Nathan sped home and only today was he so grateful that Steven’s house was just a few blocks from his. In a short three minutes drive —which would have taken much more time on a normal drive— he parked in front of Tracy’s house and jumped out of the car. He rushed up to the front door and didn’t bother about knocking as he immediately threw open the door. As he stepped into the house, he was hit by a strong wave of nostalgia. When was the last time he stepped into this house? When was the last time he slept in this house? Everything was a bittersweet memory. This was the place he had his happiest moments and this was the place he received his first heartbreak.
The light was on and he glanced around feeling a heavy blow to his belly as he took in his surroundings and all the gift wraps and decorations, everything that reminded him of the wedding in five days. He stood frozen by the door, his heart in pain and yearning for the love only one person could give him, and the person was none other than the bride to be.
He sucked in a deep breath and shook his head vigorously to shake away the feelings that were fighting to consume him. He reminded himself of the reason that brought him there and immediately ran up the stairs to her bedroom where he was sure she would be. He paused with his hand on the doorknob as he fought not to remember that Gary had been there and had obviously slept in the room. He tried not to imagine what would have happened between them in there and just heaved a sigh and opened the door.
Tracy looked up from the bed filled with used tissues and smiled at him. Her eyes were swollen and her nose red. It was obvious she had been crying and for a really long time. Nathan forgot about every other thing and just rushed to her immediately. He sat opposite her on the bed, his face filled with his worry as he glanced from her crying face to the used tissues on the bed and then back at her. “Thank you for coming,” Tracy said and sniffled, “I didn’t think you would answer. We have been avoiding each other for a long time now.” She sniffled again and wiped away her tears, “but when I made up my mind to call you, I couldn’t stop until you have answered. I’m sorry if I dragged you out of anything important; it sounded like you were in a party.”
Nathan nodded, “yeah, it’s Steven’s eighteenth birthday.”
“Oh, he is eighteen already? You all are so grown,” she tried to make a joke but none of them laughed.
Nathan sighed and kept his gaze on the tissues, “what happened?” he asked.
“Well,” Tracy sniffled, “you don’t talk to me anymore, and you avoid me like a plague. The other day I asked you to please drive me to the cake shop and you claimed to be busy.”
“I was busy.”
“You were not, because I ended up seeing you and Cindy with your classmates in the diner,” she accused.
Nathan sighed, “that’s not the issue now Trace, why are you crying?”
“Well, can’t a woman cry few days to her wedding?” she tilted her head to the side and smiled painfully.
“Stop it,” Nathan said, “I know you, there is something wrong.”
“Oh, here I was thinking you don’t know me anymore,” she chuckled.
“What are you doing Trace? You sounded like you needed someone around and you look like you need someone around but yet…you just talk about things that aren’t important.”
Tracy reached for another tissue to blow her nose, “I said I needed someone to talk to right? Am I not talking to you now?”
Nathan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “there is obviously something bothering you, Trace. There is obviously something making you cry. Now tell me, what is it?” he demanded and saw her flinch at the tone of his voice. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” He scooted closer to her and cupped her cheeks in his hands, “tell me please, what happened?”
A tear slipped out of her eye and he wiped it away with his thumb, “you don’t talk to me anymore,” she whispered, “We don’t talk anymore. We used to be close Nathan, but now, we are like strangers. We tell each other everything first before, and this night; it took me an hour to dial your number when you were always the first person I call when I’m having issue. It just…” she sniffled as more tears came rushing down and Nathan wiped them all away. “I know you hate me now, I know I can’t give you what you want but that doesn’t mean you should abandon me, to remind me how lonely I am in this world. It’s so lonely Nathan, it claws at my chest at how lonely it is. I don’t even know what I am doing anymore. Everything is just happening so fast.” She sobbed.
“I’m sorry,” Nathan whispered, “I’m sorry it’s just…” he paused and closed his eyes, “it’s so hard to take in, you know. One minute everything was perfect and in the next, you are getting married, it’s just…” he sighed, “I’m sorry, I just can’t take seeing you two together.”
“I know,” she nodded and sniffled, “I may not understand before but I do now. I hate seeing you with Cindy.”
“Why would you be? Isn’t this what you wanted, for me to be with someone my age?”
“I don’t know,” she looked deep into his eyes, “I don’t know, like I said, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore and I fear I might be depressed.”
“Depressed? You are planning your wedding, isn’t that the happiest days of a woman?”
Tracy sighed and moved away from him. He sat, watching her and trying not to miss the closeness she just took from him. “Everything is happening so fast,” she whispered. “I was ready to lose myself to it, to accept everything no matter how it makes me feel but then…he has to go and…” she stopped, resting her head on the headboard and hugged herself.
Nathan stared at the pitiful way she looked and his heart felt like it was suffocating, “what did he do?” he whispered.
“Huh?”
“What did Gary do and don’t tell me nothing. I suspected it the moment I walked in and with what you just said now only confirmed it.” He said, trying not to show how hurt he feels that the reason she was crying wasn’t because of him.
“Oh, him? He is free to do whatever he wants,” she answered nonchalantly and that got Nathan confused.
“Trace, what do you mean by that?”
“Nothing,” she sniffled.
“Tracy, what did Gary do?”
“He cheated!” she chuckled, “not that I’m surprised, he has done it before, he will do it again. You said so too, you said that a cheating man doesn’t just change,” she smiled but it was obvious the smile was pained.
Nathan was too stunned to speak, when he finally found his voice, he asked, “why are you marrying him?” Tracy said nothing and he continued, “Trace, you sounded like you knew this would happen. I mean, why marry a man when you know that he would be cheating on you?”
Tracy sighed, “I don’t have a choice.”
“What do you mean by you don’t have a choice?” Nathan was slowly getting out of his shock and it was transferring to anger. “What kind of statement is that?”
“You are yelling,” Tracy pointed out.
“I don’t care!” he retorted, “I don’t fucking care! What the hell are you doing to yourself? Look at you; is this how you are going to live for the rest of your life? Is this what you plan for yourself?” He was interrupted by the ringing tone of his phone and he brought it out of his pocket to see that Cindy was the one calling but he ignored the call and threw the phone to the bed, his angry eyes on Tracy.
“You know, when you yell, you sound like a thirty years old man,” she chuckled.
“Don’t make a joke out of this,” Nathan warned.
Tracy sighed, “I don’t have a choice, Nathan.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I mean I get it, you don’t want me, fine, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have someone else. Must it be someone that cheats on you? Must it be him?”
“You don’t understand Nathan.”
“Then make me understand! Make me understand why you have to marry him?” his phone started ringing again and he ignored it, “you are canceling the wedding right?”
Tracy shook her head, “no.”
“What?” Nathan was on the verge of going mad, “what the hell is wrong with you? You are still going to marry him even when you found out that he is cheating on you?” he stood up from the bed and pulled his hair hard, “do you love him that much?”
“Like I said Nathan, you don’t understand!”
“Then make me understand!”
“I’m running out of time!” She yelled and everywhere became quiet as only the sound of their heavy breathing was heard.
“What do you mean by that?” Nathan asked in a whisper, different scenarios were flashing in his mind, is she sick? Is she dying? What in the world is she running out of time for?
“I will be showing soon,” Tracy said, climbing out of the bed.
“I don’t understand,” Nathan whispered.
She sighed and pulled off her top, showing her naked top to him. Nathan tried to ignore the desire that rushed through him at that moment to see what she wanted him to see. “Very soon I can’t hide behind a big cloth anymore.”
Hearing that, Nathan’s eyes went to her tummy and that was when he noticed the little bump, “you…”
“I’m pregnant,” she finished off for him. “It’s the only reason you are not seeing bottles of beers around with my emotion right now.”
Nathan wiped his hands on his face as he kept staring at her stomach. Different of emotions rushed through him and he stood, staring at her while covering his mouth.
Tracy understood his shock and speechlessness and sighed; she sniffled and whispered, “You know what I have been praying against, Nathan, to not be pregnant and unmarried. I don’t want to be like my mother or my grandmother. I mean, I haven’t even told Granny since I found out. And I will only tell her after the wedding. So you see, I have to marry him.”
After a long silence, Nathan finally nodded, “I understand now,” he shut his eyes as two lines of tears ran down his cheeks. He wiped them off and sniffled before walking up to her. “I understand now,” he cupped her cheeks, “but he is hurting you, can you live like this? I understand he is the father and you don’t want your baby…” he stopped when she kept shaking her head, “what is it?”
“He is not the father,” she whispered.
“What?” Nathan was thrown into another wave of shock, “if he is not then who…” he stopped as his mind finally put two and two together.
Understanding that he has finally figured it out, Tracy still said, “You are.”