Anika pov

Sitting close to the window looking the dark sky. The sky which helped me to calm my heart is just bringing more uncertainty.

Yesterday night I did something which is the horrible thing one could to do.
Specifically to whom you love.

But this was the best I could ever do for Shivaay. Past one month is not easy at all. What I thought completely opposite happened but one thing I released that I fallen for him. I love shivaay with my life.

He is my home where I want to go.
I want to go him when I feel helpless. I want him to pull me when I feel I am drowning  in darkness. I want him to hug me when there is no one for me hold. I want him to wipe my tears when I am crying. I want him to hide me from my this world when I am falling.

And I know he will do everything. He will do everything without a word. That's why I had to take promise from him. Because I know after knowing the whole truth it will hurt him. I know he feel the same I feel for him. We don't needs words to understand each other. He will be shattered. I know this.

And I don't want him to be broken. I know he must be hurt but he will accept this and move on in life. I just want his happiness nothing else. I want to him to live his life happily.

Not only shivaay I hurted every family member of his family. Because now I don't have rights to call his family mine. I just hope they will forgive me.

Two day ago I called gauri and said that I want to give surprise to Shivaay as I am coming to Mumbai. She is so happy to know that. I told her that I want to meet shivaay on beach. Atleast I will fulfill my one of the wish.

Before going to beach I met Om, Gauri and Ishaan for the last time. They were happy but I know how difficult is for me to control myself and I just can't let my self weak.Till the last moment Ishaan didn't leave me.

" Balii maa I am waiting for you come soon. "

His eyes were teary as he is waving his hand to say goodbye. I gave him kiss on forehead and left from there.

I was preparing myself because I know this going to be very tough but I have to do this not for me. But for Shivaay. I try to find the calmness and peace in water but it's just reminding me all the moments and everything that I shared with him. Few minutes more he is going to come here.

And before I knew I am in arms of the person for whom I am craving. I was numb  at that moment totally. I was controlling myself not to give up. But like every time my heart lose in front of him.

His eyes  were shining. He is so happy. That smile on his face.

I just hugged him tightly seeking all the warmth, peace, comfort, strength, love everything.

His happiness is reflecting on his face but I had to do this.

" You just have to say Anika "

My heart just melt then and there why this man is like that why. He is making so difficult.

Keeping stone on my heart I asked him what I want he is looking totally confused when I give him engagement ring and bracelet. I didn't have to look in his eyes after this. But I have to face and the moment I met his eyes only hurt and pain are visible in that.
And the reason is me only.

Every girl want a partner who love her like she love him. And when he is confessing that I am feeling like culprit, it's hurting so much to see shivaay like this. I already knew it's going to be tough but I had to do this  at any cost.

I feel so ashamed to use his weakness to make him agree.

He is angry and I deserved that for doing this to him. Never I saw him so vulnerable.

The moment he kept his hand on my head I know I lost everything in this world everything. I lost him . I lost my soul.

And I know he will hurt himself. He will not say a word to anyone I know him. The moment he jerk his hand when I tried to hold his is like someone has snatched my life.

But i want to be selfish for one last time. For one last time I want to hug him. I know after what I did I didn't deserve but I want to do this. I don't want to regret that later.

And I hugged him as tightly I can. He is angry, he is hurt, he is in pain. Who ever imagine that the man whole world know ruthless, egoistic. Is so vulnerable that even after everything he is asking me to stay.

But I can't do this. I know no punishment is enough for me but I have to do it. Taking a deep breath I turned around tearing my gaze from him. And it everything in me to do this.
I will never see him again. I wanted to look at him one last time. But I know if I will then not able to hold myself from going back to him.

I wipe the tear that fall. I have to go before I broke down here only. Never in this one month I cried. And I don't want to because he will be not there to wipe them. The realization that I will not meet him or any other person. Not going to come back here.

I take deep breath to calm my nerves. As I saw khanna bhaiya standing there. I make my way towards him.

" Anika mam " He smiles seeing me.

" Khanna bhaiya can you please do one thing for me. "

" Yes mam "

" Bhaiya when shivaay will come please don't leave him alone. Don't let him drive please. It's my last request to you. "

" Mam why are saying like this. "

" Nothing bhaiya be happy and I know nothing will happen to shivaay when you are there with him. "

With that I saw rudra waiting for me on the other side of road.

" Di are you okay ?? " He asked me taking me in a hug. I nodded my head.

Late night we came back home from that time I am sitting in my room only. Only shivaay face is roaming in front of my eyes. His eyes were teary holding pain and hurt begging me to stop. How much I try I am unable to remove that particular look.

Neither I get anyone message nor any call me Or maa papa. I don't what shivaay told them. I already told rudra to return all the things that I get from them. Because it's belong to daughter-in- law of Oberoi which I am not. So I can't take them.

" Didi please open the door? " Came rudra voice.

I once looked myself in mirror then I opened door to see with tray of food.

" Rudra I am not hungry "

" Who asked you?? You are hungry or not. But you have to finish this so no excuse will work here. "

" Rudra " Ignoring me he came inside and sit near the balcony.

I sit beside him.

" Everyone had dinner? "

" I made maa papa eat " And I feel guilty I am so involve in my grief that I forgot about them.

" I am so sorry " I said in a low voice.

" Didi you don't have to. It's not your mistake. It's not in your hand you know this. "

" Rudra " but he cut me in between.

" No we all love you. You are not alone never think like that. You did everything for shivaay jiju happiness. And I know how difficult is this decision is for you to make. Don't blame yourself. "

" But I hurt him Rudra. I just can't remove that particular moment of yesterday. I did wrong I know and nothing can justify that. "

" You also know that he didn't hate you "

" That's the problem rudra that man is so good for his own good.He can do anything for ones he love. Even if it hurt him. He will sacrifice his happiness. And he proved me right yesterday only.But I feel like culprit to snatch his happiness."

" Didi please look at me and let it out. You are bottling these feelings inside
and hurting yourself. "

" No rudra. I can't because the only person to whom I promised once that I will not cry when he is not there to wipe them. And no way I am going to break. I already break enough promises. "

" Okay fine leave this  at least see maa made your favourites have this please . "

After feeding me rudra left the room.

______________________________________

Here is the new update I hope you like this one. From next chapter story going to be in fast forward mode with that you guys going to get all your answers. So wait for little bit. Share your views waiting .

Stay safe and healthy

Don't forget to hit the vote button ❤