"Someone looks busy," Billie Joe commented as he walked into the kitchen, having just woken up.

I'd been up the majority of the night. On my laptop placed on the kitchen table. Almost like I was doing research into my own life.

"Morning," I greeted, my eyes planted on the screen in front.

"Not like you to be a morning person." He replied, taking the table seat in front of me. I felt his gaze on me as I focused on the laptop screen ahead. "What ya doin'," He asked.

"Just looking into some stuff," I answered, opening a new browser.

"What about?"

"Nothing important,"

"You're acting a little shady," He chuckled. I ignored starting still at the new browser. "Everything alright?"

"I'm just..." I breathed in before looking towards him. "I'm just researching some stuff up, just old stuff,"

He sighed. I think he understood me even when I was being vague. "Echo,"

"Yes?"

"Is this by any chance, any chance or connection at all, is this anything to do with your past that you're researching?" He asked, eyes towards me as he waited for the answer I didn't think he needed. His face said he knew, but he was asking for confirmation to see if he was right.

Which in fact, he was. "Well, sort of but-"

"-How'd I guess?"

"Well I'm just looking into a few things that's all,"

"Like?"

"Well- did you know that when I type my name into the search bar it comes up with old missing reports?" I asked him, but Billies face didn't turn suprised like I thought it would.

"I did know that,"

"You did?"

He rolled his eyes at me laughing. "Come on. Of course I knew it. Don't you think I tried looking you up?"

My eyes drifted back to the screen away from Billie. Before mumbling. "Guess I was famous in my own way..."

"So don't tell me you've been sat here just searching your name in the search bar. What else you looking into?" He places his elbows on the table, leaning over it as he watched my face. Anticipating what an earth I would be doing surrounding my past next.

"Just some things,"

"Some things?"

"Yeah y'know... like- a few... things,"

Billie shook his head with a grin. Before pushing his chair back as it screeched on the kitchens tiled floor. "Your bad at acting shady, y'know that?" I heard in his voice he was still smiling. As I watched his body from my peripheral vision walk around the table and behind the kitchen counter.

"I'm not being shady," I defended. "It's just some nonsense anyway,"

"Come on, don't be like that," He pouted, prodding humour at my defensiveness.

"No, really. I mean, none of it was even important,"

"Was it Mae?"

Now we're playing the question game. "No billie Joe,"

"Kennedy?"

"Nope,"

"The other one,"

I snorted slightly, closing down the laptop before spinning in my seat to see him. "You mean Layla?"

"That's the name,"

"No Billie,"

His eyes flickered away. I watched them scan across the kitchen as if he was looking for clues. "Is it... Elora?"

"No,"

"Your parents?"

"Sort of,"

Billie let out a sigh. "Echo,"

"What?" My voice was high pitched. "I just wanted to... look into a few things- that's all,"

"Echo." He sighed again. This time he stopped what he was about to do and sat himself back down.

Across the table he settled. Placing his elbows setting his eyes across to me. The shade of green in them was hard, seeming serious. I just knew another conversation that was going to become passive aggressive was about to be born.

"I don't like the tone of that 'Echo'," I mumbled realising. Pushing the laptop away slightly.

"Don't you think... that..." He lost his voice. His eyes searched over the table as if a clue of how to pick the sentence back up would be right in front of him. And I guess it was, because he looked back at me and spoke again. "Don't you think that maybe you're chasing past?"

I felt a breath escape me. "Billie, I was just interested,"

"I mean..." The pauses in his sentences meant he was trying not to brew up an argument. Which meant there was gonna be one. "Y'know... in general,"

"I'm not chasing past. There's nothing wrong with trying to understand past-"

"-But you're not just understanding it. You're trying to change it,"

"No I'm not," I sighed looking away.

"Echo. I just think that... you need to stop worrying about what's already been,"

My eyes darted back to him. I sucked a breath in adjusting my posture in my seat. "Billie Joe. I left California. And along with it I left all my mistakes. All my loose ends. I left everything including parts of myself. And I didn't give a shit. I thought about my past, but I didn't dive into it like I do now. The only reason I do now is because my teenage self left it up to me to sort out this fucking mess,"

"But how can you sort it out?" Billie asked straight. No hesitation.

I squinted to him. My lips turned to a sneer. "What?"

"It's past. Past is set in stone you can't change it-"

"-I can fix it,"

"No you can't Echo listen to yourself,"

"I am! That's why I'm fixing things,"

"How are you going to fix past? You can't change this. What's going on now- you can't change this. You. Have. To live with this,"

Even though every fibre of my being was screaming with pain, one thing stayed in my mind: I'll never forget this. They're gone for good, there's nothing I could possibly do. That's when I realised.

No matter how much it hurts. You're gonna have to learn to live with this. I'm going to have to learn to live with this.

My stomach churned. Understand even if you know something, it's harder to hear someone you love dearly say it.

My face scrunched into a scowl. I could've picked that lap top up and just thrown it over at him. "You think I don't know that?"

"I just think-"

"-I am sat here at the other side of the kitchen table living with this. I have been! Living with this!"

He took his elbows of the table. "I'm just telling you that-"

"-I am here! Sat here! On the other side of everything I ever wanted to be- fucking living with this!"

Billie Joe sighed. He didn't respond. He just took his eyes from off me and looked around.

We stayed silent. There was a feel of tension now across this kitchen table. Like a path of pollution between Billie and I.

I searched with my eyes around the kitchen. On the kitchen side I saw the packet of half empty cigarettes Mike gave me in the car. I hadn't smoked any yet, mostly because of Billie.

When my eyes found them, I stood up straight with out hesitation. Snatching them off the kitchen side and making my way out the kitchen.

"Echo where are you going?" Billie sighed exhaustedly.

I ignored, but I already heard his chair squeak. I walked down the hallway to the front door, opening it as I stood outside opening the packet.

"Look. Echo I'm sorry," Billie mumbled walking out. "I worded it wrong- I shouldn't of said it,"

"You shouldn't of," I replied, taking a cig out as I inserted it between my lips. I took the lighter out the pack Mike had left sparking it up as Billie breathed out.

A first inhale on a cigarette when you've not smoked in ages, does in fact hit you, but god did it feel relieving.

I gave myself a minute as Billie was quiet. Taking drag after drag as I remembered the taste of cigarettes. The memories flooding back from teenage years.

God, Nostalgias weird.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Billie mumbled.

"I promise you Billie. You don't think I realised I have to live with this? With this shit I left behind?"

Billie took the cig packet out my hand. I didn't hesitate in letting go.

He took a second cig out the packet with his hand out as I passed him the lighter.

There was a moment of silence as I heard the lighter click a few times.

He took his first inhale. Blowing smoke out slowly as he looked over to me. But my eyes were forward. "Do you ever regret leaving California?"

I breathed in, feeling my guard sink down. I looked towards him. "More than anything,"

"Really?"

"I regret leaving. Leaving you, Mike and Tre. Leaving my parents. Do you now how badly I wish I grew up with you?"

He smiled subtly. "I wish you could've been there. I needed you a lot,"

"I needed you,"

"I'm sorry for what I said. I should've known you understood you had to live with this. I just don't want you to keep your head in the past. I know you don't realise, but you dwell on your past. Too much. It's not healthy Echo,"

"I left everything behind," I stated again. "I left you behind,"

"You're with me now,"

"But what about all those times you needed me?"

"I'll always need you Echo," Billie admitted. Taking another drag before adding. "Time can never change that,"

"I know time doesn't change it. But you don't talk to me about what happened with you after I left. You talk about everyone else. About Tre and Mike. About my old friends. My parents. I wanted to know about you, but you won't ever tell me,"

Billies face looked as if he knew exactly what I was saying. Which meant he knew he didn't talk about himself from when I left. He took another drag before a sigh. "I didn't do much. I just stayed in my room,"

~

"How long do you reckon it's gonna take before you can get this place up and running?" Tre asked me as his question echoed.

Here we were again stood in the vacancy that was in time about to become my new tattoo parlour. But facing it, it needed a lot of fucking work.

I huffed thinking. "Gosh... I don't even know,"

"Are you excited to open it up?" Mike questioned stood beside me.

I gave Mike a smile. "Course I am. I'm just more worried about how long it's gonna take before we can open,"

"Well if anyone asks me," Billie shouted, from the room I'd already claimed as my office. "I reckon if the three of you stop standing and conversating, we may get it done a little faster,"

I nodded. "Right, sorry Bill." Before following where he was in the open office room.

The four of us finished by today unpacking all the boxes we hadn't completed last time. Which really only now left me with buying more things to help decorate with, more tattooing supplies since my shop back at new jersey wasnt at all as big as this, and all the other things I may possibly want or need.

After the conversation Billie and I had earlier, we really didn't expand it any much more after he'd stated clear that all he really did was stay by himself.

I didn't know fully if I'd ever get it out of Billie. He couldn't of stayed in his room forever. What about what Mike and Tre thought of him staying on his own? Or my parents investigating him if he knew anything of my round bouts, what happened to his step dad or when he finally moved out?

Even if the things that happened in his past wasn't surrounding my leave. I wanted to know the parts I missed. All the in between.

But he's got it all locked in a safe. And I don't know if there's a key to even gain to get that safe open.