me. I know what I feel deep in my bones. You don’t know how hard it has been, having you close but not able to reach to you. Do you know how painful it has been seeing you with all those men and I will do nothing but just lurk around in the shadows and watch them create the memories I can never have? Do you have any idea how that feels? The stabbing pain deep in your heart like you won’t be able to survive another beat? Can you acclaim to such pain?” he was standing so close to her now but she still closed her eyes and refused to look at him despite feeling how close he was.
“Nathan, you…”
“Then one day, you were just given the opportunity to have a taste of what you have always been longing for and just when you thought that everything was finally perfect, you have it snatched away from you. Do you think that my earlier description was painful? Then imagine the pain of having that snatched away from you, imagine how painful, how draining that could be. If I think that I have been in pain before because I couldn’t have you, then I have been wrong because the pain now is worse than I can ever imagine. It feels like life is been sucked out of me little by little, like my heart is being cut…”
“Nathan please stop,” Tracy cut him off pleadingly.
He cupped her cheeks in his hands, “so, if I am going through this pain just because I can’t have you, I would rather have you and let the world trash me. Do you understand now?” he caressed her lips with his thumb. “Trace, you mean the world to me and I would choose you over the world, so please, just give me a chance, please.” He pleaded softly and when she didn’t look at him or push him away. He lowered his head and claimed her lips after fighting for so long to restrain himself since he saw her.
He heard a sob escape her lips but he didn’t let her go. He deepened the kiss, sucking on her lower lip and then her upper one. His tongue seeking entrance and then she sighed and he took the advantage to poke his tongue into her mouth. His whole body shivered at the contact with her lips as the feelings that had been trying to eat him up soared to surface, taking control over him.
Tracy sighed once more as her arm circled around his neck and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him more. A soft moan escaped her lips as her body relished with the contact with him that she had been denying herself of for so long.
His hand trailed down her body to hug her waist to him, pressing her to himself like he wanted to bury her inside of him, to have her all to himself. Tracy moaned again at the contact, loving the feel of his hand on her and the closeness of their skin. And then she suddenly realized that she wanted more, she wanted more contact, more body feeling and her hands started caressing his tux, searching for a way to undress him.
Nathan pinned her on her car, he carried her leg and placed on his waist as he pressed his body on hers, loving the contact of her pussy on his dick. His hand trailed up and he fondled her breast, deriving another moan from her.
“I need to go now, sorry I can’t join you guys to the reception hall,” someone was saying and Tracy placed her hands on Nathan’s chest to still him.
“Someone is coming,” she whispered, placing her head on his neck and breathing in his scent to calm herself.
“Oh, shit, I left my phone on my seat, I can’t believe this,” they heard the voice again followed by the groaning voice of someone else.
“You always forget something,” the voice complained and their footsteps started retreating.
Nathan was panting softly as he fought to control himself, “they are leaving,” he whispered.
Tracy looked up at him and shook her head softly, placing her leg back on the ground. “This is a parking lot, anyone is free to come by.”
“Then?” he asked with hope in his voice but not wanting to make any suggestion.
“I have to go Nathan,” she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “Stella is waiting for me.”
Nathan nodded and closed his eyes to hide the hurt in them. After some seconds, he opened them and glanced at her, “when will you be back again?”
Tracy bit her lip and glanced away from him, “I don’t know.”
“Trace, please,” he whispered.
She sighed and closed her eyes, “I don’t know…maybe…” she bit her lip again, “maybe I will try to come back next weekend?”
Nathan nodded, “I will be waiting for you.”
“Nathan,” she whispered, opening her eyes to stare at him, “this is wrong.”
“Tracy please,” he cupped her cheeks again, “a chance remember?”
“It won’t go anywhere.”
“You don’t know that,” he ran his thumb on her lips, “you don’t know that,” he repeated, “just give it a try first.”
She sighed, “it still feels damn wrong.”
“Maybe you have to start telling yourself that it is right?”
“It can never be right, Nathan, you know that.”
“We are not related, we are not siblings, so, we are not doing anything against nature,” he insisted.
“I don’t know…”
“Just think about it,” he interrupted, “you want it too Trace, stop denying yourself what you want because of what people would say.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Maybe I don’t, maybe I do, but I do know one thing, I love you Trace, and there is no two ways about it.”
Tracy licked her lips and breathed out through the mouth, “fix your hair,” she said after a while.
Nathan smiled, a charming smile that he was sure has not graced his face in a long time. He pecked her on the lips and let her go to fix himself up while she did the same. “So next weekend?” he asked to be sure when he was ready to go back to the church.
“I will try,” she responded.
“They you are, I have been looking everywhere for you,” they heard and turned to see James walking up to them. “I have searched high and low and I knew the last place to look is here, at least to know if your car is still here.”
“I’m sorry James, but I really need to go back to work,” Tracy smiled apologetically.
“I understand but then I was hoping we could have at least one picture together?”
She smiled and glanced briefly at Nathan who was trying really hard to control his facial expression and sighed. “I’m sorry James but…”
“Please Tracy,” he interrupted, “just one picture.” He didn’t give her room to reply as he just grabbed her hand and started walking away with her while Nathan sucked in a deep breath through the mouth to control himself before following them.