03

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I RAN LIKE I haven't ran for years. The girl — Amethyst — I don't even know anymore — continued walking towards the crashing sea, and each step she makes brings weight after weight in my heart. Kinakabahan ako habang patakbo sa kanya kahit na kung anu-ano nang tanong ang umaakyat sa utak ko.

"Amethyst!" I shouted.

She stopped.

I stopped.

Hinabol ko ang hininga ko.

The scent of the sea wafted with the air, the breeze. Then she turned her eyes to me and I saw the pair of eyes I once saw one dusk. Brown. Sparkling in the moonlight.

Her eyes widened. From a few meters I can hear her breathing hard. Pinilit kong lumakad papunta sa kanya kahit na nanginginig na halos ang laman ako dahil sa mabilis at malayong pagtakbo. I wiped my sweat with the back of my palm.

Bigla siyang napakapit sa bag niya. Her tears continued to fall and her fingers are shaking, looking at me walking towards her. Even though her tears fall, she doesn't make a sound aside from her breathing.

God.

This . . . this is insane.

"A-Amethyst."

Nang makalapit ako sa kanya, mas lalong hindi ako makapaniwala. I even allowed myself to touch her. Skin and flesh. Shit. I gazed at her tearful eyes and I didn't even realize how close I am to her.

"W-Who are you?"

She has the nerve to ask that?! Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. Bumitaw ako sa pagkakahawak sa kanya saka mabilis na tinanggal ang bag na nakasabit sa kanya. Mabigat. About 5-8 kilograms. There were rocks in it. Umangal siya saka pinilit na agawin sa akin ang bag pero mabilis ko 'yong hinagis.

"What the hell were you trying to do?!"

She looked at the bag of rocks away from her, and looked at me angrily.

"Y-You don't care!"

"Everyone thinks you're dead!" I said hysterically.

Natahimik siya. "I-I don't care," sabi niya saka sumabog ulit sa pag-iyak. She dropped to her knees so she's now wet up to her waist. "You should've just let me . . ."

"Shit," I whispered to myself, hinihilamos ang mukha. Now what the hell do I do? "I'm gonna call the po—"

"No!"

Suddenly, my phone was slapped away from my hand. Gulat akong napatingin sa buhanginan na pinagtapunan ng phone ko. What the hell?

Nakatayo na ulit si Amethyst at basang basa ng luha ang mukha. She's looking at me, crying. I can no longer recognize her without all the make-up, the hair-do's, the radiant smile.

What . . . happened to her?

Tahimik lang kaming parehas. She slumped down to the water and breathed deep. Now she is problematic. I just saw a girl everyone believed is dead trying to drown herself and she is stressed.

I can still remember her face on the Ashmore Newspapers and the following words: Amethyst Cambray, 16, dead.

Now she's in front of me. Crying.

"They killed my family . . ."

Napatahimik lang ako pero nanindig ang balahibo ko.

"W-Who?"

The sea crashed. Alanganin lang akong napatingin sa kanya. I don't know what to do.

Then she laughed.

For a moment, I was so sure I was just talking with a ghost. Muntik na akong tumakbo nang tiningnan niya ako sa mga mata ko.

"Kaya pala . . . super familiar ka."

I frowned. "W-What?"

Amethyst smiled. She wiped her tears, sniffled, and looked at the crashing sea.

"You're that coffee shop boy."

The see breeze blew coldly towards us.

That shut me up, but somehow, through all this ridiculousness, I am able to smile. The dead girl of the town who was about to drown herself smiled and called me 'coffee shop' boy'.

"I have a name," I said. God. This is ridiculous. I cleared my throat. "It's Mavin." I'm saying it. "Vin. For short."

"Okay," she said. She brought her knees to her chest, looked up at me and sighed. "Vin, please bring me back my bag."

Napakunot ang noo ko. "What—"

"You are going home, Vin," she said, refusing to look at me. "You will give me my bag. You will go home and forget all about what happened tonight."

"That's fucked—"

"I will continue what you interrupted."

"No," I said. I stood up and held her arm. "Jesus Christ."

Tiningnan ko siyang nakatingin sa akin na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala. Like her eyes scream, why won't you just leave me alone? She's none of my business. I told myself I am not that bothered with her death, so if she kills herself and actually died it's not supposed to matter even an inch.

But why am I holding her?

Why am I, all of a sudden, sucked inside her world?

"V-Vin—"

I don't think of any other reasons. I looked straight into her eyes. Hinila ko siya palapit sa akin.

"You're coming home with me."

--

I DON'T KNOW how I managed to persuade her. After I told her those, she just softly smiled and then . . . collapsed.

I'm not even kidding. I thought she'd died then. Siguro sa pagod kaya siya biglang nawalan ng malay.

I looked like I've just murdered someone. Buhat-buhat ko kasi siya sa likod ko and she felt so fucking light. Sabagay, isang linggo siyang nawala. What has she been eating?

Pagsakay sa bus, kinailangan ko pang paniwalain iyong driver na hindi siya patay at nalasing lang kami. It's a good thing nobody else was on the bus. It was the last ride and I was the last passenger. Sitting beside the window with Amethyst's head and wet hair on my shoulder, what I felt was unexplainable.

I felt as if things were going way too fast, and I couldn't take a hold of everything that's happening. I sighed numerous times.

Somehow, napilit ko ang bus driver na ihatid ako hanggang sa mismong tapat ng bahay namin. I wouldn't risk walking a long way towards my house where someone could see me. I gave him a large tip before getting off.

Now, she's sleeping on my bed. I was on a dilemma about whether I'd take off her clothes or not, but ended up deciding I shouldn't. Paano kung magising bigla tapos pagbintangan ako ng kung anu-ano? It also doesn't feel right. I just wrapped her in blankets, and I slept on the couch.

The next morning, she was still sound asleep. At first I thought she was dead but I checked her and she was still breathing. Damn, everything was just making me panic and all, alright? I prepared breakfast for two and immediately left the house even before she wakes up. The plate of bread, egg, hotdog and rice is wrapped on a plastic placed on the table, waiting to be eaten. I also cooked soup and left some medicines if ever she wakes up sick because she slept with her wet clothes.

Now, I have three questions on my head.

One: bakit ayaw niya ipaalam sa mga pulis na buhay pa siya?

Two: why is she still alive? Where was she during the fire, and why didn't she tell anyone she's not dead?

Three: where the hell had she been for the past week?

I was so distracted for the whole day, Pierre couldn't even talk to me. He believed I was just heart broken because Cinna has a boyfriend and I let him.

Isa pa . . . I know I should worry about this the least, pero nababahala ako sa boyfriend ni Cinna. I still hate the fact that she's got a boyfriend, specially because it is Oliver. The delinquent; the trouble maker. I tried to shake it off my head because maybe that is just my insecure self speaking.

It bothered me, but today is different. I have the town's dead girl on my house probably eating on my table, peeing on my bathroom. This is insane. Hindi ako makapaghintay na umuwi. Maybe it's a bad idea I left her alone like that? What if she robs me?

Wait, no, no. I can remember her crying face and realized she can't do that. The worst she can do is go out the house and let the whole neighborhood — or the whole town — know that I am keeping her. Goddamn, she can't do that. I know she won't.

"Vin!"

Napakislot ako saka nilingon si Cinna na tinawag ako. My shoulders relaxed.

"Hey."

"Sorry kahapon, ah," she said, sitting in front of me. Nasa may canteen lang ako, umiinom ng kape, may hawak na libro kahit hindi naman ako makapagbasa nang maayos.

I laughed a little. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Kasi hindi ako nakasabay," she said and smiled. "That's a first this week!" She laughed.

I smiled too. I feel a little better because she talks to me like normal.

"That's okay," I replied. "I mean . . . siyempre kasi may boyfriend ka na—"

"Wait, what?"

Napatingin ako sa kanya. "You know. Oliver? Your boyfriend?"

Cinna chuckled. "Oliver isn't . . . it isn't like that."

I was just about to sigh in relief, but I shouldn't let her see that.

Napatahimik na lang ako saka ngumiti sa kanya. I continued flipping pages of the book, quite distracted to even think what am I supposed to do with Amethyst. Should I tell Tanya? She can keep secrets. Wait, no.

"Hey," sabi niya. "You look troubled. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course . . ." Napatingin ako kay Cinna at napaisip.

Amethyst is Cinna's friend. I know Cinna is more than sad now that a friend of her just died, and she'll probably be delighted to know that Amethyst just ate eggs at my house, but . . . I can't just go telling anyone about Amethyst's little secret.

She trusted me with it.

"Wala lang. My head hurts a little," sabi ko. "Iniisip ko pang mag-skip ng shift mamaya."

"Oh," Cinna said. Ngumiti siya. "I'm sure Ms. Tanya will understand."

"Could you tell her for me?"

"Sure!"

--

AMETHYST KEPT BUGGING my head. On the bus ride home, all I kept on thinking about was what the hell to do now that Amethyst is in my house. She doesn't want me to call the police, she wants to kill herself. Ang pinakamabilis na paraan para mapaalis ko siya sa bahay at para maging normal na rin ang lahat, ay ang pagsumbong sa pulis.

Napasampal ako sa mukha ko. Naalala ko kung gaano niya kalakas nahagis mula sa kamay ko ang phone na ipantatawag ko sana. I bit my lip. But this is the right thing to do.

Should I have brought her to the police then, instead of taking her home? She was passed out anyway, it's not like she'd be able to resist. Maybe that's what I should have done, but I still kept on thinking that something must be wrong. Something so wrong that she had to hide from everyone else, even from her friend, that she's actually still alive.

I'm so fucking bothered.

If only her tears aren't bothering me . . . bwisit.

But telling the police seems more reasonable.

I groaned.

Standing in front of my door, I lost count to how many times I sighed. No sound seems to come from inside. I licked my lower lip, inserted the key to my knob, and turned.

I opened the house and . . . I almost thought it isn't mine.

"What the . . ."

My carpet is changed. My pillows are new. From the outside, my blankets, clothes, and other clothing I planned to wash next Saturday are hanging on the sunlight. The room smelled like lavender.

Napatingin ako kay Amethyst at mas lalo akong nagulat. She's wearing my shirt which is oversized for her and I don't know what she's wearing between her legs.

"H-Hi!" she said. She smiled brightly. "I cleaned your house! Salamat pala sa breakfast . . . I felt full. But starting from now on I must cook for you, clean for you, and I promise I will never have to sleep in your bed again. I can sleep on the couch, you know? Also, I can, um, do your assignments, projects, and—"

"Wait," sabi ko, hindi pa rin makapaniwala sa nakikita ko sa paligid. Huminga ako nang malalim habang nakakunot ang noo, napasampal sa mukha, saka napatingin sa kanya. "What are you . . . talking about?"

My plan to tell the police seemed nowhere in her head. She actually believes I'd take her in. Can't she tell how confusing this is for me?

"M-Marvin, I know—"

"It's Mavin, Amethyst."

She covered her mouth as she gasped. "Yeah, Mavin. I know this is a shock for you. I mean, for a week you believed I'm dead." I nodded. "But Mavin, I'm not. I'm alive and kicking!" She jumped and kicked the air. "See?"

Hindi ako nakasagot. Napatitig lang ako sa kanya.

"Please, Mavin . . . I can't ask anyone else. This is a fair deal. You don't know me. I don't know you. Losing the other wouldn't mean so much," sabi niya. She dropped the rag she was holding and intertwined her hands. "I will leave the house as soon as I find the murderer of my family."

"H-How?"

"Exactly." She walked towards me. "Mavin Adams, right?" I'm sure she just saw my name somewhere inside my house. "Please help me."

Mas lalong napakunot ang noo ko. "H-Help you?"

"I'll stay here and you'll help me find the culprit," she said. "In exchange, I'll do anything for you. I have money!" She gulped and took out an ATM card. "Bigay 'to sa 'kin ng Dad ko. I have about a few million pesos. It has a fake name so it shouldn't be weird."

"A few million?"

"Yeah!" she said, smiling. "I can give you money."

I stared at her smiling face with a dead look on my face. I rubbed my face on my palm, sighed, and looked at her.

"Look, Amethyst — I don't need your money," I said flatly. "What are you saying, help you find the murderer? I'm sorry, pero hindi ako imbestigador. The only people that can help you are the police."

"No! No, they can't help me—""

"Visit Cinna. She's worried sick about you," sabi ko. "I need you to leave the house. I mean, thanks for the general cleaning and everything, but—"

"Mavin," she said. "Y-You are about to help me find the person who is behind the killing of two people. J-Just please, help me."

Everyone was saying it was just an accident. "H-How can you be sure it's arson and not just an accident?"

It must have hurt her, somehow, pero hindi ko binawi ang sinabi ko.

She probably only forced herself to laugh and smile just a few minutes earlier, because right now, she is starting to cry again. Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga. "I-I just . . . know. May tao nang umaaligid sa bahay namin tuwing hating-gabi, and I know because I stay up late every time," she explained. "And . . . and once, once, Mom came home with a wound on her stomach, saying she'd been hit. Dad's car was broken and couldn't use his breaks." She sniffled and looked away. "W-What else am I supposed to think?"

I can't reply anything. Napaupo na lang ako saka tiningnan siya. This is . . . downright ridiculous. Was that just her mere denial of her parents' death, or is she saying something that she knows, or believes, is the truth?

Mas lalo na siyang lumapit sa 'kin at nanghina ako bigla dahil umiiyak na naman siya. "I know you're a good person, Mavin. You saved me from my suicide. My parents are the most important people in my life and instantly, they're just . . . dead."

I thought my oxygen just left me. I remember waking up and seeing my aunt. I remember her saying, "patay na ang mama't papa mo" and followed by "wala akong balak kunin ka".

I remember crying in front of the house where my parents and I lived, while new people are entering the house, happy for their new home while I just lost mine.

I remember almost wanting to jump off a bridge.

Now in front of me, I hate how I see myself in Amethyst. I picture her tears from last night and the rocks on her bag and the eyes of hers screaming of desire to die.

I know that feeling.

And maybe because of that, because of her grievance and anger and sadness I am so familiar of, I touched the top of her head and smiled.

"W-Will you help me?"

It seemed weird that I said yes.

--