10

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HABANG NAKAPILA SA cashier, may hawak na basket na may lamang dalawang pakete ng Whisper pati ilang sweets, nakarinig ako ng mga bulungan.

Here in Ashmore, the worst thing that ever happened before the fire is when a cyclist was hit by a bus and died. There were a few neighbor fights, or some harangue at the park or at school, but never every time. Mababa ang crime rate dito kaya nasanay ang mga pulis para maging tamad. The police will never suspect someone of murder.

But the rest of what I heard troubled me.

". . . tapos bigla na lang daw siyang nawala!"

"Next po, Ma'am."

I tried to mute the voices around me, specially the cashiers'. Nagpantig ang tainga ko. I cleared my throat and kept as quiet as I can, listening to the mothers in line behind me.

"Oo nga raw!" sabi ng isa. "Hay. Matapos ng sunog, ito naman?"

"Wala naman halos nangyayari rito," sagot ng kasama niya. "Pero ngayong taon na yata ang pinakamalala."

"Parehas pang high school na babae!"

After my purchase, bumili agad ako ng diyaryo para sa ngayong araw. Paano ba naman, I forgot to have some newspapers from this morning because of this trouble with Amethyst. As I stand on the bus stop with the plastic bag on my arm, binasa ko ang malaking headline na nasa frontpage.

17 year old girl, missing;
Believes to be dead.

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa laman ng balita. After this news I know that the police would not just ignore this like they ignored the fire in Kaylock Road. The girl is named Hannah Fuller, a tenth grade high schooler, and she lives alone in an apartment downtown. Nobody knows so much about her because she is said to be quiet and aloof. Kung hindi pa nagsimulang mag-alala ang mga magulang niya na nagtatrabaho sa malayo, hindi pa malalamang nawawala na si Hannah. They called the school and not a single soul knows about what happened. Not a single person has a clue.

Hannah Fuller disappeared just like that.

I sighed. I bit on my nails. A bus arrived in front of me, and I went in, but my mind is still all over the place the whole time.

Nang makauwi, napansin kong sarado ang TV, which is weird, because Amethyst likes watching. I opened the door and found Amethyst sleeping on her bed. Napatingin ako sa paligid, at sobrang linis na nga. No dirty dishes on the sink, the tables all wiped off, my shoe rack and shelves organized. Napatingin ako kay Amethyst saka napangiti.

Earlier, Cinna dropped me off at the supermarket as she headed off to the coffee shop alone. It was nice of her to let me go home first. At mas lalo na dahil okay lang sa kanyang siya muna ang bahala sa coffee shop.

I smiled. Ilalagay ko na lang sana ang pakete ng napkin niya at i-so-store sa fridge ang ibang sweets para makaalis na agad, pero napatigil ulit ako para matingnan nang mas mabuti si Amethyst.

I blinked.

I moved my eyes around her small, delicate face, down to her bruised arms and legs. As I observed her, I remembered, again, the moment I first saw her. Carrying a bag of rocks. Crying. Pursuing death.

Amethyst . . .

Why did she want to die? Where did she get all these bruises? Why did she choose to hide through me? Why is Amethyst Cambray, despite being nice and a bit of an idiot, hiding a lot from me?

"Vin . . ." she said. Akala ko nagising na siya, pero nanatili siyang nakahiga at nakapikit. "Vin," she said again, and turned.

I softly laughed. Amethyst dreams about me.

Ginulo ko ang buhok niya at napangiti.

—

PAGKARATING KO SA coffee shop, nakita ko si Cinna na kumukuha ng order sa isang customer. Dumire-diretso ako sa staff room para makapagsuot ng apron, then went back to the counter and prepared some of the orders. Cinna went to me and smiled.

"Hey," sabi niya. "Ang haba na naman ng mukha mo."

I cleared my throat. Damn, I know I should start feeling a little comfortable around her because of our situation, but sometimes whenever she's near, I always seem to lose my shit.

"Ang dami mo talagang napapansin."

Cinna sighed. "Fun fact: I'm a Cancer."

I looked at her, chuckling. "And that makes you . . .?"

"It makes me the most caring Zodiac Sign, aside from Pisces," she said proudly, raising her chin.

I don't know any shit about Zodiac Signs. "Helpful info."

She laughed. "Hindi nga. Anything bothering you?"

I didn't have any reason to lie to her. "I was just . . . thinking about this news. Narinig mo na ba?" I said. "The missing tenth grader girl."

She raised her brows. "No way. K-Kailan pa?"

"Base sa dyaryo," sabi ko, "huli siyang nakitang umalis sa Ashmore High last month . . . tapos 'di na nakita ulit."

Napatingin siya sa sahig habang mukhang nag-iisip nang malalim. "Grabe. After Amethyst, ito naman." She closed her fist on the table. "This is a small town. Imposibleng hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin siya nakikita."

"I . . . I think they'll find her soon enough," I lied.

—

"REALLY?" SABI NI Amethyst habang nagpiprito ng isda. Gulat siyang nakatingin sa 'kin. "The last time a person was lost here in town, it was . . ."

"Mr. Ernest Byle," sabay naming sabi.

"He was demential," sabi niya. "And was found a couple of months later."

Nilipat ko ang channel ng TV kahit pa narinig kong umangal si Amethyst. The smell of fried fish scented the apartment and I know I should drool over it, but my mind still thought of many things. Like her drunkard mother, Amethyst's period, and Hannah Fuller. I wonder why I'm into her disappearance like this much. I have never even encountered her my whole life.

I just feel as if something is off.

Nang makapaghanda na ng lamesa si Amethyst, umupo na kami. She's smiling brightly, proud of the dinner she prepared for us.

"Akala ko 'yong mga babaeng may period, bad mood palagi."

"Maybe," sabi niya. "I told you, swerte ako sa period. Hindi madalas sumakit ang puson."

I scoffed. I wonder if Cinna has her period differently, too.

But that's not what we're supposed to talk about.

"Kanina—"

"You think Hannah Fuller is just being a little edgy?" sabi niya. Napakurap ako. "Hindi ba uso 'yon? Screw-ups escaping the town, getting a breathe of fresh air . . ."

I can't believe what I just heard. "W-What do you—"

"Because I once did that," sabi ni Amethyst, nakangiti sa akin.

My shoulders relaxed.

"Tenth grade din yata ako," sabi niya. "I left the town for a week without telling anybody. Ewan ko . . . I was just so tired of everything."

Akala ko dudugtungan pa niya 'yon, but she stopped talking and continued with her meal. I don't know what I should say. Amethyst smiled and talked about her escape, and for a moment, the Amethyst sitting in front of me right now is no different from the Amethyst by the beach a month ago, crying and wanting to die.

I guess I've always read her wrong. I guess despite having to live with her for a month I have never really broken into her . . . like I've always hoped I did.

"Gano'n ba," sabi ko. "Well . . . sana lang mahanap na siya agad."

Amethyst nodded and ate.

"Amethyst," sabi ko. We should not be talking about anything else now; I should talk about the most important thing."

"Bakit?"

"Is your mother . . ." I started to say. "Is your mother always drunk?"

Amethyst did not reply.

"Kasi pumunta kami sa post-office kanina," sabi ko. "Her best friend said she's always drunk."

She just smiled.

"Really?" sabi niya. "Well. Yeah. Pero every morning lang. My mother . . . she has this addiction to liquor. She's taking medications, pero minsan pasaway talaga siya, e."

I sighed in relief. So that's what it is, huh? "I see."

"Ayun lang ba nakuha ninyong info?"

Amethyst looked at me curiously, munching on her meal.

Napakagat ako sa hinlalaki ko. "Your mother's friend said your parents  fight?"

Amethyst sighed. "No. Not all the time, at least."

It doesn't matter whether they fight or not, though. But what if . . . what if the fights are connected to Mr. Cambray's mistresses?

Kailangan talaga naming puntahan ulit ang hardware shop.

"Ano madalas nilang pag-awayan?" I asked.

Amethyst suddenly teared up and looked away.

"H-Hey."

Bahagya siyang natawa saka pinunasan ang mga mata. I was surprised she teared up that fast. Minsan, nakangiti siya na parang ang saya saya na maniniwala ka talaga. Mention one thing really sensitive and she'll tear up in a second.

Like . . . she's so good in pretending.

"I-It's Dad . . ." she said. She looked at her hands. "Dad has other women."

Crap.

She knew about it.

"I-I see."

"Tell me the truth, Vin." Huminga siya nang malalim habang nakatingin sa akin. "You knew about it, am I right? Ayaw mo lang sabihin sa 'kin."

I sighed, again, for the nth time. Sinubukan ko siyang tingnan sa mga mata niya pero umiwas din ako ng tingin.

"Ayoko lang naman palalain pa 'yong nararamdaman mo."

Amethyst's utensils clang against the plate as she eats. She shrugged. "Now that you know that I know, sana wala ka nang itago sa 'kin pagdating sa mga nalalaman mo."

I thought of Penny Hughes and the woman she spoke of. The woman who visits Mr. Cambray regularly. Can I tell Amethyst about it?

I bit my lower lip. Pansin kong burned out na si Cinna kaya hangga't maaari sana mas matapos na 'to agad. I'm sure she'd be delighted to discover that Amethyst is alive. Then Amethyst would be able to go back to her relatives and everything will be normal, again.

"Uy," sabi ko. Tiningnan ko siya nang mataman. "I-I'm sorry kung masyadong matagal 'tong ginagawa namin ni Cinna."

Amethyst laughed. "Ano ba'ng sinasabi mo diyan? Ikaw pa talaga nag-sorry."

I stared at her smile and smiled myself. I scoffed, still smiling.

"K-Kumusta na ba siya?" she suddenly asked. "Si Cinna."

I scratched my nose as I remembered Cinna at the car earlier today. "She's losing hope," sabi ko. "Stressed. Iniisip niya na parang walang pinatutunguhan 'yong ginagawa namin." I looked at Amethyst to see her reaction. She's sadly looking down on her food. "B-But I encouraged her, 'wag kang mag-alala. She's just burned out, that's all. We're gonna be doing a lot better after this."

Amethyst smiled and nodded. "Kapag matapos talaga 'to, babawi ako sa inyong dalawa."

Amethyst smiled brightly at me, and I believed her words.

Soon, all this would be over. Everything will go back to normal, and Amethyst Cambray will start to shine again. Alam kong nagiging matiyaga si Amethyst ngayon sa paghihintay at mas lalong alam kong excited na siyang makita ulit si Cinna. I want to promise her the ending she deserves, but maybe I'll just smile at her in pride once everything is done.

—

PRE-LIMS CAME.

Because of this, Cinna and I didn't have enough time for the rest of the week to visit the hardware shop again. My life returned to its usual cycle; papasok ng school, uuwi, pupunta ng coffee shop, at uuwi.

Sometimes, at the bus ride like this one, I think of Amethyst and her bruises. There's still something inside me that kept me from asking her where those bruises came from, that every time I get the perfect time to ask, I am always unable to bring myself to.

Nang tumigil ang bus sa isang bus stop, may nakita ako sa labas dahilan para tumayo at lumabas na rin ng bus kahit hindi ko pa stop. Ilang metro na lang din naman ang coffee shop dito. I got off the bus and smiled to myself as I stared on a store for women's clothes.

Nice.

I've always seen Amethyst in large clothes of mine, or hoodies, and whenever I bring up the topic of me purchasing her some girl clothes, tumatanggi siya. Well, kung makabili naman ako, wala na siyang magagawa, 'di ba?

I chose clothes I've never seen her worn, even once. Yellow dresses. Pink blouse. Fluffy slippers. Hair dresses. Man, I could bet my life — she'd be happy when she sees these! Habang ineeksamina ang isang hair clip, napatigil ako.

I blinked on the flower hair clip.

Why am I doing this?

Napakislot ako nang may magsalita sa tabi ko.

"For your girlfriend, sir?"

Napakurap-kurap ako. Girlfriend? "N-No, um . . ." I stared at the hair clip again and pictured Amethyst's happy smiles. I cleared my throat, and for the first time, I'm gonna lie again. "Y-Yes, actually."

"Then . . . I suggest na maging mas romantic ka, sir," sabi niya. She picked up beautiful clip that's designed with roses. "This will sure deliver your love to your girlfriend."

Napatingin ako ro'n.

Without a single thought, I bought the clip.

As I was walking towards the coffee shop, nakita ko agad si Niño, na hapong-hapo at nag-aalala ang mukha. When he spotted me, he waved hysterically and yelled.

"Bilisan mo!"

I didn't know what happened but according to his face, I know that something terrible might have happened.

Nang makarating sa coffee shop, walang customers na nakaupo sa mga lamesa. I ran hurriedly towards the staff room. Pagkarating ko doon, ang una kong napansin ay mga nagkalat na lata ng alak pati mga basag na bote. I dropped the paper bag of Amethyst's stuff. 

I should have prepared myself.

My heart sunk when I saw Cinna kneeling in front of Tanya . . . who was a crying mess on the floor.

—