•••

9:20 pm.

"Did you eat well?" I walk back to our car after dining at this fancy restaurant, and she smiles at me. "I did. That was a first time for me."

"Really?" I slow down the pace to not reach my car too quickly and scrutinize the way she walks in those heels. "Yes, I've never eaten in a restaurant, let alone a fancy one."

"Oh, I hope it was a good first time then," I smile, and she does so, relieving me from a doubt. "That was an amazing one," she affirms. "Since it was with you," this sentence melts my heart but pains me as well. She constantly sends me hints, if they can even be called that, but I cannot return them. I need to keep some distance between us, no matter how difficult it is, the more I will let my feelings have the upper hand on my actions, the more this will be hard for me to hold back.

I do not know how to answer to that, so I just stop at my car, unlock it, and I open the passenger door for her. This might seem old-fashioned to her, but I do not want to change who I am or how I act, I cannot.

Once she is in, I close the door and join her a few seconds later. I take my jacket off, feeling a bit hot, she does the same, and we both put them on the back seats. The silence remaining in this enclosed space, I insert the key but do not turn the ignition on yet. I lay my eyes on her, and I think about a thing that I could say, something that could erase the quietness.

Nothing comes to my mind, but her eyes meet mine. There are plenty of things that I wish I could tell her. How much she means the world to me, how much I need her, how pretty and so special she is, and how much I love her. She is such a sweet and considerate person, a girl like her cannot be found easily, so I consider myself to be lucky, but just as much unlucky.

"Is something wrong?" her delicate voice fills the void, and my lips curve up as a response to it. I shake my head, and I turn the ignition on to start the car. We both put our seat belts on, and I go on the road to home.

"Are you sure?" she does not let this go as she must have noticed that I was deeply dived into my thoughts. "I am," I roll the window down for a little gap to allow some air to blow on my skin, and I rest my elbow on the door to hold the steering wheel with my right hand only.

"Tell me if you're cold, okay?" I make sure she is comfortable, and she nods to me. "I'm a bit hot, so don't worry," she pulls her hair back, and I do not even pay attention to what my body does but rub a finger over my bottom lip. "I am too."

"You always are," she chuckles, but the meaning of this gets me to peek at her with an expression of surprise. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I mean, your body, like," she struggles to explain herself, and her nervousness amuses me. "Your hands and body are always warm."

"Hm. I know that's what you meant," I play with her, feeling like it is impossible for me to not tease this cute girl. My lips form a smirk that cannot be restrained, and I have a gander at her again, spotting that she is keeping her hands between her thighs. I stop the car at a red light, and I slide my fingers down the steering wheel to drop it on my thigh, holding the back of my neck with the other hand.

The silence being too heavy on us now, I decide to turn the radio on but lower the volume to barely hear it. This is just enough to have something in the background. I also close the window since the temperature of my body went down to a better degree, and I pull my hair back.

"Did you enjoy your day?" I break the silence again, willing to talk with her. "I did. I really had a good day, this was fun, and I felt so good...I won't forget it," she answers and puts a smile on my face without even knowing. "I'm glad to hear it. I tried my best to give you a good time."

"You didn't have to though. I always have a good time when I'm with you, there's no need to do anything more than being there..." she speaks in a soft voice as if she was too bashful to tell me those words, but the light turns green, and I put my hand back on the steering wheel to drive. "But don't get me wrong, I appreciate it a lot. I just...I'm not used to this type of attention."

"What does that mean?" I raise questions about this, making me feel like her parents might be at fault. She shrugs, and she rubs her fingers over each other. "My parents never really did anything like that for me. They never really gave me any attention or love."

Some concern holds the reins of my mind and body, and I do not hesitate to go further with this topic now that she brought it. "Why is that? Aren't they caring?"

"They just raised me, nothing more, but we don't care," she gives me the signs that she does not want to talk about this, so I do not bother her but understand. "Okay, but I just want you to know that whether this is me or Hajoon, we'll always be there for you. We love you a lot, and Hyejoon does too, trust me," I provide her that comfort she needs but never asks for, and as soon as I perceive the delight I brought her, the emotions run through me. "I don't know them, I don't know who they are, but I know that you are an amazing woman, and you deserve a lot of love and happiness, and what you were given tonight is nothing compared to what you deserve. Don't ever doubt that."

She does not respond, so I take a quick look at her but see her nibble on her inner lip, and she lowers her eyes to her hands, but the glisten that I noticed in her gaze deeply affects me. I smile out of instinct and put my hand over her small ones.

If she ever starts to talk about some painful stuff and cry, I will not be able to keep my tears in.

"You won't ever doubt all those things, right?" I rub my thumb on her skin, but she moves her hands apart to take mine between them and intertwine our fingers. "I won't," her small voice slips away from her lips, and she wipes her tears away.

She must be hiding so much pain inside, I wish she could talk about it. She has always been there to listen to me and my problems, so I hope that she will do the same one day and let everything off her chest.

30 minutes later...

"Ugh, finally," she takes her heels off and puts them down on the floor, curling her toes to relax the tension but making me chuckle. "You really don't like heels, am I wrong?"

"I like them, but not on my feet," she grimaces and moves towards the sofa, but she lays her hands on the back of it and bends over, getting in this posture before my eyes, in her red dress.

I feast my eyes on her as her eyes are closed, and I step towards her after taking my shoes. I unbutton a few buttons of my white shirt, and I stand beside her to flatten my hand on her lower back. "Does it hurt?"

"Yeah, a little, and I feel uncomfortable in this dress, I ate, and I'm bloated..." she speaks like an old woman, but I smile, and I massage her back. "It's not even visible. Your body always looks great no matter what."

"I could wear a ridiculous onesie that you'd still tell me I'm gorgeous," she straightens her back and gazes up into my eyes, with a soft smile upon her face. I rub my hand on the lower part of her back a little harder and knead it. "Because that does not change you and the body in it."

"But a bloated belly is not the same as I flat one," she incessantly finds something to say. "A belly is just a stomach. We don't care whether it is flat or bloated. You look beautiful ether this is with a bloated or flat stomach," I mean my words, staring into her eyes. "And I do not want to hear anything more go out of your mouth. No arguments because none of them will be valid. Okay?"

"Okay," she gives me a tender look again, and I smile but move away to stop having my hands on her body. I take my watch off and put it down on the console table in front of the mirror, but I peek up at y/n's reflection, the back of her body being shown, my eyes land on her legs, and I open my shirt to the full.

"Are you going to sleep?" she turns around but gets caught dropping her eyes on the reflection of my torso, and I do not look away but pull the bottom of my shirt out of my trousers. "No. I'm going to take a shower and spend some time in front of the TV," I turn towards her and take my shirt off, feeling way more comfortable without this fabric against my skin. "Why?"

"Just wanted to know," she shrugs, but a smile curves her lips up in one of the cutest manners, and she glances away to avert her eyes from me. "I'm going to take a shower too, I'll join you if you don't mind."

"Join me whenever you want," I make my way to the stairs as we both looked at each other, and she walks to her room.

— One month later —

Saturday, January 23rd, 2021.

10:05 am.

'JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V'

"

Come in," I let the one who knocked on the door of my office in, tidying up and putting some documents in a drawer. Y/n steps inside, bringing some delight that my body needs today. "I put those files in the right order, and I give you all my attention," I tell her as she's walking up to my desk, and I bend over to make sure nothing is in a mess. Once this is done, I close the drawer and fix my glasses on my nose, then I straighten up and direct my chair towards her. "What's wrong?" I smile but notice something isn't right.

What she was keeping behind her back comes within sight, and my smile instantly fades away. She lays the envelope on my desk, and she holds her hands behind her back again while I cannot even process what is happening. "I...I think it is time for me to go, Mister Jeon..." her words take all the happiness away from me, and I remain speechless. "I want to be honest with you, and I want you to know that it is not because of you but me. I...I cannot stay knowing how I feel about you, with you, and what I feel for you. No matter how hard I try to fight against my feelings, this is painful for me, and I'm hurting myself, so I think this is better for me and you as well if I just let someone take my place. It's....too hard to be close to you and far away from you at the same time...I'm sorry..."

I do not even know what to say, what to do, or think. I stay still, and I lower my gaze to the resignation letter. Nothing goes out of my mouth, my heart is beating so fast at the thought of her leaving this house that I cannot get anything out to answer.

"Even if I leave and that someone replaces me, I'll still be here for you if you need me. I'll be here to listen to you, talk, help you if you're not feeling okay...no matter what this is about...you can always call me, text me, or send me a letter since you like this the most," she says, reminding me of our promise. I move back in my chair, I rest my elbow on the arm of it, and I cover my mouth, controlling my emotions that seem gone.

"If this is what you want, I respect your decision..." the only words I have left escape me, and I can barely look up into her eyes. I rub my finger on my bottom lip, feeling the pain grow inside of me but praying for it to not deepen. The tension in the room cannot be denied. This is horrible.

"I hope you're not mad at me...I just...This is better like this..." she nibbles on her inner lip, and I gaze at her, not even believing that I will not see her every day anymore, not feel her close, no hear her voice anymore. "I'm not mad at you, y/n. This is mature of you to do that, and you did the right thing," I do not lie about this issue, both aware of how difficult it is to not touch each other, not be close physically. I fake a smile to not let her see how affected and broken I am, but she obviously does not return the same, she drops her look down to the ground.

"Thank you, I enjoyed my time here, and I hope I made a good job and helped you," she bows to me, the lilt of her voice, the look into her eyes, they mess me up. I let her leave the room without saying anything more, and she closes the door, but I keep my eyes on it.

My heart is pounding so hard, I cannot even breathe properly, think straight, or even realize what I should do. I do not want to have to be away from her, even though I know this is better for her and I since it is hard to act normal after what happened, with what we know.

I cover my face with my hand and try to see the positive side of it. Unless I did or said something that hurt her, maybe that could be the case, and I am not even aware of it.

I sigh but stand up, handling the ache this situation caused. I fix my glasses on my nose and walk out of my office, I head to her bedroom and knock on the door to make sure I do not bother her.

Once she lets me in, I step inside and close the door behind me, keeping one hand in a pocket of my trousers despite the nervousness I am dealing with. Just seeing her pack her bags is hard to accept. I respect her decision, but accepting it without being hurt is another matter.

"Are you already leaving?" I ask her, hearing my own voice and realizing how destroyed I am. "Yes..." she nods, the emotions resounding through her answer. "Hm..." I nibble on my inner cheek and run my fingers over my neck. "Do you need some help?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine," she fakes a smile that I can recognize more than any other one. "All right," I leave her alone to not distract her when she is busy. The tension is unbearable. I hate to feel it between us.

"Can I ask you a question?" I lick my lips, not keeping the fear inside of me. "Go ahead," she stops what she is doing and sets her eyes on me. "Have I said something that might have hurt you or made you uncomfortable?"

"No," she shakes her head and answers with no signs of doubt. "Sure? Because I would never want to get to know that you left for a reason like this."

"No, Mister Jeon. I told you, I always felt comfortable with you, and I still do. I just leave because...I feel like this will help you to know what you truly need or want. This will give you the time you need. I'm not breaking my promise though, I'm still here for you, and if you need someone to work, my cousin needs money, and he'd love to work as a babysitter. I talked a lot about you, so he already knows how you are, how Hyejoon and Hajoon are, so he'll do his best like I always tried. Also, Hajoon and he could be really good friends for sure."

"Y/n..." I breathe out sharply. "I don't— I mean, okay," I do not finish the sentence I was about to let out since this would too inappropriate of me to say such a thing and complain because her cousin is not her. "I'll hire him. I know that he'll do great if you say so. It's just...Have you told Hajoon about it?"

"I did," she nods. "How did he react?"

"He's upset," she obviously feels guilty for that, but I am not even surprised. I knew he would not be glad about it at all. "He'll get over it. Don't feel bad because of him. He just likes you a lot."

"I know, and I hate myself for not returning the feelings but...instead...loving his dad," her last words tear my heart apart, and I clench my jaw to retain the tears. "Don't hate yourself," I gulp down and try not to let my thoughts ruin me. "I'm the one who touched and kissed you when I know since the beginning that he's in love with you. I'm the one who should hate myself, but not you, you never did anything wrong."

"You did it because you misunderstood what I was doing, so this is my fault—"

"Stop, no, it was not. In this case, I should have controlled myself, but I didn't," I state the truth and what should be taken into consideration. "You never forced me to do anything."

"Be honest with me," she closes her luggage and peeks at me. "Have you ever done anything with me to just make your wife jealous or mad without doing it because you wanted to?"

"Never," I answer sincerely. "I would never have used you just to do such a thing. She wouldn't have cared anyway, I just did what I wanted to with you. At least, what I was allowed to."

"I just wanted to make sure," she does not doubt me. I just want to hold her, kiss her, or just see her smile, but that will not happen.

"Will you come and visit us?" I find a way to comfort myself, and she steps closer but only to take her handbag and stand near me. "I will. Hajoon already asked me to come at least once a week," she smiles, probably touched by how attached he is to her. It hurts me for him too, I know how fond he grew of her.

"I'm going to miss you a lot," I let the words go out, feeling like this is better to not keep it to myself. I keep my eyes fixed on her, but she raises her head up to return the gaze. "I'm gonna miss you too..."

The eye contact does not break but only lingers for some long, unforgettable seconds. We know what this look means, we know it more than anyone, and that is the saddest about it.

Her hands leave her stuff, and she inches closer. She presses her body against mine and wraps her arms around me, so I hug her back, with one hand around the nape of her neck, and the other on her waist. "Are you still going to work as a babysitter?" I close my eyes and keep her in my clasp, rubbing my fingers over her neck while she is resting her head on my chest. "I don't know, I'll go where someone accepts me."

"No matter where this is, they better treat you well. If they don't, you call me, and I'll take care of them," I do not even joke about this since this is important to me. "I will," she tightens her hold, and I press a kiss on her forehead, feeling good, calm, and cozy.

I smile but drift my hand away from her neck, and I slide it down to her waist to lean in and embrace her for some more seconds. "I give you one last big hug to not regret it, don't mind me," I softly laugh but hear her do so, and she encircles my neck with her arms and kisses my cheek. "You're an amazing man and father, Mister Jeon, don't forget it."

"And you're an amazing girl," I pass my hand over her back but retreat, and we both smile at each other. She steps back and focuses on her stuff again, so I let her do it. "I'll wait in the living room," I leave the room to not stay here for no reason, and I move towards the sofa to wait there until she's done and ready to go.