lemme do that just a little--

so

i don't know why

but some people think i have a strong personality ???? Is that the way everyone sees me ?????? I'M NOT ????????

I had a break down at school not so long ago, and the floor's responsible (for the night since i'm in dorms) said to me that from her point how view, i was someone who'd slap anyone who annoys me, that i was someone with a strong mind, even if I don't ? 

Like

I have a very powerful voice, and I trash-talk most people since in my class they're either jerks, either nice people to trash-talk with, either my friends are the fucking best so we spend our days trash-talking.

i seriously don't get it

i'm a supersensible human who's self-aware and got self-hatred issues, like most people.

just because i'm fat doesn't mean i don't have a heart.

like

what the heck ????

and for some reasons, i feel so guilty, but i don't even know what i feel guilty about ??????

i'm

i'm completely lost ????

i need a hug....

i need to see my friends again...

if i see one of them, i'll most certainly going to burst into tears

and i can't even do anything about it.

i might never see them again in my whole life.

i can't organize a birthday party since i'll have a summer job, if we follow another school's way to deal with the virus i'll stay home, and my only chance to see one of them was destroyed two days ago. I sincerely feel the worst and i don't know why

i just feel like the scummiest person alive