16

_____

A YEAR AGO, when I was sixteen, I saw Cinna enter the coffee shop, but she wasn't alone.

Behind her, another familiar girl walked in. There were two reasons why she was familiar: I've seen her always everywhere at the town, and Cinna had always been with her. From mouth to mouth, from people's murmurs, from loud rumors, from old teachers, I was able to know her name.

Amethyst.

Amethyst was her name.

—

"Amethyst!" I screamed.

I did not bother to take off my clothes. Dali dali akong sumisid sa dagat para hanapin si Amethyst.

It was so dark under, that it's impossible to see absolutely anything. Cold bit on my skin. I was panicking, my heart pounding . . .

Until I felt a finger brush against my skin.

I turned around.

—

I didn't really care who she was. Ang alam ko lang naman, siya 'yung babaeng sikat at mahal na mahal ng lahat. Wala siyang halaga sa 'kin. We were strangers in each other's lives.

Nasa counter ako nang pumasok silang dalawa. Cinna was smiling brightly, and so was the popular girl behind her. The time was so brief; when sunlight broke through the glass windows, Amethyst walked in, looked around, and our eyes met.

Hers were brown. I thought her eyes . . . weren't as alive as her smile was.

I looked away.

—

I am close to losing my breath.

It wasn't just a brush against my skin. Her fingers felt delicate and cold under the sea. I tried looking closely to the place where she might be, and I saw her . . . in the dark and the cold, cold waters, under the soft moonlight piercing through the sea surface.

I am close to losing my breath. 

She is naked. She is looking straight at me, her long hair dancing with the bubbles and the sea water.

She pushes herself close to my body.

I am close to losing my breath.

—

Amethyst sat herself beside the glass window, the afternoon sunlight staining her wholeness. I was pouring coffee onto a cup. Cinna was opening the menu. The smell of coffee wandered around.

That afternoon, while Amethyst's eyes wandered in the streets outside, while Cinna ran her eyes through the familiar menu, and as I watched the coffee filling the cup,

we were not aware of the tragedies yet to happen.

—

I am close to losing my breath.

But I didn't.

Amethyst pushed her body against mine. Napahawak ako sa likod niya, sa buhok niya. Napatingin ako sa mga mata niyang nakapikit.

The next thing that happened awakened everything within me.

Her soft, soft lips touched mine.

And I kissed her back.

Nothing else matters.

—

What would have happened if I did not miss my stop and did not meet Amethyst Cambray by the sea that night?

Siguro magigising ako isang umaga. Magtitimpla ako ng kape. Bubuksan ko ang TV ko. Manonood ng Ashmore News.

I'd see Amethyst Cambray on the headlines, followed with the words: corpse, dead, found. And I would just continue drinking coffee, a little bothered, but not so much.

Because I do not know her. She is not close to me.

But it only took a stupid nap at the bus to meet her. It only took some crying eyes. It only took a single move, a single hold, a single eye contact . . . to turn my whole world upside down.

Do I regret meeting her?

Amethyst and I popped up the sea surface, and I was able to see her face clearly. Basang-basa ang buhok niya, ang mukha niya, pero hindi lang dahil sa dagat.

Amethyst is crying.

Napahawak ako sa pisngi niya. I'm as wet as her. It is also really cold. She's looking straight to my eyes as she shivered.

"Vin," she said. Her voice is so low. "I'm sorry."

Her eyes speak so much words, but only two words were the things she was able to say. My heart hurts.

"For what?" I asked. Napansin kong nilalamig at nanginginig na rin ang boses at buong katawan ko.

She closed her eyes.

"If I disappear again one day," she said . . .

"Forgive me, okay?"

—

I DID NOT understand what she said. Ano'ng ibig niyang sabihin sa kung mawala siya ulit? I hate that I did not understand but I stopped thinking about it. I convinced myself she was just thought-drunk, and said that even though she didn't mean it. At least that's what I believe.

A few days after, Amethyst stopped talking to me.

Ever since we went out, she'd grown really, really quiet, and even refused to watch TV with me. Hindi ko alam kung anong mali ang ginawa ko — nagalit ba siya sa akin? Tuwing nagta-try akong magkwento tungkol sa nangyari sa araw ko, ngumingiti lang siya saka nagre-reply ng isa hanggang dalawang salita lang. She goes to sleep early, around 9 PM, and stopped watching her favorite series. She sleeps on the living room so out of courtesy, I'd just turn off the TV and be by myself at my room.

It went that way for a few days and it is making my life an everyday hell.

Today is Thursday. Nagising ako ngayong umaga na may luto nang almusal sa lamesa, at natutulog naman siya sa sofa bed niya. I ate my breakfast silently as I remember all the times she'd smack me with a pillow to wake me up.

What's wrong with her?

After we kissed in that sea, after we laughed at the streets of the quiet town . . .

It was hard to swallow food in front of her as she sleeps, eating the breakfast she prepared only for me.

It's like hell everyday. I'd rather be annoyed every day of my life than to be ignored by her. Bumuntonghininga na lang ako saka tumayo sa pagkakaupo, nag-iwan ng note sa fridge. Just a little thank you for the breakfast, left the house, and thought of her the whole day.

Last Monday, I started going to work again, which delighted Cinna. But Tanya never showed up again. Kapag alas-otso na at magsasara na ang shop, may ibang tao nang pumupunta para isara 'yon. Even today, which is our payday, ibang tao ang pumunta sa shop para ibigay ang mga sweldo namin.

Standing beside Cinna on the bus stop, she is talking about how she misses Tanya and how she wishes that she's fine. Pero hindi ako gaano nakikinig. I'm staring far ahead, thinking of Amethyst, her body under the moon, her tears wet by the sea, her yellow dress full of sand, her laughter on the dark streets.

Napakaganda niya.

When would she start talking to me again?

"V-Vin!"

I was startled. Napatingin ako kay Cinna na nakatingin sa akin, nakakapit nang mahigpit sa bag niya. Her cheeks are red.

"I realized . . . we haven't been doing anything else regarding Amy since super busy na sa school," she said. "A-And, um . . . maybe tomorrow . . . we can . . ."

I just looked at her. What's she trying to say? Napakamot ako ng batok saka tiningnan lang siya. 

"You know . . ." She cleared her throat. There was silence for a moment.

"You need help for something?" I asked with a little chuckle.

"Ha? Oh. Help? N-No," she said. "Vin, can we . . ."

We looked at each other. Then she sighed and looked away.

"Uh . . . nevermind," she said and a chuckle escaped her lips. "I can just ask someone else."

I smiled at her and held the top of her head. "Okay."

She did not look at me, though.

—

CINNA AND I never really thought that Tanya would show up to work again, and what shocked us the most was it was afternoon when she came.

Well, of course that surprised us — she stopped coming to work for a month. Kaya nagtaka kami nang bigla siyang nagpakita sa amin ngayong Biyernes.

I still felt uncomfortable. After what happened just almost a week ago, it's impossible to act like normal. Of course, Cinna does not know about this — if I tell her, she'll be angry at me. I know she will.

"Miss Tanya!" Cinna exclaimed. "What brought you here?"

Tanya smiled at Cinna and then she turned her head to look at my eyes. Now that she looked at me, I realized that it's not that I'm uncomfortable because of the fight . . . I'm uncomfortable because I feel bad about everything I said.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

Cinna glanced at me swiftly. She must have noticed.

"You don't usually come here in the afternoon, Miss Tanya. What's up?" Cinna asked, wiping coffee cups.

"For the nth time, sweetie, call me Tanya."

"That doesn't sound right kasi . . ."

"I'm here to talk to the both of you."

Tanya then looked around and saw a few customers still enjoying their coffee. Pumunta siya sa may pinto saka pinalitan ang sign no'n from open to closed. Some customers saw that and had the quiet pressure of leaving.

"I'll be waiting in my car," she said and went out the coffee shop.

Pagkalabas na pagkalabas niya, tumingin sa akin si Cinna. "You guys did not mock each other. Weird 'yon, ha."

I shrugged.

"Did something happen?"

I laughed. "Something always happens."

Naglinis na kami ng coffee shop. Half an hour later, some customers left, until no one else is inside except Cinna and I. Mabilis na rin kaming nagtanggal ng apron, kinuha ang mga bag namin, saka sabay na lumabas.

Tanya was literally waiting inside her car. Cinna walked towards the car and knocked, to which Tanya responded with "wait the hell up" followed by telling us to enter the car. So, although it was odd, we agreed. Cinna and I exchanged glances before entering.

She is smoking. Bukas ang mga bintana saka nagpapatugtog siya ng mga rock songs sa kotse niya.

"What do you want to talk about, po, Miss Tanya?" Cinna prompted.

I remained quiet. Bumuga si Tanya ng usok muka sa sigarilyo niya saka tumikhim.

"Cinna," Tanya said. "Why did you want to work in my shop?"

Cinna was taken aback. Napa-straight siya ng likod at napakurap-kurap. "Um . . . f-for experience."

"For the first time, you lied to me." Tinapon ni Tanya ang sigarilyo niya sa bag niya saka nagsindi ulit ng panibago. "Did Amethyst send you?"

"W-What? No," Cinna said. "Why would she do that?"

Cinna, apparently, looked as if she was telling the truth. Surprise is obvious on her face.

Nanigarilyo si Tanya bago kami lingunin.

"You're telling the truth?" Tanya asked. "Cinna, kailangan mong magsabi ng totoo sa 'kin ngayon. I know what you are up to. I know you want to solve this damn case. If you're lying—"

"I'm not lying," Cinna insists. "S-Sa totoo lang, I just wanted to try the shop because Amethyst . . ." Napatingin na ako nang diretso kay Cinna nang makarinig ako ng basag sa boses niya. "She said . . . she liked your c-coffee."

Napatigil si Tanya. She did not expect that.

"She said she wanted to have free coffee and asked me to work there in exchange for this stupid book series that I really, really like," Cinna said. Amidst her crying, she laughed, remembering Amethyst and the stupid book series that she never had. "Ayun lang. I'm not lying. Not ever. After knowing that she died, pumasok pa rin ako sa coffee shop. It's . . . it's the last thing that Amethyst wished for."

I pictured Amethyst smiling and urging Cinna to work in the coffee shop so she could get some free coffee and it hurt my chest so bad. I placed a hand on Cinna's back as she wept. I glanced at Tanya and saw that her eyes are wide, but quiet, as if analyzing what she had just heard.

"It's good that we're all telling the truth now," she said. She sighed. "Mavin. Cinna."

She cleared her throat. Again. "I will only say this once. And you have to believe me," she said. "While it's true that Gary and I had an intimate relationship . . ." She sniffled. "I . . . did not set that goddamn house in fire."

Tanya is looking straight ahead, her wrist on the steering wheel, a smoking cigarette in between her fingers. When she said those, I felt as if I was slapped.

"I did not plan to murder anyone," she said. "Hope you cross me off the list of your possible suspects."

Cinna looked down, looking guilty for also suspecting Tanya. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "We're just . . . desperate."

"Tanya," I said. It took me a million courage to speak of her name again. "I was an asshole. I'm sorry," sabi ko. "For yelling and . . . a-accusing you."

I remembered Amethyst telling me that I should apologize. Now I'm doing it.

"You have the right to be angry," she said. Suddenly, Tanya stiffened, her breathings deep. Hindi muna siya nagsalita. Pinuspos niya ang sigarilyo niya saka hinilamos ang mukha.

"Amethyst," she said. "That sweet girl who liked my coffee," she started saying, her voice breaking second by second.

"She was being physically, mentally, emotionally . . . and sexually abused."

My eyes widened. Horror crept up to my chest. Cinna's shoulders slumped.

"By her own father."

—

AND SHE DID not do something about it.

Tanya knew about it, and she kept quiet, just because she loved the man. The reason of Amethyst's bruises was from her father. The reason why Amethyst hated dresses, why she'd always covered her skin, is to cover up the bruises she's been getting from her own parents, and after knowing all that, Cinna just stormed out the car and did not say anything. I was horror struck so I immediately left as well, hearing Tanya cry inside her cigarette smelling car.

Amethyst did not tell me this, yet again.

She liked coffee of someone who had the very choice to tell everyone of the nightmare she was under . . . and yet that person remained quiet.

Wasn't she angry? Isn't she supposed to feel freed from people who had hurt her all this time?

Amethyst couldn't have done it. First, she was away from the house when the fire began. Second, why all these fuss? Why be inside my house, hide, ask for my help, when if she is the culprit, she could have just ran away and disappeared?

Even after all she'd gone through, Amethyst Cambray still cares for her parents. I suppose.

Tanya broke my trust. Now, after knowing this, I know Cinna and I would be even more desirous to find out what really, really happened, and if there are more secrets we are still not aware of.

Not yet.

____