18

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IS IT THE end now?

The very reason why Amethyst lived with me is because she wanted my help to find the culprit. She believes that her parents wouldn't believe that the fire is a cause of someone else's, and would just put the case to a stop and take her in, forcing her to forget everything that happened here in Ashmore. 

She probably did not expect that a single witness would turn things around. A witness saw Hannah Fuller exit their burning house, so she is now the suspect, and it all made sense why she disappeared.

Cinna looked obviously disturbed while we were both in the car. Lunok siya nang lunok saka paulit-ulit ang buntonghininga. I asked her to calm down.

"I can't believe it," she said. Tears escaped her eyes. She sniffled. "Oh god. I can't fucking believe it."

Napansin kong mas humigpit ang kapit niya sa manibela. She cussed for the first time, her eyes full of tears. I can understand the frustration and anger she releases. I thknk she got too overwhelmed that she just stopped the car and wept on the steering wheel.

She kept whimpering Amethyst's name, and I couldn't do anything but to hold her back as she cried, looking at her as my heart breaks. She cried harder.

"I'm sorry," she said in a breaking voice. "Sorry for this breakdown. Hindi lang ako makapaniwala. It just . . . all came back to me." Pinupunasan niya ang mga luha niya habang umiiyak.

"Hindi siya pumasok noong Friday, so the last time I saw her was when she told me she loved Tanya's coffee so much, and dared me to apply there," sabi niya. "She was . . . s-smiling so happily. Hindi ko alam na 'yon na pala 'yung huling beses . . ."

"Cinna." I couldn't help myself — I pulled her into a hug. She wept on my shoulders as my eyes are closed. Hinihimas ko lang ang likod niya para mapakalma siya. This would all be over if Amethyst resurface again with her usual smile, and hug her best friend once again. "It will soon be okay."

I know that for sure.

That day, I went home and saw that the lights seem to be off. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pinto at nakita kong natutulog ulit si Amethyst sa sofa bed niya. There's a plate of dinner on the table, and the fan is off. Amethyst was covered in sweat, so I opened the fan for her. I looked at her face in a moment and thought of how would I break the news to her.

Sabi niya . . . kapag natapos na 'tong lahat, aalis na siya ng bayan saka sasama sa mga kamag-anak niya. Just the thought of her, leaving, breaks me. Can she just stay? Napatitig ako sa kanya. Sa mga pasa niyang unti-unti na ring nawawala. She's healing. The culprit is already found. It is a happy ending for her.

Is it, really?

I quietly ate my food. I decided not to tell her, because I knew that the Ashmore News would break the news for me. It may seem stupid, but if I tell her, she might leave me alone right away . . . and I don't want to lose her just yet.

Today is a Thursday. Hindi ako pumasok sa school. I want to be with Amethyst once the the news is shown on the TV. Ginising ko nang maaga si Amethyst, which annoyed her, but I just told her that I have something that she must see.

Now, she is cooking breakfast for the both of us, as my heart races fast. Nakatitig lang ako sa Ashmore News at hinihintay ang balita na panigurado akong ipapalabas nila.

"Bakit hindi ka pumasok?" Amethyst asked.

"H-Ha?" I said, startled. "Tinatamad lang ako."

She didn't reply.

And then the news came.

I took a deep breath.

"The person behind Kaylock Road Fire," the newscaster said, "has already been found."

"What?" biglang sabi ni Amethyst. Napalingon ako sa kanya, at nanlalaki ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa TV. Pinatay niya ang stove saka pinunas ang kamay sa apron, naglalakad palapit sa TV.

The newscaster started to speak about everything that the police have found on the fire. The petrols. The 'confusion' that the culprit has left, like the faulty wires, burned microwave, and the candle behind the window, attempting to make the police think that the fire is just an accident. Lastly, a witness who said that the girl who walked out from the fire has the name Hannah Fuller in her jacket. It was the first day she was thought to be lost.

"H-Hannah?" Amethyst softly said. Hindi pa tapos magsalita ang newscaster pero mabilis na niyang kinuha ang remote saka pinatay ang TV. Nagulat ako at napatingin sa kanya.

"W-Why did you—"

Napatayo ako nang bigla siyang napahawak sa mukha niya saka bigla na lang umiyak. When I was about to walk towards her, she ran towards the comfort room and locked herself.

"A-Amethyst!" I said. Sinundan ko siya sa CR saka kumatok. "Hey . . . Amethyst."

"Please . . . just leave me alone for a while," she said as she cried. "I need to . . . I need space. Please, Vin."

Napatahimik ako. My eyes casted downwards as my chest felt heavy. This was not the reaction I was expecting her to feel, and it's even heartbreaking.

"J-Just . . ." I sighed. "If you need something I'm just in my room."

No replies.

"I'm here, okay?"

She didn't reply, again. I stayed in front of the room for a little while and then left. Tinuloy ko 'yung niluluto niya habang naririnig ko pa ang mahina niyang pag-iyak mula sa CR.

It fucking sucks that I am just in the same house as she is, and I can't even do anything about her sadness. I fucking suck.

—

I DECIDED TO go to school, after all, kahit late na. Pagkapasok ko ng school, marami na agad bulungan. Students are talking in hushed voices, some very alarmed. Some crying. Some looked afraid.

Nakita ko si Pierre na nakatitig sa bulletin board kung saan naka-pin ang picture ni Amethyst. I walked towards him, feeling a little uncomfortable because he looked awfully serious.

"Are you . . . cursing her ghost?" I joked and Pierre frowned at me. I snorted because this character twist of his makes me want to laugh. "What?"

"Napanood mo ba 'yung balita kanina?"

I blinked. I turned serious, too. Is this really Pierre?

"Yeah, I did."

"Do you think it's true?" tanong niya.

What . . . what's up with Pierre these days? He's become a hundred percent more mature, stopped talking about breasts and my virginity, and suddenly he is so immersed with Amethyst's case.

Did he find out something?

"Y-Yeah," sabi ko. "Of course I think so." Napatingin ako sa kanya. "B-Bakit?"

Napakibit-balikat siya. "Kanina kasi nakasalubong ko 'yung mga kaibigan ni Fuller. They were crying."

"Crying?" I said.

"Yeah," sabi niya. Nagpamulsa siya saka tumingin sa akin. "They said that Hannah couldn't be the culprit. Hannah Fuller was afraid of fire, they said. Hannah is too nice, they said."

I looked away. Again, my chest felt heavy. "S-Siyempre sasabihin nila 'yon, Pierre. Hannah was their friend. They'd feel that way."

"I guess," Pierre said and then he walked away.

Today, Cinna didn't go to school. I'm a bit worried, but I think she needs space, too. She needs to swallow all this down. It's painful while trying to look for the culprit, but it's even more painful once the culprit has been found.

—

I JUST SLEPT the whole day after I came home because Amethyst was sleeping when I arrived. I was waiting for Amethyst to wake me up because I'd gladly give up sleep if she would just start talking to me, but she didn't enter the room, not even once.

Paggising ko, gabi na. The TV outside is on, and the washing machine is running. She's back with her household chores, I think. I don't think she should be doing that because I know she's emotionally exhausted, so I walked out the room to tell her.

Pagkabukas ko ng pinto, nakaamoy agad ako ng masarap na ulam. Adobong atay! It's my favorite. Amethyst started to cook it every Sunday evening once she found out it's my favorite. I looked for her, and she's on the comfort room, a handkerchief tied on her head, wearing my oversized shirt wet by water.

She looked at me and smiled.

"Uy," sabi niya. "Good . . . morning?"

Damn.

I was taken aback. Ngayon ko lang siya ulit nakitang ngumiti simula noong lumabas kami, kaya napangiti talaga ako nang malapad.

"What . . . are you doing?"

"Washing your clothes, your bedsheets, some curtains," she said, sniffled, and wiped her head. She smiled at me. "For . . . the last time."

Napatigil ako. I stood there, looking at the washing machine, at her, biting her lower lip as she did her business.

"Yeah," sabi ko. "Of course . . . the culprit has been found."

She just smiled.

"It's not . . . Tanya. Or a playmate in a gamble. Or your mother's work mate." Napahilamos ako ng mukha. "I'm so useless."

"Stop saying that," she said. Tinapos niya ang ginagawa niya saka nagpunas ng kamay bago lumapit sa 'kin. "You helped me so much, more than I even expected you would."

I can't help it. I swallowed, looked at her eyes, and just hugged her. I hugged her real tight until I didn't realize I'm already crying.

I want to tell her about so many things I've been feeling within me. Gusto ko siyang tanungin kung paano na 'yung masarap naming hapunan tuwing Linggo. Gusto kong sabihin . . . na ang ganda ganda niya tuwing umuuwi ako tapos maaabutan ko siyang nagwawalis ng bahay, o nagpapapak ng peanut butter sa kusina. Gusto kong sabihin na hindi naman maganda boses niya sa tuwing kumakanta siya habang naliligo tuwing alas-nuwebe ng gabi.

I want to ask her if I ever was important to her. I want to ask her if she was smiling too, when she thinks of me. I want to ask her if she meant that kiss on that cold, cold sea . . .

I want to tell her that even if she was really broken that night on the seaside, as her hair swayed with the wind and as the moonlight washed her tears, she was so, so, beautiful, that I almost lost my breath. 

I want to tell her . . . that the first time I met her was . . . the greatest gift that the heavens have given to me.

I want to tell her everything that might make her stay.

But I ended up saying nothing.

—