Blinding Twilight

Haymitch had just come from the bar in the living room, several bottles of the finest alcohol in his hands. It was late afternoon and he wanted to retreat for the few hours until dinner. He turned the corner of the hallway to his room when the hairs on the back of his neck suddenly stood up. He saw and heard nothing, but his senses had been heightened since his return from the arena. A bad feeling spread through the young victor's stomach, and he felt a strange gaze boring into his back.

The moment he saw Effie standing at the end of the hall, where he had been walking only a few seconds before, however, he began to doubt the acuity of his senses. He should have noticed her much earlier. Effie wore a short blue dress with creamy white ruffles around her waist that looked like a belt. The silver wig on her head blinded him and swallowed the color of her eyes.

Effie was silent and that alone was enough of a sign that something was wrong. Her black patent leather boots seemed to be stuck to the floor. Within a second, Haymitch looked her up and down and then raised an eyebrow questioningly. The mood changed the moment he looked her straight in the eyes. Her eyes were cold as ice and the mixture of anger and disappointment reflected in them made him involuntarily take a step back. But it was actually completely ridiculous. She was a head shorter than him, and he was a victor.

Effie broke out of her trance and stalked him like a lightning. "How dare you," she called out to him, making no effort to be quiet. Her voice trembled with agitation. She stopped a step in front of him and jerked her chin up to look him straight in the eyes.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Haymitch stared at her, wondering if he'd missed something. She hadn't been here all day, and the purse in her right hand told him she'd probably just gotten back.

"Cut the theatrics, Haymitch, Haymitch," she hissed now, showing him her teeth. "You know exactly what this is about. You have no idea how incredibly disappointed I am in you. Your drinking habits are only partially my concern, but drinking with Elowen ... I would not have expected that even from you!"

Haymitch widened his eyes and slowly, a scenario formed in his head. She had apparently paid Elowen a visit after her return and found her in her drunken state. What in Panem's name had the girl told Effie? Haymitch was suddenly reminded of the countless arguments with Petunia. He raised his hands in a placating gesture, only to catch a dark look from Effie when she saw what he was holding in his hands. He sighed. "Listen, I don't know what Elowen told you, but–"

"She didn't tell me anything," Effie interjected. Her unabashed anger, causing her to forget her beloved manners, made him look up. "She could barely get a word out. But it wasn't hard to piece the story together. There aren't many options left."

For a moment, Haymitch just stared at her. Her words felt like a dull blow to the gut, though he should have known better. Extending even a sliver of trust to this woman had been a fatal mistake. He sought Effie's eyes, wanting to know if she truly meant what she said. The hardness in her gaze spoke volumes. In that same moment, he was irritated by how much he truly cared about what kind of person Effie thought he was. She was the Capitol. The confusion he couldn't prevent turned into anger.

"You really think I drank with her? With our own tribute? You've lost your mind," he yelled at her. The force of his voice made Effie flinch.

Effie's gaze faltered, confusion fleeting across her own face now. She briefly closed her eyes, then fixed him with the same hardness. "Please do not lie to me," she whispered in a quieter tone. It was only now that she realized the energy with which she had confronted Haymitch. And that wasn't becoming of a lady. "We had such a good start. Please do not ruin it all now."

Did she hear herself talking? As Haymitch stared at her, he suddenly realized her similarity to the Capitol. She was just like the others here. "I'm not lying," he heard himself shout. His voice was loud and boomed through the hallway. He only noticed himself taking a few steps back to put as much distance between himself and this woman as possible. "She got drunk during training. Along with the tribute from District One. She showed up here like that, damn it. Ask Ramon's Peacekeeper if you have more trust in Capitols!"

Effie, who had just opened her mouth to interrupt him, stared through the air for a moment, then looked up at him in bewilderment. A suffocating feeling spread through her veins, and she felt her cheeks grow hot as she understood what he was saying. "So it was not you after all?"

"Surprising turn of events, isn't it?" Haymitch spat at her, and Effie suddenly felt incredibly miserable. The disappointment she had felt at the sight of Elowen had clouded her senses. She had felt so abandoned by Haymitch that she hadn't even thought about his innocence.

Effie opened her lips, but Haymitch silenced her with a jerky hand gesture. "It must be so frustrating not being able to blame District Twelve."

"Haymitch, I'm truly sorry. I didn't know that–" Effie tried to explain, but he didn't want to hear it.

"Yes, exactly, you had no idea that I wasn't to blame at all. But, of course, let's just decide without any evidence that I'm still the guilty one. Who even gives you the right to judge the truth?" He pointed accusingly in her direction. She trembled.

Effie bit her lip and cursed herself for her ignorance. Haymitch wasn't just talking about her as an individual anymore, but about the Capitol as a whole, and that hurt more than his anger towards her. Because she knew Haymitch hated the Capitol. The betrayed look in his eyes choked her, and she wished more than anything to rewind the last five minutes.

"You're right," she said pleadingly, approaching a bit closer after he had distanced himself from her. "I shouldn't have rushed to judge you, I was just ... I saw the girl and I lost it. I made a mistake, Haymitch. I'm truly sorry."

"You can shove your damn apology up somewhere else. But congratulations, Trinket, you're no better than the rest of the Capitol. You're all scum." He whispered the last sentence. Haymitch knew he had hit her. That was exactly his intention. For a moment, he just watched as she lightly raised her hand to her chest and then staggered backward. The pain was written all over her face, prompting Haymitch to turn on his heel and storm away. He wouldn't let himself be manipulated by the Capitol again.

oOo

Haymitch didn't show up for dinner, leaving Effie to deal with the children alone, which wasn't much of a challenge considering Elowen was still intoxicated and Ramon wasn't speaking to her anyway. Effie hadn't expected anything else from Haymitch, but it only heightened her feelings of guilt. After his rejection, she had retreated to her own room, contemplating with a face smeared with makeup how to mend their relationship. She was an emotional person, and the fact that she had never had such a confrontation with anyone before only made matters worse. Effie had always been the person who somehow managed to please everyone. But unlike everyone else, Haymitch had no interest in getting anything from her.

She had considered knocking on his door after dinner, but quickly dismissed the idea. He probably wouldn't even open the door for her, just like a few days ago on the train. So she decided to give him a little more time. Maybe he would calm down then.

Some days later, she was sitting at the dining table in the living room. Breakfast had been served a few hours ago, but Effie had taken her folder with her to familiarize herself with the first sponsors. It wouldn't be long before Elowen and Ramon received their scores for the training, which meant that after the announcement, the first potential sponsors could be approached.

The sun made its way over the Capitol, causing the city's glasses to sparkle like diamonds in the light. Effie loved looking out the window at this time. Each time, she tried to absorb the image before her, to hold it as a beautiful memory. As Effie glanced outside, a shadow fell into the corner of her eye. She didn't need to turn her head to know who was standing there in the doorway. Yet she did.

Haymitch had intentionally skipped breakfast. He hadn't wanted to encounter her. Seeing her at the breakfast table, almost peacefully gazing out at the Capitol, he had wanted to turn around and slip away unnoticed. But Effie must have seen him out of the corner of her eye because she turned in his direction. Their eyes met, and Haymitch saw the pain from yesterday, which she was now trying to hide behind her usual mask. He sighed inwardly and, after a brief hesitation, entered the room. The anger had mostly dissipated by the time he had woken up the day after the argument. The thought that she had actually believed it still bothered him days later, but he realized she had drawn the wrong conclusions from given clues. Even though he had expected more composure from her.

He went to the bar and poured his usual drink. As he held the bottle in his hand, he felt Effie's gaze on his back. She probably expected some reaction from him, but he couldn't think of anything that would improve the situation. Part of him told him that he should just leave it at that. Keeping this relationship at a distance would probably be the best for both of them. No problems. No misunderstandings. No Capitol interfering in his affairs.

"We need to talk about Elowen," Effie began, her voice cold and distant. Haymitch couldn't blame her. He hadn't expected her to address him so directly about their argument. He just hoped she wouldn't open the can of quarrel again, because her tone didn't suggest reconciliation. But Effie had other plans. As she continued, he realized that she seemed to prefer sweeping the whole thing under the rug and just carrying on as usual. This tactic reminded him so much of the Capitol that his whiskey made him sick. "The boy from District One could be a strong ally. Maybe we should make them an offer."

Haymitch sighed and closed his eyes. Gloss, the mentor in charge, had only been crowned the victor last year. He only knew him briefly from a few parties. Even after the arena, the Careers preferred to stay among themselves. But that wasn't what worried him. Now that he was thinking about Gloss, he remembered his tributes this year. He hadn't been present at the name announcements on the train and had been busy at the Opening Ceremony. But the tributes from District 1 always stuck in his mind because they were the first. "What are the two tributes from One called again?"

He heard Effie snort behind him when he didn't even turn to look at her while he was talking to her. But the rustling of her papers as she leafed through them was enough for him. "Magnus and Cashmere."

And there was the missing piece of the puzzle that he hadn't been able to think of. Cashmere. She was Gloss's sister. He had never seen her before, but word got around quickly. Caesar had certainly already interviewed Gloss in light of this fact, and he had heard the name Cashmere more often in the last few days, even Chaff had babbled about her. But that must have been at a time when the alcohol had already numbed most of Haymitch's senses. Because he only remembered the discussion with his friend now, after Effie had provided the crucial clue.

Now it was Haymitch who let out a scornful and almost amused snort. "Forget it, sweetheart. This alliance makes no sense. It would never be to Elowen's advantage." Obviously not to Magnus's advantage either.

Effie sighed behind him. "You cannot know that. You cannot always reject every idea," she said irritably, slamming her folder shut with a thud. Sometimes she wondered if he was even the slightest bit interested in his tributes, or if the whole mentoring thing was just too much for him.

Haymitch turned to her, about to give her the answer. But the look in her blue eyes silenced him. Suddenly he thought of the kiss. The image appeared in his mind's eye as if from nowhere. To his surprise, he finally felt the regret he had longed for the last four days. The Capitol should have no power over him. In some strange way, he didn't even mean his rejection of her personally, but the fact that she hailed from the Capitol was reason enough for him to hold her accountable for the deeds of her home. However, she would never understand that.

"Are you alright?" Effie asked in a milder tone than before. His staring confused her.

In a barely perceptible movement, Haymitch shook his head and then leaned against the bar with his whiskey in his hand. "The alliance with District One is a trap. Gloss is just trying to clear the way for Cashmere, even though I don't see any direct advantage for Magnus here."

"I could get in touch with the escort from One," Effie suggested, hoping Haymitch would change his mind. She knew Cashmere was Gloss's sister. It was only natural for Gloss to want to help her first. But that wouldn't diminish Elowen's chances. All tributes had the same opportunities, no matter what the mentor from District 1 tried to do.

"I wouldn't do that," Haymitch said with restraint in his voice, taking a sip. "You'd just embarrass yourself."

"Embarrass myself?" Anger mixed in Effie's voice as she rose from her chair, shooting him a glare from sparkling eyes. "Really, Haymitch, you have no idea. This alliance could be to our advantage, do you not see that?"

The young victor shook his head, blond strands falling over his forehead. His eyes caught the reflection of his face in the golden liquid he held in his hand like a lifeline. At thirty, he was just at the beginning of his life. He was young, healthy, and strong. If he had allowed it, he could have made many friends in the Capitol in the years after his victory. But he had seen enough to know what friendships meant for Capitol citizens. "You're the one who has no idea. Elowen won't benefit from this. Magnus will kill her as soon as she turns her back on him."

An angry snort left Effie's mouth and she pushed the chair forcefully against the table. "I just want to help her, but you ... you're always in my way. You block all my options!" Her voice had gotten louder now and reminded Haymitch of their argument yesterday. For someone who cared so much about her manners, she was pretty easy to upset.

Effie was actually close to losing it. She had promised to help Elowen. She wanted to stand up for the girl because no one else would. But Haymitch didn't see the effort behind it. He only invested one look at the tributes and then decided whether they were worth it or not. She couldn't fathom it. An alliance with 1 might get her sponsors, Elowen might actually have a chance. Part of her wanted to keep convincing Haymitch, but her gut told her it wouldn't make sense. Effie turned to leave.

"She's small, Effie. She's weak and realistically she has no chance of winning," Haymitch finally said. His voice was softer, it sounded like a resigned sigh, and it made Effie freeze in her tracks. Her head turned to him. He saw the tears that were brewing, but he had to tell the truth. She couldn't break. "Stop telling yourself otherwise. She's going to die and in the end you'll be the one who has to live with the pain."

Effie stared at him, her eyes wide. She couldn't silence the little voice in her head that told her he was right. She could feel the sadness threatening to overwhelm her. A veil fell over her eyes, and she had to blink several times to be able to see clearly again. Haymitch was standing a few meters away from her. The look in his eyes was not hard or dismissive, more compassionate and honest. When she looked at him, she saw experience. Experience of things she had never experienced and had no idea about. He wanted to protect her, part of her knew that. But another part of her wanted to have the experiences herself, no matter how painful they would be. Because she felt she owed it to Elowen.

Effie didn't look at Haymitch again. She lowered her gaze, turned on her heel and stormed out of the living room. It might have been a childish gesture, but in the time of the Hunger Games, emotions were at their peak. At least, that was what she told herself.

-

Hi!

Taylor Swift was AMAZING! If you have the chance, go and see her! I really loved her performance and all the special effects were really cool, too. 

What do you think about his chapter? Please let me know! :)

It's peak-summer-time so I'll be heading out of Germany for a month of vacation next Saturday. I'll probably have good enough internet to update though, so don't worry. Do you have plans for the summer, or are you maybe already on a trip? :) 

See you on Thursday

Skyllen