Cindy sat still in the car, she glanced out the window and then back at the boy sitting beside her and driving. Her eyes went to his white knuckles on the steering and she sighed. It’s has been ten minutes since they drove out of home but he had said not a single word. It was hard to believe that he was the chatty one only but ten minutes ago.
She could almost hear the sound of his clenched teeth from how tight his jaw was and she found herself feeling sorry for his teeth. She heaved a sigh once more and glanced out of the window, for some reason she didn’t want to be there again but she also knew deep inside her that he needs her now. Tracy’s return was a surprise to her too and she knew she didn’t have to be since it has been more than a month she left and coming back was something soon for her. But seeing the effect she still has on him, she was having a complex emotion.
Another five minutes drive and she couldn’t take it again, she leaned forward and placed her hand on his on the steering, fearing that if he should tighten his fingers some more, he might break the bones. She glanced at him and for the first time since their fifteen minutes drive, she saw life come into his eyes.
Nathan sighed and without a glance at her, parked the car by the road side, he licked his lips and closed his eyes, “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Cindy smiled softly, “don’t be, I can understand you,” she cleared her throat and leaned back to her seat. She blew out breath from her mouth and nodded, “her return was a surprise but not unexpected, she has been gone for a month now and we both know she often returns every weekend.”
Nathan ran his fingers through his white hair and licked his lips once more, “it’s just…” he heaved a sigh, “I’m sorry I introduced you as my girlfriend.”
Cindy chuckled, “duh, look around you Nathan, even if you didn’t, someone else will still tell her. Everybody believes we are dating now.”
Nathan glanced at her then, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
Nathan stayed silent, he wanted to say he was sorry that he couldn’t make it real for her and now he was preventing her from having someone but at the end, he shook his head and said, “Nothing.”
Cindy nodded, “do one thing for me Nathan, don’t go back to how you once were. I must say, I loved the way you acted today, if you can keep up the act, then soon, you won’t be feeling bad anymore.”
Nathan chuckled softly, “yes my amazing therapist.”
They both chuckled at that and he started the car to continue their trip to the party they were invited and he was sure they were already late to.
***
Opening the door, Nathan heard the laughter of two women, the two women that are very close to his heart but one of them he can’t have. He heaved a sigh to bury his feelings deep inside him before stepping into the house for them to notice him.
Tracy and Lucy both looked at the door at the same time, and they both have different reaction seeing who entered. While Lucy had smiled and beckoned her son over, Tracy had felt her heart beat rate increased as she remembered their encounter earlier in the evening.
“Hey son, have you seen Tracy?” Lucy smiled as Nathan naturally went to sit beside her.
He kissed her hair as always before turning to Tracy, “we bumped into each other earlier when I was leaving with Cindy.”
“Oh Cindy came over? Such a good girl,” Lucy replied and then turned to Tracy, “she is the one I was telling you about. I had come back from work late one morning to see a girl cooking in my kitchen while wearing Nathan’s shirt. I had been surprised, I mean, that has never happened before. Nathan has never brought a girl home and this one actually spent the night, I knew there was something going on immediately and I knew she is a good girl, her mother is such a loving woman.”
Tracy was having a breakdown and she didn’t hear half of what Lucy said. She had stopped paying attention when she said Cindy was wearing Nathan’s shirt and had obviously spent the night. Her heart felt like it was suffocating and she glanced at Nathan but he was laughing at something his Mom might have said. He looked so happy, and she should be happy for him. He finally has a girlfriend, and a girl his age, why can’t she be happy for him? Isn’t this what she has always wanted? Why does it feel like her heart was being ripped out of her chest and thrown to the floor to be stepped on while she was still breathing? Why does it hurt so bad at the thought that he had slept with her?
“Right Tracy, Tracy?” Lucy called to her when she didn’t say anything again. Tracy glanced at her looking lost and the older woman got worried. “Are you okay?”
Tracy nodded with a toothless smile, “yes, I’m fine, it’s just that I’m tired. It has been a long day.”
“Oh dear, I can understand. It must be tiring with switching between work and planning the wedding.”
“Planning the wedding?” Nathan asked, surprised.
“Oh yes, I forgot to tell you,” Lucy turned to him, “they have fixed a date. The wedding is on the twenty fifth of this month. Tracy had taken a leave from work to plan the wedding. They are having it here, isn’t that amazing?”
“Twenty fifth of this month?” Nathan repeated.
“Yes,” Lucy replied cheerily, “and guess what else? They will be living here which means we won’t be missing her after all,” she chuckled happily.
“Today is fifth,” Nathan said, “that’s like twenty days away.”
“Why are you still talking about the date, I’m telling you that they would be staying here, why are you not thrilled about that one?”
“Huh? Nothing is just…isn’t it soon? I mean, they have only been engaged for like a month ago, why the rush?” He asked.
“And why not? Is not like they are getting to know each other, they have dated, so why wait?” Lucy replied.
Nathan glanced at Tracy who had said nothing but just staring at him. He knew his pain was as clear as day in his eyes now and he was fighting really hard to hide it. When he couldn’t, he avoided her gaze, “well, I guess you are right. If it makes her happy,” he glanced up at her then to see her looking away, “whatever that makes her happy.”
“Exactly, now you are talking,” Lucy clapped and stood up, “we should celebrate, I have a drink I have been saving for news like this. You are not too drunk are you son?”
“I’m not even tipsy Mom.”
“Great, I will get it,” she intended to walk away but Tracy stopped her.
“I’m sorry, I will pass,” she smiled.
“Why?” Lucy asked.
“I can’t really take alcohol into my system now.”
“It’s just red wine,” Nathan said.
“I know, it’s just…I drank too much last night, I’m still trying to sober up from that one so I don’t need anything with alcohol in my system, I’m sorry.”
“Oh dear, I can understand,” Lucy sat back down, “well, we can leave it for another day then.”
“Yes, thank you,” Tracy smiled.
“So, how about Gary, when will he be coming over?” Lucy questioned.
“Oh, I don’t know, but he mentioned about coming to help with the preparation once a while until he can get his leave from work.”
“I need to turn in now,” Nathan stood up, “I’m tired.”
“Oh,” it’s okay, good night son.”
“Good night Mom, goodnight Tracy,” he said and made his way to the staircase.
“Goodnight,” he heard her say before he began his ascend. He knew he wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight and he would have loved to sit with them a while more but his mom has gone asking about Gary and he really didn’t want to sit through listening to her talking about him.
Entering his room, he undressed and entered the bathroom, the thought that Tracy would be married in twenty days eating him up. He just couldn’t believe it, he was still getting used to the thought that she was engaged and now he has to accept the fact that in twenty days —make that nineteen since the day was already over— that she would be married, she would totally belong to another person.
He ran his hand through his wet hair and closed his eyes, looking up at the shower, loving as the water ran on his face and he found himself wishing he could wash off his feelings like the water was washing off the dirt on his body. After a while more in the shower, he turned it off, grabbed his towel and dried his hair and body before tying it on his waist and stepping out of the bathroom into his bedroom to receive the shock of life when he saw the woman sitting on his bed.
Tracy sat up immediately she saw him and she didn’t wait for him to ask what she was doing there and just said, “I want to ask you something, are you really dating Cindy?”