Nathan got himself in check and walked around the room nonchalantly to his wardrobe, “if you don’t believe my words, shouldn’t you believe Mom’s?”
Tracy bit her lower lip, “I know, it’s just…” she sighed, “you told me you loathe her, that you don’t like her bitchy attitude and the way she fawns over you. I mean, how do you expect me to believe that you suddenly fell in love with her and now dating her?”
Nathan turned to her, “this is how it happened, she found me broken and in pain, we talked and I realized that we are the same. The same way I run after you is the same way that she is running after me. The only difference was that she knows how to mask herself more than I could and underneath the bratty girl I knew, was a soft and caring one. She nursed me back in shape within the month you left and before I knew it, I started developing feelings for her and one day of going for a party and getting drunk and having her over, changed everything. And then I realized, you were right, I was wrong thinking I was in love with you, it had all been an illusion as you said. And I know why I had the illusion. You have always been by my side, taking care of me. I know that now and I appreciate your love and affection towards me. And from now on, I am going to be the best brother ever,” he ended his long speech with a charming smile.
Tracy stood dumbfounded; her heart was breaking into tinier pieces as his words resonated in her mind. ‘You were right, I was wrong thinking I was in love with you,’ these words hurt her more than anything. She blinked continuously to keep the tears at bay but at the end, they trailed down her cheeks and she wiped them off immediately, avoiding his gaze. “So…” she paused to clear her voice, “she is the one now?”
Nathan felt his heart missed a beat at that question, it almost sounded like her question ‘what do you want?’ back then in Hawaii and he couldn’t help but feel like his answer would determine their fate together. He was torn between telling her the truth and keeping up with the lie. He could see her trying really hard to hide her tears from him and it just confused him the more. Why is she reacting like this? He wanted so badly to know. He wanted to go to her, to hold her in his arms, to calm her down and breathe in her scent while telling her that no woman would ever take her place in his heart. But she wiped away her tears once more and he saw it, the glint of a diamond on her finger, and it was as if he was snapped out of his illusion, out of his fantasy. She was getting married and there was no denying it anymore.
He turned back to his wardrobe to hide the pain in his eyes as he answered with a clear and bold voice, “yes, she is the one now and to think of it, no one would ever be against our union. Everyone loves seeing us together.”
Tracy heaved a deep shaky breath, “then…I’m happy for you,” but deep inside her, she knew that was a very big lie. “Good night Nathan-Boo,” she forced a smile and was glad he couldn’t see her ‘cause she was sure as hell that she looked worse compared to her voice. She turned and left the room before he could wake up from his shock.
Nathan turned at the speed of light when he heard the door close, ‘Nathan-Boo,’ when was the last time she called him that? When was the last time they had been so free with each other that she would casually call him that and he would pretend to hate it by rolling his eyes? When was the last time things weren’t about tears and pain between them? It felt like those days were a century ago. He couldn’t even remember the last time they both sat down and share a meal while laughing over their weekend encounters.
The urge to have that again hit him so bad that he retraced his steps and fell on his bed. He burrowed his head on his hands as the longing filled him up and the only thing keeping him from standing up and going after her was that ring he saw on her finger. His eyes turned red and his heard hurt so bad. Guess this was it, this was it for them. They have finally had their last discussion and they have said goodbye. He clenched his fingers in tight fists as the realization of everything took a toll on him. They will never be them again and this night was the last he could ever get from her again. Maybe it was high time he finally accepts it, to say goodbye to her.
***
The days flew by and Nathan noticed that rather than things to be normal between him and Tracy, they were just drifting farther apart. Tracy hardly spends time in his home again, even though she has been around, he could count how many times he had seen her since that night in his room in one hand. His Mom was often at her place, helping with the preparation. The damned Gary had showed up last week and stayed in Tracy’s house throughout the five days he was around and that just brutally annoyed Nathan.
Every night during that time, he would stand by his window, wondering what could be going on between them. He would rush to his window early in the morning to know if he would catch a glimpse of them and at night, he would stay and watch her window till the light goes out. Before Gary traveled, his Mom had invited them to dinner and to make sure he doesn’t spend the night watching them, he had invited Cindy and had spent the night acting as loving to her as he could. By the end, he didn’t know if he did the right thing or not for Tracy had retired early claiming to be tired and when their eyes had met, he had seen so much that she didn’t say and his night had been haunted by that look in her eyes.
Now their wedding was in five days and Nathan found out he was becoming more and more restless. He had thought he would be fine with it but as the day approaches faster, he knew there was no way he could sit through and watch her marry another. There was nothing he could do to stop it but that doesn’t mean he want to attend as well. He has been coming up with a lot of excuses to escape attending the wedding but he knew his mom would never let him pass with any. He was in pain and he doesn’t want to admit it anymore, not that it was helping him.
“Nathan, are you okay?” Cindy asked and he glanced at her. He nodded and brought his plastic red cup to his lips to sip his drink. “Okay, it’s just that I have been talking to you for a while now but it seems like you didn’t even hear anything I said.”
“Oh, sorry,” Nathan replied, “the music is loud you know, it will be hard to hear you sometimes.”
Cindy sighed, “Nathan, I understand you, with each passing day, you are becoming more and more restless, you don’t have to attend the wedding if you don’t want to, you know?”
“And give what as an excuse?”
Cindy shrugged, “I don’t know, but, the closer the date, the more restless you have become. I’m sure if you put your mind to it, you can come up with a big excuse.”
Nathan sighed, “I don’t know, I…” the vibration of his phone interrupted him and he brought it out of his jean pocket only to receive a shock seeing the caller ID. He can’t even remember the last time she had called him, the last time they had spoken on phone.
Cindy was surprised at his sudden silence and she peeked at his phone. She too was momentarily shocked seeing the caller. She tried to calm her fast beating heart and looked up at him, “why do you think she is calling?”
Nathan blinked and gulped before shaking his head softly, “I don’t know.”
“Well?” she asked but Nathan just kept staring at his screen until the call ended. “Will you call her back?” she was asking when the phone started ringing again.
Nathan licked his lips staring at his ringing phone, he doesn’t know what to do, and he doesn’t know if he should pick the call and what she might want to say to him. Her wedding is in five days and the last thing he wants now was to hear her say anything that might make him act impulsively at her wedding. The phone stopped ringing and started again.
“I really think you should answer Nathan, she is calling nonstop,” Cindy suggested.
Nathan nodded and closed his eyes and when he opened them, he heaved a sigh and answered the call. “Hello.”
“Na-Na-Nathan?” Tracy’s cracking voice came from the other side and Nathan felt his heart rise in worry immediately.
“What is it?” he asked, no longer unsure about answering the call.
“Am-am I…Am I disturbing you?” She sniffled.
“No, no, not at all,” Nathan said shifting away from the partying teenagers to hear her clearly. He found himself walking outside the house and Cindy followed him silently. “What’s the matter Trace, why are you crying?” his voice was laced with worry and it was taking only his rationality to stop him from rushing to his car.
“Can-can you-,” she paused and he was fighting to stay and listen patiently to her, “can you come over please? I really need someone to talk to.”
“Of course, I will be there in a few,” he answered and it was only when the words left his mouth that he remembered himself and he turned to Cindy. She smiled and nodded at him. He nodded back and said to Tracy, “I’m just at Steven’s, it’s close by, I will be there soon.”
“Thank you,” Tracy whispered before the call ended.
Nathan turned to Cindy, “I-I have to go. I can have Steven drop you off when the party is over.”
Cindy smiled, “what happened?”
“I don’t know,” he ran his fingers through his white hair, “I don’t know but…she is crying. She doesn’t sound so well.”
Cindy nodded, “it’s okay, if she called for you, that means she really needs you. But then, with the wedding so close by, are you sure you should be alone with her?”
“Not now Cindy, she…I think she just needs someone to talk to and Mom is working night tonight. I’m her only option.”
Cindy nodded once more, “okay then, hurry up.”
“You will be okay?” he asked, he really wanted to go to Tracy but he was still worried about her, he brought her to this party after all.
“Of course, I can hitch a ride with Sarah or Tim, don’t worry about me.”
“Alright then, take care of yourself,” he kissed her cheek.
“Sure, call me okay?”
“Sure,” he replied and jogged to his car. He got in and waved at her before reversing and driving off.
Cindy watched till he was out of sight and a tear trailed down her cheek, she wiped it away immediately, “what do you want now Tracy?” she whispered before turning and entering back into the house.