He's not here.
He's not here.
He's not here.

I chanted silently to myself as I ran.

I reached the building, passing by many bewildered people along the way and finally finding the dormitory. I struggled to remind myself to keep breathing which suddenly seemed secondary.

Everything was a blurry kaleidoscope of catatonic colours and anarchy of sounds. They were suffocating me, burying me under their vehement debris. I could feel dread and nausea swirling in a tempest in the pit of my stomach. 

The elevator door opened painstakingly slow as a strangled, panicked cry escaped my throat. I recalled what I had learnt and tried to concentrate on my breathing. A single word rang out clear in my head. The soulless, beady eyes and haywire hair accompanying it.

"Plead."

An almost tangible pain shot through my body as I recounted his horrifying face. Dry shuddering sobs escaped my throat as I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button multiple times. 

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. 

I was aware of my heart as it beat frantically. Aware of my lungs as they shuddered and expanded as if they were no longer inclined to keep functioning. As if I was walking underwater, unable to feel.

I shut my eyes, feeling pinpricks of heat piercing my eyeballs agonizingly. I rested my back against the cool metal. The movement was nauseating. I wanted to keep running. I couldn't escape. The walls were closing in on me. Irrational, crippling fear overwhelmed me, strangling me like a venomous serpent.

Another sob escaped my throat as my nausea increased. I had no idea how I had managed to remain calm for the time that I had walked to the ground. I bolted out of the lift door as soon as there was enough space for me to squeeze through. I ran along the corridor and slammed open the door to my room. I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of it, my heart beating wildly.

Ransacked.

The mattress was turned over. The walls had lewd drawings with crayons. My cupboard was open. My unopened luggage was now strewn across the floor. Shampoos, gels, and toothpaste all creating a muck over them.

Before I could react, I felt another wave of nausea and ran to the bathroom, coming face to face with a million silver shards of the mirror, which were scattered on the floor. Curtains on the enclosure had been ripped apart.

I bent over the toilet bowl and threw up before I could process anything else. My throat was dry as my body racked with shuddering gasps.

He's not here. He's not here.

I could feel the pain in my body. My neck. My back. My stomach. Like every cell was experiencing the horror again.

I collapsed on the cold tiled floor, shaking uncontrollably. I hadn't had an episode like this for the last eight years. The last time I had experienced a trigger, it was at Evelyn's birthday party. But that reaction had been entirely different. The only similarity was my feeling of lack of control.

I felt like I was on a rollercoaster that had broken, and I was spiralling out of control. Suffocating. The walls closing in.

I lay down on the floor, the cool tiles gradually calming my feverish body. I stared up at the high ceiling, my shuddering breaths slowly normalizing after what felt like hours. I shut my eyes. The need to run away from Asteria was overpowering. I wished I could see my dad, but I didn't want to cave in so fast. How long would I hide behind him? How long would I remain a coward?

Perhaps always. Because I knew I was one.

I could feel the sweat, tears perhaps, on my face as I lay there devastated. I covered my face with my hands, the coldness of my palms feeling good against my blazing skin.

I took deep breaths, trying to dissociate from the memories that kept haunting me.

I couldn't move.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't go on.
I couldn't live.

He had no way of being here. He had no way of hurting me. I repeated to myself again and again and again. Trying to fool my brain, but my heart was much more clever.

I got up slowly after what felt like aeons and gazed around the destroyed bathroom. I had no doubt in my mind as to who had done it: Elijah and his cronies. Despite my chaotic state, I somehow still felt mildly amused at the immature and unimpressive act. 

I slowly rose to my feet and walked over to the sink, washing my face and mouth thoroughly. I placed my hands on the rim and leaned over it, trying to gain control over my violently trembling body. My skin felt hot, flashes of cold and heat making my brain dizzier and the room a mere tornado of colours. 

I stepped into the shower fully clothed, vigorously trying to wash away memories. Words. Touches. More. Everything.

I locked the door of my room and managed to find some clothes which were not ruined by the disaster. I started piling up the ruined clothes into a bucket, hoping I could wash off the gooey mess. I could just send it to the laundry which I was yet to try, but even back at Stonewall, I had preferred to do the laundry on my own. The idea of someone else touching my clothes made me immensely uncomfortable.

Apart from the walls, I managed to clean up the mess in about an hour, the distraction proving much more calming to my harassed brain.

I cursed myself for falling into Greenwood's challenge, whose reaction to my breakdown still puzzled me. I hated that he had seen me so vulnerable. Hated that he could use that against me. I hated how utterly powerless I had felt when the memories had returned to me. I had felt like I had no control. I had felt shackled as I looked at myself as if from outside. And yet somehow, I didn't find myself repulsed by his warm touch. I was aghast that I even found myself yearning pathetically. More so for the serenity that had accompanied his warmth, even if it was a mere placebo for my pain. 

I walked over to the crayon markings on the wall. I slowly realized that what I had thought to be markings were crudely written letters.

Leave. Or regret, filth.

I stared at the letters for a while, a sickening feeling in my belly.

I tore my eyes away from the words and moved to what was left of my luggage and pulled out a spare bedsheet from it. After a few minutes of struggling with a rope and bedsheet, I managed to hang it like a tapestry. It looked odd and out of place, perhaps too apparent that it was hiding something. But I figured I could fix that later.

A part of me was scared of what Elijah might do when I didn't leave, and I wondered if changing my room would help fix that. Unless, of course, his 'resourceful' friends came around again.

I had no idea how desperate he was. What lengths he could go to stop me.

Exhausted, I lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling above. My eyes were drooping on their own as my mind was too saturated to ponder. I didn't want to think, because I knew I would simply see everything all over again. I didn't want to feel. Because I knew I would simply feel everything again. And I knew, I didn't have the strength. 

I drifted off into sleep, praying for numbness.

*

I woke up to a gentle knock at my door.

I got up slowly, rubbing my eyes and gazing around the dark room. The sky outside was pitch black, and I squinted at my wristwatch to realize it was almost eleven. The knock sounded again, and I called out, "Who's it?"

"Stuck up, bitch," Aris answered in a slightly amused voice.

I remained still, terrified that he had perhaps come to make fun of me. I sighed, feeling wary, and slowly rose to open the door. I planned to snap at him and appear defensive so that, hopefully, he would leave. 

He stood there, holding a brown package in his hand. His dazzling green eyes seemed slightly shadowed, or perhaps that was merely the obscure lighting. "Hey. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I stared at him, unable to comprehend why his voice was so low. So gentle. So kind. 

I detested it. I loathed the way my heart seemed to hope like a pathetic puppy perking up at the slightest tinge of kindness that I so pitifully craved. 

I answered in a too-casual monotone, "Excellent. See you later."

I started to shut the door, embarrassed by everything he had seen. However, he pushed it open with surprising force and stepped inside uninvited. I almost flew at him, planning to throw him out of my room in case he tried anything funny. His calm, confident demeanour was somehow putting me off. 

He closed the door behind him and switched on the lights. He walked over to the bed, gently placing the package on it. "I got you dinner. Didn't see you at the mess. And everybody knows where you live by the way."

A strange feeling was blossoming in my chest as I stared at the package, which I hurriedly pushed away. He had no reason to be so nice to me. There had to be something he was hiding. 

"Er...thanks. You didn't need to," I answered drily.

"I did," Aris said. And something about the way he didn't falter, sounded sincere. "It was my fault. If I had known-'' he closed his eyes and sighed, furrowing his brows as if in regret, "I...know what something like that feels. It's horrible. And I'm sorry, Ezekiel."

"I..." I rubbed my temple awkwardly, averting his gaze. "I appreciate the sentiment. But I'd love to not talk about it. Please."

Aris stared at me intensely, his green eyes shining as if in concern. He nodded finally. "Yeah. I'm just sorry."

He sat on the bed and started opening the package and revealing some rice and what looked like chicken.

"Have something," he said as I hesitantly sat beside him.

"Er..I'm n-not h-hungry," I lied and gritted my teeth. There was no way I was going to accept food from an almost stranger. Moreover, I couldn't understand why he was showing me such kindness anyway. I was aware of his intense gaze on me and forced myself to look at him as he took a spoonful of the rice and ate it. He raised an eyebrow, his irises glittering in an almost impish fashion as if he saw right through me. 

"Not poisoned."

I stared at him, for the hundredth time remembering the calming effect his earth abilities had on me. The blissful serenity that I had experienced. 

I remained quiet at his words. I knew I had a habit of being paranoid. He was probably under the impression that I was absolutely out of my mind, which I knew I sometimes was. However, my hunger won out over my self-respect and I nodded, biting into the delectable chicken, likes of which I had only eaten at one of the palace functions when things with the Ellermans weren't as bad as now. 

I started eating, the citric rice feeling like ambrosia on my tongue. I ate in silence for a while, after which he asked, "May I use the bathroom?"

I nodded again as he rose to his feet. It was too late by the time I realized what would happen. He walked out of the bathroom, his eyes wide. "What happened to your mirror?"

I debated my options. One was to lie and say I had done it myself, by mistake. But it sounded too far fetched even to me. The other was, to tell the truth. I shrugged instead, not looking at him. He didn't say anything and retook his seat on the mattress.

"You should go out," he said suddenly.

I gaped at him. "What? Where?"

"To the city," he said. "I think it'll make you feel better."

"It's really late," I said as I finished the last of my rice. Despite my worries, the idea was intensely interesting to me. "I won't be back on time."

He smirked. "Leave that to me, fledgeling."

I spluttered. "What?"

He smiled. "I'll take care of that. Let's go."

He got up and walked towards the door, looking at me expectantly. "While there, we should also get you a new mirror."

I got up and followed him into the corridor, led by my curiosity. He continued, "Aahan and Nia will be going with us if that's alright with you."

I stared at him, dumfound. "Why...are you being so nice to me?" I asked, honestly stumped.

The corner of his lips seemed to tilt slightly as if he was struggling not to smile. "You're kind of adorable, you know that?"

I felt my cheeks heating up at his random compliment. "Er-"

He turned away immediately, ignoring my question as he started leading me along the corridor. I sprinted to catch up with him instead. "How...exactly are we going to leave?"

"This face has its own advantages, Hunt," he said, turning around and winking at me.

We went downstairs and stepped onto the grounds where the dark-haired guy, Aahan, and Nia were waiting. She flashed me a bright smile. "Glad to see you, Zeke."

I tried to smile back at her when Aris cut in. "Alright. Move your stinky asses. We need to hurry."

"I still do not appreciate you describing my rear with such a derogatory term, Greenwood," Aahan said as Nia rolled her eyes.

We walked over to the golden grilles through which I had stepped merely twenty-four hours ago. I saw a single female guard standing on duty. Her eyes lit up as we walked over to her. I was still unable to understand what about Aureus Greenwood was so trustworthy and for a wildly irrational paranoid moment thought that he was manipulating my feelings as he had before. 

"Aureus!" the guard said, smiling. She seemed hardly older than Aidan.

"Bree," Aris said, smiling flirtatiously. He walked ahead while Nia grabbed my wrist, stopping me from moving forward and shook her head. I didn't flinch away from her, feeling strangely comforted by her hand.

Aris talked to the guard for a while; her eyes were positively shining. He leaned forwards and whispered something to her, which made her giggle. I stared in shock as they talked more, the guard becoming more and more silly as Aris flirted expertly.

"If they start humping, I'm throwing up on Greenwood," Aahan groaned, mimicking gagging.

After a while, however, the guard nodded at him, her cheeks flushed and eyes glassy as he walked over to us with a triumphant smile.

"All set. Let's go."

The grilles opened, and we stepped out into the night air. I stared in amazement as the gates of the academy shut behind us.

"Whoa," I gasped. "That...seemed surprisingly easy."

Sneaking out of Stonewall used to be a death sentence which no one in my generation had ever dared to face. Aris' confidence told me that this was not his first time.

"Not easy, no," Aahan said. "It took weeks and months of sucking up and sucking in general-'' he grimaced as Aris smacked him hard on the head. I almost smiled at their banter, unused to the carefreeness of it all.

"He's just jealous," he said. "Come on, we have our ride."

We walked a little further into the forest to our right, where, to my amazement, a sleek, silver, expensive-looking car stood.

"Sweet," Aahan said. "You finally brought her here."

Aris shrugged. "Of course. Had to put her to good use."

"So you just...keep her here?" I asked.

A fleeting, unexplained dark shadow passed over his face. "Yeah."

"Erm...and it's safe?" I asked, bewildered. It looked way too expensive to be parked randomly in the middle of nowhere. 

Nia spoke up. "Aris has a penchant for trouble, Zeke. Do not get surprised by any of his antics."

"Wow," Aris said. "You two are awfully rude today."

He rolled his eyes. We walked towards the car as Aris got into the front seat. Both Aahan and Nia scrambled to get into the back seat, leaving me to go into the passenger. I settled in, the air feeling uncomfortably solid around me.

"You might want to use the seatbelt. And check the airbags, Hunt," Aahan said, his tone serious.

Before I could realize what was happening, Aris revved the car up and took a sharp turn into the main road.

"I ought to tell you guys that I don't have my license," Aris called loudly.

"What?" Aahan and Nia exclaimed from the back seat. Nia yelled, "Stop the car Aureus Eugene!"

Aris pulled the brakes sharply, and I had to hold on to the dashboard to not bang my face into it.

 "Hey! Don't call me that Neveah Celine!"

Aahan started laughing as Nia groaned. "Why do you not have your license?"

Aris ignored her and started up the engine again, looking at me from the corner of his eye. "On a side note, you really should wear the seatbelt, Hunt."

I pulled the seatbelt and buckled it into place hurriedly.

"Are we going to Ophelia?" I asked.

Aris shook his head, a wicked glint in his eyes as  he spoke, "Fuegos."

I vaguely remembered hearing the name of the flamboyant city ages ago. I remembered the delectable chocolate layered coconut candies that I had loved as a child. They had been a speciality of Fuegos. The thought made a slight smile tug at my lips as I remembered the careless days that I would just sit on the wooden staircase of one of my dad's farmhouses on the rare weekend getaways that he would arrange for me. My inability to get along with the Ellermans, or 'Elmans' as I had called them, especially Ezra and Elijah had meant that I seldom accompanied them on the family trips. 

Aris put the car into the fifth gear and sped as Nia shrieked.

"Fuck you, Greenwood!" Aahan called as he swerved left and right, dodging invisible obstacles.

He laughed and yelled. "Come on, Rana! Live a little, son!"

After about half an hour of incessant shrieking, screaming, and a lot of praying, we reached one of the toll booths I had passed on my way to Asteria. Even though it had been mildly concerning, I had to admit, the recklessness of it all was sinfully enticing.

This time, a young, bored-looking man sat at the other end of the booth. He eyed Aris, his eyebrows furrowed suspiciously. "Can I see your license?"

He raised an eyebrow as Aris held out a crisp five hundred note instead. "That depends. Are you capable of vision?"

The man looked unamused. "May I see your license?"

"I do appreciate the politeness but no. I don't have it." Aris shrugged nonchalantly.

The man sighed. "You're Aureus Greenwood, aren't you?"

"Why yes! My reputation seems to precede me!" he sounded thrilled somehow.

"Alright. But if you get into trouble..." the man sighed in defeat. "Whatever. Have fun"

He pressed a lever as we went ahead. Nia and Aaahan seemed to be deep in conversation. Aris adjusted the inside mirror and glared at them. "Yo! Can y'all stop the gossip?"

Both of them shut up.

"You promise to carry the damn license next time," Nia yelled.

"Live a little vicariously, baby!" Aris replied reassuringly as we pulled into the main city. 

"Welcome to Fuegos," he announced after a while as I marvelled at the sky-high buildings and sleek modern cars. He parked the car on a parking lot in front of a glittering plaza. Tall, stately buildings rose sky-high. Vibrantly coloured posters and flyers seemed to glare at me from every surface, making bold claims. 

'Ronan's Emporium: If you can imagine, we can create!'

'Flabber Ghoster: Finest Elfmanship provided here.'

'Ulfrin Scriptures: The largest bookstore: like...ever.'

I smiled at the wacky signboards. It seemed as if the Fuegans thrived amidst extravaganza.

Aahan and Nia groaned as they stepped out of the car, looking thoroughly traumatized by their vacant expressions, pale faces and messed hair. My heart, however, was pounding from the thrill.

"Let's show you how Asterians party, Hunt." Aris winked as he stepped out.

I followed suit and gazed around in wonder at the twinkling city.

We walked through the road for a while as I drank in the sight of all the shops and restaurants where people were flocking in, even at almost one in the morning. We stood near a roadside stall, which was handing out what looked like crispy, roasted cottage cheese on a stick.

Aris moaned. "It's been too long, baby."

"Get a room slut," Nia said, shoving him as he grinned. "We should save some space for dessert. Fuegan sweets are famous all over Obscura."

The tantalizing scent of the food wafted into my nose, and I regretted eating the rice earlier tonight. Although I could make space for some Fuegan food. 

I realized that I didn't have any Elrin, the Evimerian currency. However, I saw Aris pay for what I presumed was all of us as he handed the sparkly golden coins to the pot-bellied shop-keeper. I stood still awkwardly for a while. How did these things work? Was I supposed to pay him back? And how? It was a dilemma for me. I decided to treat my thoughts away from social complications and instead bite into the soft cottage cheese. It was unlike anything I had ever eaten, crunchy on the outside and the inside a burst of herbs and citrus.

I let my eyes wander along the roadside where a hundred other cuisine stood to be plated. Cream filled colourful sweets, fritters, strange little trinkets I could only describe as tartlets. I wondered silently if I could perhaps find the coconut delicacy, the visage of my happier childhood as well. 

In my little time in Obscura, I had stuck to the mortal food I was slightly more accustomed to. Now, however, I found myself exceedingly curious about the land which had given me my elusive powers. 

"Fuck, it's so good," Aris moaned as he ate. 

Aahan rolled his eyes. "This is a public place, Aris. Stop being a slut."

My eyes wandered around and marvelled at the many stores around us again. Each shop had a different architecture, almost similar to the medieval architecture on Earth. Craftsmen were creating marvellously beautiful structured miniature buildings. Men, women, people of all genders walking in flamboyant clothes. In terms of acceptance, Fuegans seemed to believe in 'Live and let live.'

A dozen lights glittered along the skyline. I took in the sight greedily, never previously having the opportunity to explore my father's magical country before that day. It all felt like a fairy tale that my mother had read to me when I was a little child. The city was an omnibus of clashing colours, each brighter than the last. The air was filled with merry music from a street musician playing the accordion in what looked like a  dragon mascot costume. A child ran around collecting money from the circle of people who laughed and clapped along. 

I saw to my amazement that the accordion seemed to be on fire, flames intertwining intimately with the grill which somehow weren't harming the musician. I stood transfixed for a while at the sight, feeling my anxiety slowly ebbing and wondering if the music too had calming properties. 

My eyes stopped as I spotted a familiar figure at the mouth of an alleyway. She smiled at a man whose face was half-hidden by a shadow as she climbed onto his bike, embracing him as they sped off into the night. I could recognize the blonde hair and confident gait from anywhere.

Meredith.