( i never knew somebody like you, somebody, falling just as hard )

chapter twenty three ! (tw. pretty strong internalized homophobia in this one)

VINCENT HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT IN FULL. The open hands of such a tender darkness that was, perhaps, death or just an intangible sleep, far from grasp but close enough to know it was there. He hadn't had the time lately to process what it meant, really, to die. To lose himself to something unknown and mysterious that he had no prior knowledge of.

The horror of it all was what kept Vincent up at night. How would Vincent die in a timeline that didn't exist within the apocalypse? Hopefully years from now, happier than he was now. Hopefully painless, easy and peaceful.

The happenings of the past week had scared the living shit out of Vincent for more reasons than one. First being the openness of Five's newfound affection, the way he'd hold Vincent's hand like it was the most casual thing in the goddamn world, despite how terrified he knew Five was of ever being found out. (Though found out about exactly what, Vincent wasn't sure.) Secondly, the harsh flashes of gorey corpses in his brain were getting harder to handle, increasingly driving him insane. He didn't have the mental capacity for such a thing, that he was sure of. Fuck that, wholeheartedly with full offense. And third of all, Vincent didn't know what the hell was going on. Five had left him in the dark on when exactly the world was ending- the bastard- and now Vincent was going along with something that would very likely lead to that exact fucking intangible tender darkness. Nothing poetic about it, really.

Vincent fucking hated Five. Five and everything about him infuriated Vincent to no end. The way he stood with an ideal that he was better than everyone, more intelligent and strategic. Maybe that was true, but it was still utterly annoying.

Vincent wished he didn't have to look at Five and feel such strong things for him. Such outrageous clenches of his heart, yet so synonymous with something almost comforting that horrified Vincent and would undoubtedly make Five a little nervous if he knew. But that was the thing, the real fucking kicker; he didn't know. He would never know. Five would never understand how wildly yearnful Vincent had been for the past week or so. How horribly sickening his love had gotten, needful and almost crucial.

It didn't sound as bad as it was, but Vincent knew Five could tell by the small change in attitude. The way Five was more put off by Vincent's jokes, growing red in the face and averting his gaze and getting tense every damn time.

It almost upset Vincent. Made him frown and bite his tongue, also look away, ignite the sudden urge to pull all his hair out anxiously and live his life out in a box until the world ends and he explodes into a million pieces or whatever the fuck goes down when the earth disappears into a poof of dust. He didn't want Five to think he was gross.

I turned the one guy I'd ever actually had strong feelings for homophobic. A+, Vincent had thought to himself earlier with such a vigorous belief it was the truest statement in the world. Perhaps he really did and perhaps soon Five wouldn't even allow Vincent to touch him, too afraid the horrid disease would spread to him like the bubonic plague.

Vincent knew it was fucked up to think that way. To think about himself as diseased for being different but fuck if Vincent hated the word 'different.' He didn't want to be different. He didn't want to be unique or special or any of that bullshit loving parents told their children were good holy things in the world. He didn't want to be judged because people were 'jealous of him' because that was just plain false and he had always known it. No one had ever wanted to be him. And if they had then, well, bottoms up mate, go right ahead.

Vincent wanted to be normal. He wanted people to look at him and be unphased. He didn't want to be envied just as much as he didn't want to be despised. But there's no real in between in the world. There's no just there. It's be or don't be, be percieved or be seven feet under with the maggots and worms gnawing at your flesh.

Might as well dig Vincent's grave; steadily, steadily.

Vincent knew he wasn't like everyone else for a number of reasons, but that didn't stop him from wishing those things could go away with a snap of his fingers. Maybe then he could just go straight and marry a woman one day, have seven kids and be void of stupid abilities until the day his eyes roll back forever.

That wasn't as realistic as Vincent hoped, though. No, it really wasn't and never would be. Vincent couldn't fake it until he made it for the life of him. Feigning heterosexuality had been a challenge for him in school, and eventually he had simply given up trying altogether. Perhaps that had been a dire mistake, as it had resulted in the worst bullying he had ever endured in his life, but at this point in time he found that he really didn't give two fucks.

Maybe Vincent would one day marry a man, a marriage that Vincent wouldn't be faking with every bone in his body. But it wouldn't be with Five. It would be with some other man, wealthy with greying hair who would one day cheat on Vincent with a younger man because that was and always would be Vincent's luck.

Or maybe everyone would always find him gross and diseased. Sick to the touch and quarantined to his own home because no one wants to fucking touch you, Vincent. You're sick. You're sick, darling. So very sick. Vincent would die in that home with the very thought on his brain that he was never cured of that fucking disease they'd all prescribed him with. He was sick, so very sick indeed, but no one had done anything to help him. Maybe that was for the better. Everyone would celebrate and Vincent wouldn't even be buried, no gravestone to tell the tale. Cremated and forgotten, lost to the wind. Bye bye, Vincey. Have fun in hell. Right there where you belong. That would be Five's voice, right in his ear. Taunting him. Killing him more and more and more and more.

Five suddenly grabbed Vincent's shoulder and he jumped, right out of the terrible daydream and back into the present, looking horrified for a split moment before he relaxed. He let out a shaky sigh, lip almost quivering before he pulled it between his teeth, keeping it utterly still. He waited a moment to actually look at Five, trying to will away the words in his mind that sounded so much like Five it was scary. They were standing right outside Leonard Peabody's house, and Vincent realized suddenly that he really didn't want to go in there at all.

Five looked worried, as he usually did for Vincent nowadays. For some odd reason Five had become accustomed to asking Vincent if he was okay, asking in a soft soothing voice that, unfortunately, made Vincent melt and feel so much better almost immediately. He hated it because it only fueled his thoughts, going a mile a minute.

"Are you okay?" Five questioned, and there it was. The gentle tone that drove Vincent up the fucking wall, so different from what he was used to.

Vincent chuckled. "Stop asking that, Hargreeves. I'm doing just wonderful." He lied straight through his teeth, but with a grin that was easy to fake. Five believed at least a little, nodding his head. "Are you? You look real pale, man. Or are you going Edward Cullen on me? Please say yes."

"No." Five deadpanned, rolling his eyes. And there's that. The storm after the calm, the anger that Five would inevitably feel toward Vincent before the end of the day following right after his softness. Maybe that's what Vincent wanted though. A balance. "I'm fine. Mind your own business."

"Says you! You've asked me if I was okay like 20 million times," Vincent snorted in amusement. "Which is total bull, by the way. You're just trying to look good." He joked.

"I don't need you trying to love up on me, Vincent." Five joked right back, flipping the boy off, chuckling weakly. There was definitely something wrong, but he didn't question it.

Vincent laughed, head tilting back a bit. "Everybody longs to be loved!" He exclaimed dramatically, blowing a kiss to Five, who pretended to shoot it mid-air, somehow straight- faced even while Vincent laughed his ass off.

"Fuck off, Mr. Rogers." Five mumbled, shaking his head. "We've gotta get in this house now." He pointed at the home in front of them.

Fuck, Vincent had forgotten all about that part.

Vincent grumbled under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest like a dissatisfied child. Allison and Diego were a few feet ahead of them, standing there and waiting for Vincent and Five to catch up. "Be careful, okay? We don't know what Peabody is capable of." Allison muttered to Diego, mostly.

"Yeah, well he didn't seem dangerous when I first saw him. Looked kinda scrawny," Diego shrugged, pointing a finger to Vincent. "Like this kid."

"Fuck you!" Vincent exclaimed, putting up both middle fingers.

"Yeah, well so are most serial killers and mass murderers. I mean, look at them." Allison added, pointing to both Five and Vincent now.

"Thanks," Five responded simply, limping a bit. Vincent opened his mouth to comment on it, but was cut off.

"Good point." Diego murmured. "So what's this guy want with Vanya?" He asked, raising his eyebrow as they all went up the stairs, Allison walking to the side of the house.

"I don't know," Five sighed. "How about we ask him after we kill him?" He questioned, struggling horribly with the stairs. Vincent wrapped a tentative arm around Fives waist with a chuckle, helping him up, which Five didn't appreciate much, smacking Vincent's chest and pushing his arm away once they were up on the porch.

"Okay, okay. Look I'm gonna burst through the-" Diego started as he turned to Five, looking around to find out where Allison had went to. "You know what, just be nice-" He started murmuring to Five, who rolled his eyes, grabbing Vincent's wrist and teleporting them both right into the house.

Vincent huffed once they were inside, brushing himself off. "You have to give me a warning, asshole." He spoke, slapping Five's hand. Five winced, smacking Vincent's arm back.

"Very mature," Allison mumbled from behind them. Both Vincent and Five turned around, Five shrugging and Vincent grinning.

Those glances lasted only a few seconds before the glass on the door shattered, incoming Diego, falling right onto the ground. Vincent couldn't help but immediately break out into laughter. Allison walked past him, looking down at Diego dissaprovingly. "Subtle," she nodded.

Five walked over to the door, chuckling lightly as he turned the doorknob, finding it to open easily. "Y'know, the door was unlocked." He mumbled, only making Vincent laugh more.

"Yeah well my way works just fine," He spoke as he stood up. "Fuck you." He followed up, pointing at Vincent, who simply grinned widely at him, shrugging. "Spread out." He spoke up to everyone else as he began walking off. "Yell if you're, y'know, in trouble."

"Ah. Inspiring leadership," Five said sarcastically, raising his eyebrows.

"One of the greats." Allison nodded.

"A true showstopper. That bondage suit makes it better," Vincent finished with a fake dreamy sigh.

Five smacked Vincent on the shoulder before gripping it and pulling him over to another room, where they began to look for things pointing towards Leonard's involvement. "You think he's got a dildo up in his bedroom? Maybe he uses it on your sister." Vincent joked, laughing loudly at Fives harsh glare.

"Shut the fuck up, Vincent." Five huffed out. "Or I will make you shut up." He added, probably really not realizing how that sounded until it was too late.

Vincent grinned. "Fine by me. Pucker up, Fivey." He joked, making kissy noises at the boy beside him. Five grumbled, pushing Vincent away, though his face was a bright red.

Five began to speak, but Vincent didn't hear what he'd said before Allison called them over. They all ran upstairs, coming around a room filled with odd photos and figurines of the Umbrella Academy. "Goddamn. Am I glad I never joined your cult now." Vincent grinned.

"All our faces are burnt off," Allison spoke in disgust.

"Well, that's not creepy," Diego sighed. "This guys got some serious issues." He added.

Allison began to say something, but Vincent truly wasn't paying attention. He was staring at the figures made especially to look the academy. He was staring at the figure of himself. The figure of himself that wasn't supposed to be there. Vincent had never been apart of the Umbrella Academy. So how? Staring back at him with no burnt off face like the others, eyes an opaque white that filled Vincent with an unexplainable fear. His and Vanyas figures were standing beside each other. Right beside each other.

He turned to say something to the others, but found they were all kneeling on the floor beside a pained Five, groaning.

Vincent furrowed his brow, pushing Diego away a little to kneel down as well, looking at Five. "You idiot. What did you do?" He mumbled, watching as Allison lifted up the boys sweater, revealing a bloody gunshot wound. Vincent's eyes widened, fingers moving to hover over the wound for a moment, touching it gently and flinching away when Five cursed and let out a "don't fucking do that, Vincent."

"Jesus, Five. Why didn't you tell us?" Diego asked, a little annoyed by it. Vincent wanted to slap him across the face quite a bit.

"Have to keep going," Five breathed out. "So close." He added, eyes fluttering shut before he entirely passed out on the ground.

Vincent flicked the boys cheek as Allison shook him, a bit worried to find him unresponsive. "Well, fuck. Fuck. We probably just killed him." He joked stiffly, letting out a choked laugh, genuinely worried. Diego shook his head, moving to lift the boy up and quickly carry him out of the house with Allison right on his heels.

Vincent swallowed thickly, standing up slowly and stumbling a little at the sight of his small figurine again, looking right into his soul. His mind flashed with something Five had told him just the day before.

I think you may be a factor of the world ending.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm very sorry for the almost like month long wait. I'm also sorry for how heavy the beginning of this chapter is lmao. Was a lot of self-projection going on there. I promise you that there will be more gay stuff like.... next chapter lmao. I'm also sorry for all the death stuff lol I've been reading a lot of Stephen King lately.