11

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TANYA MAY NOT be aware of this, but I consider her as my best friend.

Well, of course Pierre counts. Pierre and I instantly became friends when we met as classmates back in ninth grade, and I don't even know how. We just began talking and something clicked; like how some friendships begin. That's how it went for Tanya and I.

Kaso noong una, takot na takot ako sa kanya. Paano ba naman kasi, matangkad, tatlo ang kulay ng buhok, may dark eyeshadows, saka dark red lips. Nang makita ko ang karatula niyang kailangan ng helper sa coffee shop habang gumagala ako downtown, kahit wala ni isang experience, pumasok ako agad sa coffee shop na halatang kabubukas pa lang. I saw her on one of the tables, drinking beer, staring into nothingness while her other foot lay on their mahogany table. The wind chimes rang when I opened the door, and she looked straight at me.

The first thing she said?

"This is not an orphanage."

And completely acted like I wasn't there.

But at fourteen, scared but at the very same time determined, I held my stand and told her I need a job. After a few insistence, she still said her strong and firm 'no'.

Then I said, "E di, 'wag!" I said, angry. Mouth running faster than my head. "Para namang may bibisita sa shop mo kung ganyan ka, nakakatakot kaya mukha mo!"

Damn, I didn't even know what the hell I was saying but I was frustrated and exhausted that time. Iyong shop na yata niya ang pang-dalawampu sa napuntahan ko at ni isa talaga, walang tumanggap sa 'kin. Though everything changed when she laughed so hard she stood up from her chair.

Pinuspos niya ang sigarilyo niya sa lamesa niya at nanlaki ang mga mata ko ro'n. At home, Mama used to scold my Papa when he does that. I probably got this pet peeve from her. I walked towards her and took the cigarette from her.

Her eyes widened and laughed. "The hell's wrong with you, kid?"

I looked at her dead in the eyes. "My parents are dead," sabi ko. Her brows raised. "My aunt threw me out," I added, stepping on the cigarette. "And I'm broke."

She patted my head while hysterically laughing, which surprised me. Napatingin ako sa mukha ni Tanya noong oras na 'yon. Despite her scary make-up, if you look really closely . . . you can tell that she's beautiful.

Specially when she smiles.

She even laughed at my tragic backstory.

"Okay, tanggap ka na," sabi niya. Nanlaki nang sobra ang mga mata ko. "You'll start by mopping the floors. Ako na rin magbibigay ng baon mo araw-araw, so make sure to stop by here every morning, huh?"

My jaw almost dropped. What the hell did I just hear?

"S-Sigurado po kayo?"

"Yeah," she said, smiling. "Call me Tanya."

That afternoon . . . as she smiled at me, the sunlight looked so pretty on her purple hair.

And now, she's so far from the 23 year-old woman smiling in that sun kissed coffee shop. Umiiyak siya ngayon sa harap namin at punong-puno ng alak ang buong katawan. I hurried towards her, my heart pounding.

"Tanya!" sabi ko. "Huy, Tanya. Hey, c-calm down."

"No . . ." she said, shaking her head. "I have fucked up. Fucked up really bad . . . I'm a fucking mess, Vin."

Cinna stepped back and I knelt in front of Tanya. My heart is being crumpled at this sight of her and the images of her purple hair and dark red smiles kept appearing in my head. Hinawakan ko siya sa mga balikat niya.

"N-No, of course not," sabi ko. "Please. Ano'ng nangyari? T-Tell me."

She shook her head.

"Miss Tanya . . ." Cinna whispered, sadness in her voice.

Hindi ko alam ano'ng sasabihin. I touched her hair, as she continued to cry. I breathed deep.

"D-Didn't you say I'm your boy?" I said to her.

When I said that, she sniffed and looked at me. Her mascara is messed and is all over her face. I wonder what might have happened to make her cry this much. The strongest woman I know . . . the woman who'd always patted my head. Who'd always said she's got my back.

"I . . ." She closed her eyes shut and cried again. I was surprised when she hugged me. "I'm so, so, sorry, Vin. I'm very sorry . . ."

I can't understand. What the hell? Now, my heart is totally beating hard; in anxiety, nervousness, confusion. I was about to hug her back when she let go herself from the hug and ran outside.

We tried to run after her, but the next thing we know, she's already in her car, driving away.

"Oh, no . . ." Cinna said. "S-She's drunk!"

Napasabunot na lang ako sa sariling buhok saka napaupo sa malapit na lamesa. I bit my lower lip until it bled. "No, Cinna."

Napatingin siya sa 'kin. "A-Ano'ng ibig mong sabihin? She's—"

"K-Kailangan niyang mapag-isa ngayon." I stood up from the table. Niño rubs his chin from the counter, his brows furrowed. Nang tiningnan ko si Cinna, nanlalaki ang mga mata niya sa 'kin.

"No, Vin," sabi niya. "Hindi ako makapaniwala. You shouldn't just let her." Cinna took off her apron and went, leaving me and Niño behind. Napahilamos ako ng mukha habang narinig ko ang umandar niyang kotse papalayo.

"S-Should we close the shop?" he asked.

—

WHEN I GOT home, I told Amethyst about what happened.

"Gano'n naman talaga kasi si Cinna," sabi niya. Napakurap ako kasi bigla niya akong nginusuan. "May kanin sa gilid ng labi mo." She ate a spoonful of rice.

"Oh."

"You see. She's just so caring that sometimes nakakainis . . . but at the end of the day, you'll realize na she's just thinking of your own welfare, kaya maiintindihan mo rin."

Napa-buntonghininga ako habang nakaupo sa lamesa. I remember how Cinna looked at me earlier, as if she's utterly disappointed at me. Bakit, tama naman ako, ah? I've known Tanya longer than she did, and I know how Tanya handles her anger. Was it a mistake that I didn't think of following her? I just wanted Tanya to have some space for herself.

I rubbed the space between my brows.

Amethyst sat on the couch with her — I mean, my hoodie, and then I remembered the stuff I bought her. Shit. Nakalimutan ko sa shop!

How could I ever forget that?

Napatingin sa akin si Amethyst. Tumawa siya.

"You really are such a wimp, alam mo 'yon? I think you're overreacting," sabi niya. "You don't have to look so aghast. You can just talk to her tomorrow."

She returned to watching TV and I just watched her.

I wasn't thinking of Cinna, Amethyst.

—

TODAY'S FRIDAY. I went to school earlier than usual, kasi mas napaaga akong nagising. Amethyst was still asleep on her bed when I woke up so I hurried and went, baka kasi magising saka mag-insist na paglutuan pa ako. She's always been like that.

Kumain na ba 'ko? Anong gusto kong baon? May dala ba akong payong? Baka umulan.

She's such a grandma. Napangiti ako nang bahagya.

The town this morning is gloomy and cold, with a little mist and gray clouds hovering above us. Habang nasa bus, ramdam ko ang lamig dala ng air-con pati ng paparating yatang ulan ngayong araw. Well, not that I'm worried. I'm fond of the rain.

A little backstory: my mother gave birth to me in a really rainy day. They said I was born on the day of a very strong typhoon that ever hit the country, but "no rainfall or storm could stop me from seeing the world", verbatim, said my Mom to me. It was cheesy, I thought.

Pero hindi ko lang alam. I'd rather live in cheesiness than live without my mother.

Napasandal ang ulo ko sa bintana. Naalala ko naman tuloy 'yong sinabi sa akin ni Tanya noon. She told me to man up and just only remember my mother in happy memories, not in depressing ways. Easy for her to say, but I guess somehow that helped.

The rain started to fall.

Maybe . . . maybe I really should've ran after her yesterday.

Tumigil na ang bus sa harap ng school namin, kaya bumaba na ang mga studyante rito. I opened my umbrella before going out because of the rain, and half ran, half walked towards the school entrance.

This reminds me my first day of school here, ever — three years ago. Maulan, may mga studyanteng papasok, tunog ng sasakyan sa likod. I was nervous as hell, knowing nobody. Well, growing up, I was close to knowing nobody because I'm really not a friendly person, but at least I was familiar with the faces. Being in Ashmore for the first time, it felt like horror and home, both at the same time.

First thing I had in mind back then was at least, nobody knows how much of a nerd I was back in my old town so I thought I'm free to change my image, but I still grew up as a nerd right now anyway. I consoled myself every time by thinking of my friend, Tanya, and my goofy classmate, Pierre.

Napangiti ako habang naglalakad.

Pinagpagan ko ang payong ko nang makapasok sa building namin. There are a few students running under the rain because their umbrellas are probably forgotten, a few are laughing under theirs. Napa-buntonghininga lang ako nang biglang may naramdaman akong tumama sa ulo ko.

An empty can?

I turned around my brows furrowed, my hand touching the part of my head which was hit.

I saw Oliver, smirking.

"Hey, nerdy boy," he said. The first three buttons of his uniform are opened, and his ears are pierced. When he spoke, I saw a piercing glint on the tip of his tongue.

I stared at him, still frowning. "What's your problem?"

A few students looked our way. I admit, Oliver's tall figure, towering above me, made me the slightest bit afraid. Siyempre marami na akong naririnig tungkol sa kanya; a gang member, a fuck boy, a delinquent. Who knows what he's capable to do to me?

"Ah, my problem?" he said, still not taking off the annoying smirk on his darkening lips. "Well, well. Aren't you the new guy? You should know me. I'm all over the place. I'm always on the rumors."

That's true. He laughed. I just looked at him as he continued to speak.

"You should know why I fucking hate you right now."

My breathing hitched. "Cinna?"

He laughed, as if he'd just heard a joke. Mabilis niyang kinuha ang payong na hawak hawak ko.

"Nakakatawa ka pala, 'no?" he said, spinning the wet umbrella. "Who cares about that bitch?"

I felt angry. Bitch? He dared call Cinna, the kindest girl I know, a bitch? I was about to talk back, not until he spoke again. He leaned close to me, his mouth near my ear. I shivered.

"I'm talking about the other girl." Nanlaki bigla ang mga mata ko. My breathing quickened. Nang makalayo sa akin si Oliver ni hindi ko siya matingnan sa mga mata. "You're not dumb. You should know who I'm talking about," sabi niya.

He broke the umbrella in half, right in front me, and smirked. He dropped the umbrella on the floor, making a loud thump.

"I know your little secret."

When he walked away, I realized that my fingers are already shaking. Mabilis at mababaw ang paghinga ko at napatitig lang ako sa payong kong sira na.

What the hell does that mean? What the hell does that mean? Nervousness ran through my veins. My blood turned cold. I looked at Oliver walking away, and realized that the murderer of Amethyst's parents isn't our only problem.

—