((A parody of the parody of Free. Basically 50% off with Ameritalia.))
((This is a really terribly written chapter, Nagisa has definitely gotten to me...))

New York stood in the hallway, advertising for the swim team. "Ay yo pretty thing, you look like you wanna join the swim team!" He smirked, pointing his kickboard at Massachusetts and West Virginia.
West sighed, "aren't you that one weaboo kid who drowned that teacher, and vandalized the girls bathroom with your own hentai manga in graffiti paint?"
"Who told you that??? It's not hentai it's free expressionism!"
"Sure it isn't... Anyway, we must get to class, goodbye." Massachusetts said, shooting NY down as they both walked off.
Damn that's one nice ass... That boy's gonna be my bride.

--25% off--

Virginia sighed as she stepped out of the pool, ringing out her hair.
Pennsylvania walked over, in a bikini.

Virginia: "Uh, dude, I think your in the wrong place. The strip club is that way."

Pennsylvania: oh shut it will you! I'm here to swim!

Virginia: Swim what? The boob stroke?

Pennsylvania: THIS IS THE ONLY SUIT I HAVE!

Virginia: Ok Fan service. I would give you a new one piece, but then the pirates would be all over you. We don't need more weebs mastribating to this.

Pennsylvania: As much as I enjoy our little chats, I would appreciate it if you'd silence your attempts of living the thug life.

Virginia: Hey! I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me!!!

Pennsylvania: You mean like your mother's death?

New York: Oh snap!

--25% off--

Eren stood a top of the diving board looking down at all of her team mates.

North Carolina: Ok everyone! Time for swim practice!

Everyone else groaned.

North Carolina: Now just to be clear what are we all swimming for the meet this Saturday?
New yolk?

New York: Stroke back.

Virginia: Isn't it back stroke?

New York: No! It's something different!

NC: Pennsylvania?

New York: booby stroke!

Pennsylvania: It's breast stroke!
She yelled at him, crossing her arms.

NC: Virginia?

Virginia: IM!

NC: And South Carolina?
She stared at SC expectantly, waiting for an answer.
South Carolina was staring into space, her blue eyes seeming to be locked on something distant.

SC: "It's the final quarter! North Carolina and new Jersey are tied 5 to 5. All they need is one shot to win this... North Carolina takes the ball, running running running! She kicks! Oo and misses! Ow, that looks painful Jhon!"
"Yes Ceaser certainly a sad ending for North Carolina today... With 30 seconds left in the game she'll need a miracle to pull this off!!!"
"But wait a minute Jhon! Who's that running up to the ball???"
"Why it's the legendary athlete herself! South Carolina! She's taking the ball! She kicks it! It's in! The ball is in!" "A triumphant save from South Carolina! Talk about a heroine, New Jersey is defeated!"
*jazzy music*

NC: South Carolina? South?

SC: "I knew you wouldn't leave me..." NC whispered as the two of them hugged.
"Well isn't this a adorable victory of love for the two of them!"
"You know Ceaser, I was the one who shipped it first."
"Ahaha, we all were Jhon."

NC: South?!

SC: Ba bada-ba... Ba-ba-ba-badupba.

NC got down from the diving board with a sigh.
NC: We'll just mark her down for IM.
I'll do Free.

--25% Off--

New York: Hey sweet thang!
He ran up to Massachusetts, the man letting out a long sigh.

Massachusetts: What do you want?
Let me guess, your here to drop an idiotic pick up line on me and then try and get me to join your swim team?

New York: What swim team?

--25% off.--

NC: OK JOINT PRACTICE TIME!!!
Everyone groaned.

Virginia: Do we have to practice with Two Platform academy???

NC: YES!
Pretty soon the other's showed up.

He sighed, staring deep into the depths of the pool.
Chris: I fucking hate the ocean....
"Ocean? Ocean..." The horrible sound of screeching waves went through his head, the ocean filled with blood. Never knowing weather he is a dog or the sun...

Greg stated him cluelessly.
Greg: That's... Nice. Anyway, let's go to practice. But what if a giant wave crashes over us? O-or what if we get trapped in the water!? What if my swimsuit rips open leaving me naked!?!
He began to panic, not knowing what to do.

Chris: That will probably happen if you don't shut your trap and stop worrying so much!

Greg: Y-yes ma- I mean sir, sir! Yes sir!
He did a nervous salute, quivering softly.

--25% off--

Virginia: Common! You have one job! Out swim Chris! It's easy!

New York: Nah man, ain't no way in hell. Homeboy looks like shark way, I ain't gonna mess with that, period.

NC: Weird how he has teeth like a shark though... Wonder how that happened.

Chris: He sobbed loudly "how could you mommy!? How could you!" Tears streamed down his face. "Why didn't you tell me that my dad was an octopus?!! I spent all these years playing Octodad, being filled with lies! LIES!!!!!!! The ocean fairy isn't real!!!"

--25% off.--

Vincent: Ay! If it isn't Katy Perry!

Chris: Katy Perry?...

Vincent: You know I love those California boys~ -he said swinging his arm around Chris' shoulder.-

((That was the first part.
It wasn't really funny but whatever.
I based it off the parody of Free, 50% off.))