"And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know,
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you."

—The Reason/ Hoobastank

Thank you so much mandyno for suggesting this song. It's perfect for the theme!

********

"This would be an unacceptably stupid idea."

"Yeah, because I still have no assurance if you're a drug dealer or not."

"Brittney, my idea about us not meeting has not changed. Neither would it. Why are you pushing this?" He seemed tired of telling her the same thing over and over again. They had been arguing for over a day now.

"I am not pushing anything!" She exclaimed. "I just want us to Skype. I need to know that the guy I spend more time of my day with than on all social media put together, even exists."

"I do not want us to push this boundary any further."

"What boundary? I just want to see you, not even meet, goddamn it!"

"I think we should not advance a step more than what we already have done." His voice turned cold.

"Step? Ha!" She too laughed coldly. "You're acting as if we've kissed or something. Michael, it's ridiculous! So you want me to stay the anonymous caller I am? You know that's not possible."

"It is. My point is that I can see where this goes. We talk, we meet, we come closer. It all points at destruction," he reasoned.

"I am a wreck, Brittney; you don't know what depression means. You don't know how it is to wake up everyday to feel like there's poison everywhere, no hope. How it feels to wanna let go of everything and die.

"You don't know the shit I live in Brittney! You don't know how scared I get at the thought of death, but how desperately I want it at the same time! But hey, I care about you. I just don't want you come in between all the mess that I am." His words were bitter, but his voice was soft and tender; careful of not hurting her feelings.

Pause, a long pause. Minutes later she finally spoke, clearing her throat. "And what about the fact that I care about you?"

"What about it?" He sounded so out of the world.

"How can I see you go, Michael? How can I? If you had cared about me, you'd have known that I cannot see anyone in pain, especially you. I need to be there for you. And I promise I'd not annoy you, or screw myself up with whatever-the-shit it is."

"You are so adamant," he continued speaking in the soft, sad tone. "But you don't understand. I have let people come close to me and I've seen the result. I've messed up my ex's life. Though you're just a friend, I don't want you to get hurt."

"Michael.." She pleaded. "For the sake of dear God, stop acting like you're a bomb. I understand what it might be like, but I wanna help you."

"I am honestly telling, I myself don't know who I am, what I want. I always get so pissed off about this entire world, I cannot tell you how many nights I keep crying until it's dawn. Do you know what it feels like tossing around in the bed and not get any sleep? Well, I know. Until I got dependant on sleeping pills, that is. You just have no idea," he stated as he broke down.

"Come on, come on, boy! I know what pain is. Maybe I've not suffered as bad as you. But I know it, okay?" Her voice croaked as well. But the sound of his sobs won't stop.

She had never seen a boy cry. They're supposed to be strong, right? But yes, his life was not as beautifully painted with colours as others.

"Hey, hey!" She tried to soothe him. "Don't be like that. I am here for you. It'll be fine."

After a while when he managed to stop, she whispered, "So will you get pissed beyond compare if I wanna know whether the proposal of Skype still stand or not?"

"I'll message you my ID. Send me yours, beautiful," he said with a chuckle. Weirdly, Brittney found it adorable.

"Wait! You haven't even seen me and you called me beaut—"

"Because, I already know it."

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