I tried to smile today them I realized there's no point anyways.

It's been more than a week since I last saw Zayn. That day we had our big fight, I just simply woke up, called a cab, and left; all before he even woke up. He hasn't made any efforts to see me again, or even talk to me. This was getting ridiculous. I thought he just needed his space.

l feel so numb, staring at the shower wall. I lost track of how long I've just been standing here. It's begun, the feeling that the end has come. And it kills me inside that I'm surprisingly agreeing with it.

I tried to eat today but the lump in my throat got in the way. It's been like this for  while now. I've lost all sense of pride during this time. I thought about calling. Maybe if I hear his voice I'll be fine. But just as many times as I thought about it, I also grew upon denying it. What god will that do? I'm sure if I hear his voice I probably wouldn't take it and start crying.

The water got cold now.

I wish I could stay longer, all day maybe. But again, there's no point there. There's no point in anything I do anymore so why bother?

The last drops finished falling onto my back, skin taking in the last sensation of water from my lonesome shower. I forgot how empty showers felt without Zayn with me, whispering sweet stuff that always, no matter what, made me giggle. I waited a few moments in silence, thinking of those mornings, afternoons, and evening before pulling the shower curtain across the metal pole. It was cooler on the other side, a breeze that affected me quite a bit. My hands pulled on the nearest towel within reach from me, drying every inch of my body that was exposed to the water until I was completely dry. I quickly changed into my clothes. A pair of shorts and a tank top that I wore rather much around Zayn. I know because it smelled just like him, a sense of a strong cologne with a touch of sweet that just made a perfect combination for him.

I walked out of my bathroom, trudging my way across the carpet floor to lay sitting down on my bed.

I want the room to take me under. I can't help but wonder.. What if I had one more night for goodbye?

It's like, if he's not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep. My pillow's wet from all the tears I've cried into them. I was in bed all throughout the week, the weather complying the was I felt with heavy showers of thunderstorms. It left me feeling nothing but meaningless. Still, I haven't been able to do nothing else. I only get out of bed to use the bathroom and get food, nothing else. Sometimes on rare occasions, I would lay in my living room couch and have my lazy day there instead of up here.  My parents have been really busy lately an they still don't know what's going on. Work is holding them back and so is it with Kennedy. So I have the house to myself again, no surprise. That's perfect for how I'm feeling right now.

I've called in sick to Charlie's this whole time. At this point, I don't even care anymore if Eddie fires me. What's the point?

My friends have also made loads amounts of effort to reach me. They tried calling, checking in at work, stopping by my house, and even sending me flowers with little post cards saying they're sorry if they've done something wrong to upset me. It's nice to know they care so much to send me flowers. They think it's their fault on why I'm feeling like this. But it's not. I didn't think I'll fall this hard to have my heart shattered over something I did in trying to help. Zayn was my first love, I can never forget that.

Those thoughts were soon abruptly shut off as the loud sound of thunder sounded from outside.

I went back to reality the next second, fiddling around the space with my hands in effort to fish my TV controller out of my duvets without looking. It was finally in my hands before I heard a loud sound go off and the flash of my phone beginning to blink. I dropped the remote to grab my phone by my nightstand. Not bothering to look at the caller ID, I picked up.

"Hello?" My voice sounded stranger actually coming from my mouth since talking out loud wasn't something I was really doing for a while.

"Paige. Are you home?" A soft voice spoke.

"Ariana, I don't really think now is a good--"

"Look out your balcony."

I turned to see what she told me to look at. Bewildering, I stood up from my bed as I slowly walked up to the covered doors. Flashes of lightning remained striking past my view. The phone still made contact with my right cheek as I raised my hand out. I was stunned, mouth releasing a gasp as I found Ariana smiling straight at me and waving with her free hand once the curtains were pulled open.

"Jesus Christ! Are you trying to--" I stopped talking, realizing I was still talking to the phone when she was clearly right there. I hung up and opened the door, pulling her in and out of the pouring rain outside.

She was soaking wet, arms wrapping around her chest as she did her best to hold back in her shivers.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack!" I exclaimed while rushing over to get her a towel from my bathroom. "What are you doing standing outside my balcony in this weather?"

I swung a towel over her shoulders in which she thanked me with a smile. The other I handed to her so she can start drying her face and warming up a little bit faster.

"Y-You wouldn't open your door o-or answer my calls so I figured I should find a way so you would h-have to let me in." She shivered.

I couldn't believe what she was saying. But I couldn't really stay mad at her for trying.  Now I really felt bad for shutting them all off. They still weren't aware of Zayn and I. All they know is that I've surprisingly disappeared off the face of the Earth for no reason at all.

"I'm sorry." I pulled her into an embrace, her body still cold from the rain showering her completely. "Here, let me get you something warm to wear."

I moved away to go up to my drawers, diving in near the bottom to where I had the more smaller clothes to fit Ariana's skinny size. While I was doing that, I felt her eyes wander around my room. I wouldn't be surprised, it was a complete mess; something very unusual for a girl like me. There was no point in hiding that something what definitely up.

"W-What's been going on with you?" She shivered again, doing a little bend in her knees to try and get her warmed up.

I turned around after closing the drawers, "Nothing.." I shrugged my shoulders as if it was no big deal.

Ariana gave me a dumb look on her face, knowing that I was lying. "Paige, no one just shuts down the world for nothing if something isn't going up." She air-quoted. "Tell me, what's really wrong?"

I wanted to tell her but I would just start crying. I couldn't do that. I need to remain calm and worry about my friend who could now get sick because of me. Great, just another thing to add to the list of horrible things I've done for others.

"Here," I handed her the clothes and ignored her question. "You can change in my bathroom."

Ariana took the clothes but still shook her head. "No." She paused. "Why have you been avoiding us? We did everything possible to contact you but.. You just ignore us?"

I haven't realized how stupid I must've been. I was doing just what Zayn did to me but these girls are the closest things I have right now and I'm being such a horrible, selfish person by doing this to them.

"I'm so sorry." I breathed out, head falling to look down in front of me.

Ariana shook her head, placing a hand over my shoulder and smiling once I peered up at her.

"You can tell me anything."

I nodded. As I got ready to speak again, I noticed her shiver once more. This broke my heart even more.

"You should go change first." I acknowledged.

"But--"

"I'll explain everything." I slightly smiled. "I'll clean up while you're at it."

Ariana looked down for a quick second, soon nodding her head to walk towards the bathroom behind me.

***

"Oh my God." Ariana's hand was placed above her agape mouth after what I just explained to her.

I looked down at my lap. We were sitting in bed which I had finally made for the first time in a while, my back pressed to the back board as she sat with her legs crossed and a pillow over them in front of me.

Her hair was still a bit damp from the rain. But at least she's in a warm pair of clothes and not shivering.

"Paige, I'm so sorry." She moved her hand away to speak, eyes still full in shock.

A smile made it's way across my face as I nodded once again. Only it didn't end in such a happy way.

Immediately, I started crying. Ariana was quick to crawl over to me and embrace me. We remained in silence, only the sounds of my quiet sobbing were heard. Her head rested upon my head as mine sobbed against her chest. She tried to make me feel better my rubbing my back but it wasn't the same as Zayn's touch. Not even close. But she tried and that was good enough for me because unlike him, she's here.

"Don't cry." She softly spoke. "Did you try calling him?"

I shook my head. "I can't. Trust me."

She started moving away some hair from my face. "He probably just needs his space right now."

I moved away to look at her straight in the eyes, tears coming down like a waterfall. "Space? I already gave him his space. I messed up, Ariana. Big time! Now look what happened."

"But you don't even know if you guys are broken up yet?" She furrowed her eyebrows. "Can't you see there still might be a possibility he'll change his mind?"

"It's not like that, Ariana." I sighed, tears starting to slow down.

"Then how is it, Paige?" She questioned but also made a statement there.

I remained silent, thinking of what she just said to myself.

"I can't stand seeing you like this." She frowned. "You're my best friend, Paige."

"I don't know what else to do?" I looked down, feeling worse than ever. Talking about it didn't necessarily work.

Ariana looked down, thinking of something though I'm not sure what of. It grew quieter in here. I went off to try and think too but her sudden smile left me curious into not doing so.

"You're going out tonight." She nodded.

"What?" My voice cracked. "No, no."

"Oh come on?" She whined. "Why not?"

I looked at her with wide eyes. Can she really be more serious now? "Didn't you just listen to anything I just said? I'm not in the mood to go out, not after what just happened."

"Paige, that was weeks ago. Are you seriously going to stay in bed until he finally decides he wants you back?" She pointed out.

"No." I mumbled to myself but she heard me either way.

"Then what are you waiting for?" She chuckled. "Trust me, if I knew about this before, you would've been better by now."

I admire her efforts but I really just need her to be my friend right now. I don't want to forget, I don't want to feel better. And honestly, I don't even know what I want anymore.

"I don't want to go anywhere." I shook my head.

"Come on, we can go to the movies." She smiled. "I know how badly you've been wanting to see that new Dave Franco movie.."

"I still don't think right now is a good time." I explained.

"Paige.." She groaned. "Look, I know how you feel. When Ryan and I broke up, I felt like that was the end of me. It sucks, I know. But then that's when you guys stepped in and made me feel better. Remember that?"

I smiled as I gave my head a small nod. "Yeah, I remember." I looked back up at her. "We couldn't get you out of your bed." I giggled a little towards the end.

"Exactly." She chuckled, also remembering the time. "But I'm much better now. All thanks to you and the girls."

I smiled at her, surprisingly feeling much better already than I've been this entire time.

"So my point being.." She continued. "You helped me and now I'm going to help you."

***

We drove around the city, lights illuminating around the car. Allison, of course, was driving, Ariana sat in the front besides her, and Claire and I rode on the back with the company of Allison's brother, Tyler. It's been a while since last time I saw him which was why I was a bit surprised when I did see him. In a good way of course. Things were actually going well tonight.

"Paige?"

I turned away from the window I was staring out of to look back at Tyler. He was smiling by the time I looked at him. That only made me smile too.

"So are you going to stay quiet the whole night or what?" He chuckled.

"Tyler.." Allison warned.

"What?" He laughed looking back at his sister in which she then gave him a warning look.

I couldn't let him take the blame for this, I'm fine, nothing's wrong if that's what my friends are suspecting.

"Guys, it's okay." I smiled. "Really."

They all nodded in acknowledgement, staying silent once again as Tyler went back to his question. "So are you?" He asked.

"Well, what's there to talk about?" I asked, smiling back at him.

"I don't know.." He continued. "I heard you went to Queens?" He continued.

"Um.. Yeah."

"Tyler! What the hell!" Allison exclaimed. "Don't you understand why we're here tonight? To make her get over the guy!"

"Dude, I know. I was just curious if she saw Ezra there?" He explained.

While all my friends started groaning, I quickly started thinking again.

"Wait, you know Ezra?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows.

"Well, I heard about him?" He continued. "They told me he's bad shit and to stay away. But then I heard he was going to get back at Zayn while he was at Queens."

"Oh." I looked down, recalling all the events from that night. It brought us closer, but it only made Zayn more furious with him. I'm never forgetting that night, not even if I wanted to. I can't.

"Yeah, I heard it was pretty bad." He added.

I only nodded my head, unable to speak from my mouth.

"Wait, you were there?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

I looked back up at him. "It was in his Mom's house. We were in the living room when they started shooting."

The car became silent again.

"Wow. I-I'm sorry." He stuttered.

"I'm not." I smiled softly, the words came out of my mouth a bit shaky.

I can tell Tyler liked my response by the way he smirked down at me. But it wasn't long before that turned into a frown once again.

"Well, it's not over." He shook his head. "Just know that Ezra never stops once he's started."

"What?" I pondered over his warning.

"Tyler, you're scaring Paige." Claire rolled her eyes from the other side of him.

"I'm being serious. Zayn always told me to stay away because that'll be my consequence, never getting that dumbass out of my back." He looked down at me.

His words left me thinking and that's when I reached a conclusion.

When will this end?