Anika pov

After maa papa left for home rudra is there with me staying the night.

" Rudra " He looked up from his phone.

" Yes didi "

"Did shivaay said something to you??"

"When me and dad came hospital we were shocked to see jiju here. He was hurt and disappointed. He said it was his right to know everything. And nobody has right to take his life decision even you.

You know didi before surgery you were very critical at one moment we lost the hope. But jiju didn't he was there with us. From the moment he came he was running from one thing to another. Taking care of everything and everyone. Even Manav, Om bhaiya and Gauri bhabhi they all were here.
I don't know why he didn't met you or come to see you. But didi you need to talk with him."

It's paining so much more than physically it's emotionally. Even more than i felt that when I last met shivaay. Why this man is like this? Instead of stopping me he is making me fall for him hard. I don't know what I am going to do but i know don't deserve this betray I have to apologize to him. My trance is broken by rudra voice.

"Didi "

" Rudra when I will get discharged. "

" I don't know but will ask doctor. "

" I want to go Mumbai"

" We will but first get well soon."

" I know but I have to meet Shivaay as soon as possible. "

And i know what I have to do. Next day manav, om gauri visited me. As they were going back Mumbai. But they are happy after knowing my decision.

After three weeks,

I get discharged today. I am better than before. But there is weakness . I still feel dizzy can't stand for long.
I directly came Mumbai in afternoon with Rudra.
Om ,gauri, Manav know about my visit.

Om told me Shivaay had conference which will end in evening then they planned dinner in restaurant. Where I can talk to him.

As time passing my nervousness increasing because I don't know he will listen to me or not.

I was in hotel room when I got call from Om stating that shivaay cancel the plan and left the office informing that he will come home late. He didn't take khanna bhaiya also.

Nobody has idea were is shivaay. I was in room trying to divert my mind it's not happening I am feeling suffocation by all these feelings. It's too much to take. The weight of this burden is increasing .

I need fresh air. I want to be alone. I want to go out from here. I called Rudra and informed him where I am going . He is not ready to leave me alone but he understand. I booked the cab then reached the place where I last met shivaay.

It's already night time there are only few people around busy in there own world. I was in my way towards the rocks but a man whose back is facing me take my attention. And it didn't take a second to know who he is.
As usual in black shirt sleeves rolled till elbow looking ahead lost in his own world.

I take slow steps towards him unsure of his reaction. I stand behind him.

"Shivaay " It came out as whisper.
His body clearly stiffened. Fingers tightened in fist.

Neither he move even a little bit nor turn. I knew I asked him and he is keeping his promise but it's hurt. It's hurt like hell.

He take a step forward to go I immediately said.

" I know I asked you not to listen me even when I asked you to but please one last time hear me out Shivaay. Please I am not here to ask anything but your forgiveness.

Even I got chance to live life again. I can't live knowing that I hurted you. I can't be happy knowing that I snatched someone happiness. I can't heal knowing that I hurted you. It's hurting, it's paining more than anything. It's killing me. I don't have any more strength in me to deal with it. I am tried of this pain shivaay . I can't do it more.

I am not giving any excuse I know I made mistake. I don't have right to decide for you or make decisions of your life. But i did for you Shivaay."

I paused for few seconds taking the deep breath I have to do this. Because this is only my chance. He is listening.

"After few days when you left for Australia. I was having the constant pain in my head. I ignore that because I usually have headache. I was in room when I felt a sharp pain like someone hammered on my head all I remember the blackness.

When I got the conscious I was in hospital. They run some test we got to know that I had brain hemorrhage that to last stage because I didn't get symptoms except headaches and fever which I thought was normal.

They told me that chance of my survival is not much. And you know what first thought came in mind it's about you Shivaay.Maa, papa and Rudra they were shocked blaming themselves for my condition but it's not their fault. It's no body.

It was the reality that I had very less time in hands. I didn't know next min I will be alive or not. It was tough knowing that I will not able to see maa, papa , get a chance to fight with rudra or will able to have lunch dinner with them.

I will not able to fulfill all the promises that made to Pinky mom who is eagerly waiting for her daughter- in - law. Not able to complete all the plans that om and gauri made with me. If I ever get chance to play with Ishaan who now love his badi maa more than his bade papa. Manav had a deal with me to find a girl for him.

More than that you know what hurted me to know I will not able to live my life with you that I was waiting for so long. I can't able to see your face or not able to talk with you ever.

To feel all those feelings which is very new to me. To never able to get the warmth that your hug provides. To ever look in those which make me feel like I am most special person for him.
And to never get chance to go back to my home. I don't but you how you become that my home is you. Because I knew whatever happened to me outside I had someone who is waiting for me  where I can go share and do what I want to do. To be Anika I am.
But before I make my way towards it I lost everything. How much painful or tough it is.

I accepted that Shivaay.

I don't want you to be a part of uncertainty Shivaay. I want to see you happy in your life without any regret and guilt. That's why I didn't told you the truth because I know if something happened to me you will blame yourself. I don't want that shivaay. Because it's not in anyone's hand.

It was very hard, but I had to take that decision. "

"But it's also truth I can't live like this. I will do whatever you will say. I need your forgiveness. "

He is still standing like that no movement at all. I take deep breaths to calm my self down I start feeling dizzy. Not now I tried to stand straight but I lost balance. I held shivaay arm shirt in my fist to stand straight.

" Sorry "

I quickly take my hand back it's enough. Earlier this silence used to be comfortable but today it's not.

I can't stand anymore I am feeling dizziness I have to go from here.
I turn around to go but I felt tug at my wrist.

I closed my eyes feeling his warm hand in mine cold one.
I know he didn't turn nor I did because I am ashamed with myself. For making this reckless decision.

"When we decided to always keep we above than me and you. Why did you kept me above we?? Why?? "

"You told me that we don't need words to tell what we had for each other. Did I really have to say in words why I kept you above all Shivaay. Because you yourself knew the answer don't you. "

I tried to stand straight gathering all my strength. But before I can realise I pull backed to collide with his chest.
My eyes collide with his teary eyes which shocked me to core.

This is not the man I knew the Shivaay Singh Oberoi who always stood strong in every situation is here standing with tears in his eyes what I have done.

" Whatever you said, you did I have nothing to give you. Because whatever I had you already taken everything from me. "

" Shivaay listen.. "

"No you listen you said you know me, you trusted me then where your all trust gone that time . You didn't even found it necessary to tell me. Then why these expectations from me now. I have nothing to tell or have anything to give you. "

"I trusted you shivaay, I trust you more than anything. I know what I did was wrong but for keep yourself in my place. What you had done. Will you also married me knowing that you don't have chance to live. Will you. I know shivaay you didn't.

I did the same thing but in a wrong way. I am paying for that and I will  whole my life.

If I had got a chance I want to tell you everything and asked you the forgiveness. And I did because I don't  want to do anything wrong and live with guilt and regret.

But you don't have to take the blame of something you are not responsible. I was the one to break the marriage. Why did take the whole blame. Even after what I did you protected me. If today I am standing in front of you is because of you only.  I know you were there for me even after everything Shivaay.

I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But still I hope one day you will and I will wait for that day."

" And shivaay no one can take place of you in my life never because now more than me you are the owner of me. "

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Next update hope you guys will like it. Mentally not in zone to write anything. Life is tough.It's taken me long to pen down this. I am blank at this moment of my life. Do comment and vote because it's taken a lot to complete this because I don't wanna leave this because of you guys. You showed me your love I will do my best not to disappoint you guys.

Happy navratri.

Stay safe and healthy

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