( like if you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first who ever did )

chapter twenty-two

RUNNING WATER AND DROOPING HANDS, RED PAINTED FINGERNAILS AND ANGRY SEARING RED HOT WORDS, THE SMELL OF VODKA AND VINCENT'S UNDERLYING FEAR. Vincent's mother, lying against a counter with the sink running so loudly it made Vincent's ears ring, humming a song she used to sing to Vincent when he was a baby, ("Elenore" by The Turtles, a favorite of hers before she realized what a fucking freak her son was) drinking vodka straight from the bottle. Clad in a long flowy red dress she often wore when she wanted to get wasted, her hair was a mess. Cut right under her jawline, fitting her face in a way that was unappealing.

She had turned to face Vincent, shaking her head at the sight of him and pointing one finger his way, yelling at him in her sharp French to get the fuck out of her house, shouting out words that only made Vincent shrink into himself. He had come out of his room to check on her, assure she hadn't choked on her own vomit or something grotesque like that. There had been a time when she had nearly done so before, head thrown back against an arm rest as she gargled on her own spew helplessly, eyes shut. Vincent had to act quickly, turn his poor drunken mother onto her side and rush away before she awoke. He didn't care about his mother and what would ever end up happening to her, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty. It would be his fault in most circumstances if she was hurt and Vincent didn't know if he could handle that weighted knowledge.

His mother was like a lit fuse, burning so so slow until one day she'd go off, set off the bomb attached to her and explode everything in close proximity. She was hot headed and impulsive, horribly detached from everything good in the world and attached to anything remarkably appalling that she could possibly get her hands on. Vincent hated the fucking woman. The essence of who she was haunted him and reminded him of all the dreadful bullshit in the world, stuck to the front of his brain.

He had rushed to his room after she'd yelled at him that day. He'd rushed to his room simply to sneak out and cry in a park because what was Vincent Leblanc other than a crybaby? A crybaby who is afraid of his mommy, boo-fucking-hoo.

But there had always been one good thing about Vincent's mother; the one and only thing that Vincent would ever miss about the vile woman. She'd always been good at comforting him after a boy made him upset- which happened more often than Vincent would ever admit. Not purposefully would she comfort him, of course, as his mother had always been a bible thumping raging homophobe; but on accident she would sometimes ask where Vincent had been- not that she cared- and in turn he would respond truthfully. There had never been reason to lie about that.

His mother would always roll her eyes after whatever he'd say and ramble on about how much she hated the person or even merely the name of whatever boy Vincent would bring up. Vincent's sadness would most times tone itself down once the person who'd previously upset him would be insulted deeply. Even by someone as hateful as Vincent's mother, it still was effective to comforting Vincent in some odd way.

Now there was really no one to poke fun at Five Hargreeves for upsetting Vincent. And why should Vincent want that anyway? Five had done nothing wrong and realistically he was correct in his thinking that it wasn't quite safe for Five to feel a certain way for Vincent. But Vincent was still unhappy. He hadn't believed something like that last conversation with Five would ever ensue. He didn't think Five had even remembered what had occurred between them when they were drunk and the fact that he'd stated he did so blatantly made Vincent feel a bit sick.

Five's lack of disdain towards the way in which he'd told Vincent about everything and the way in which he remembered irritated Vincent to no end. Fuck him and his stupid fucking face. Fuck Five and the way he'd basically told Vincent he'd like him back romantically if only they were drunk all day everyday with no fears or solidity to it. Just an agreement with no sober strings attached.

And maybe Five was right. The Commission would undoubtedly kill the both of them if they noticed anything odd going on between them. But even then, there was still the slight inkling of a chance that Five's past actions would come back to bite Vincent in the ass and get him murdered before then. So to hell with it, right?

But unlike Vincent, it seemed Five was terrified of confrontation. Anything leading up to it Five avoided like the bubonic plague, as if it would hurt him for anyone to know anything about him.

In reality, even Vincent hadn't disclosed what exactly happened between them in that apocalyptic wasteland that they'd spent time in together. Not that it was anything serious or homoerotic enough, but instead it was things Vincent knew Five hated himself for ever telling Vincent.

Five was good at confrontation when it came down to it despite his fear, but Vincent understood all of Five's ticks. Everything the boy did when he was uncomfortable or worried. He had certain mannerisms that Vincent had picked up on a while ago and kept his eye out for anytime they spoke to someone important or particularly nerve wracking. Vincent just stared at Five a lot, in summary.

Five had many fears no matter how often it seemed he didn't, and there were many Vincent was not even aware of. But Vincent didn't think of the fears as much as he thought of the strengths Five withheld.

Five had always been a leader. An amazing one, at that. He was clever and good at thinking up a plan and everyone knew it well enough, but Vincent knew it the most. Together they had always been something of unstoppable and Vincent missed when Five took that into consideration. Though now Five was not so trusting of Vincent. He'd eased up on the anger since he'd gotten back at Vincent for it by doing something that seemed ten times worse, but Vincent could never shake the feeling that Five still held a deep grudge for what Vincent had done to him.

None of the Hargreeves really trusted Vincent other than Klaus and Ben (and perhaps Vanya, but Vincent couldn't look her in the eye after his latest outburst). Klaus and Ben, however, were the only two of the family that were not nearly as important to be trusted by as the rest. Klaus was a drug addict and Ben a sad ghost with not much to do other than speak to Klaus and sometimes Vincent when he was around.

Luther and Allison seemed to be suspicious of Vincent. Vincent didn't think Five had ever even fully explained to them who he was anyway and perhaps that was the real reasoning behind it all. But still, Vincent held the gnawing need to be liked by anyone and everything. Although, he didn't quite care at the exact same time.

Diego definitely did not trust Vincent. There was no doubt in the boys' mind that Diego thought of him as an untrustworthy little bastard, and Vincent couldn't blame him. Vincent was the bitchiest to Diego and Luther.

But Diego was arguably the most useful of all the siblings when it came down to it. ("The most connections," said Five. "Diego has the most connections out of all of us.") Not that Vincent had any desire to be trusted by the asshole, but still.

Five liked to put those connections to use and that's what they were doing in the moment, sitting in a car with Diego in the driver's seat, Five in the passenger's and Allison beside Vincent in the backseat, sitting in front of the police station.

It was incredibly awkward in the back and every so often Vincent would brush arms with Allison on accident and both of them would glance at each other with furrowed brows like they were trying to violate one another. But each time Vincent would complain about his situation, Five would turn around and glare or- even more effective- he would sigh heavily and mouth a "just shut the fuck up, please."

Vincent usually did shut the fuck up after that.

"I know this Jenkins dude has to have a record," Diego mumbled, shaking his head. "Just have to get our hands on this file."

"What if we accidentally take the file with all his sexual partners on it? His wife would be very unhappy. I could always turn into her again and seduce him and then we could fucking kill hi-" Vincent began to ramble, huffing and putting an end to his talking when Five glared at him.

"And your plan is to what? Waltz in there and just ask for it?" Allison spoke up, completely ignoring what Vincent had said beforehand.

"I know this station like the back of my hand, sis. Spent a lot of time inside it," Diego chuckled.

Allison nodded her head a little, but didn't look too convinced. In all honestly, neither did Vincent. "Handcuffed." She commented slyly.

"Whatever. Here's the plan," Diego started, cut off by Five, who looked a bit confused.

"Plan?" Five questioned softly. He said it so gently it made Vincent's heart squeeze. Five looked exhausted, and Vincent wanted nothing but to knock the stupid teleporting fuckwad out so he would get at least one good nights' sleep. "I'm just gonna blink in and get the file."

"No, that's not- you don't know the ins and outs of this place, okay?" Diego spoke, huffing at Vincent's responding amused laugh from the backseat.

"I literally just did this yesterday," Five spoke, eyes widening a little at Diego's confused 'what?' "Well- my yesterday. Not your yesterday. It'll take me two seconds-"

"You fucking asshole, you have to tell me what happ-" Vincent started as well, both Five and Vincent cut off by Diego.

"Listen to me, you are not going in there. I made a call. That's what a leader does," Diego spoke before beginning to get out of the car, gesturing for everyone else to do the same. "He leads."

Vincent rolled his eyes at Diego's dramatics, getting out of the car with Allison following and walking over to the wall Five was leaning against. Diego left the group after a few seconds, down some shady alleyway beside the station. Allison walked over to the payphone a few feet in front of them and suddenly it was as if Five and Vincent were alone again.

Vincent glanced over at Five, raising his eyebrow at the boys' annoyed expression, arms crossed over his chest as he let out occasional huffs under his breath. "Fuck's up with you?" Vincent chuckled, standing close enough to Five that their shoulders were pressed against one another.

Five flipped Vincent off, shaking his head. "No idea. Maybe it's my jaw hurting from you punching it, the fact that I'm tired as hell or the fact that literally just an hour ago we had a pretty fucked up conversation I know you can't stop thinking about." Five explained, chuckling gently and humorlessly when Vincent looked away at the words. "Which part's on your mind, Vince?"

Vincent was practically screaming curses at himself in his brain and he thought maybe it would be better to fling himself into oncoming traffic than to stand here and have another 'fucked up conversation,' as Five had so eloquently put it. "None of it. Fuck you." Vincent spoke quickly.

"You are literally the worst liar ever," Five chuckled, turning to face Vincent full on. "Just tell me. I'm not gonna be an asshole about it. I'm genuinely worried about you."

Vincent laughed a bit loud at that, rolling his eyes. "You don't get to say that, Fivey." He murmured. "Thinking about every single bit of it, babe. Thinking maybe we should get drunk."

Maybe we should get drunk and be happy together without Five's fears getting the way of things.

Five chuckled weakly at the words, shaking his head. "Maybe we should just get drunk forever." He spoke, raising his eyebrows for a moment. I like it better when we're drunk.

Vincent sighed, leaning further against the wall. "Stop saying that shit, homo. Someone's gonna think you're-" He paused, dropping his voice an octave and doing a horrible impression of a high school football player. "-like totally fucking gay, man."

Five shoved Vincent away from him with a small amused grin. "I told you I'm straight, idiot. You can't change my sexuality, can you?"

"No fuckin' clue. That's for you to answer, sweetheart. Do I give you a big ass boner or do I make you want to slit your own throat?" Vincent grinned wide, showing off his teeth.

Five laughed a little, but still stayed in one spot. "I'm not gonna answer that." He mumbled. "Will literally never answer that."

"You'll do it eventually!" Vincent laughed out. "You're totally not a straightie, Five. You even told me you weren't in your own little sad way."

"I did not! That's not what I meant! I'm straight! I like girls!" Five protested, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing, averting his gaze to Allison rather than Vincent, suddenly looking grumpier and more annoyed than he did before.

Vincent pouted a little to himself, huffing. "This is so fucking boring! When is the world ending? That's a day I can look forward to."

"Piss off. It's in a few days and that's all you have to know. We're going to fix it before though so you have nothing to look forward to," Five grumbled, still not looking at Vincent.

Vincent sighed heavily, bringing his hand out to smack the bruise on the side of Five's jaw. Five jumped away from Vincent with a curse, hands coming up and over the bruise as Vincent laughed hysterically. "Stop being a fucking bitch baby!" He grinned.

"Don't fucking do that! I will call The Commission and you will die right here, right now. Better yet, I'll fucking do it myself!" Five spoke with only a little bit of amusement- mostly pissed off for whatever reason, moving closer to Vincent, hands wrapping around the boys throat even as Vincent laughed loudly.

"Funny you do that because I actually just recently realized a new kink of mi-" Vincent started with a grin, laughing more as Five quickly pulled his hands away from Vincent at the words, his face growing red. Vincent grinned, hands reaching out to mess up Five's hair. Five swatted Vincent's hands away until he noticed Diego walking over.

Five moved away from Vincent, fixing his hair as he looked at Diego. "So?" He mumbled.

"You're welcome," Diego spoke, handing the files to Allison, who looked through the pages until she stopped at one.

"Holy shit!" Allison exclaimed, moving to show all three of the others what she was looking at. "Harold Jenkins is Leonard Peabody."

Vincent froze at the picture, eyes widening. "No, no, no. That's not right." He spoke quickly, looking at Five, who was extremely confused. "I-I saw that guy die. He was with Vanya and I saw him and I saw him die in my mind and if he fucking dies then he can't- oh shit." He rambled quickly, hand coming up, attempting to grip onto his hair and pull.

Five stepped over to Vincent quickly, grabbing his wrist in a gentle grip and guiding his hand down. He turned to Allison and Diego with that familiar authoritative look, furrowing his eyebrows at their stares directed at Five's hand around Vincent's wrist. "Go do something with yourselves. Start the car or some shit. We'll be there in a second and we can go to this Pea Bitch's house after that."

Allison and Diego hesitantly stepped away and went off to the car and Five turned back to Vincent. "So what happened?"

"He had a bandage over his eye when I saw what I saw. The prosthetic one is probably his." Vincent spoke, not minding Five gripping his wrist, actually finding comfort in such a thing. Vincent furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you okay? You look like shit." He mumbled.

Five was more pale than usual, harshly sweating with purple bags underneath his eyes. He didn't look too good. "Thanks, Vince." He mumbled sarcastically. "I'm okay. Now let's get to the car." He added on quickly, maybe too rushed.

Vincent watched Five walk away and took notice of just how hunched over and out of breath he really was. An idiot who ran away from his problems. Fuck that guy.

Fuck how much he loved him.

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A/N: it's been a long time! I wrote this all today so I'm sorry if it sucks fjkdkdkd. I find I write differently on my computer than I do on my phone? I wrote this whole chapter on my computer lmao but I write everything else on my phone. I hope you like this!

also: IT Chapter Two was super good and it gave me inspiration for my Richie Tozier story "Cherry Wine" so expect an update from that one soon too.

lyrics at the top are from "cinnamon girl" by lana del rey!