19

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I AM NOW sure of one thing.

Amethyst is already going to leave the house.

I slept it all last night. After I wept and hugged her pathetically, she couldn't speak a thing. Gulat na gulat siya sa ginawa ko na hindi siya nakakuha ng pagkakataon para magsabi ng kahit ano. She obviously didn't see that coming. Was she freaked out? Happy? Disgusted? I don't know. But when I entered my room she didn't knock. After a few moments, outside grew quiet. No washing machine or TV running, and I assumed she also went to sleep.

Nice farewell.

I woke up early. Today is Friday, and I left the house as early as I could. She was still sleeping on her bed when I left, but I didn't throw her a glance. Para akong kinukuryente habang nilo-lock ang pinto ng bahay. I didn't even look at her . . . how would I know if I'd go home to see that she's no longer there?

No.

Of course not.

I know she would be still be here when I come home.

"Amethyst," I whispered. Standing in front of my door, I closed my eyes and put my forehead on the door. "Please be here when I get home."

I sighed. "Please don't leave yet."

I can't imagine the thought of going and not seeing Amethyst inside my house. It's pretty selfish for me. But what can I do?

Gusto ko, pag-uwi ko, mag-uusap kami habang nakangiti siya. She would tell me her parents abused her but she got through it. Amethyst would be smiling at me and say thank you.

And then when she turns to leave, I would hold her hand and kiss her lips, she would gasp, but still she would kiss me back and tell me she would return, soon.

—

KAILANGAN KO NA sigurong masanay sa bagong pag-uugali nito ni Pierre. He began behaving like that ever since Oliver broke into our house. Out of his wits, barely joking, looking into the nothingness and refusing to talk to anyone. He is so weird.

At break, he told me he'll go somewhere, and I just shrugged. Walking through the hallways, hushed voices can still be heard. After the news yesterday morning, the students busied themselves making stupid rumors, about how Hannah Fuller is actually a serial killer and the person behind every crime in the town, like shop lifting, snatching, being a member of some underground jobs . . .

The principal of the Ashmore High isn't amused and prohibited everybody to talk about it. The school is in such a mess after the news was aired. Dahil dito nagkaroon kanina ng mini seminar patungkol sa paggawa ng mabuti, tapos namigay pa ng bibles.

I remember Amethyst telling me that I should be faithful, not religious. She does not believe in God, but she believes in doing good. She said being good is what really matters. Nakatitig ako sa bibliyang binigay sa akin saka napangiti sa naalala.

I sighed.

While walking, I saw Cinna eating by herself. I walked and sat in front of her. Tumingala siya saka napangiti nang makita ako.

"Pumasok ka na ah," I said. 

She shrugged. She placed a few strands of her hair behind her hair and sighed. "I actually didn't want to," sabi niya. "Si Mama lang kasi. Pinilit ako."

I am so used to myself living alone and having no parents to tell me things I should do, that sometimes I forget that some people my age have parents to govern or guide them. Nakalimutan ko na ang pakiramdam no'n.

"How are you?" I asked. "Getting by okay?"

She laughed. "You bet," she said. Nahalata kong naiiyak na naman siya. She looked up, forcing the tears back, blinked, and looked at me.

"I feel horrible," she said. "Hindi pa ako nakaka-move on sa binunyag sa atin ni Tanya, tapos malalaman ko na namang ka-school lang natin 'yung gumawa no'n."

The police thought that the primary suspect as of now is Hannah Fuller because she was seen exiting the burning house, but as long as she is not yet found and interrogated, she still isn't the confirmed suspect.

I nodded. "Will the police look for her?"

"The most frustrating thing is no, they won't," she said and rubbed her face.

Napamaang ako. "W-What? Why?"

"Amethyst's relatives don't want to," sabi niya. "They want to stop the case. They are begging the police to stop this." She couldn't stop her tears now. She wiped them away. "Sinabi sa akin ng pinsan ni Amethyst."

"What . . . what now?" sabi ko. This is all Amethyst's theory. She knew that her relatives wouldn't dig deep to the case even though a primary suspect is found.

"We're supposed to forget all about this," sagot ni Cinna. She laughed. "Great, right?"

Napatingin na lang ako sa mga kamay kong nakalapat sa lamesa. I remember Tanya telling me that if the relatives of the Cambrays themselves don't want to continue the case, sino kami para ipilit 'to? I don't understand where the family is coming from.

"I still can't believe that my best friend . . . Amethyst . . . is gone," sabi niya. She sniffled and looked away. "Mga ganitong oras, sabay kaming kumakain, o naglalakad-lakad sa grounds. You know, usual BFF stuff. Now I feel ashamed of myself because I considered myself her best friend, and until she died, I never even knew about what nightmare she's going through."

"Hey," I said. I held her shoulder and looked in her eyes. "Stop blaming yourself, okay? You had no way of knowing," sabi ko. I sighed and tried to smile. "Ginusto ni Amethyst na itago sa 'yo hindi dahil sa hindi ka niya pinagkakatiwalaan. She wanted you out of trouble, okay? I think . . . I-I think she didn't want you to be troubled."

Cinna didn't say anything. She just wept.

"Maybe that's why noong fifteen year olds kami, bigla na lang siyang nawala nang isang linggo." Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi ni Cinna na 'yon.

Amethyst did say to me something about that.

I left the town without telling anybody.

I stiffened. I looked at Amethyst's crying best friend, to my own hand suddenly curled into a ball. Remembering Amethyst's tears that night . . .

I was just so tired of everything.

"Did Amethyst . . . hint something to you before she . . . disappeared like that?"

Cinna sniffed. Pinunasan na niya 'yung mga mata niya.

"I . . . um, I never really thought so much about it," she said. "She'd always said something like it. Like, 'Leaving sounds pretty fun, right' or 'Disappearing seems great' and stuff like that. Akala ko na-a-adapt niya lang 'yan sa mga napapanood naming series." Cinna laughed a little and bit her lower lip. "You know . . . the edgy teen act."

Biglang nawala ang ngiti sa labi ni Cinna. She blinked. "I didn't think that she meant it."

Cinna also told me that within that week that Amethyst was gone, she went to her house to see that her father was playing games, and her mother was out, having fun at the mall. Cinna thought they knew where Amethyst disappeared to, so she asked, but her father just slammed the door.

That seems wrong. That seems awfully wrong.

"At least Amethyst has her wish granted," I said.

Cinna looked at me and smiled.

"You know what," sabi niya. "Noong unang pumunta kami sa shop tapos nakita ka niya, she said she'd want to marry someone that looks like you."

My eyebrows raised. "What?" I said, laughing. Someone that looks like me? Why not me?

Cinna laughed, too. "Ewan ko ro'n," she said. "Kahit sa mga series na napapanood namin, she never liked the bad boys. She goes to the softer men, the kinder men, the gentler. It's . . . one of the things that I loved about her. Alam niya kung ano ang gusto niya." She smiled and looked up, as if Amethyst is there. She isn't. She's in my house.

"Leaving Oliver is also one of the best things I did in my life," sabi niya pa. "She made me realize that, when fire consumed her and her parents. At first it was hard because I loved him deeply, you know? But . . ." She sighed. "Amethyst was right. Oliver didn't love me, not even a single inch. When I found out he broke into your house to see if Amethyst was in there, I felt . . . really ashamed that I fell to a guy like that." She shook her head. "Can't believe it."

I just looked at her and smiled a little. "You're freed now," I said.

"Yeah," she said and smiled sweetly. "Freed."

I felt uncomfortable when she looked at me with a different look in her eyes. I cleared my throat and looked away, but her stares made me look back at her, too.

"You know, I'm really happy you're my friend now," she said. She said that very honestly that I thought my heart was gonna melt.

"M-Me too," I said.

I looked at her. This girl, out of all people now, is the most damaged and heart broken. She was the very person that Amethyst truly loved and trusted, and I guess . . . if someone is deserving to know that Amethyst Cambray isn't really dead, it is her. It is Cinna.

"I have something to confess."

And I told her.

I told her that Oliver was right.

I told her that Amethyst isn't dead.

I told her that.

At first, she laughed at me. She thought I was joking, so I had to provide her some evidences on my phone. I showed her my text messages and some photos of Amethyst in my house. I was smiling the whole time while she browses through the photos.

I thought she was going to cry in joy, but she just shook her head harshly, standing up. Her eyes scream so much horror while staring at me.

"SHE CAN'T BE!" she almost screamed. "What the hell do you mean, Vin? What the hell?"

What . . .

What the fuck?

At this point, she is already freaking out. My heart raced fast as I have no fucking idea why Cinna is already almost screaming at my face, freaking the hell out.

She sat on her chair again, and she leaned onto me. She is breathing hard. Her eyes are afraid and in horror.

"Mavin!" she said with so much force and emphasis. "Hindi mo ba alam? There are three corpses found in the house. Three."

My eyes widened. My blood ran cold. My heart hammered fast. I suddenly know what Cinna is talking about.

"If Hannah has disappeared," she said, "and Amethyst is alive . . ."

She looked me dead in the eyes. She looked horrified.

"Who was the third corpse found?"

This moment, I think I have lost my capability to think. I hurriedly grabbed my bag, left the school at 10 AM, and rode the very first bus I saw.

She's right. Cinna is right. I didn't have the chance to watch the news about the fire because Amethyst shut the TV off. Did she know? Was she afraid I'd discover about the three corpses found?

Does Pierre also know that Amethyst is, after all, alive? If he does, how the hell did he know? I told him that the corpses were burnt to ash . . . he didn't seem to believe me, at all.

Fuck. Fuck.

This can't be.

—

I IMMEDIATELY OPENED the door of my house, hoping to see Amethyst inside. I locked the door and dropped my bag on the floor, in the haste of looking for her.

Amethyst is gone.

I looked at the kitchen, she wasn't there. Inthe comfort room, damn, even in the cabinets. I also looked in my room, under the fucking bed, in my closet.

I'm freaking out. Tears began to fall down my eyes, I sniffed and sat on the edge of my bed. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Tumayo ako sa kama saka tiningnan ang drum na pinagtaguan ni Amethyst noong pumunta si Oliver dito sa bahay. I wiped my face.

I opened the drum, and Amethyst isn't there.

In frustration, I kicked the fucking drum. I stormed out the room and slammed its door. If I can only run around the town screaming for her name, I would. I fucking would.

Pagkalabas ko, napansin kong bukas ang bintana sa likod.

She exited through the window.

I walked towards the window and closed it.

That's when I saw a few papers taped on the window curtains. Kinuha ko ang mga 'yon saka umupo sa lamesa ko. I also did not notice that there was coffee and a plate of lunch on the table, which burned something within my chest.

Tiningnan ko na lang ang mga papel.

One letter is for me. Another is . . . for Cinna.

Behind the envelope of my letter,  there's also a piece of paper taped in it.

What was there turned all my blood cold.

OLIVER WASN'T LYING.

—