10 minutes later...

At the sound of a door getting opened, I stand up with Hajoon, and I look at y/n walking up towards us with her two luggage and bags. She brings them to the front door, so we follow her, but Hajoon cannot even stay calm at the thought of her leaving us for good. "Are you sure you have to—"

"Hajoon," I stop him, giving him the look that he knows means that he should not do this again. He exhales heavily to express his discontent. "I'll visit you, or we'll hang out next week, don't worry," she reassures him, and I stay in the back to let them both say goodbye to each other.

"Who's gonna cook delicious food now...?" he throws his arms around her and hugs her like a kid who does not want to let his favorite human go. "And don't take it the wrong way..." he rectifies what did not sound right, but she giggles and does not even get mad about it. "My cousin will cook for you if you want."

"I don't care about your cousin...I just care about you," his sentences unwillingly leave him in a rude way, but she knows what he means by that and seems to understand why he is talking in such a way. She rubs his back and does not say anything, but we make eye contact for short seconds.

She pulls away from him to not make it last for too long, and she puts her jacket on. "Don't you want me to drive you home?" I comb my hair back, and she answers with the opposite of what I would love to hear. "The uber is about to be here. Don't bother."

"It wouldn't have bothered me, you know it," I try to act normal in front of my son, feeling the reality hit me way harder than I wish it was. Once she is done putting her jacket and shoes on, I move forth and hug her for the last time. "Take care of yourself, eat and rest well. Text and call me whenever you want or need...Don't forget it," I rub my thumb over her waist, and I step back to let her go, realizing for good that our routine together is over.

"Take care of yourself as well, stay healthy," she looks into my eyes. "Very healthy, and safe," she emphasizes this word, knowing what I could dive back into. She puts her attention over Hajoon, and he hugs her again, but my brain just flies off the handle, and I think about everything to hurt myself while looking at her.

This was too quick, I did not even have the time to enjoy my last days by her side to the full. I wish I would have known at least yesterday that this one would be the last one with her in my house.

I watch her smile at Hajoon and comfort him, but a knot in my throat aches, my heart clenching in my chest, I anxiously run my fingers through my hair and do everything possible to not break down.

"I'll visit you next weekend with your favorite meal, okay?" she manages to make him smile, but I clear my throat at the feeling of some tears flooding my eyes. Once she looks at me, I cowardly escape this situation full of distress. "I...I need to check up on Hyejoon," I use as an excuse. "See you," I bite my lips and swallow, but her smile just ends me, so I walk upstairs and let my feelings have their impact. I walk into Hyejoon's room, and I cover my face with my hands to quieten the sounds my sobs could provoke.

She was the only one able to keep me calm, to make me relax, and keep me away from the toxicity that harms me but which I cannot even retreat from whenever I am in pain.

I know I should not depend on her though, so I have to handle this pain by myself. I do not even know why I am so sensitive, I would not have reacted that way if I was not going through what I am going through lately. The reason why she had to leave us is even worse for me.

I keep silent as much as I can, and I wait to hear the door that means she left the house.

•••

6:20 pm.

"Hajoon," I knock on his door. "Dinner's ready," I let him know, hoping for him to get out of his room even if y/n isn't here. "Yeah," he answers me, so I walk downstairs to go back to the dining room, and I sit down at the table.

The house feels so empty, cold, and silent. I wish I did not act the way I did.

I do not eat but wait for Hajoon to come and join me. If he does not dine with me, I won't even eat anything. I'll just get into my bedroom and work.

Not a single sound reverberating through the house, I put my hand around my glass of wine to drink, but my eyes only focus on my fingers, my nails that she painted again only a few days ago. I smile at the thought of it but hear my son finally go out of his room.

I take a sip of my drink and look at him walking up to me, his hood still on just to show how depressed he is without her. He sits down, not saying a word, he picks his chopsticks up and eats, so I do so but feel guilty for what is happening.

I feed myself with the food that is not as good as y/n's one, but I take a look at him, hating myself like ever. "Were you playing?" I speak, willing to make him talk a little and not just awkwardly eat dinner without letting a single word out. "No. I was sleeping."

"Oh, are you tired?" I keep my eyes on him, but he does not look up, he just shoves some more food in his mouth. "No. I just fell asleep without meaning to."

"Hm," I understand that he does not want to continue the conversation, so I leave him alone. "Why was it tense between you and y/n earlier?" his question catches me off guard, making me stop chewing. I lick my lips and remain calm, not showing my emotions that could betray me. "I was just...surprised and not really happy, you know..."

"No, I felt that way, but that was different," he rejects my answer, not taking it. "I mean, it's obvious that she's closer to you," he does not look at me just once while eating and calmly getting to a point. "The way she looks at you. I'm not dumb, I know she likes you."

"What are you talking about, Hajoon?" I pretend to not understand, being even more horrible for my lies and falseness. "Stop acting like you don't know, dad. Either she was attracted to you, or she was attracted and in love. She never stayed away from you when you were around..." he reveals what he never mentioned before, and the discomfort just creeps up on me. "What was she to you? A daughter? Or way more than that?" his eyes meet mine, and he does not glance away anymore.

He knows that if he does that, I will not be able to lie to him. I don't want to do that anymore, not to him, he had enough of this with his mother. "Why are you suddenly talking about—"

"Just answer me," he never shows any irritation, but instead composure. I sigh slips out of my mouth, and I drop my eyes to my dish, not liking this moment. "I don't know, Hajoon."

"You don't know? And why is that?" he does not put n end to this here. "How can you not know?"

"I don't want to talk about it...Today was already tough enough," I avoid the subject as much as I can to not have to say the truth or lie either, but he carries on, not giving up. "I just want a simple answer. Since my friends came here and saw you both, they've been having fun saying that my dad is a sugar daddy who loves young girls."

"You shouldn't be friends with them if that's how they act," I can barely remain relaxed the more he keeps on talking about this. "I just want you to answer me, dad. I won't piss you off with that again. I just don't want you to lie to me or hide anything from me anymore," he guilt trips me.

I need to be honest with him, but what is he going to think of me if I ever tell him about this unclear relationship?

I keep my eyes on my dish, and I tongue my inner cheek. "This is complicated. She's...." I glance away and feel the hatred engulf me. "She's more than a daughter to me..."

He remains silent for a few seconds, making me regret answering. "So you're both hiding something from me, aren't you?"

"We're not," I do not let him say that, setting my eyes on him. "I never tried to hide anything from you, but I did not want to talk about it because this is complicated, and she left because of me," I speak a little too much and go too far. "She left because of you? Why? What the hell does that mean?"

I sharply exhale. "I cannot talk about it. That is a matter that concerns her, and I already said too much," I do not reveal more, deciding that it is enough. "No. I'm your son! You know I'm in love with her since she came here, so why can't you tell me the truth?! Are you both together?! Did you have sex with her?! That's why you were both acting damn strange earlier—"

"Hajoon," I hit the table with the palm of my hand. "You stop it now. I answered you, you said you wouldn't go any further, so you stop."

"All right," he reacts with rudeness and throws his spoon on the table, rises from his chair abruptly as I noticed some glisten into his eyes, and he leaves. This cannot be real.

I clench my jaw, wondering what I have done to deserve this type of punishment. The sound of a door getting slammed echoes loudly through the house, and I grab my glass to empty it, the silence filling the whole room.

This is odd to say, but the silence is loud, way too loud.

The emptiness inside of me blocks all types of emotions, but I lose it, I tighten my grip on my glass, rise, and throw it into the wall to let it shatter, and I walk away but stop myself and clench my fist against my mouth, closing my eyes and telling myself to not cry.

I pitch my fist into the wall thoughtlessly, but my hand trembles again. The nerves still sensitive after the injury that has not been healed like it should have. The acute pain forces me to get down on the floor, my back against the wall, I hold my wrist but control the wave of emotions inside of me.

The more the days pass, the more I disappoint the ones I love, the more I lose them. I am just a mess, but I wish this could stop. I want to be happy again.

— Next day —

Monday, January 25th, 2021.

6:30 pm.

I enter the house after picking my baby up at my parents' house. I need to contact y/n's cousin very quickly because I cannot ask them to do this every day, and the ride that I have to make between my job, their house, and mine is way too long when I come back from a long day at work.

I do not tell Hajoon that I am back home since he does not want to talk to me anymore and even ignored me this morning when I said goodbye, I put my bag down, take my shoes and jacket off, and I lay my baby on the sofa to be able to take his coat and shoes off too.

"Are you tired, my little baby?" I peck his forehead, seeing his big eyes expose his sleepiness. "Daddy's sorry for waking you up," I feel guilty for disturbing his schedule, but he does not cry or complain, to my greatest relief. I smile at him but stand up to tidy up, and I go back to him, take him in my arms, and he cuddles up against me even more to seek for my warmth and protection.

I love him so much.

I press a kiss on his cheek and rub his back but grab the bag full of food that my mother cooked for us, and I move towards the kitchen. I do not know what I would do without them.

I take the containers out and open them all, and I put them into the microwave to warm everything up. Now, I leave this here and head upstairs since we are already going to dine. I hate this type of day where I see my kids even less than before. I just want to spend some time with them but earn enough money to make them happy.

"Hajoon?" I knock on his door. "The food is about to be ready," I tell him but do not get any answer. I'm not giving up, despite the anger and disgust that I understand he must feel towards me, he should not go too far.

"Hajoon? I'm going to open to door, so either you answer me, or I come in," I give him a warning, but that is still not enough, he does not say anything, so I decide to step inside.

My heart skips a beat once I see that his room is empty. His bag is not here. Feeling the anxiousness increase, I head back to the stairs to have the front door within sight and check if his shoes and jacket are here. There are not.

What is happening?

I take my phone out and dial his number without even trying to send a simple text. I need to know where he is right now. He should have come home at least two hours ago.

The ringtone resounding without ever stopping, I bite my lips and walk down the stairs while trying to stay calm as much as I can, even though my heart is making it hard for me to do so. No answer coming from him, I stress out but try again, not knowing where he is, what he is doing.

The call ends even sooner as if he had declined it, but I receive a text.

< Im at a friends house ]

[ Why aren't you answering me?! And I always told you to tell me about it when you're going out! You call me right now Hajoon >

< im busy ]

[ Hajoon. I'm serious. You call me right away or I swear that you're going to regret this. Can you even imagine how I'm feeling right now because I thought you were in danger?! I'm worried sick, is it fun for you? >

I few seconds after sending this message, I get a phone call, so I hurry to pick it up. "What are you trying to do, Hajoon? Are you out of your mind?" I keep my composure to not raise my voice or show any wrath with my baby in my arms. "I'm just hanging out with my friends. I'm eighteen now, goddamn! Stop overreacting like that!"

"Overreacting?" I cannot believe what I heard from him. "I was scared! I come home and see that you're not here when you were supposed to come back from school two hours ago. You did not text or call me, you said nothing, and you don't even answer my calls! How am I supposed to not be worried for you?!"

"It's wrong to fuck your son's crush, sir!" someone in the background yells, and an aching pain crashes into my chest when I hear Hajoon huff. "I'm—"

"What did he say?"