"What did he say?" my voice nearly trembles, feeling an urge to put an end to this call and let him be. "Nothing. I'll come home later," he hangs up, but I still cannot process what I just heard. Does that mean that I am nothing better than that to him? That is what he tells his friends when he talks about me?

He never made me feel this much of pain before. Even if I hurt him, he is eighteen, I am an adult, his father, and he does not have the right to do such a thing to me only because I was intimate with the girl he fell in love with. I would never have expected him to do something like that.

I lock my phone and throw it on the sofa, my heart pounding, clenching in my chest. I bite my lips but walk up the stairs to take my baby to his room, and I put him in his crib. I place his plushie near his body, and I leave. My brain just paused, I do not even know what I am feeling, what I am thinking. All my emotions are blocked, literally.

After all, I guess I deserve all of this.

I ignore the physical impact this has on my chest, and I get into the kitchen. Everything feels dull inside of me, my brain convincing myself that everything is okay while my heart knows more than anything that it wants to stop beating and struggling.

I gulp down the heaviness in my throat, and I open the microwave, grab a spoon, and I move to the sofa. I do not turn the TV on, I do not want to hear or see anything, I eat all by myself, in the quietness of the house that I am the cause of.

I am not going to think about y/n. Why would I? This will only deepen the wound. At this point, there are no stitches anymore, nothing can fix it, it's an open cut, and the seconds, minutes, and hours add more sensitivity to it.

My wife cheated on me. My baby, who I thought was mine, is not my biological one. The girl who fell in love with me, and for who I caught feelings, left because I caused her pain. My son despises me and talks about me as if I was nothing but a pervert and horrible father. So why would I not be okay? Everything is fine. I am fine.

I stir in my food, forcing myself to eat without even enjoying it but just shoving everything in my mouth to not be hungry, to not harm myself, and be unable to take care of Hyejoon who needs me.

I wish y/n could be here. I wish she could take me in her arms, or just look into my eyes. A simple moment of eye contact would be enough for me to feel better, to know that she is near me and that I still mean something to someone.

•••

8:20 pm.

I press a kiss on my baby's head after putting him to sleep, and I pass my hand over it, before leaving the room to let him dream.

I make my way downstairs but remain careful since all the lights are off and that only the window in the ceiling offers some night light. I get back on the sofa since I cannot stand to be in my bed anymore, and I lay down but take my laptop on my thighs. I need to look for a new house, I do not want to stay here anymore, I want it to remain in my past and move on. I have too many memories here, including bad ones.

I type on the keyboard to find a good website, but the sound of the front door opening surprises me, nonetheless, I keep my eyes on the screen and nothing else.

He is eighteen as he said, he is a grown man, so I am going to treat him like one. I am not a good father anyway, he must not want to be like me, so he should learn to be a good man by himself.

Both of us remaining silent as I do not even have the strength to scold him anymore, he does not even apologize, he walks past the sofa and goes upstairs. I do not even know if it hurts me to act that way after what I heard earlier, I cannot get those words out of my head, and the weight it pushes onto my heart is so strong that the pain will probably never go away given who this came from.

I browse through the website I just fell upon and check the prices, then the pictures. Since I found a new stable job and that I do not want a big house anymore, I have a lot of choices. I just need to take time and pick the right one where I will probably spend the rest of my life.

I put my glasses on to protect my eyes, and I stay here.

— Five days later —

Saturday, January 30th, 2021.

12:10 pm.

I sit down at the table with Hyejoon on his baby chair, and I put my food down but give him his dish. Since his bowl is only filled with slices of banana, I do not give him an utensil but let him eat with his finger. He looks at me first, so I help him to go for it and take one up. "Here, you can eat with your hand, baby," I smile but drift it to his mouth, and he opens it wide, in one of the cutest manners to let me feed him, but he makes a loud noise and smiles.

"You like it?" I laugh at his reaction, but I take the bowl of apple purée I have next to me to feed him this as well and see if he likes one more than the other. I use the plane method to bring the spoon to his mouth, and he shows how much he enjoys this with his adorable expression. "There you are, my baby," I smile but put the bowl with the spoon in front of him as well, and I eat with him.

I take a bite of the food I cooked and keep my eyes on my baby to see him eat on his own, but Hajoon walks into the kitchen behind him. The tension is still there, he does not want to apologize, he does not even want to talk to me unless I have to sign something for school. I check what he is doing but see him with his phone in his hand, and he grabs an apple while leaving. "I'm going out," he says without looking at me, so I let him do what he wants.

20 minutes later...

'YOUR P.O.V'

"Hey," I smile at Hajoon, even though I expect him to not be in a great mood. "Hey," he forces a smile but sits down next to me on the bench, looking bothered and upset. "Do you want to start first, or I do it?" I try to know how to initiate it since we talked about it by text beforehand. "Why did you do that with my dad?" he glances at me.

"The problem is not what I did with your dad or what we did, but why you are mad about it. I want you to explain to me what upsets you like that," I do not answer since I do not think I have to tell him about what is personal. "The fact that you both acted like he was only treating like a daughter when he did not."

"When he did he tell you that he considers me as a daughter?" I ask since I never heard Mister Jeon call me this. He looks at me but avoids my eyes only a short second after. He knows he is wrong. "He never did, but I don't know. He was married, and you didn't respect that. How could you do some sexual stuff with him knowing that he was married? Don't you feel ashamed?" he does not mince words, not even imagining how harsh that sounded. "He talked about his situation and what happened with your mother, he explained everything to me way before that happened."

"But still. You're twenty, and he's thirty-eight. It fucking disgusts me. Now what? If I ever get a girlfriend, is he gonna be attracted to her too? I should not ever—"

"Do not talk about your father like that, all right? You do not know what happened or why that happened, what he's going through, or the way he felt afterwards. He is an adult, so he can do whatever he wants, and never his children should make him feel ashamed of something that he did and which was in no way wrong, disgusting, disrespectful, or inappropriate. As you say, I'm twenty, so I'm an adult. If you cannot understand humans relationships, what 'catching feelings' or 'growing fond of someone' means, then that is not your father's problem," I do not restrain my words at the sound of his sentence I could not bear. "Do you even know how much your father loves you and would do anything for you? How scared he is every day to disappoint you and not be the father that you're proud of and want to be later? What if that had happened to you? What if you made a small mistake and that your father was acting like that towards you instead of understanding you and being there for you? Do you not even care about that? Doesn't he have enough to deal with already?"

He remains quiet in front of the words that I let out with anger. "All the things that he does, he does them for you and your little brother. He never hurt you, he never intended to do so, but that's what you do in return? I saw him cry many times because of how worried he is, how much he wonders what he has done wrong to deserve that because he believes that he's not worth anyone's time anymore!"

"Then why did you leave?!" he shouts at me. "Uh? If you know that you were the only one he could rely on, why the fuck did you leave?"

"Because I'm in love with him!" I do not hide it anymore. This is unnecessary. "And he likes me but feels guilty for it! I feel like I'm only causing a problem by being there and seeing him hold back from being close to me because he doesn't want his children to hate him, because he's scared to hurt me! That is the reason why I fucking left!"

He looks into my eyes but starts to tear up. "I did not mean to do that..." he looks away and covers his face with his hands. "I was just mad and hurt because I was in love with you, and I told my friends about it...but he called me when I was with them...and he heard what one of them said...then I heard in his voice how hurt he was..." he sobs and feels the way he should for doing this to him. "I want to apologize, but I'm scared to talk about it because I know that he must hate me..."

"What did he say?" I ask to know, fearing the worst. "He said...that it was wrong to fuck his son's crush, he yelled it in the phone...but I swear I would never have wanted him to say that...and I know that he's hurt because of me...and I'm scared that he might not ever forgive me..." his answer shocks me. "What did you tell them for him to say such a thing?" the pain grows even bigger the more I think about how Mister Jeon must have felt right at that moment.

"I just...I said that my dad was...that he was having sex with you and that he was a liar..." he explains and reveals what I wish had never been said. "But I did not mean it...I swear I didn't..."

I breathe out sharply and avert my eyes from him. I know how Mister Jeon feels about his children, about how they see him, and just the thought of him knowing about this kills me. He should never have said this about his father who always tries his best for him and loves him more than anyone else does.

"Apologize to him, and you listen to all the things that he has to say if he wants to talk to you...Words can hurt like ever, and he will never forget that because it is from his son, but you have to own up to what you've done and apologize," I do not even lay my eyes on him anymore, not getting how he could say those words about Mister Jeon.

"I want you to apologize and call me tonight to tell me how it went," I cannot help but be concerned about Mister Jeon. "I will..." he wipes his tears away. The only thing that I want to do right now is going to his house and taking Mister Jeon in my arms to make sure he is okay. "I just wanna know something..." he uses his sleeves to soak his tears, and I give him attention. "What?"

"Do you really love him? Like, would you really do anything for him to be happy? Do you love him for who he is? Even if he had no money?" he asks as if this was not obvious that I'm not the type of girl who would leave someone for money. "I do love him for who he is. I'd do anything to see him happy, and I don't care about his money or the cars he owns, I just love a person for who they are...not for what they have."

"But...even if he has to work all the time. Doesn't that bother you? Won't you start to act like my mom did because he cannot be home often?" he almost compares me to this woman. "I wouldn't care. I would only think about the fact that when he gets home, he knows someone who loves him is waiting for him. I would love to be that person who brightens up his mood and makes him smile after a long day at work."

He turns his head in my direction but does not put his glistening eyes on me. "I'm sorry for being mad and rude to you," he apologizes to me, and I accept it. "Just go home and do that with your dad...that's all that I want you to do."

"Hm," he snivels but stands up. "I'll call you once I talked to him," he looks at me, and I nod to him. "See you," he walks away, so I let him go, hoping for this to get better.

20 minutes later...

'JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V'

I sit down on the sofa with my baby in my arms, and I lay my legs on the cushions, his head resting on my chest as he is sucking on his pacifier. I open the child's book that I have in my hands, and I try to get his attention to be on it. "Baby boy, look," I show him the animal pictures that he can touch, and I pass my fingers over the fluffy part of the bunny since I know he is going to copy my actions.

Once he sees what I am doing, he brings his small hand to it as well and touches it. "Do you know what this is?" I point my finger at the animal as he seems to enjoy the fluffy feeling, and he makes some cute noises. "It's a bunny," my words make him gaze up at me, and I smile. "A bunny."

He emits some sounds to try to say it too, and I giggle but press a kiss on his head, getting him to cuddle up against me but take the book near him. I turn the page for a cat to appear, but the front door opening interrupts me. Hajoon grasps all of his brother's attention without willing to, so I peek at him but do not come across something I expected to see.

He takes his shoes off as I can perceive some distress upon his face, and he comes closer. "Dad..." he looks into my eyes, and I worry about him. "What's wrong?"

"Can I talk to you, please?"