"Can I talk to you, please?" his question leaves him in an unsteady voice, and I nod to answer. He comes next to me on the sofa. "I need to talk to you..." he holds the sleeves of his hoodie in his hands, gripping them. "Tell me..." I fear the words he has to say, but I keep quiet to let him talk.

"I want to apologize...for what I did," he tears up in front of me. "And what I said. I didn't mean anything...I swear...I was just mad, and I acted like a kid...but I regret doing this. I'm so sorry, dad. I love you, and I shouldn't have done that..."

I gaze at him without answering, feeling affected by the sight of him in this state but still having in mind what I heard on the phone the other day. I peek down at my baby who moved and got between my thighs to play with his new book, and I keep my hands on his small body.

"I know you must hate me and feel disappointed because of what you heard the other day, but I didn't want him to say such a thing...I would never have said that to you or anyone..." he mentions it, not ignoring this moment that deeply hurt me. "I don't hate you, I'll never hate my child," I look at him. "And I wanted to apologize right on the day that it happened, but I was scared to do it."

"I'm glad you finally apologized. I understand that you were mad at me, but seeing you act that way was a bit hard to handle," I tell him the truth since we are having a serious talk. "I'm sorry, dad...I mean it. The worst was that I got so scared when you became silent and started to not talk to me anymore...I knew that I hurt you a lot...and I feel horrible for that."

"It's okay," I do not let him concern himself about this any longer, willing to solve this problem in a positive manner. "It was a mistake. I'm not mad at you or anything, I just hope this won't happen again," I keep my pain to myself for him to not feel affected by what this caused to me. "It won't ever happen again. I promise. I love you, and I don't want to hurt you again..." he shakes his head, and I smile at him. "I love you too, and I apologize as well for hurting you."

"Don't be, I'm just immature, you didn't do anything wrong," he wipes his tears away and leans closer to me. "I just want to forget about this," I state, not lying about it. I do not want to think about this sentence his friend said, I do not want to know about what he told them to get him to say that, I just want to overlook it. He nods but peeks at me as his little brother is having fun touching the fluffy parts of the book, but he leans towards me and puts his arms around my body, his head resting on my arm. I smile at this gesture I have not been given by him in a while, and I hug him back.

I ruffle his hair to drop a kiss on his head and make sure he feels better now. This here, is the reason why is till consider him as my baby, because he is.

After a few seconds full of love and care, he retreats and dries his tears with his sleeves that must have soaked up a lot of them. "I want to talk about y/n..." he brings her up when I did not expect him to actually do it. I do not refuse it since this is important for us both to talk about her, and I let him know he can go ahead.

"I saw her just right before coming here because I needed to talk to her and ask something...and...I want to ask you a question too," he provokes some nervousness without even knowing, but I keep control of my emotions and do not show any signs of torment. "I'm listening."

"Do you love her? Like, really?" he asks what I knew would be put on the table. "Do you feel that thing inside that tells you that you need and want her?"

I clear my throat, even though I do not need it, and I muse on it. I look at my baby who turned around to climb on me, and I run my fingers through my hair. "I do need and want her, but that is the problem. I'm soon forty, but I never dated anyone before your mom, so I still have a lot of doubts and fears about love, which makes me feel like the fact that I was broken might have, like..." I try to find the right word to explain this feeling I have. "Distorted my mind and heart. I always hate to think like that, but I cannot stop wondering if I would have felt the same way around her if I was not broken. I mean...yeah...I'm pretty sure I would have...I maybe think too much, I don't know," I cannot even be sure of my own feelings.

"Would you have fell in love if it was another girl who gave you some attention, but who didn't have her personality?" he helps me to figure out what I want, and I answer with no second thought. "No. I wouldn't have because what I love the most about her is her personality, her mindset, her way of talking...just everything that makes her the person she is."

"Then you do love her sincerely and not just because you got hurt," his assurance puts a smile on my face. "I know, but I still have a hard time dealing with what your mom left inside me, she ruined me, and I don't want to hurt y/n because of this. I want to be okay to date her, so I won't make her wait for me to be fine, I'll just take care of myself and focus on my mental health, then if we ever meet again and that our relationship grows even more, then I'll try something with her if she still wants me. But right now, I know that it will only harm us if we ever get into a relationship because I'm not okay. I do feel good and happy when she is with me, but this won't be healthy if I do not feel okay once she's away, I cannot rely on her all the time as if she was some sort of pill, that's not how a good relationship works. She did help me a lot though, I don't know what I would have done without her, but I also know how hurt she is when I'm struggling for whatever reason, and that's not something I want to see every day. If I date her, I want her to be happy, I don't want her to make me happy only."

"I see..." he understands what I mean and why I hold back. "I just...she loves you, she does love you sincerely for who you are. She was worried for you once I talked about this whole thing, she knew you would be hurt, and she did not even care about how rude I was to her, she only thought about you and wanted to make sure you were okay," his words heighten all the delight this girl is able to build inside of me, and I smile to myself. "She's an angel."

"I want to tell you...that I..." he tries his best to frame his sentence. "I'll be happy if you date her and that you're both happy together..." he tells me, and the meaning this has hits me in the heart. "I won't be mad at neither of you, I won't make you feel like you did something wrong because you didn't. I just want you to be happy and move on. I hate to see you deal with so much pain because of what...what she did to you...I hate to see you sad all the time...And I also want you to know that I'll always be with you, I don't want you to think that I'll leave to go to her, I'll always be there to support you and help you the best I can," he nearly makes me cry, speaking with maturity about this topic for the first time but not ever pronouncing the word 'mom' once. "You're the best dad...and I understand you, I understand how you feel, so I want to help you."

I smile at him, feeling comforted and relieved. "Thank you, it means a lot to me, you have no idea," I look him in the eyes while smiling, and he returns the same expression.

"Is y/n doing good though?" I cannot hold back from asking, and he nods. "She is. When are you going to hire her cousin? I hoped that she would come back, but yeah, it's obvious she won't."

"He's starting this Monday, but he's younger, so he won't stay here. I want him to be with his parents since he's still a minor," I explain to him, feeling glad to have someone there to take care of my baby while I'm away without bothering my parents. "Okay," he hears me.

I really hope he will be as good as y/n was.

— Two weeks later —

Saturday, February 13th, 2021.

11 pm.

I finish reading a book after starting it a week ago, finally more informed about a certain topic that one of my patients brought up. I take my glasses off and lean back on my desk chair, still having y/n on my mind more than I thought I would, and more than I wish.

I wonder what she is thinking about right now since she is a night person. I hope she is not dealing with insomnia or stress again. We have not talked since she left, but every night and every morning, I recall the words she said to me on that day.

I miss her a lot, and maybe I should send her something to show her that I still think about her, but what if she would rather not hear anything from me and live her life away from me?

What she affirmed goes against my assumptions, but still, I am not as comfortable as I was before with love and affection.

I set my eyes on my phone, slowly rotating my chair while contemplating. A sigh escapes my mouth through the silence, I comb my hair back but move forth and open one of the drawers to get a few blank pages out. I put my glasses back on and grab hold of a pen.

I do not want to send a text, this is too simple and emotionless, and she knows how I feel about it anyway, she will understand why I would rather write on paper than type on a screen.

I take a sip of red wine, and I stare at the piece of paper, waiting for the right words to come to my mind.

'YOUR P.O.V'

I turn to the side while looking at my phone, lying down on my bed but never finding a way to fall asleep. I need to exit this gallery and stop watching the videos I have of him, this hurts me, but this oddly makes me feel good too, and I miss Hyejoon and Hajoon too.

I have been thinking about texting him these days, but if he did not do it, I assume this is because he does not care or does not want to. I stop watching those videos and photos, and I put my phone down on my nightstand to snuggle up under my blanket. I should never have let him know that I like him. I am a dumbass for not keeping my distance.

At the sound of my phone vibrating and startling me, I raise my eyes up and take it to check what this is.

This is no one other than my cousin who answered me three hours after I sent him a message.

< I enjoy my time there but I feel like Mister Jeon is a silent guy. Not the one u talked about ]

[ what do you mean? >

< he's kind and all but idk he seems down most of the time. He's too quiet and calm to be happy ]

[ oh, and why do you think that? How does he act with you? >

< he's considerate as hell, he makes sure I'm alright and always tells me "goodbye" "have a good day" "see you tomorrow" and thanks me each time I worked for the day, but he looks like my depressed aunt, ngl ]

[ have you once seen him drink alcohol or smoke? >

< no, why? ]

[ just wanted to make sure. Do you sometimes ask him how his day was or something? >

< im socially awkward girl. I can't do that and he stresses me out without doing anything ]

[ come on Hyuk! Ask him how his day was, how he is doing, and if he ate well. I'm worried for him... >

< then call or text him, you like him dumbass, who the hell fcking cares about his age? ]

[ its too complicated, I just want you to try to socialize with him and be caring >

< im too nervous to start a conversation! He's scary! ]

[ wth are you talking about? He's not scary >

< girl. Muscular and tall men scares me because I'm an noodle guy, okay? ]

[ hes two heads taller than me. I've never been scared of him😑 >

< stfu liar! You texted me when you met him and you said you were scared bcs of how intimidating he is! ]

[ i meant intimidated by him, not scared >

< well then, I'm intimidated too ]

[ but he's a soft man, I promise, he looks big and all, but he's the sweetest man ever! >

< bcs you're a girl🙄 he won't act like that with me. He's not gonna play with my hair or give me a massage bro ]

[ who knows?😂 >

< no thanks lol ]

[ whatever, give him some attention and cook something for when he comes home >

< I can't cook ]

[ ill do it then and come with it >

< seriously?😂 ]

[ yeah, watch me do it tomorrow >

< alright, but what if you come across him because he decides to be home earlier? ]

[ i die >

< pussy😂 ]

[ you can't even talk to him so shut up >

< 😐 whatever. I need to sleep, goodnight, Mistress Jeon ]

[ shut up! >

< 😊 ]

If only he knew how serious it is to me. I sigh but see another text pop up on my screen right before I was about to leave it.

< btw, its valentines day tomorrow, you could surprise him with a text, just saying ]

[ go to bed >

I ignore what he says since I will never do such a thing, and since I do not receive any more answers, I put my phone down and try to fall asleep 

— Two days later —

Monday, February 15th, 2021.

6 am.

"Y/n," my father calls me as I just left my bedroom to get ready to go to work. "Yes?" I make my way towards him but see him hold a few envelopes. "That’s for you," he hands it to me, and I grab it to read what is written on it.

This cannot be what I think it is.

I hurry to open it but head back to my bedroom, and as soon as I see the name on one side, my heart beats faster.

I close the door behind me but sit at my desk, and I put the envelop down on it to only read the letter.