I tried to wipe my face and take a deep breath before walking back inside to Billie's house, so he wouldn't see how much I'd been crying on the drive home.

When I left, which also felt guilty leaving that house, I climbed back into the car. I broke. It was like my whole world had stopped spinning.

Suddenly I felt like I knew nothing. I sobbed in the car, trying to drive. Shaking with my hands wrapped around the steering wheel. How would I ever live down this down?

So after I wiped my sore face one more time, I breathed in as far as I could before opening the front door.

I heard Billie's laughter echo through the house. Joined with Mike and Tre's. A very contradicting thing to hear after finding out your parents are fucking dead.

They froze when I shut the door. I dropped Billies keys on the stairs so I wouldn't have to give them to him. But once he heard me, he rushed into the hallway.

"How did it go?" he asked paranoidly. His eyebrows raised already sympathetic before he even took notice of my face.

Tre and Mike followed behind. Tre smiled. "She's back!"

That was pleasant to hear. But maybe not right now.

"I don't wanna talk about it." I mumbled, before heading up the stairs.

I noticed a pause in speech before Billie rushed behind me up the stairs. "Echo what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I mumbled. Making it up to the top of the stairs and through our bedroom door.

But Billie Joe followed me before I could shut the door. I ignored his presence sitting down on the bed. Breathing again to prevent another need to cry.

He sat on the floor before me in front of the bed, crossed legged as he tried to look at me but I looked away.

"I can't tell if it's because we argued before you left or if something bad happened as to why you're not speaking to me," He began, as I stared down at my crossed legs over the bed. My shoes were even still on, I didn't wanna waste time taking them off. "But I'm sorry for what I did say. I shouldn't have acted like that. I was being stupid and I was just worried. But I went too far and I was wrong. And I didn't mean to say anything about you fucking off. That's not how it was-"

"-That's exactly what I did." I interrupted, finally looking up. I could feel tears coming on, but I was holding them back as of right now. "I got up and I fucked off. I fucked off everyone. You, my friends, my parents,"

"No- no no no of course you didn't. You did what you needed to do,"

"I fucking left everything. I didn't do what I needed to do I did what I wanted to,"

"Echo what happened while you were gone?"

"Nothing. Alright? Just leave it,"

"Did it not go well?"

"Billie it was fine!"

Although I shouted, he didn't look angry or annoyed or even taken back. He just kinda took it. He nodded. Then we heard shuffling at the doorway.

Billie and I took our eyes off each other to spot Tre and Mike. Who both stood there awkwardly.

"Is everything alright Echo?" Mike asked quietly.

And I broke again. "For fuck sake- no! Nothing's alright!"

"Wow." I heard Billie breathe out, quickly standing up and sitting beside me. As if on cue, he instinctively wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

Mike and Tre now walked in too alarmed. "Echo what happened?" Tre asked me first.

I was now crying, great. I was crying like a fucking baby if anything. Using the palms of my hand to wipe them away quickly like they didn't already see I was balling like a kid.

"Echo you're worrying me," Billie told me from beside.

"Did your parents say something?" Mike continued.

"They couldn't have said anything," I told them through sobs. "They're fucking dead,"

The room fell quiet. Apart from me crying of course. I felt Billie's arm pause and tense, from when it had been comfortingly rubbing my shoulder.

I am never capable to recover from this.

"What?" Tre finally questioned quietly.

"They weren't even there. They had a new daughter who had to tell me," I sobbed.

Billie sighed, pulling me into a full hug. As I sobbed on his shoulder. My body was shaking. My heart was beating like mad, I thought it might've ripped straight through my chest and out onto the floor in front.

I heard Billie mumble something and footsteps as Mike and Tre shuffled back away. Leaving me as I cried clinging on to Billie Joe for dear life.

Like my life depended on it. I wasn't bothered about what he had said to me anymore. In the end, I just wanted to feel as close to someone I knew as I could. Not just close to my skin, to my soul and my heart. I wanted to just feel his presence and remind myself that I still had him after hearing such shitty news.

"I've got you," Billie finally mumbled still hugging me.

I pulled him back, to look him in his face. "Everything's fucking upside down. This isn't how I wanted anything to go,"

"And they're really... y'know?"

"Well- I- I- got there and. Y'know everything was still the same. Even my mom's car in the fucking driveway. So when this other girl I'd never seen before answered the door I-" I quickly breathed in losing my breath. "I didn't understand. She took me inside and basically long story short had to fucking tell me they'd both been in a car crash. And I fucking never knew. I never even went to the fucking goddamn funeral. I'll never fucking live this shit down," I sobbed again.

His eyebrows twitched as they stayed raised sympathetically before he pulled me back into his arms and I continued to fall apart. Just right there. In his arms. Sobbing.

"And then-" I continued whilst he hugged me. "She told me how much they missed me- and- and that made me feel terrible,"

For a few more seconds, He held me closer, whispering, "Oh Echo.".

I will admit, I felt better a try bit with Billie here. But of course not majorly. He couldn't bring back my parents or stop me from the mistakes I made back in the past. But he was doing all he could now and for somebody who felt like she had no one else to turn to, that was more than enough.

"This is gonna haunt me for fucking years," I mumbled after silent seconds of crying.

As he stroked my hair, he comforted, "I know it's difficult, but I've got you,"

"I'd made this big song and dance about re-seeing my parents-" I pulled out of his hold to see his face. "-And it didn't even matter anyway. None of it did,"

Billie seemed to be stuck for words. I just saw a look of sympathy on his face. Not a lot of words came out of his mouth, but through his eyes, he was looking at me like he thought I was about to fall apart.

Even though every fibre of my being was screaming with pain, one thing stayed in my mind: I'll never forget this. They're gone for good, there's nothing I could possibly do. That's when I realised.

No matter how much it hurts. You're gonna have to learn to live with this. I'm going to have to learn to live with this.

"How can I be this upset when I never dared to care about them before after I left?" I asked Billie.

"But if you knew what you do now you would've cared earlier,"

"It shouldn't have to take my parents to be dead to start caring. What sort of a monster does that make me?"

"You're not a monster Echo, you just had it hard as a teenager,"

"I shouldn't of run away,"

"You needed to,"

"I could've been better off if I didn't. Maybe I wouldn't be so guilty now,"

"You don't know that for sure,"

"You know what," I breathed in looking away from Billie. "I think I just need some time to be alone,"

Billie sat still for a few seconds from the corner of my eye. He placed his hand on my shoulder rubbing it. He squeezed it tightly before he stood up and quietly left the room.

Why did I do that? I go on about how all I have left is him now and then tell him to leave.

I watched him shut the door behind him as I began to cry again with all the sorrow and grief overflowing out of my eyes.

~

Billie's first show back in California was tonight. I was able to extend the time I wanted to be alone. Billie offered a bunch of times to cancel the show and stay home with me. Saying the rest of the boys would prefer to cancel the show if I needed him. But I used the same excuse as before that I wanted to be by myself.

Of course, I did nothing but cry. What would you expect after finding out my parents are six feet under the fucking filthy dirt.

So after twelve mental breakdowns, I must've fallen to sleep from all the crying. Because next thing I remember the sun was spilling out from the curtains and the light awoke me.

I moved up slightly looking for Billie who normally would've crawled into bed beside me. But the bed was empty apart from my body.

I twitched my eyebrows confused. My eyes still felt pretty tired as I moved them around the rest of the room to look for some sign of Billie being in here. But nothing was noticeably different.

Dragging myself out of bed as I felt the draft of a window I left open yesterday, I made my way out of the room quietly down the stairs. Looking through the house trying to find where he'd ended up. But my search was shortened when my eyes landed on the prostate figure sprawled over the couch.

I smiled staring over at him, his mouth open as he snored slightly. His shoes had been kicked off in the centre of the room as he fell asleep wearing the same clothes he went out in. On the small table in front were four empty bottles of beer, one halfway.

"Billie Joe," I mumbled walking closer to him, pressing my hands lightly on one of his arms as I attempted to shake him awake.

He still wasn't waking up at all. I breathed out trying not to giggle before attempting again.

"Billie Joe wake up,"

His eyelashes began to batter as he attempted o open his eyes. But the drawn curtains and the sunshine forced him to close them again. "Huh?"

"What are you doing on the couch?"

He shielded his eyes with his hand as I stood back up from leaning over him. He pulled himself up turning his legs back off the sofa as his white socks touched the floor. "What time is it?" He asked, his voice rough.

"It's the morning,"

"Huh.." His eyes dripped over all the bottles on the table. "That'll explain it,"

"Why were you on the couch?"

Billie dropped his hand that was keeping the sunlight out of his eyes to look at me. The green colour glistens with brightness. "You said you wanted to be alone, I didn't wanna wake you up?"

"I was telling you to go to your concert, not kicking you out of bed." I laughed slightly sitting beside him.

"How do you feel?" He questioned, eyes still drawn to me.

"Not much different," I answered truthfully. "Just the same I guess,"

Everything hit me more in the morning. I woke up feeling fine until it kicked in. But with all the crying and whining I did last night I guess now I just felt a tad numb. I was sad, but I was used to it. Like I was making life again out of feeling in pain.

"Do you still prefer to be by yourself?"

"I'm sorry for pushing you away," I replied.

"Echo you just found out your parents have passed. I understand if you push me away right now you're dealing with a lot,"

"Well, I don't wanna push you away anymore. I'm done being alone. I wanna be with you,"

"What do you wanna do?"

"Anything. I just don't wanna sit around and feel miserable for any more time. I've done that for too long,"

"Ah come on, you only did it last night,"

"Billie before I found you in New Jersey I'd made a life out of being stationary and miserable,"

He gave me a face of realisation. "Alright... well, is there anything, in particular, you'd wanna do today?"

"Anything. Just as long as it's with you,"