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Chapter 26 - My Princess

Get the tissues ready 🙈 Thank you so much for all the comments on the last chapter they're crazy! I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

~ Alessio's POV ~

Hours and hours passed while we were back in the same waiting room as before, this time with my parents since Tomasso insisted we should call them now. They still hadn't told us what was wrong with her, but they did tell me our daughter was now in an incubator in the neonatal unit and that we could go and meet her if we wanted to.

But I didn't. Not yet.

We needed to do it together, and when Luciana is okay soon we will. That's how it was supposed to be.

"Alessio do you want some coffee?" I shook my head at my mom who was rubbing my shoulder comfortingly, while I kept my head down staring at the same spot on the floor by my feet which I'd been doing for the last couple of hours. It must have been way into the middle of the night by now since we came in around 4pm after that stupid argument. But I couldn't feel the exhaustion that I knew was no doubt currently taking over my body, I was just numb. My only thoughts were with Luciana and our daughter who was alone, without her mother. I couldn't get the image of Luciana trying to call for me out of my head when I was being pulled away from her. I knew it was going to haunt me in my sleep for as long as this nightmare I was living went on for.

It took another hour before the same doctor finally came to see us, this time with a more apprehensive look on her face. When she stopped in front of us I lifted my head to look at her, keeping my glare firmly set in place as she spoke. This was all her damn fault in the first place, she should have known something was wrong with Luciana instead of trying to send her home and accusing her of faking it.

"Can you please come with me." She waited for the four of us to stand to our feet, but I was the only one who didn't. They all turned to look at me while I just continued to stare straight ahead unresponsive to them. I knew exactly what was coming, why else wouldn't she just tell us here in the waiting room like she did last time? It means Luciana isn't okay. Something happened and she was alone the whole time, I wasn't with her. She had to go through everything without my hand in hers squeezing it in mine for comfort. She didn't have anyone to comfort her.

Tomasso stepped closer and crouched down next to me so that he was eye level with me, stopping directly infront of me to make sure I was focussed on him and just him.

"Sono qui per te, Alessio, non importa cosa succederà, lo faremo insieme, per la tua bambina. Devi essere forte per lei. Per loro." (I'm here for you Alessio, no matter what happens we'll get through it together, for your baby girl. You have to be strong for her. For them.)

I held his stare for a moment and all I could see was genuine care in my bestfriend's eyes. He may have had a rocky relationship with Luciana but that was only because of her father, he never disliked her when he got to know her. They just never saw eye to eye about anything, it reminded me of the relationship I had with my sister. There was that care but it was hidden behind all the bickering and bitching. But even if he didn't care as much about Luciana, he cared about my daughter - he was the closest thing I had to a brother, of course he cared.

I let out a slow breath before I slowly stood to my feet causing him to do the same before we followed the doctor and my parents down the hallway out of the ER. We walked for a while before we ended up at the elevators. I didn't dare ask her what was going on as we made our way up to the fifth floor of the hospital. Once the doors opened I followed her down the hallway, passing the numerous hospital rooms before we stopped outside room 523.

She turned to look at the four of us, her eyes scanning over my parents exhausted faces and Tomasso's worried one before she stopped on me. I kept my expression blank while I held breath waiting for her to tell me whatever it was, extremely grateful for Tomasso who currently had his hand on my shoulder effectively supporting most of my weight.

"Luciana suffered extreme complications following the c-section. While she was in surgery for the second time today her body seemed to give out from the trauma...her heart stopped."

The only sound that could be heard was my mothers soft gasp as I listened to news that was tearing my insides into complete shreds.

"It stopped for 3 minutes. We managed to get it started again, but the shock of the premature birth and two surgeries in one day along with the extreme blood loss she suffered was too much for her body to handle. I'm so sorry Mr Del Russo, she's in a coma."

All I could see was her lips moving as she continued to explain what happened with Luciana, but I couldn't hear her voice anymore. I felt the pressure of all the emotions rise up inside me as my mind went back to the conversation I had with Luciana less than a month ago.

Flashback

"I'm terrified."

"Don't worry Luciana, you'll be an amazing mother, I have no doubts about that." She managed to muster up a small smile on her face but I saw straight through it, it wasn't real. "But the birth..."

"Don't worry about that either, I'll be there with you."

"But what if something goes wrong Alessio? Everything in my pregnancy has gone wrong so far-" Her voice broke as tears sprung to her eyes causing me to sit up properly to look at her. "Don't say that. Luciana you can't think like that. I know it's been hard, but that doesn't mean it will end that way."

"I'm scared Alessio." I wrapped an arm around my shoulder pulling her in closer to me, using my free hand to wipe the few fallen tears from her cheeks. "I know baby, but no matter what happens in the end, you'll be okay, and you'll be holding our baby, that's all you've been waiting for. I promise you it'll be okay. I'll be there every step of the way with you."

I broke my promise to her.

I told her it would be okay, I promised her I'd be there. It wasn't okay and I wasn't there to comfort her, to reassure her that she wasn't alone.

Her heart stopped and she was alone.

"Alessio." I shook my head at Tomasso feeling anger rise up inside me. "I should have been there for her. I promised her Tomasso, Perché deve essere lei? Non ha mai meritato nulla di tutto ciò" (Why does it have to be her? She never deserved any of this)

"Alessio please calm do-" I shook my head again this time pushing Tomasso away from me when he tried to step closer to me, the anger inside of me overriding any other emotions I was feeling. "Don't touch me! I don't need anyone to tell me to calm down, I only need her. I only ever needed her, and now she's..." I tried to carry on speaking but the lump in my throat was making it hard. I was vaguely aware of Tomasso telling my parents and the doctor to leave us for a minute before he stepped closer to me with a firm glare on his face.

"You have to think about your daughter Alessio, she needs you. You can't lose it now, Luciana would want you to be there for your baby girl."

At the mention of her name I felt a pain in my heart, I just needed her with me.

"She needs her mother, she needs Luciana. I need Luciana, I can't do this without her. It's not supposed to be this way." I shook my head in frustration when my voice broke as I felt my whole world come crashing down on me in one go.

I was angry earlier about the fact she wanted to put the baby up for adoption and I reacted in the wrong way. But now all I wished was that I didn't argue with her, I should have just given her a hug and ignored everything about the adoption. I should have just hugged her and never let her go.

"Yes you can, because you're freaking strong. Alessio I'm not telling you this as your underboss, I'm telling you this as your brother. I know you can do this. You can make Luciana proud of you, make your daughter proud of you."

Once again I shook my head feeling the pain in my chest tighten when I thought of Luciana being here but not actually awake. She was lying there, but she wouldn't just wake up if I gently shook her shoulder or stroked her cheek like she used to. Now she wouldn't even respond to it, and I didn't know the next time I'd see her beautiful brown eyes flutter open again. The eyes that captured my heart the second I set foot in the room where she was tied to the chair.

"I promised her Tomasso. I told her it would be okay. Now she's lying there all alone. The worst freaking part is she's lying there and the last memory she has of me is when I walked away from her. Both times - when they pulled me away from her and when I told her I didn't care about her, but I lied. Because my heart is breaking, and I can't do anything to stop the pain."

Finally the tears began to fall from my eyes as I fell back against the wall of the dimly lit hallway using it as support. Tomasso came to stand in front of me as my heart continued to crumble in my chest, the pain of knowing both my girls were alone in hospital was too much. It should have been me instead of them, they didn't deserve this.

This time Tomasso didn't say a word and instead he pulled me into his arms as I sobbed against his shoulder. For the first time in years I was showing such raw emotion around someone, all I wanted to do was control it but the torrent of emotion inside of me wasn't allowing that.

It was only a few moments before I felt the comforting hand of my mother rubbing my back soothingly. "Shh, mio ​​figlio andrà tutto bene. Sarò qui per te, passeremo tutto questo come una famiglia e saremo lì con tua figlia quando si sveglierà. Ha solo bisogno di riposare per ora, quindi è necessario prendersi cura delle cose." (Shh, my son it's going to be okay. I'll be here for you, we'll get through this as a family and you'll be right there with your daughter next to her bed when she wakes up. She just needs to rest for now, so you need to take care of things.)

She continued to whisper softly in Italian before I finally pulled away from my Tomasso who patted my shoulder. I turned to look at the light brown door with the numbers 523 written across the front and underneath on the white board was the name of the girl that had changed my life forever, 'Luciana Donato'.

My parents and Tomasso remained silent behind me as I slowly made my way over to the door, my hand hesitantly resting on the cold door handle. Before I could change my mind I pushed open the door, the cool air of the room hitting me as I stepped inside. The light coming through the window from the city was illuminating the otherwise dark room. My eyes instantly went over to the machines surrounding her bed, also glowing in the dark as they let out a slow stead beep indicating the pace of her heart.

The room was fairly big, but the floor to ceiling windows made it feel bigger than it actually was. But it wasn't bad, at least Luciana's bed was just slightly smaller than a double bed and the room had its own bathroom too.

I stepped towards the bed, the silhouette of her still frame unmoving on the bed as I walked closer to her. Half of me was expecting her to just turn to look at me, or her hand to move, anything to move. She was a light sleeper, whenever there was movement around her she would shuffle in her sleep. But she was just still, she lay there in the dark alone. It should have been peaceful for her, but the room was just cold, dark and empty apart from the chair beside her bed and the equipment surrounding her. It was like I stepped straight into the scene of a horror movie, the only sound that could be heard was the in the eerily silent room was the beep of the monitor and she wasn't moving, at all.

I stopped next to her, my eyes lingering on her face. Her eyes were closed, her face set in a still emotionless expression. Her olive skin was slightly paler than normal but apart from that, she looked completely normal. "Amore mio..." I couldn't bring myself to say anything else as I stroked her hair, my other hand holding tightly onto hers as I struggled to pull myself together. The tears were still flowing down my cheeks as I leaned forward, placing a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be here, I'm not leaving you, ever again. I'll always be here, you can sleep peacefully baby, just know I'll be here next to you to look after you. I'll be out here to protect you and keep you safe. I'll take care of our baby girl, you don't have to worry about anything. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I know my promises don't mean anything now that I've broken the biggest one, but I'll always keep promising you the world, because that's what you deserve. I may not be able to give it to you, but I'll try. You're my everything Luciana and when you wake up, I'll never let you go again."

I kissed her cheek softly before I stepped away from her, heading towards the door, leaving a piece of my heart with her. I closed the door quietly behind me, careful not to disturb her not that it made any difference, but it felt like the right thing to do. I let out a shaky breath and ran my hand over my face, wiping away the tears from my eyes. It was only now that I'd seen her, I was able to focus on my surrounds properly. The first thing I noticed was my mom's tear stained face and the somber frown on my father's face. Tomasso's eyes were red but other than that there was no sign he was crying, not like I was.

"I need to see her." My voice came out hoarse and tired as my mom stepped closer to me. "She's in the neonatal ward on level 3, room 314. Do you want us to come with you?" I nodded my head and leaned forward placing a kiss on her forehead. She held my hand tightly in hers as we all made our way downstairs to the room where my princess was lying, if it was up to me I would have had her in Luciana's room where I could be with them both, but they would need to keep her with the specialist on the neonatal ward until she was better. Eventually after the short walk we stopped outside her room. My heart was hammering in my chest knowing the bittersweet moment that was about to happen. I was about to meet my daughter for the first time, but it shouldn't be like this. She should have been in Luciana's arms first, she should have been with her mother. "I'm sorry mamma, I need to do this part on my own..."

She shook her head in understanding with a soft smile on her face while stepping to the side. "We'll go and get some coffee in the cafeteria. Take all the time you need Alessio, just meet us there when you're done."

I watched the three of them walk down the hallway, my father's arm wrapped around my mom as she leaned into him for the comfort. The small gesture caused a soft smile to tug at my lips. I let out a deep breath as I opened the door, after putting on the hand sanitiser next to the door. There were four incubators in the room, but three happened to be empty apart from one. I felt a strong pull in my heart as I saw the tiny form of a baby lying in the clear incubator. The only access was through the small holes where you could put your hands through. I slowly stepped towards her as the image of her became clearer, the small light above her incubator making it easier for me to see her.

For the millionth time that day my eyes filled with unshed tears as I took in her slightly red face, her eyes were tightly closed and her lips were pursed as she slept. My heart broke for her as I looked over her body, the number of needles going into her skin reminded that she really was premature and she wasn't completely healthy like I would have dreamed of. But she was here and she was okay, that was all that mattered to me.

I watched her small chest rise and fall as a small frown creased on her face and her fingers moved like they were aching to touch something. Instinctively I put a shaky hand through the hole my hand going straight towards her small one as her fingers continued to wriggle. The second I took her small her hand in my fingers, her hand wrapped around the tip of my index finger and the frown eased off her face, once again leaving her with the peaceful expression her face.

I couldn't help the small laugh mixed with a sob that escaped my lips at the first interaction I had with my daughter. She held onto my finger as she slept and I just couldn't take my eyes off her. It could have been hours that I just stood there staring at the baby that Luciana and I made.

Luciana may have had a huge piece of my heart, but this little girl held the rest of it.

"You have no idea how much I love you. You're the best thing I could ever ask for and I'll protect you with my life. I promise, I'll never ever let anyone or anything hurt you. I'll always be here, for you and your mamma. I know you haven't met her yet, but she's the most beautiful woman you'll ever meet and she loves you, but not more than I do, but we'll keep that between us." I let out a small laugh while wiping away my tears with my free hand. "She'll be here soon my baby, I know it must be lonely in here but I'll be here until she is, I promise. Soon you can come upstairs and rest next to your mamma until she wakes up. I know you don't have a name yet, so I suppose I'll just call you 'Princess', because that's what you are. You're my little light in this dark dark world and I'm so sorry you were brought into such a horrible place, you're too innocent for this world. But I'll be here to protect you, until I breathe my last breath. I love you my princess."

I must have stood staring at her for a long time because the next time I looked up the sun was beginning to rise, shining a soft light over her face.

It was the first morning with my baby girl in this world. But the first of many without Luciana.

The sun shone directly over her lighting her beautiful face and soon a small gurgle left her mouth. My eyes stayed focussed intently on her as she held my finger in her soft hand, until her eyes slowly opened.

So it wasn't very long until I saw them again.

Luciana's beautiful brown eyes shone back at me, the sunlight making the light brown flecks in her eyes more visible. My princess stared back at me for a moment, before her eyes slowly began to close again and she fell back into her peaceful sleep, still holding onto my finger.

It was one of the most surreal moments of my life and knowing I most likely wasn't going to see Luciana open her eyes any time soon, seeing them in our daughter bought me this comfort and ease that I never thought I would get again while she was still in a coma.

The sound of the door opening behind me caught my attention and I turned to see a nurse come inside giving me a soft smile. "She's a beautiful little girl."

I nodded my head while clearing my throat, my eyes going to back to the sleeping angel in the incubator infront of me. "She is."

The nurse went to the side of the room doing a few things before she finally came over to us, handing me a sheet of paper before she started writing down all the information on the monitor next to the incubator. I ran my thumb over my daughters hand as I read over the paper.

Name:
Sex: Female
Date: 1st March 2019
Time: 7:12pm
Weight: 5.09Ib
Length: 17.98 inches

My eyes stayed focused on the information on the sheet like I was memorising every detail of it before the nurse finally spoke again. "Are you Alessio Del Russo by any chance?"

My eyes snapped to her as she read my name off the chart in front of her before she looked at me again while I nodded. "You're down as Luciana's next of kin, so you'll have to make the decision on how we feed the baby."

"What do you mean?"

"Usually towards the end of the pregnancy in one of the last visits with the mother we'll ask her what her preference is to feed the baby, and in the event of anything happening, what she would like to happen. But as Luciana never consented to breast feeding your daughter in this situation, it's up to you. We'll need to pump the milk from her breasts and bring it down to the NICU, or we can give the baby formula."

I shook my head at the last part. I knew Luciana would have always preferred to breastfeed our daughter, there was no chance she would ever allow her to be given formula. Especially as she's so premature she'll need all the nutrients from her mother and Luciana isn't here to look after her, but at least she'd be giving our daughter her milk.

"No formula, take the milk from Luciana. I know that's what she would have preferred." She nodded and wrote something down in her notes before she asked me to sign it with my free hand.

"I'll need you to leave for a few minutes while I just check her over again."

I nodded my eyes going back to my daughter who still lay peacefully in her incubator before I slowly pulled my finger out of her grip. It was crazy how much it hurt me to have to do it and I instantly missed the warmth of her hand. "Tornerò presto mia principessa." (I'll be back soon my princess.)

The nurse gave me a small smile as I walked out the room. The second I came out I leaned against the wall letting out a deep breath I didn't even know I was holding. I took a few minutes to pull myself together before I made my way down to the cafeteria to find my family so that they could come and meet my princess.

This one made me cry so much too, what did you guys think?

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