( 'cause im lonely, im so lonely, if you hold me i'll be your only, are you lonely )

chapter nineteen !

VINCENT WISHED HE COULD TELL HIMSELF TO FUCK OFF. He wished he could reach into his own subconscious and quiet down his thoughts, make his head empty. But he couldn't.

He couldn't help his staring at Five either; the way his eyes would fall amongst the boys jawline, every goddamn perfect thing about him. He couldn't help the way his chest ached when his eyes caught onto him and the quickening beating of his heart.

Though doing so only drove Vincent more and more fucking insane. His thoughts would drift to everytime he'd been beaten black and blue for liking boys. The times he'd kissed boys to numb it all and only ended up making it so so much worse. Everything horrible and suffocating that had ever happened to him.

It was no lie that Vincent hated who he was. He'd always despised the very essence of his personality. The way he acted around people, anyone who wasn't himself. Loud and seemingly open, flaunting how gay he was all the damn time. Really, Vincent often found himself hating that part the most.

Perhaps it was his own self loathing that created that fuming detestation he had buried down. Perhaps it was the internalized feelings he had towards the way he felt for boys. And fuck, he'd never quite admitted that before. He tried to be open about it, spew out jokes to cover up how much discomfort it brought him. But everytime, all that went through his head was every moment in which he'd been targeted or called something horrible for that very thing.

Maybe that made Vincent sensitive. Maybe it made him weak. The way he was so fucked up over something that attributed to so many things that weren't even horrible. Liking boys didn't make him as terrible as the assholes used to say it did.

But it did still feel that way. Everytime he felt himself yearn over Five, every pretty thing about the boy. Everytime his eyes would linger for too long, everytime he dreamt of his arms around Fives waist or Fives arms around his, he didn't fucking care. He just wanted so much. Too much. Too much that Five would probably hate him for.

Sure, Five had kissed him when they were drunk, but that didn't mean he would approve of Vincent having feelings for him. Feelings. Fuck. Vincent felt so much for Five. So much it hurt to think about, made Vincent want to pull every strand of his hair right out of his head. He made Vincent's heart beat fast, palms sweat, face go red and brain short-circuit.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Vincent scratched at his palm, hard enough to leave a harsh white line that would likely soon fade away and be replaced with a red one, letting out a sharp hiss of pain through his teeth. He held back the urge to bring his hand up to his hair, grip tight and pull. He knew Five didn't like it much when he did that. Though he'd started to get back in the habit, and that made it all the more difficult to stop.

He followed Five silently back downstairs, the boy a few steps in front of him. Vincent seemed to always push himself into a bad mood these days. He'd blame it on the soon coming end of the world if anyone asked. He knew he looked tired, but he hadn't made a comment. Five looked worse, eyebags a deep purple and eyes slightly red in the corners, bloodshot almost. Vincent was most definetly ready to knock him out if needed.

But he probably wouldn't anyway. Vincent had gone soft for the asshole, and that was an increasing problem. He sighed to himself, catching up with Five but still staying close behind him instead of beside. They walked down the stairs, one foot in front of the other, before spotting Luther sitting awkwardly on the sofa, clearly way too large to sit properly, hunched over.

Vincent let out a laugh at the sight, the corners of his lips curling up slowly. It wasn't forced either, simply a result of his amusement. Five and Luther both turned to face him, and Luther looked annoyed. "Five, explain to me what your plan is," He mumbled simply, glancing at Five now.

Five let out a heavy sigh, sitting down beside Luther and beginning to explain what he was thinking. Vincent sat in a chair close to the sofa, watching Five particularly as he spoke. It was odd and terrifyingly exhilarating how much Five made him feel. Exhilarating in a way that scared the shit out of Vincent.

Staring was something that Vincent did often. And that was exactly what he was doing, hoping Five didn't notice. He was too distracted by Luther's idiotic questions anyway, getting annoyed by them and holding the bridge of his nose between his pointer finger and thumb out of frustration before taking in a deep breath through his nose. Sometimes he'd furrow his eyebrows, look at Luther like he just told him the most confusing thing in the world before tilting his head back and muttering a "holy fuck" to himself, just because he was so annoyed with Luther.

It was understandable, that was for sure.

Eventually, Vincent's stare was broken when Luther stood up abruptly and nodded his head. "Cool. You two ready to go?" He asked, looking between Vincent and Five. "Unless he's not going," He muttered, unsure as he pointed to Vincent, eyes on Five as if expecting him to answer.

Vincent flipped Luther off, standing up at the same time Five did. "He doesn't call the shots, Big Guy. I do. And I'm fucking going," He grinned, watching as Five shrugged at Luther's responding raised eyebrow.

"Let him feel like he has the power," Five chuckled, hands up in surrender. "If he dies, that's his own problem."

"You act like you wouldn't be losing your shit all sad and pissed if I died! Bet you a hundred million dollars you'd cry!" Vincent laughed out, hitting his shoulder against Fives.

Five rolled his eyes, but didn't answer back to Vincent's words. Five grabbed a random briefcase, a fake one with nothing inside, and handed it to Luther. Vincent nearly let out another comment, but kept his mouth shut when Luther turned around and began to walk towards the front door, Five following. Vincent quickly caught up, walking with the pair to the car. Luther got into the driver's seat, ducking down as to not hit his head, but failing completely; which only resulted in Vincent breaking out into laughter.

Five took the passengers seat, insisting that he could get out faster that way. Vincent knew it was just because he wanted to be in control of all of it. Vincent took the back middle seat, sitting down and lazily pulling the seatbelt over his waist before leaning back. He too hated the backseat.

As it turned out, Luther was not the greatest of drivers. It was no surprise. Five had told him all about how he'd been on the moon for years. He was just glad they didn't crash miserably and then explode. Though he was pretty sure they'd ran over a bird along the way.

Once they'd gotten to the spot they decided to meet Hazel and Cha-Cha at, Luther hit the brake and stopped the car. He nearly crashed again, but it was close enough. They sat there for a while, waiting, and Vincent couldn't help but notice how nervous Luther looked.

Five seemed to notice as well, because soon enough he was talking. "You know, I never enjoyed it," He mumbled.

Luther glanced over, raising his eyebrow. "What?"

"The killing. Believe me, I was good at my work and I took pride in it.... but it never gave me pleasure," Five spoke with a sigh.

Vincent chuckled under his breath, grinning a bit. "Nice," He mumbled. "I'm sure you'd say the same thing about Dolores."

Five rolled his eyes, before chuckling gently. "Think it was all those years alone. And then all the time I had to spend with that asshole," He mumbled with a light chuckle, pointing at Vincent, who simply smiled wide. "Solitude can do funny things to the mind."

"Yeah, well when you were gone for such a long time, I only spent four years on the moon and that was more than enough. It's the being alone that breaks you," Luther spoke, the first smart thing he'd said all day. "Think they'll buy it?" He held up the briefcase, which was sitting in his lap.

"Well, what I do know is that they're desperate. It's like a cop losing his gun. If the commission finds out, they'll be in deep shit," Five muttered, eyes on the suitcase. "Well, not to mention the fact that they'll be stuck here until they get it back."

"I should hold onto it, in case they make a move on you," Luther spoke. "Or-or that kid in the backseat." He added on quickly.

"Fuck off! I'm older than you, fucko!" Vincent huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay, Luther. Just be careful," Five sighed gently. "I've lived a long life. You're still a young man. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it."

Five leaned forward, watching the road out in front of them for Hazel and Cha-Cha. Luckily, it only took them about two minutes to actually get on track and Vincent was glad he wouldn't have to sit in the fucking car for any longer.

"Here we go.." Five said, watching the car come towards them before getting out of the car. Luther got out as well, and Vincent attempted to pull open the door as well. To his growing annoyance, the door was locked and he had to climb into the passengers seat to get out, standing beside Five before moving over to where Luther was. The car stopped a little ways in front of them.

"This all goes sideways, do a favor and tell Dolores I'm sorry," Five sighed before glancing at Vincent for a moment, stepping closer to him. "Don't say anything stupid. Just stand here and look pretty," He grinned.

"Don't I always?" Vincent chuckled, raising his eyebrow. "Yeah, yeah. If guns start going the fuck off, I'll get in the car. But no promises I won't say anything dumb."

Five gave Vincent one last warning look before walking over to Hazel and Cha-Cha. They both had masks on, Cha-Cha's somewhat fucked up. "The masks really necessary?" Five chuckled. The two pulled them off at his words, and Vincent chuckled, leaning against the trunk of the car and watching.

"So where is it, kid?" Cha-Cha questioned, hand coming up in exasperation.

"Wow, that's how you're gonna start. Y'know we can get right back in our car and call it a day," Five chuckled.

Cha-Cha pulled her gun out, pointing it at Five. "You won't even make it halfway there."

Vincent grinned at the sight, deciding to act on impulse and step forward until he was standing beside Five, who looked annoyed Vincent would do such a thing. "That's unfair as fuck. You can't just do that," He chuckled, pointing to the gun, which was then pointed at him. Vincent didn't find it in himself to care.

"Who the hell are you?" Cha-Cha questioned with a glare, Vincent's response cut off by Fives words.

"Maybe I won't survive. But I'm sure you found out in your previous foray that my brother is not your average giant," Five shrugged.

"That's right. Dropped a chandelier on him and he got right back up," Hazel mumbled, staring at Luther.

"By the time you'd took him out, he'd smash your precious briefcase to a pulp," Five shrugged.

"Probably us too, right?" Hazel asked, glancing at Cha-Cha. "So how do we help each other?" He asked Five.

"I need you to get in contact with your superiors so I can have a chat with her. Face to face," Five spoke. Vincent looked annoyed by the words.

"About what?" Cha-Cha questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't believe that's any of your concern," Five spoke, head tilted just barely to the side.

Cha-Cha sighed, shaking her head. "Just don't tell her about the briefcase."

Five nodded his head, "Fair enough." He mumbled before turning around and grabbing Vincent's wrist a bit rough, pulling him with him. "What the fuck did I tell you?"

"You told me I was pretty," Vincent joked with a laugh, to which Five gripped his wrist tighter.

"God, you're an idiot. Don't be fucking stupid. They'll fucking kill you. They barely remember who you are and once they know, you're done for," Five warned under his breath before letting go, standing against the car, to which Vincent stood beside him.

Luther stepped closer. "What happens now?"

"Now we wait," Five mumbled.

Vincent groaned, glancing at Five. "Waiting suc- Oh shit." He looked out to behind Luther, where an ice cream truck was coming their way at full speed— which was not very fast— with the signature song playing loudly.

As it got closer, it was clear who was inside. Diego on the passengers seat, Klaus in the drivers and Ben sitting on the dashboard. Though Vincent knew everyone else except Klaus couldn't see him.

Hazel and Cha-Cha, as expected, began to shoot at the ice cream truck before eventually getting hit. Vincent kept himself beside Five, who was being covered by Luther. Expecting something to happen but met with only silence, he furrowed his eyebrows before looking at Five, who was equally as confused for a moment. "Shit." Five muttered before looking out from behind Luther.

"What's shit supposed to mean?" Vincent breathed out, looking around slowly with furrowed eyebrows before walking out underneath Luther's arm with Five.

"She's here," Five muttered simply, looking conflicted and annoyed as he walked forward, Vincent following close behind.

"Neat trick, isn't it?" A woman's voice spoke, making Vincent jump and mutter a "fuck" under his breath before turning to glance at her. She had white hair, sunglasses and a long dress on, briefcase in hand and a veiled hat atop her head. Vincent dreaded the sight of her. All it brought was the memory of him leaving Five. Five turned around as well, sighing as she pulled the sunglasses off her face. "Hello, Five. Hello, Vincent. You both look good. All things considered."

"It's good to see you again," Five spoke stiffly, hands shoved into his pockets as he stared at the woman. The Handler, Vincent remembered was what she called herself.

"Feels like we met just yesterday," The Handler grinned. "Course you both were a little bit older then. Congratulations to both of you on the age regression, by the way. Very clever. Threw us all off the scent."

"Makes you sound like a fucking dog, huh? Guess it fits." Vincent said impulsively, grinning. The Handler turned to him, glaring for a moment before Five stepped in to speak.

"Ah. Ignore Vincent. He's a bit impulsive," Five chuckled with a shrug. "And I wish I could take credit for the age regression. I just miscalculated the time dilation projections and... well, y'know," He gestured to himself. "Here I am."

"You realize your efforts are futile? So why don't you tell me what you really want," The Handler questioned, raising her eyebrow.

"Well I want you to put a stop to it," Five spoke.

"You realize what you're asking for is next to impossible, even for me," The Handler chuckled. "What's meant to be is meant to be. That's our raison d'etre." She spoke, right as Five pulled a gun out of his waistband. Vincent tried to hide his surprise.

"Va te faire foutre, you motherfucker. You know what that shit means too?" Vincent asked, growing more and more annoyed. The Handler once again glared at him, sighing heavily as she turned back to Five.

"Yeah? How about survival as a raison?" Five questioned, raising his eyebrow.

"I'll just be replaced," The Handler shrugged. "I'm but a small cog in a machine. This fantasy you've been nurturing of summoning up your family and this boy to stop the apocalypse is just that. Fantasy." She paused. "I must say though, we're all quite impressed. Your initiative, your stick-to-itivness, really quite something. Which is why we want to offer you a new position at the Commison. In management."

Five chuckled, turning to face Vincent for a moment with a thick swallow before looking back at the woman. "Sorry, what's that now?"

"Come back to work for us again, you know it's where you belong." The Handler stepped closer.

"Well, it didn't work out too well the last time," Five huffed out, still pointing the gun.

"You wouldn't be in the corrections division any longer. I'm talking about the home office. You'd have the best health and pension. And an end to this ceaseless travel. You're a distinguished professional, in schoolboy shorts!" The Handler chuckled.

Schoolboy shorts he looks amazing in, you stupid fuck, Vincent thought to himself. He was unable to help it. Though at least he didn't say it out loud this time.

"We have the technology to reverse the process. I mean, you can't be happy," The woman grinned, pushing Fives gun down slowly as she glanced at Vincent with a grin. "Like this? With this idiot by your side all the time? What the hell does he do anyway? He was barely any help to the Commission as it was." She pointed to Vincent.

Vincent clenched his jaw a bit, looking down for a moment, hair falling into his face. He was purely annoyed, frustrated and goddamn angry for no reason at all. Well, no reason until now.

Five clenched his jaw at the woman's words, glancing at Vincent and discreetly pulling him closer to his side by the hem of his shirt, intertwining their fingers but making sure to hide the action. Vincent simply stared at their hands, stiff but leaning into it slowly.

"I'm not looking for happy. Even if I was, Vincent's the closest I'm gonna get." Five shrugged. Vincent huffed under his breath to himself. That sounded too close to a confession, soft though backhanded. Yet it wasn't. It was Five simply iterating that Vincent hadn't left his side since this all began.

The Handler reached out, hand on Fives cheek as she stepped closer. "We're all looking for happy. We can make that happen. Make you.." She paused, "yourself again."

"What about my family?" Five asked, looking around before his eyes lingered on Vincent, who looked right back with an unreadable expression. "What about Vincent?" He asked, softer.

"What about them?" The woman asked.

"I want them to survive," Five sighed.

"All of them?" The Handler asked as she looked around.

"Yes, all of them." Five huffed.

The Handler pulled her sunglasses back out, pushing them back onto her face. "Well. I'll see what I can do." She held her hand out. "Do we have a deal?"

"Two things." Five spoke simply, pulling an annoyed and confused Vincent with him over to a gun on the ground, picking it up and pulling out the bullets, throwing them aside with the gun gone the other way. He then walked over to bullet in the air going towards Luther. He grabbed it with his free hand before moving it out of the way of Luther.

And then he pulled Vincent aside, where the woman couldn't see them. He sighed, looking at Vincent for a long moment before pulling him close and hugging him tightly, Vincent reciprocating easily. Five's arms were around his torso, hold tight and surprisingly warm, his face pressed against Vincent's shoulder. Vincent, in surprise, only haphazardly wrapped his arm around Five at first. But eventually he realized what was happening, both arms going around Five and hugging him just as tight. They'd never really hugged like that before. Vincent didn't like how much it felt like a goodbye.

"Does he know about the deal we had?" The Handlers voice suddenly spoke, standing there checking her watch.

Five huffed, breath shaky enough that Vincent could feel it. He pulled away from Vincent, turning to the woman. "He doesn't need to."

"No? He doesn't need to know that I gave you part of the equation to leave so you could come back and he could find you? So you could turn him in in the end and get your life back," The Handler grinned.

Vincent furrowed his eyebrows, "What?" He asked, confused. "He wouldn't do that..." He trailed off before looking at Five, who was looking down at his shoes with his hands in his pockets. "Fuck. You really did do that didn't you, you fucking asshole?" He asked, voice breaking like a twelve year old boy in between. He supposed that was fitting.

"I wasn't gonna go through with it. When I told you to go back to France, that was why. I didn't want to do it," Five sighed heavily, looking up at Vincent and suddenly he looked even more exhausted. "And I don't forget easy, I told you that. I didn't forget you leaving me all that time ago and I was really pissed about that. I was okay with hurting you then. But I also didn't forget when we were drunk that one time. You know the time," Vincent stiffened at that, looking away with a huff. "Because you're my best friend, Vince." Fuck.

"But you do have to go through with it now, don't you?" The Handler grinned.

"No," Five spoke sharply, turning towards the woman and holding his gun up again. "I don't have to do shit. I'm coming with you and that's enough. You want him, you have to go through me first." He spoke, stepping closer.

Vincent still didn't know how to react. His hands were clenched together, looking down at the ground with a red face. He didn't know if it was due to how flustered he was or how pissed. Perhaps it was a combination of both. Five had remembered everything. Right down to when they'd made out. He'd called him his best friend, and Vincent supposed that was most of what he'd ever wanted to be. Close enough, maybe. Though Five had been planning to sell him out the whole fucking time. What an asshole.

"Vince," Five whispered, stepping closer. "Shit, Vincey. I have to go. You can be pissed at me all you want. And maybe if I come back you can punch me in the face." He mumbled softly, reaching out and holding Vincent's hand, squeezing it gently. "Bye for now, dickhead."

"You're a cocksucker," Vincent huffed, looking up and putting both middle fingers up at both Five and The Handler.

Five bit the inside of his cheek, looking somewhat hurt for a moment— though deserving of all of Vincent's anger for all he did, from lying to Vincent about not remembering what they'd done together to selling Vincent out—before he turned around to The Handler. He sighed, grabbing the woman's hand and shaking it.

Vincent cursed under his breath, covering his eyes from the bright blue before he jumped, everything going back into motion. With Hazel and Cha-Cha falling to the ground, Luther being fine and the ice cream truck crashing into another car, of course Vincent had to end up standing beside the assassins.

"Five? Five?!" Luther yelled out from the car, confused by where the boy went.

"He's fucking gone, dingus!" Vincent yelled out, even more pissed than beforehand. Jeez, Vincent guessed this was how Five felt when he was angry all the time. Hazel and Cha-Cha stood up, Hazel trying to grab Vincent. Vincent jumped back, jaw clenched tight in anger as he lost control of his powers yet again, lifting up one of their masks with his mind and whacking Hazel in the head with it, not hard enough to do anything but enough to warn him not to try shit.

Damn. Losing control due to a strong emotion was way more fun than just crying for three hours straight.

"I'll fucking kill you!" Vincent huffed out at Hazel. "You stupid motherfucker with your stupid fucking suit and your fucking shitty name! What kind of fucking name is Hazel? Just call me fucking Chestnut, I guess! And what the fuck is Cha-Cha?! Oh yeah, dumbfuck, just call me Real Smooth so we can be Cha-Cha Real Smooth! See how fucking stupid that shit is?" He rambled out, just angry as hell before he took off back over to Luther, who was holding up the briefcase and telling the assassins to come get it.

For a moment they were both too confused by Vincent's rant, but soon caught on to what was happening as Luther threw the briefcase to one side, Hazel running to the right side of the road to get the empty gun and Cha-Cha running to the other to grab the briefcase. Klaus and Diego ran out of the ice cream truck, Klaus keeping Diego up as they walked over quickly, Luther helping them sometime between.

They all got into the car quickly, Klaus stuffing himself into the backseat first, Diego following, and then Vincent, who couldn't sit in the passengers seat because of Ben. If he could kill the guy again, he totally would. Luther, of course, sat in the drivers seat yet again.

As they drove away, Klaus and Vincent both put up their middle fingers in the back window, Vincent shaking his head before sitting back down properly, sighing heavily.

"You look like shit, Vincent. What's got you so fucked up?" Klaus asked with a wide grin.

Vincent chuckled lightly, shrugging. "Nothing much. But your brother's an asshole."

Klaus nodded in understanding despite which brother not being specified, ending the conversation there.

Vincent felt so much for Five. Now he felt even more. He felt angry, confused, flustered. Everything, maybe. And Five had clearly felt bad about what he did. Plus he hadn't even actually done it. But that didn't mean he could just forgive him so easily. He'd been set on doing it since the beginning for all Vincent knew.

So fuck the guy.

Fuck.

Vincent wished he didn't feel so much.

FRENCH TO ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS:

va te faire foutre: go fuck yourself

♡♡♡♡♡
A/N: dude I think this is my longest chapter jedhdhdjjd. it's 4534 words. I'm also sorryy but I wanted to add angst and also this has been a plot point since the beginning dont attack me :( let's hope vincent won't be highkey sad now ;(

and if you havent noticed, vincents favorite word is definetly "fuck" and hes actually having a mental breakdown so I'm sorry for the very immense amount of f-words lmao

also may I present to you:

literally a representation of five with vincent 😎