08

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ONE OF MY traits that I hate the most is my mouth runs faster than my head when I'm angry, happy, or afraid. It had brought me to many arguments and misunderstandings, and no matter how much I want to control myself, it's hard to remove this poor trait off me.

"You shouldn't have called like that!" sabi ko. I shouldn't have given her my old phone.

Kakauwi ko lang galing coffee shop at nadatnan kong natutulog si Amethyst sa couch. She woke up at my arrival and she seemed angry.

"Well, sorry, then!" sabi niya saka tumayo sa couch. "Kung sana alam ko lang kung nasaan ka, 'di ba? No one's informing me anyway, so para hindi na nakakahiya ako nang tumawag!"

Why are we always fighting like this? I just sighed and calmed down. Pumunta ako sa kusina na kaharap lang ng sala.

Tiningnan ko lang ulit si Amethyst. She's not looking at me now. She's facing the dead television, but she's breathing hard in anger, in frustration. Throughout this day she did nothing but clean up my house, face the television and eat by herself. Her parents are dead. The town believes she's dead.

She only has me.

I drank water. Before I could even say something to her, she stormed off and went to the bathroom. A few seconds later, I can hear the shower running.

Napabuntonghininga ako. I looked at the dinner table and saw an untouched bowl of curry. A pang of guilt hit my chest.

I walked towards the locked door of the comfort room and knocked.

"Amethyst," I called softly.

No response. Just running water.

I knocked again. "It's okay if you don't answer, but at least listen to me," sabi ko. I sighed. "I-I'm sorry for yelling."

The shower turned off.

"I shouldn't have yelled," sabi ko, nakatitig sa sahig. "It's just that Cinna heard you. I panicked. Nadala ako. So sorry."

"C-Cinna heard me?"

Her little voice echoed around the comfort room. I shifted my weight to my other foot.

"Oo," I replied. "Sinabi ko na lang na pumunta muna dito sa bahay 'yung pinsan ko. I told her she's just hearing things."

Amethyst didn't answer.

"Are you crying?" tanong ko.

"No, I'm not," sabi niya. "It just made me a little happy. T-That she can remember my voice. You know?"

I smiled. "Yeah." Napasandal ako sa pintuan ng CR saka huminga nang malalim. "She's your best friend, after all."

After a little silence, she spoke again.

"I miss her . . ."

Napatingin ako sa sahig at inalala lahat ng alaala kong nakita silang magkasama. Sa cafeteria, sa coffee shop, sa classroom, sa hallways. They're always smiling.

"She misses you, too," I said. "Ayaw mo ba talagang malaman niya?"

"No!" mabilis na sagot ni Amethyst. "I-It's better this way."

"Amethyst . . ."

"Please, Vin. I don't want her to know," sabi niya.

"Amethyst," sabi ko. "S-She's helping me . . . investigate."

Nagulat na lang ako nang biglang bumukas ang pinto ng CR. Nanlalaki ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin, gulat at takot, parang mga mata ni Tanya nu'ng nakita niya kami ni Cinna kanina sa sugalan.

"W-Why? Did you ask her to help?"

"W-What? No!" sabi ko. "We . . . we bumped to each other while I was at your father's shop. Then I . . ." Naalala ko 'yung aksidente kong nasabi kay Cinna. I bit my lip. "I accidentally told her."

Napatitig siya sa akin nang ilang segundo. "And when she asked you why . . . ?"

I sighed. Napakamot ako ng baba saka nag-iwas ng tingin.

"I . . ." I cleared my throat and I can already feel my face burning. "I told her . . . I love you."

That doesn't seem the answer Amethyst was expecting, so she was kind of . . . surprised. Tumawa siya.

"Sorry," I said.

Tumawa ulit siya. "Damn, Vin." She shook her head and walked past me. "Now she's gonna think you're a creep."

"What?" sabi ko. "No way! Malay mo iniisip niya, I'm a gentleman—"

"Ew, shut up, Vin!" Amethyst said and sat on the table to eat.

I licked my lips and sat in front of her, as she assembles the plates and the spoon. "Eat," sabi niya.

I just watched her.

"Hey," I said. Tumingin siya sa akin habang naglalagay ng kanin sa plato niya. "I'm sorry."

Dahan-dahan niyang binitawan ang sandok saka ngumiti sa 'kin.

"Nah," she said. "Nag-over react lang ako. It was the first time you didn't come home in time."

"I forgot to call."

"It's okay, Vin." She smiled at me. "I'm sorry, too."

Kukuha na rin sana ako ng kanin ko, pero ginawa na ni Amethyst 'yon para sa 'kin. I just sighed. I have to tell her just this, at least.

"Cinna and I came to the place where your father gambles."

Napatigil si Amethyst at napatingin sa akin. "G-Gamble?"

Crap.

"You . . . didn't know that then."

Napatitig si Amethyst sa plato niya. She slowly shook her head. "I thought . . ."

"A man from there said he goes everyday except on Saturdays." Kumuha na ako ng kanin saka nilagay ko sa plato ko. "Sabi niya family day raw ng Papa mo ang Sabado."

Amethyst didn't say anything. She just smiled. I think her smile matters tonight.

"Paano kayo napunta sa sugalan?" she asked after a few moments. "How did you figure out he gambles?"

"Pumunta si Cinna sa pinagtatrabahuhan ng Papa mo. Nagkataong studyante ng Ashmore High ang nagbabantay, tapos nasabi kay Cinna na pumupunta lagi si Oliver sa shop para magsugal sila."

"Oliver and Dad knows each other?"

I shrugged. "So it seems."

Amy sighed. "Wow . . . all this time . . ."

The curry tastes delicious. Napatingin ako sa kanya na mukhang mangha sa nalaman.

"Speaking of which," I said. "It seemed that Cinna had finally cut ties with him."

"Thank God," sabi ni Amethyst. She looked at me. "There's sauce on the side of your lips."

I wiped it off. "Is Oliver the kind of guy who . . . you know. Threatens girls?"

She pushed her fork onto a piece of meat and eats it. She chewed.

"Mayabang siya at ma-pride," sabi niya. "But I don't think he'll go there." Tiningnan niya ako nang mataman. "Gusto mo talaga . . . si Cinna, 'no?"

I think about it. I have liked Cinna ever since I saw her at the coffee shop reading my favorite book. I enjoy every time she and I spend time together. I hate to see her cry the way she did just earlier, and my heart warms whenever she laughs.

"Yeah," sagot ko na lang. "Yeah."

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ayaw ni Amethyst na malaman ni Cinna na buhay pa siya. She's not stupid — she's very careful and she knows how to take care of herself. I don't think it would be a problem if ever she discovers Amethyst isn't dead.

"Anyway," I said, "balak naming puntahan 'yong pinagtatrabahuhan ng mama mo. May mga ideya ka pa ba?"

She stopped from chewing and paused for a while. Tumitig siya sa hangin kaya palagay ko, nag-iisip siya.

"Um." She opened her mouth, then closed it. Then she decided to speak. "N-Nothing. As of the moment. But I'll keep thinking."

I just continued eating as silence swallowed us again. No matter how many times she tells me "it's okay" when I did something wrong, I still feel like an ass. She is quite the nagger and she's very paranoid, but other than that she's been nothing but real nice to me. I should make up to her.

"Amy," sabi ko. Napakagat ako sa kutsara ko. "I won't go out tomorrow."

Umangat agad ang ulo niya saka napatingin sa akin. She's smiling wide. "R-Really?"

I laughed. "Is that okay?"

"Yes!" sabi niya bigla. "I thought you've been very tired from doing the investigating stuff, and napaka-boring dito sa bahay mo." Muntik na akong umangal. I have tons of books! "It would be fun if you stay here tomorrow."

Tiningnan ko lang siya saka napangiti. "Nice, then," I said.

She's like a child . . . sometimes.

Cute.

—

"I'M SORRY," SABI ko sa tawag. I'm on the terrace, overlooking the far away woods. Nobody ever lives there, so it's fine if Amethyst hangs clothes out here. Para sure, dapat may suot siyang face mask. "I just feel very sick today."

Tahimik lang muna si Cinna sa kabilang linya. "Okay . . . how about tomorrow?"

"I-I'll see." Napakagat ako ng labi ko.

"Gosh, sorry, Vin. Everything must've tired you out."

"Ah, n-no! Hindi naman sa gano'n. Just slept last night with my hair wet . . . I guess."

Cinna laughed. Ah, that laugh. I considered going out after all, but then I thought of Amethyst. Nilingon ko siya na nasa sala, nakatutok sa TV.

"My. Hayaan mo na, next time na lang." She cleared her throat. "Just get well soon, okay?"

I sighed and looked at the trees once again. "Oo naman."

I turned off the phone call and sat beside Amethyst. Napatingin naman siya sa akin, habang may lollipop sa bunganga niya. She took it out from her lips.

"Was that Cinna?"

Humilata ako sa couch saka hinablot ang bowl ng popcorn sa kanya. "Yup," I said, popping the 'p'. "Inaaya sana ako papunta sa workplace ng Mama mo."

"Oh," she said. "Am I on the way?"

I flicked her forehead. "Nope."

She smiled. Bumuntonghininga siya saka sinubo ulit ang lollipop, at humarap sa TV. I faced the TV too, but couldn't focus. Cinna and I . . . we've only done a few steps. Few steps just yet.

I am unsure of what we are doing, but Cinna and I are taking a few steps at a time. Hindi ko muna gustong isipin kung ano ang mga susunod na puwedeng mangyari; wala akong ma-imagine kahit maliit na imahe man lang. I've read mystery and crime novels, but hell, I've never investigated my whole life.

Napakagat ako sa kuko ko. I just realized how heavy these things are. Amethyst's parents are dead and the culprit is running free because of the Ashmore police. Amethyst is believed to be dead by the whole town but she's watching TV with me. I am keeping her at my own home. Paano kung may makakita sa kanya? I'd be doomed. I'd be doomed.

Also, why is Tanya acting weird? Ever since the fire at the Cambrays, she'd been acting weird. The last time I'd seem her act like normal was the Monday Cinna applied at the coffee shop. And that was the day after the incident. Ever since, she'd never been at the coffee shop for one second unless she's picking up stuff from the shop or it's around eight in the evening. What is wrong with her? I've even seen her at the place where hunks gamble. Shit . . . something feels . . . weird.

"Hey."

"H-Huh?" sabi ko. Amethytst is staring at me. "Bakit? You need more popcorn?"

"Hindi," sabi niya. She shortly smiled then looked at the TV. Bumuntonghininga siya saka pinatay 'yon. Napakurap ako.

"Akala ko ba—"

"May ipapakita ako sa 'yo," sabi niya, nakangiti.

Pinagpagan niya ang maluwag niyang t-shirt pagkatayo, bago siya lumakad papunta sa kwarto ko. She's smiling, and the thing left I could do is to smile back and follow.

I don't know what shit Amethyst needs on my room, but I followed anyway. Pagkarating namin sa kwarto, agad niyang sinara ang mga kurtina saka ni-lock ang pinto.

"Huy—"

"Stay quiet," sabi niya. Napalunok ako nang pinatay niya ang ilaw.

Shit.

Ano'ng plano ng babaeng 'to?

Goddamn, I'm a virgin, I haven't even kissed a girl. If Amethyst is planning something matured . . .

"You've just had dirty thoughts, haven't you?" sabi ni Amethyst habang hinihila ang isang upuan. The hell is she doing? Suminghal ako.

"Why would I — ano'ng ginagawa mo?"

Pumatong siya sa upuang hinila niya sa tapat ng cabinet ko. The sunlight from the window slips through the tiny gaps between the swaying curtains, and Amethyst smirked.

"I'm showing you," she started to say, "something I've been working on for a month."

Napakunot lang ang noo ko at pinanood na lang ang sunod niya pang gagawin. As she opens the cabinet within her reach, my eyes dropped to her legs. She's wearing a very short cycling and I can see her thighs.

Not just her thick thighs, though.

Bruises . . .

Lots of them.

Come to think of it, have I ever seen Amethyst wearing a skirt, or a dress? I think I did, but those moments are rare as hell. Tuwing may program sa school, o sa mall, kapag nakikita ko siya, lagi siyang nakapantalon at sweater, o denim jacket. At school, she's always wearing a hoodie over her uniform. Why? Was she hiding her bruises?

I never spoke a word about it because I was scared it was too private. Malay mo, isang sakit. I don't know. I'm such a coward. I can yell at her but I can't speak of something that I must be worried of.

Shit.

"Hey, Vin, hindi ko alam kung kailan ang birthday mo," sabi niya. She smirked at me. "But I'm giving you a present anyway!"

She is smiling brightly, that I can't help myself but to smile back. "Bilisan mo na," sabi ko, nakatawa. I tried to shake off the bruises on her body. I'll ask her. I'll ask her soon.

"Vin," sabi niya. "You look very distracted, and I know I've been causing you a lot of stress," sabi niya. "I'm trying to make up for it, pero alam ko kahit anong ulam pa ang iluto ko para sa 'yo, hinding-hindi ako makakabawi."

"Come on, where's all this drama coming from?" I said, laughing, pero sa loob ko, ewan . . . medyo na-e-excite . . . yata ako.

"Just shut up for one minute, okay?" sabi niya. "Si Papa, nagtatrabaho sa isang hardware shop. He used to build me houses, small 'castles' for her 'princess'." Nanubig ang mga mata niya. "It was so . . . fun."

"Hey . . ."

"He taught me how to build things, so it's him you must thank . . ." she slowly smiled at me, and pulled out something from the cabinet. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. ". . . for this!"

Hindi ako makapaniwala.

Amethyst built me a book holder. My jaw dropped in amazement.

"W-Woah . . . ikaw gumawa?"

Amethyst laughed. "Sino pa ba?"

The book holder looked quite heavy, so I had to take it from her hands as I helped her get down the chair. Nakangiti lang siya nang malapad na parang isang batang nagbigay ng Valentine's card sa isang tatay. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko . . . I flicked her forehead.

"Aray! Is that how you thank me?"

I don't know if there's such thing as a 'book holder' but that's how it looked like. It looks like a desk, an easel, and a table, altogether. Maganda siyang gamitin sa kama, bago matulog. There's a deep tunnel-like stuff on the four sides of the book holder where Amethyst nailed a string of lights in. Napansin kong ang mga kahoy na 'to ay nakuha niya sa basement ko, pati itong Christmas lights ko nakalkal niya rin. Sinaksak niya iyon sa saksakan, and viola . . . the book holder glowed.

"Wow," I said, my eyes shining. "This is perfect for night reading!" I exclaimed.

"Thank me, the genius!" sabi ni Amethyst.

For a moment, I considered actually thanking her. Telling her I'm sorry for being an asshole all the time. Telling her thank you for all the delicious meals I've had ever since she came. Telling her I'm sorry for being slow on knowing who the real culprit is. Telling her I'm sorry that she had to lose her father who taught her build beautiful things like, a book holder.

Telling her everything I refused to say.

But I just smiled at her.

"Thanks."

I guess the smile she showed me after was enough for me to remember all the lights I've seen my whole life.

—