Nathan roamed around the town searching for Tracy; he didn’t know where to begin looking for her. She didn’t have many friends and her friends from high school were either married or not in town as they don’t keep in touch. He has never found her issue of not having friends a problem until today. Where could she be? She was not with her phone and was definitely not with money as well, so how did she pay the Taxi and where could he have dropped her.
He parked his car along the street and climbed out, running his fingers through his disheveled hair as his red tearful eyes searched around him. Where could she be? Where exactly could he look for her? He was totally at lost, he knew it was pointless looking for her at the airport since she had stopped work for a while now but he had still gone there to look for her and had gotten the answer he expected: they have not seen her for the past one month.
He climbed back into his car, this was the last place he had in mind to search for her, he had looked at all the places they normally hung out when things were still good but she was not in anyone and to add the fact that anyone that sees him gives him a pitiful look and would try to sympathize with him. What for? Did he tell them he needs their sympathy? Did he tell them he needs anyone sympathy? So why bother? Huh? It took all the reasoning in him not to shout at every one of them and say everything in his mouth which he was sure was not good, rather he had been the bigger person by just ignoring them and continued his search.
Now out of option on where else to search and the sky clearly spoke of how late it has become, he decided to go back home with a slight hope she may have gone home. As he drove back home, he sent a short prayer to heaven that she should be at home and that she should be alright. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks, he just wants her home safe and sound.
Pulling into his street, his eyes went to the building his heart was really linked to and as if to lighten his mood, he noticed the light on in the bedroom and he didn’t know when he stepped on the accelerator and in a few seconds, he was pulling over in the driveway behind her car and jumping out of the car without even bothering to turn off the engine.
He rushed to the front door and tried it but the door was locked, he knocked but there was no answer and so he walked to the bedroom window. He tried to climb up but it was impossible as there was nothing to boost him up. After trying every option he has, he heaved a sigh and stared up at the window, “Trace,” he called, “Trace please, I know you are angry, I know you are hurt but please, just tell me that you are okay. I understand if you don’t want to see me now or if you don’t want to talk to me but please, just let me know you are okay.” He waited but nothing happened.
He ran his fingers through his hair and sniffled, glancing up at the window again and licking his lips, “Trace please, don’t talk to me, don’t open the door, don’t let me in but please, please, just give me a sign that you are in there and you are okay. I have been worried sick about you, I have searched everywhere but there was no sign of you. Please tell me that you are in there and you are okay. That is all I want to know, please,” he pleaded, “please.”
Seconds turned into minutes and finally he heard a movement and soon, she came to the window, he could see that she was still dressed in her wedding gown, her hair was in ruin and her make up that looked so beautiful in the church was smeared on her face, evidence of her wiping away a lot of tears and crying too much. She gulped and said to him, “I’m okay.”
Nathan breathed heavily in relief and wiped his hands on his face before burying his fingers in his hair and stared at her, “you sure?”
Tracy nodded, “I’m fine, Nathan, you don’t have to worry.”
“How can I not?” he finally removed his hands from his hair and sighed, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I showed up at the church, I tried to stay away. I tried so hard Trace, but I…”
“Nathan,” Tracy interrupted and when he looked at her, she smiled, “if anything, I’m happy you showed up at the church, thank you.”
“What? You…you are not mad at me? I mean, because of me, everybody knows everything now.”
“Well, nothing is hidden forever right?” she sighed, “I’m not mad at you Nathan, never was I. I…I just need time to adjust, to accept everything that is going on. I need time to face Lucy and everybody. Please, give me that time, okay?”
Nathan nodded, “sure, sure I will.”
“Thank you,” she smiled faintly.
“But I want you to know,” Nathan added, “you are not alone. You will always have me, come what may. I will stand by your side, and I will protect you with every strength in me. I don’t care who I have to protect you from, I don’t care who I have to fight, just know that I will do anything and that you have me.”
Tracy smiled and sobbed at the same time; she sniffled and wiped away her tears, “I know you will. You made that promise of protecting me since you were twelve and you have been doing that. Thank you,” she sniffled, “thank you Nathan-Boo,” she chuckled and then ended up sobbing. “Please go home, Lucy is worried about you, she has been since she came back from church.”
“You have been in there the whole time?” Nathan asked and she nodded, “I was worried,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Tracy apologized, “but go to her, please.”
“You sure you will be okay?”
“I will be fine Nathan,” she whispered and retreated into the room before he could say or ask her something else. Nathan stared at the empty window for a while before heaving a sigh and turning to leave. He got into his car and reversed to his house, parking beside his mom’s car. He turned off the engine and glanced at the house, he has no idea what could be going on in his mom’s mind but he prays that she won’t end up trying to separate him from Tracy. That was never going to happen, that he was sure of.
He climbed out of the car and walked to the house, turning the knob, he pushed open the door. Lucy was sitting on the sofa in the living room and she looked up when she heard him enter, her eyes were red and swollen, a clear sign she has been crying for a long time. Nathan wanted to go to her, to console her, but where would he begin? He was the one responsible for her tears, and even if his mom didn’t want to blame him and want to blame someone else, the next person to blame was the woman of his dreams, and he wouldn’t want her taking all the blame. He sighed and stood in front of her, staring at his feet.
“One question,” Lucy said after a while, “when did it start?”
“In Hawaii,” Nathan whispered.
“Don’t lie to me, Nathan.”
“It’s the truth,” he looked at her, “when do you want me to say, when I was eight, or ten? Do you have such little fate in her?”
“What do you want me to believe?” she yelled, “Nathan, I trusted her!”
“And she never betrayed your trust!” Nathan replied, “Mom she loves you like her mother, she is afraid of you.” He sighed and closed his eyes, “I started this,” he looked at her, “I seduced her.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I am not lying mom,” he shook his head, “I have been in love with her for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I didn’t like seeing any man close to her, I call her mine, because I believed she should belong to me. I hated all her boyfriends, everyone said that it’s because she spent so much time with me and I was being overprotective. But as I grew older, I started to understand that this was more than just being overprotective, this is more about claiming what should be mine. I became fully convinced of my love for her when I was fifteen. I didn’t know how to tell her, I didn’t know how to tell you. Everyone sees her like my older sister, but she means so much more to me than that and I wanted more. I wanted more but was too afraid to go for it. Then an opportunity presented itself in Hawaii, I was eighteen, a full legal adult, no one would mistake my feelings for an illusion. I was an adult and I knew what I want, and what I want was her, so I took the chance. I seduced her.”
“And she fell for it?”
“You can’t deny feelings, mom, you know that. But she got mad after, we came back from Hawaii and she didn’t want anything to do with me. That was how it all started. She started avoiding me, she started ignoring me. I told her I love her but she didn’t want to hear that, why? Because she was afraid of you, because she was afraid that everyone would misunderstand like they are doing just now. She started staying away longer at work just because she didn’t want to see me or look at you after knowing what she has done. She accepted to marry Gary to punish herself just because she didn’t know how you will react knowing that I am the father of her child. So you see mom, if you want to hate anyone, then hate me. Tracy didn’t do anything to me till I was an adult, and if you want me to swear with dad’s grave to prove how innocent she is, I will do that.”
Lucy sobbed, Nathan has never lied to her about anything before and whenever he mentions swearing with his dad’s grave, it always proves to her that he was telling the truth. He never saw his father but she knows that he knew he means everything to her, so whenever they have an issue, he always use him to prove to her that he was telling the truth. The only issue now was that the situation is dire, how could she accept this? How could she walk around town now? Everyone is talking about them over dinner now, how long would the discussion last? What if it lasts forever? “So you got involve with Cindy to mend your broken heart?” she asked, she could remember how he looked that day they got back from Hawaii, he hadn’t even rejoiced as she had expected for his car. Then he had gone around being moody everyday and sometimes she hears him cry at night. So this was his problem that time? Tracy was the reason?
Nathan shook his head at her question, “I was never together with Cindy.”
Lucy looked up at him sharply, “what?”
“Cindy and I are just good friends.”
“But she spent…”
“I went to her birthday party and I got drunk. She brought me home and it was late so she couldn’t leave, she ended up spending the night.”
“But you two…”
“She knew about Tracy and I, so in other to prove to Tracy that I have gotten over her, we pretended to be dating.”
Lucy nodded, “I see, then Steven too, he knows?” she asked and when Nathan nodded, she sighed and shook her head. “I’m sorry Nathan, but I’m afraid I cannot be as accepting as they are.”
Nathan closed his eyes and whispered, “I love her, mom.”
“She is ten years older than you.”
“And so what? Age is nothing but a number.” He glanced at her.
“Not for someone I have raised alongside you as your sister, no.”
“She is carrying my child.”
“We will think about what to do about that later.”
“What?” Nathan was too stunned to speak. After a while, he spoke up, “you are not hurting my child.”
“Nathan…”
“Mom!” he interrupted, “you are not hurting Tracy or my child. Please, don’t make me do something I will regret,” he stared at her for some time, then turned and left.