Nathan froze, seconds that felt like hours passed and he still did not say a thing. “Nathan,” Tracy ended up calling to him fearing that something has happened to him.
Hearing his name from her lips, Nathan woke up from his shock and he looked down at her tummy —which he couldn’t see clearly because of how close they were— and then her eyes. “You are not lying?”
“Why would I have to lie to you?” She sighed and moved away from his touch, picking up her top from where she dropped it. “Back in Hawaii, I was so lost in the moment and when we got back, we had that fight that made me forget about every other thing but how to make it up to you.” She sniffled, putting on the top. “Even when I missed my period the next month, I didn’t count it as anything, I had been so stressed that month with our fight and work and my late night thinking. I thought I was just late and it wasn’t until I threw up and Stella insisted that we must go to the hospital for I have been consistently weak that we found out I am pregnant. She knew about us so she knew immediately who is responsible. But I had already known that I can’t let you know about this.”
Nathan has been listening carefully to her story and it was only at the end that he spoke up, “why, why can’t I know?”
Tracy turned to him, “Nathan, you are eighteen for crying out loud. You are not even done with high school.”
“I’m graduating this year, in a few months actually. So tell me, why should that stop me from knowing about the existence of my child?”
“Listen to yourself Nathan, how can you be eighteen and father a child when you are a child yourself?”
“I am not a child!” he yelled, “no matter how you try to paint this, it doesn’t explain the fact that you wanted to…” he paused as something occurred to him, “wait, does he know?”
Tracy nodded, knowing who he was asking about immediately, “he found out when I was talking to Stella. He had come to apologize like he has been doing but this time with a ring. I didn’t want to accept him, I mean, I couldn’t forgive him when I wasn’t pregnant, so I turned him down but he had became insistent, saying he would love the baby as his. Stella had reminded me that I have no choice anymore, you are still too young to carry the responsibilities of a father and that since he was ready to be a father to my child, so why not? After that and a lot of thinking, I found out she was right. When he asked about the father, I told him it was just a one night stand and that I didn’t know who he was. I can’t tell him it was you, you two already have the history of hating each other and I don’t trust him enough to keep his mouth shut.”
Nathan nodded, trying to contain his pain, “so you came back and told me you were getting married while bearing in mind that you want to give my child to another?”
“Nathan please, try to understand, there is nothing you can do as a father. You are still too young and I can’t have you drop out of school to take care of me, please, I will never do that to you or Lucy.”
“So, you wanted my child to grow up and call me uncle,” he stated, tears trailing down his cheeks. “I would have been looking at him grow up without knowing he was mine. I would have believed he was his child and who knows what I would do in future, I might hate him for what his father took from me, I might dislike him and at the end only to find out that he is mine?” he sobbed as he shut his eyes tightly.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Tell me one thing, where you thinking of ever telling me?”
“I don’t know, maybe if the needs arise in the future, I don’t know. But one thing is certain Nathan, I love him and I would love him for the rest of my life. I mean take a look, I don’t want to end up with Gary, I don’t to be with him but because of my child I’m accepting him, I am sealing my future with his. I mean, I have the option to abort and no one will know. With how I hate being pregnant and unmarried, I should have aborted that day at the hospital, it crossed my mind but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it and the only reason is because this is your child. I can’t hurt you like that; I knew you hate me already, I couldn’t add more to it. And so I decided to doom myself by getting married to a man whom I know will always hurt me and all because I want to keep your child,” she sobbed.
Nathan lost himself and sat on the bed, his hands pulling on his head so tightly that his scalp was hurting but he couldn’t feel the pain.
“Did you know how hurt I was when you stated the fact I already know, when you told me that night that a cheating man just don’t change? I knew already Nathan but there is nothing I can do. This isn’t the first time he has done it since our wedding preparation; it’s just that it hit me bad today because the damned wedding is in five days. I’m sorry if my decisions are hurting you but…I don’t know what else to do, I don’t have any other choice. And I don’t want to be alone, it will kill me!” she said while sobbing, “I have prayed against this ever since I was a child and it hurts so bad that it’s happening. Can you believe me now, this is a curse, my family is not destined to be happy,” she started sobbing really bad and slowly sat on the floor.
Nathan sat on the bed, still pulling hard on his hair and he cried, why was fate so cruel? Why put him in this condition? He doesn’t know if he should be hurt that he won’t be given a chance to be a father to his own child or hurt that the man who is supposed to play the father role would do nothing but hurt the mother endlessly. He just couldn’t believe that everything is going to boil down to this. His heart hurt so badly and the pain was so unbearable that he wished all this was just a dream and that he would wake up.
“I’m sorry, Nathan, I’m sorry,” Tracy apologized.
Nathan stared at her with his red tearful eyes, why was she apologizing? He doesn’t even know between the both of them who have it bad. She is getting married to a man who not only does he not love her, but would be cheating on her endlessly, yet she is ready to stay with him, to doom her soul that much. “Can’t you wait?” he whispered with a croaky voice.
Tracy looked up at him, wiping away her tears away, “I don’t understand.”
“C-can’t you wait for me to add a few more years? You will be single but not forever, I promise.”
Tracy shut her eyes and sighed, “Nathan…I can’t face your mom. No matter what age you are, I can’t face her, I’m sorry, please,” she sobbed and opened her eyes to look at him. “I know this would just be hurting you more and it’s why I didn’t want to tell you about the pregnancy earlier. This is my fault, I was the adult here but yet I was stupid. I mean, how could I have forgotten to take contraceptive? So you see, I should be the one to suffer it all, and I wanted to, I wanted to take all the blames and all the pains that come with it. I just don’t know how I slipped this night; I have been trying for so long. It was why I was avoiding you, because I knew that if you question me too much, I would slip. I just don’t know why I called you this night. I’m sorry.”
Nathan pulled at his hair again, the tears blurring his vision. When he couldn’t it anymore, he stood up and ran out of the room. Tracy followed him immediately, trying to match with his long strides. “Nathan, Nathan please, let’s talk this out, don’t go away,” she was saying as he flew down the stairs and was at the front door in the blink of an eye. “Nathan please, I’m begging you,” she pleaded but he opened the door and ran out.
She ran down the stairs as fast as she could while trying not to slip, hoping to catch him getting into his car for she knew he won’t be going home in this state. But when she came out, his car was still in front of her house but he was nowhere to be seen. “Nathan, Nathan,” she yelled, for once not caring if anyone heard her. But Nathan was gone and so she stood at door, sobbing and wishing he would come back.