There we are. It's been... Um... I actually don't have a bloody idea.

Anyway, it's been a fair amount of time that the vampiric asshole is walking towards God-knows-where while carrying me like a sack of potatoes.

— LET ME BE ! I didn't stop yelling like crazy.  My lungs hurt, but that's the problem of future me.

— I would like to, sweetheart. The thing is, I'm afraid you'd try to get away as soon as you'd be able to.

— I wonder why would I even think of such a thing. Dumbhead !

—  Such a language is unworthy of the soon-to-be Queen.

— JUST GO AHEAD AND SHOVE YOUR DAMN PROPHECY UP YOUR ASSHOLE. But before that, tell me where my phone is.

— Are you referring to the curious object that was hidden under the pillow of your previous room ?

— Well... YES ! Where it is ?

— It was making curious sounds and it had a strange aura. I found it wiser to get rid of it.

— Son of... I'M GONNA KILL YOU, BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE, BEHEAD YOU, CUT YOU INTO SMALL PIECES, MIX YOU WITH DIRTY WATER AND USE THAT MIX TO FEED SOME ONE-LEGGED TURKEYS.

— I think you need to calm down.

— CALM, YOU SAY ? Well I'll think about being calm when you'll release me !

— Your wish is my command.

—  No joke ? I don't know if anyone filled you in, but I wish to get out of here.

— You think that's your wish. You don't have to worry, we are soulmates, which means that at one point of your life, you will feel this undeniable attraction too.

— Sorry not sorry, I'm not interested.

— Maybe not now but... You will be. One day, I'll keep you captive in my guest's room if that's what it takes.

— Well... Thanks ? I guess ? I don't really get how but some girls just LOVE that type of... talking ? Just tell them that and they're all yours.

— So, you're all mine ?

— Sweet dreams are made of this. Okay, seriously, what bought me here ?

— I told you, the prophecy.

— Did the prophecy give away my name or... ?

— A detailed description.

— Well, there could've been a mistake ! I'm sure she exists, that girl who looks like me and literally worships vampires like that girl Ella... Stella... Mocha... Anyway, that girl from Twilight.  

— Twilight ? Do you mean the soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, caused by the reflection of the sun's rays from the atmosphere ?

— I mean yes, there's that. But it's also a shitty movie about vampires.

— That language isn't worthy of a Queen !

—  How should I phrase this for you to understand ? It's not me ! Never was, never will !

— I don't think so. Our love is real. You may not feel it now, but time will do its magic and you'll notice it one day. It may take a century or even a thousand years, prophecies aren't to be taken slightly. He said, showing me an old piece of paper scroll I obviously can't read.

 How convenient.

Let me guess, that thing is four hundred thousand years old and is written in the ancient official language of Vampiropolis ?

—  I don't know if you noticed, but as a normal human, I'm very much mortal. In a century or even a thousand years like you said, I'd more than probably be six feet under, until then, I would pretty much prefer enjoy my life !

— That is why I need to transform you as soon as possible.

— Nope, nope nope ! I quickly said, laughing nervously. How about this, we'll keep in touch and if I feel anything of what you described, I'll call you right away ! How about that ? No need for anybody to bite anyone anywhere. That way, everyone's happy ! Isn't that a great idea ?

— Soul sisters need to be close to feel it for the first time.

— I'll visit !

— You'd be capable of breaking your part of the deal, I won't risk it.

Let's face it, I was planning to change my identity and go live at the other end of the globe the minute, nay, the second I would set foot out of here. So I didn't add anything following that idea.

— You know, mistakes are commonly made...

— The prophecy-

— Who said anything about that old piece of toilet paper ? I meant no disrespect.

Of course I did. Still do. Probably will.

— What do you mean ?

— You said you only gave a description to your minions and they did the rest. Do you know how one description can match multiple people ? I'm convinced they had me confused with someone else. Here's the deal : I'll help you find that poor soul and in exchange, you promise to leave everyone alone and let me go back home safe and sound once it's done.

— And if it's really you ?

— I'll need more than just your words and an old toilet paper roll to believe such a thing.

— Very well, I'll let you settle into your room and get used to it. I'm guessing one month should be enough, then the search shall begin. And then who knows, maybe you'll stop denying your feelings towards me.

He ended his monologue with a wink.

Fucking hell I need to puke. NOW.

I hope this is gonna work though...
Thinking about how that son of a firetruck got rid of my beloved phone...

Okay, next step; convince him to buy me another one, preferably the last model. You know, karma and shit...

Not that I really think he cares; he's a vampire, let alone their lord, I don't think he's short of money, and I'm absolutely going to take advantage of that wealth.