02

___

I SHOULDN'T HAVE said that.

I shouldn't have labeled it as a 'simple' fire. It was nowhere near from simple. It did not burn any other houses, thankfully because the houses are all fairly apart from each other, but it did kill a family. At Monday morning, the newspaper on my front yard said Fire on Kaylock Road Left Nothing On Cambray's Family.

That was Cambray's house?

Hawak-hawak ko lang ang dyaryo habang naglalakad, ini-i-skim read ang balita. There was a photo of my schoolmate, Amethyst, (everyone calls her Amy though) smiling at me with her bright smile. Katabi ng picture niya ay picture ng isang mag-asawa na sa palagay ko ay ang parents niya. Well shit. I did not leave the house yesterday because it's Sunday and I thought I needed a break, so I just spent the day reading books.

The police did not tell much about the fire, and even if they spoke, they were being vague about some details. I wonder if they found remains, or was just the fire too hot that everything just burnt to ashes? Is that how it works . . . I don't know. Well, as I said, they didn't tell much. Maybe soon they will begin to talk about the case more.

Amethyst Cambray, huh?

My clearest memory of her is when I saw her putting on lipstick on the coffee shop with Cinna. Her hair was long, brownish, shining on the dusk sunlight peeking through the glass window. She was wearing an off-shoulder blouse, and I noticed she has little freckles on her shoulder blades, like star scars. With Cinna . . . oh, right — magkaibigan sila. Would still Cinna come with me later? A death of a friend would be terribly painful. Napabuntonghininga ako. I guess not today, huh?

I'm sure an assembly will be held after school, where the principal will say prayers because of Amethyst's death.

Poor family.

—

THERE REALLY WAS an assembly after class.

"Pakingshet," sabi ni Pierre sa 'kin. "Hindi ako makapaniwala. Si Amethyst 'yan, boi."

My friend, Pierre, has a long time crush on Amethyst Cambray. He's been stalking her social media accounts since seventh grade. I find Amethyst pretty, but not really 'hot'. I mean . . . I've never seen her with a book once.

Still, valid naman ang feelings ni Pierre para kay Amethyst. He's been a solid admirer of her ever since. Finding out she's dead destroyed him extremely, but not only him.

Amethyst is pretty popular. She's beautiful, too. She sings well, and she has tons of friends in every grade, section, and strands. Sa sobrang sikat niya, parang siya 'yung star ng Ashmore High.

And because almost everybody loves her, wails and cries are heard all over the gymnasium. Tumingin ako sa paligid. May mga lalaking nakayuko, at mga babaeng nakadikit ang mukha sa kanya-kanya nilang mga panyo.

Isn't that depressing?

Nakikiramay ako sa pagkamatay niya, pero sa tingin ko matapos and ilang araw makakalimutan ko rin ang tungkol dito. She's almost like a stranger to me, so how could she matter so much?

The assembly ended with the principal saying, "We will never forget Amethyst Cambray, who once brought radiance to Ashmore High. Her smile, soul, and beauty, shall always be remembered."

While walking outside the gymnasium where the assembly happened, I heard a girl's voice calling me. Paglingon ko, gulat pa ako sa gulat nang makita si Cinna na tumatakbo papunta sa 'kin.

"Mavin!"

I sensed Pierre looking at me menacingly, and I gave him a dagger glare. Before I could even stop him, he spoke.

"Don't be such a stranger!" sabi ni Pierre. "Tawagin mo na lang 'yang Vin. He would easily fall in love—"

"Don't mind him," I cut in, rolling my eyes. Cinna laughed, but her eyes are red.

"So . . . sorry hindi kita nakausap kanina," sabi niya sa 'kin. I looked at her peachy bag and her round glasses looking so cute. "T-Tuloy pa rin naman 'yung pagsama mo sa 'kin sa coffee shop n'yo 'di ba?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata. She's making sure! Goddamn, akala ko nga siya ang makakalimot. "O-Of course," I said. I cleared my throat. "Of course."

Her eyes shone. "Great! Well then . . .  3 PM?"

"Yeah, that's when my shift starts." I tried to smile.

"Okay." She breathed deep and smiled. "Thanks, Vin!"

I just stared at her back as she runs away.

Fuck. Fuck.

She called me Vin.

—

"I said, hindi ko kailangan ng bagong empleyado."

"Come on, Tanya!"

"I said no."

I slapped my face. It's 2 PM and I'm wearing my best shirt ever to kind of impress Cinna, but this will all be for nothing if Tanya refuses to do my favor.

"This is my chance. Alam mo naman kung gaano ako kapatay na patay ro'n," I said. I don't even care if other customers can hear me. "You'd be a witch if you refuse my request, Tanya."

She rolled her eyes at me and blew puff of cigarette smoke. Pakiramdam ko kailangan ko nang lumuhod mapapayag ko lang siya. I'm willing to kiss her finger toes! She tilts her head on the side like a dog, examined me, and smirked. "I am, then."

I sighed exasperatedly. "I can't believe you."

She laughed and sat on the counter.

"No. Actually, I'm considering it," sabi niya saka pinuspos ang sigarilyo sa lamesa. I glared at it. Ilang beses ko nang sinabing 'wag niyang gawin 'yon kasi mahirap takpan ang sunog na counter, pero hindi siya nakikinig. "Yeah. I'm considering it."

"I heard mayaman naman si Cinna," sabi ko. "Maybe she just wants a job for experience. C'mon, give her that."

"Meh," sabi niya. She licks her teeth. "Okay. I'll accept her."

"Wait! Wha— r-really?"

"I'll fire you in exchange."

"The hell?" My shoulders slumped.

"There's not much work to do here, kid," sabi niya saka pinagmasdan ang coffee shop. "What do I do with two part-timers at one shift?"

Napaisip ako. Cinna and I have the same schedule because of course, parehas kami ng school. If she'd be working here, she'll only be available at a time I am.

That means . . .

"Great goodness." Napatingin ako kay Tanya. "That would be . . . lovely."

"You and your disgusting feelings," she said and rolled her eyes.

"I'll do anything, Tanya!" sabi ko. "C'mon. I've been working for you for three years! Pagbigyan mo naman ako dito."

"Do you really like to work with her? Sigurado ka bang hindi mo ipapahiya and sarili mo?"

"W-We're both bookworms, 'di ba sabi mo 'yan?" I said. "We'll talk about Twisted Tree and other stuff."

She rolled her eyes.

"Please?"

"The last time you crushed on someone, you just ended up in a heartbreak and you didn't go to work for weeks." Sumindi ulit siya ng panibagong sigarilyo.

Napangiwi ako. Fucking cringe. "A-Ano ka ba, ang tagal na no'n. Ilang taon ako no'n, fifteen?"

"Boys mature at eighteen."

"Not me!"

Napaupo na lang ako sa sahig saka napasapo sa mukha. My chance to befriend Cinna had gone and vanished into the wind . . .

"Sige."

I was taken aback. Napatanga ang ulo ko sa kanya. "S-Sige?"

"I'll let her work," sabi niya, nakatingin sa malayo. "But that still depends on her performance."

I looked at her like I was seeing the northern lights. I quickly stood up.

"I love you so much, Tanya."

—

TANYA DIDN'T HAVE to worry. Cinna, apparently, had worked for a coffee shop before and knows well how to handle coffees and trays and cups. I was worried for nothing. Masyado ko siyang in-underestimate.

While Tanya was showing Cinna around and teaching her how to use other stuff, I was serving coffee. Pero pinapanood ko sila mula sa labas. I was daydreaming like a dumbass about working with her and talking about literature and life with her when she suddenly appeared beside me.

"Vin!"

Napakislot ako. "U-Uy!"

"Ms. Tanya is so nice. She said I'll start tomorrow," she said, her smile really huge. "And this place is so nice, too! Ang tagal ko nang pinangarap na magtrabaho rito."

Goodness of heavens she is trying to talk to me. A conversation!

"Y-Yeah?" I said. "This place is indeed really nice. Maayos din ang pay. And Tanya? Not sure."

"I can fucking hear you," Tanya said from the back.

"I-I mean she's dashing."

Cinna laughed. She was quiet for a moment then she smiled. "Nagjo-joke ka rin pala."

I resisted my blood to go up my face but then I felt like it's so hot. I'm blushing.

Tumawa na lang ako.

"When will your shift end?" she asked while looking at the displayed cakes.

"The shop closes at eight."

"Okay," sabi niya. "I'll wait for you. Sabay na tayo uwi. Is that okay?"

Agad akong napatingin sa kanya para tingnan kung niloloko lang ba niya ako. Me? Going home with Cinna and her? Waiting for me?

"N-No! I mean. Is waiting okay for you?" sabi ko. "Eight pa ako uuwi. You'd have to wait for four hours more."

"Come on, Vin," she said, shaking her head with a smile. "I owe you one. Waiting is nothing." Ngumiti lang siya ulit saka umupo sa usual seat niya. She took a book from her bag and started reading.

"Hell," I whispered. "D-D-Did you hear that, Tanya?"

"Yeah," sabi ni Tanya saka humikab. "You said I was dashing and you want to fuck Cinna."

"Sometimes I just don't want to talk to you." Why does she talk like that?

Tanya laughed hard.

Umuwi na kami ni Cinna nang 8 PM, and we both waited on the bus stop. It's the month of June but it's already cold. Tahimik lang kaming dalawa ni Cinna sa loob nang ilang sandali nang bigla siyang nagsalita.

"T-Thank you ulit, Vin," sabi niya. Napatingin ako sa kanya at nakitang nakakapit siya nang mahigpit sa hem ng shirt niya. "I don't know how to pay you."

"It's okay," I replied with a tone I hoped reassured her. "Tanya and I are close, and I could persuade her, pero siya ang tumanggap sa 'yo."

"You helped me, still." Tumawa siya.

Napangiti ako nang malapad pero napakagat sa lower lip para hindi ako gano'n ka-mukhang tanga.

Then I remembered her friend just died.

"C-Cinna."

"Hm?"

"About your friend . . ."

Nanlaki bigla ang mga mata niya, as if she just sensed danger. Napalunok at napaatras siya nang bahagya. Napatingin siya sa akin saka pabalik sa kalsada.

"Hey. You know what . . . I-I forgot to buy some errands," sabi niya.

"Huh? Pero gabi na, ah? Are you—"

"I'm okay. Thanks ulit. Bye!"

Then she smiled and ran off. The little daydream of having her sit with me on the bus vanished in the cold air of June. When the bus arrived, I looked at the way where Cinna ran off to and then stepped in.

—

IT'S BEEN A week since Amethyst's death, and everyone is still talking about her.

Some said it was some syndicate that burned down their house. Some said it was the husband's mistress. I said the family is dead and they're not worth making rumors about.

I badly want to talk to Cinna about this, because I'm sure everything gets on her nerves, too. Ako ngang hindi kaibigan ni Amethyst, naiirita, siya pa kaya. However whenever I try to bring up the subject, she never replies or just starts talking about something else.

That doesn't matter though, because more importantly, Cinna and I are starting to get closer.

Lagi na kaming sabay umuwi. We didn't talk about Twisted Tree but we did talk about literature and authors that we think are the best. She mostly spoke of underrated authors while I spoke of the classic ones, and God, I loved our differences.

Today's another Monday. I only had to work until 6 PM, because I told Tanya that I have to visit the church. Today's my late father's birthday.

Until I realized that Cinna will be the one who will have to go home alone.

"It's okay, Tanya," sabi ko. "Huwag mo lang sabihin sa kanya. Nakakahiya, e."

"Kid, you never miss your father's birthday," Tanya said with a hint of worry and surprise on her voice.

"I know," I said. "Magsisindi naman ako sa bahay."

Tanya rolled her eyes. "You and your disgusting feelings."

It's dangerous for a girl to ride an 8 PM bus alone. Plus, I heard from her that her ankles hurt.

Kaya ngayon, magkasama na kaming nakatayo sa bus stop. Malamig ang gabi at medyo mahangin din

"Are you sure you're okay?" tanong ko.

"Y-Yeah," sabi niya. She kept on looking on her phone.

Nanahimik na lang ako. I put on my hands on my pockets and looked up.

"Oh, thank God," sabi ni Cinna sa sarili. I figured because she just whispered.

"Cinna?"

Tumingin siya sa 'kin, nakangiti na habang hawak ang phone. "Don't worry now. Oliver will take me home."

Napatigil ako. Napakurap.

"Oh."

Who . . .

Who the hell is Oliver?

That quieted me. I pulled in breaths as I hear her tapping on her phone. I licked my lips, my feet tapped on the ground, I looked up. A bus arrived.

"Uy. May bus na, Vin," she said. "Una ka na."

Napatingin ako sa kanya.

"W-Will you be okay here?"

She smiled. "Oo naman 'no. Sige na, bye!"

I smiled a little and went in the bus. When I sat on a seat, I peeked on the window and saw her tapping on her phone again. Napabuntonghininga ako saka pumikit. Frustrating. Who the fuck is Oliver?

I dug deeper on my brain. Oliver. I shut my eyes tight . . .

Oh. Oliver. Right. That guy. Lagi ko siyang nakikita. He'd always tailed after Cinna and Amethyst before, but I heard he's been bedding every girl from the TG department.

I . . . lost to that guy?

Napatingin ako sa reflection ko sa salamin ng bintana ng bus. Of course. Why would she choose me over that hot, popular guy? I'm just a random workmate in a stupid coffee shop.

I should've just visited the church.

—

GOOD NEWS: I slept on the bus because of too much exhaustion and missed many stops.

Nagising ako at ako na lang ang natitirang pasahero. I shouldn't have slept! Kung kasama ko lang sana si Cinna, edi hindi sana ako nakatulog. I pretended I was really supposed to get off on the last bus stop in Ashmore, and pretended that at 11 PM I want to visit the beach. Mas mahal tuloy ang binayad ko. For fuck's sake.

The night is great anyway, perhaps a little stay on the beach wouldn't be so bad. The breeze is cold and the blue seawater is waving under the white moonlight.

I sighed. Pinasok ko ang parehas na kamay sa loob ng hoodie pockets ko saka tumingala sa langit.

Suddenly I remembered my parents, whom I spent sleepless nights with on our front yard, in front of a firelight Papa always make. Binabasahan nila ako ng mga libro at kukwentuhan ko naman sila. They had always listened to me carefully, with honest interest, making me feel appreciated and comfortable.

Lumakad pa ako palapit sa dagat. I dropped my bag on the sand and laid on it. I thought of Cinna's round glasses and her eyes looking at me as if she's afraid. Her sprained ankle and Oliver I never knew about. Jokes on me, bakit niya naman ako sasabihan tungkol sa boyfriend niya? Who do I think I am? She never even talked to me about her dead friend.

Siguro ayaw niyang pag-usapan si Amethyst Cambray. Siguro uncomfortable para sa kanyang pag-usapan ang kaibigan niyang kamamatay lang.

Amethyst Cambray.

I looked at the night sky and wondered about which star she belonged. The stars on the sky reminded me of her freckled shoulder blades . . .

I wonder where dead people reside. My parents told me about heavens, but if heavens kill people like crashing them in a car accident or burning them to ash then I don't want to believe that heavens exist at all. I like to think that people die and they exist as stars.

Amethyst Cambray is now probably another planet's sun. I mean . . . she's just so . . . bright.

Bigla akong napatayo nang makarinig ako ng iyak.

Where did that come from? Naningkit ang mga mata ko saka tumingin sa paligid. From a few meters away, I saw a girl standing right in front of the crashing sea. For a moment I thought it was a ghost. Nagulat na lang ako nang makitang may suot siyang bag. The bag seemed heavy.

She began to walk towards the sea.

All of a sudden, I found myself running.

"Hey!"

She didn't hear me.

I ran.

"Hey, hey!"

Still, she walked.

The closer I get, the clearer I see the face of the girl. The more I recognize her, the faster my heart beats, the scarer I become.

Brownish hair. Alabaster skin. Freckled shoulders, like star scars.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Is that Amethyst Cambray?

——