14

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SATURDAY MORNING, THE Ashmore News showed Oliver Griggs's face on our television screens. The police said that he might have been under intoxication of alcohol and drugs when he decided to invade — guess what — Mavin Adams's home.

"Great," sabi ko habang kumakain ng pancakes. Ang aga aga, nasira na agad mood ko.

"Now everybody knows you," Amethyst said, laughing at the screen.

I shook my head. "Wala naman masyadong nanonood ng Ashmore News."

"Still. Pustahan — sa Monday, pagtitinginan ka ng mga tao."

Ever since that happened this week, Amethyst and I went back to normal. Although still a little bit shaken,  we worked hard to return everything to the way it was. Amethyst cleaned twice than she always does, and refused to wear the dress again, though she'd always worn the hair clip.

Amethyst also refused to tell me what Oliver was saying when he got here. Ang sinabi niya lang sa 'kin, umakyat si Oliver mula sa bintana sa likod, malapit sa kwarto ko.

Sa loob ng kwarto ko, meron akong mga drum na may lamang mga damit, punda, patapong mga jacket at ilang mga kurtina. There are two stacked above the other two, but the other one below is empty, and Amethyst hid in there. The police might have checked one of them, and convinced themselves that all those containers contain only useless clothing, and left them alone.

I guess it was just luck.

Still, after that day, Amethyst and I did not talk one bit about it, as if that day never existed at all. Even so, I can't help imagining the thought of the police finding Amethyst in her yellow dress, hiding inside a drum.

Pagkatapos ng araw na 'yon, parang ayaw ko nang lumabas ng bahay. I feel like I should never leave because something bad might happen, something even worse. I don't want to leave Amy again. Even if Oliver was sent to jail, I know his parents would bail him out soon enough. Kahit na wala na siya at hindi ko na dapat problemahin, hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko.

I just hate that maybe deep inside Amethyst, she is blaming herself. She thinks that she's bringing trouble to me, of which is absolutely false.

Napabuntonghininga ako.

Of course, this is a small town, so Cinna and Pierre heard it right after that day.

They were worried as hell, asked about it, was hella alarmed about it, because as far as we all know Oliver and I were never friends. Though I kept wondering what they might have thought after hearing that, because the way I acted when I was with the both of them inside Cinna's car was way a bit odd. I acted the way a person would if the person really kept a dead person in his house.

Plus, the phone call I received that time. And the previous phone call where Cinna believed she heard Amethyst's voice. Cinna can grow suspicious of me, specially that she is under the thought that I'm in love with Amethyst. This pushes me to look faster for the culprit until Cinna slowly finds out, or someone else from the town does.

Noong araw na 'yon, sabay kaming naglalakad ni Cinna.

"A bad week, isn't it?" she said.

"Hellish."

She softly laughed. "So . . . hindi ka pa ba ulit papasok?"

I looked at her. That's true — hindi na ako ulit pumasok pa simula noong nalaman kong si Tanya ang ibang babae ni Mr. Cambray. Maybe because I probably lost the trust I have in her, or I am just a little shocked. Or both.

Tanya has been a dear friend, so I guess I will need time swallowing all this down.

"Can't stay being a pussy like this," sabi ko, bahagyang nakangiti. "I just, I don't know. I don't think I can look at her the same way."

She was silent for a moment. "Sabagay . . . matagal din kayong naging mag-kaibigan. That's normal."

I nodded, slowly. Then looked at her again. "Um . . ." I cleared my throat. "Thanks, Cinna."

She blinked, and glanced back at me. "For what?"

I did not answer her. At that moment, staring at her face, I felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude to her, maybe for all the experiences and all the time we spent together. For . . . for all the things she did to me. For everything I've realized because of her.

Now, munching on my pancakes, looking at Amethyst, I thank again Cinna, for making me realize that it was not her I really liked.

—

WHEN SUNDAY ARRIVED, I went downtown to buy some groceries. Amethyst apparently used up all the food we have at home for our birthday, so here I am, using her money, and my money, buying whatever that looks convenient in the kitchen and whatever I feel like buying. Oh, also cookies. Amethyst loves cookies.

Adults seem to like watching Ashmore News every morning, and they've probably seen my face on the television screens earlier, because now they are looking at me. Great, a psychotic lanky nerd, probably obsessed with the Ashmore High's popular girl. Fuck it. Think whatever you all old hags want to.

Binilisan ko na lang ang pamimili tsaka lumabas na ng supermarket.

Then I saw Tanya in front of her car.

I froze.

Her eyes death glaring at mine are the first thing saw, going straight through me. Tanya's hair also grew longer, and her eyeshadows are still the same shade, making her look gothic. I looked away and pretended I've forgotten something at the damn supermarket, when the bitch yelled out my name. Of course, I turned around and looked at her.

"Pumasok ka sa kotse."

She tilted her head towards her car, but I remained where I am. I looked at her, though not as intense as she looks at me.

"No."

"Yes."

After a few seconds of staring at each other, I marched towards her and went in her car. Mahigpit kong hawak hawak ang paper bags ko ng groceries.

"I figured you'd be here," she said, putting a stick of cigarette in her mouth. "You buy groceries every Saturday afternoon."

"You are creepy."

"I'm just being a best friend."

Napakurap ako dahil do'n. It's nice to know that she is considering me as a friend . . . I guess. Napatingin na lang ako sa labas ng bintana habang dina-drive niya ang kotse.

"Saan ba tayo pupunta?" I asked. I opened my phone and sneaked a text on Amethyst, then I looked at Tanya.

"The coffee shop," she said. "I closed it for today."

Napalingon ako sa kanya.

"Why?"

"So we can talk."

As I glanced at her, looking so serious, I just sighed and looked out the window.

Bumaba na rin kami agad pagkadating na pagkadating namin sa shop. Tanya opened the shop through the locks and we went in. Even in off days, the shop's smell of coffee scents the afternoon air.

"I know," she started to say as she sat on one of the chairs, "that you and Cinna are investigating the Cambrays' death."

Napahugot ako ng malalim na hininga saka napalingon sa ibang direksyon. 

She put another cigarette in her mouth. "I also know that she went here in the coffee shop because she suspects me."

"S-She knows . . . about you and him?"

"Yes."

Napahugot ako ng hininga. I remember the first day Cinna went to me and said she wanted my help to get in the coffee shop. My eyes widened. "But that was even before the fire happened!"

"Uh-huh," she said. "Hula ko lang 'to lahat; but maybe Amethyst Cambray had been suspicious of her parents since they've been receiving the death threats, and went on investigating by herself. She told her best friend about it, Cinna, so she went here."

When Tanya said that, it immediately made sense. But as Amethyst was trying to know who was giving threats to their families, she was also killed.  Or almost. The person behind all this had failed.

"Sinasabi ko sa inyo," she said, "na tigilan na ninyo ang mga larong 'to. The relatives of the family . . . they all want to leave this all alone. They don't want any more trouble. And here are the both of you, trying to solve the case everybody wants to leave behind."

Huminga siya nang malalim saka nanigarilyo ulit, nakatingin sa malayo. I sat on one of the chairs and stared at the distance.

Everything will make a difference if the relatives know that Amethyst is alive. But if Amethyst reappears, the killer might want to kill her again. Truly, what was the killer's reason? We still don't have enough leads. Still not enough.

Even Tanya . . .

"There would be a closure for the case if, and only if, one of the relatives appear and demand for an investigation," sabi ni Tanya. "But until then, we should give silence to the dead family."

"The police—" I was cut off by Tanya.

"—did everything. They investigated the house and it seemed as if the reasons of the fire are faulty electrical outlets, and left cooking. Then case dismissed."

"P-Paano kung palabas lang ng pulis 'yan?" I said, a bit hysterical. "And there have been death threats!" I said.

"There are no evidences."

"How are you sure?" I said in disgust. Napatayo ako saka nag-iwas ng tingin. "W-Why are you too insistent?" It's happening again; I'm too angry again, I can't even stop my mouth. "Is it because you fucked up killing Gary Cambray, when you only originally planned to kill his daughter and wife?"

There was a moment of silence and shock.

Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko at napahawak sa sariling mukha. I was taken aback by the words that came out through my own mouth, and Tanya looked at me in both surprise and disappointment.

There was genuine hurt that sparked in her eyes. She blinked. Napababa ang kamay niyang may hawak ng umuusok niyang sigarilyo.

"You actually . . . believe that?"

I did not answer. For a moment, tears struck her eyes, and before I could even see those fall, I turned around and left the shop.

—

WHEN I GOT home, Amethyst was already on the kitchen, preparing dinner.

"Paulit-ulit ko bang sasabihin sa 'yo, Vin, na ilagay mo agad sa labahan 'yong mga damit mo!" she said, rummaging through my groceries. "And these tomatoes look bad. Galing naman, Vin."

"Those are still tomatoes."

Amethyst gave me a good look, and frowned. Bumalik siya sa niluluto niya saka tumingin lang doon.

"Did . . . something happen?"

I sighed and rubbed my palm on my face. "Nothing."

"Siyempre meron." She sighed and wiped her hands on her apron. Lumakad papunta sa 'kin si Amy saka umupo sa harap ko. She smiled. "What's wrong?"

I can't just lie after her eyes looked at me like that. Like, searching for something. Wanting honesty. I sighed and decided to tell the truth.

"I met Tanya, and then . . . we talked," sabi ko. "Said you are already . . . s-suspecting her even before the fire began," dagdag ko pa. I carefully looked for any reaction in her face, but nothing. She's just looking at me, urging me to go on. "Then I said something horrible. I . . . accused her."

She softly gasped, obviously telling me that she did not see that coming. "Accused her?"

"She looked really hurt," sabi ko. "Tapos umalis na lang ako."

She became quiet. Huminga siya nang malalim saka hinawakan ako sa kamay, dahilan para mapakislot ako nang kaunti.

"I think you should apologize."

I looked away. "I-I think so."

The matter was dropped right there, and Amethyst stopped talking about it.

S E P T E M B E R 2019

THAT NIGHT, I was already suspecting something, and horror was creeping up to my chest. I kept on pushing every thought away in fear of those actually being true, but truth is the truth. Still, back then, I ignored the obvious truth right in front of my eyes, because I believe that through doing so . . . would save my heart.

—