ZAYN'S POV:

What the hell have I done? She was only trying to stop me. And I blew it out on her. Never in a million years did I ever plan to hurt her. After all this time of me watching out for her, I never thought I'd be the one to end up actually doing it.

I stood there like an idiot. She was staring at me with her blue eyes and that's where they stayed. All I could think about was, I can't lose her. But I didn't do anything to stop that from happening. I was scared to even touch her again. How could I be so careless with that? My anger? I know how I get, she knows how I get. So why did she do that!

I was forced to watch Harry take her away, something I couldn't do because of my guilt. She's so delicate. If I hold her too strong, she'll break. My name was called out multiple times to wake me up but I couldn't. It was as if the world started to slow down, only I didn't move. I couldn't. I was traumatized.

Paige was no longer in view but another figure approached me rapidly. My Mum grabbed my arm and started to turn me around, a look of fear and disappointment was clear in her face. She didn't say anything but I felt our feet move out into the darkness of the night.

Outside parked right across the street adjacent from the house shined the vibrant red lights from the ambulance. It came faster than I expected but I'm glad it did.

That's when I actually noticed what was going on in the back. Harry had placed her body onto the gurnee, a group of people surrounding the scene. Mum had encouraged me to continue walking but it took a few tries before I did. How could I get close to her, without thinking about this . Things just won't be the same anymore.

*AT THE HOSPITAL*

"Zayn, please eat this." Mum begged handing me a chocolate bar from one of the hospital's multiple vending machines.

I looked away from the bar, going back to nervously looking down at my shaking hands, thinking of what I caused with them.

"You can't stop eating, please Zayn." She begged again. "We've been here for hours now and we never got a chance to eat dinner."

"I'm not hungry." I kept looking down.

We were sitting in the waiting room, nervously waiting to see what the doctors have to say about Paige. We were all here. Mum, Harry, Vanessa, half of the party that didn't fled away on us, and Avan.

I was surprised he actually decided to stick around. This was all his fault. He called her my play toy and she's not. I fucking care about her even more than I do myself. This whole damn trip was for her. I know I said it was for my Mum, but it never was. I love my Mum and care for her too, but I'm grown up now. I just wanted them to meet because I saw it on a fucking movie that it brings people together once they meet each other's families. But my family is only tearing us apart.

I miss her laugh. I miss her smile.

Why did I have to act so ignorant with her. I wasn't bothered by the whole getting into one of Avan's fights. I just wanted her to see that I didn't want her to do it anymore. I was going to explain that to her, I really was, that's why I went downstairs anyways. She was hurt because I was caring for myself. When I got down and saw her turn around with water in her eyes, I was going to run up to her and kiss her the way I always do and tell her that I was being stupid. But no, Avan stepped in and I lost it. Now I'm starting to wonder what other kind of shit he's called her behind my back.

I heard my Mum take a seat on the chair next to me and sigh, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Why did you do it, Zayn?" She asked.

I could ask myself the same question but that's not the answer I was going to give my Mum. "I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't, but you did." Her soft voice only reminded me of the force ment to go on Avan's face push her against the wall.

My head raised back to come over my shoulder, giving my Mum the look of a guilty criminal. At that point I couldn't help but let some tears down my eyes.

"I'm not a bad person, Mum."

"Of course you're not." Mum wrapped her small arms around me, placing a hand over my left cheek and moving it to I could look at her. "Listen to me, you're a good guy, Zayn. That girl is lucky to have you. You'll never hurt her and I know because I see it in your eyes. You're only fear is yourself now and you're afraid you're going to do it again. But let me tell you something, I know you and so does everyone in this room. Believe me when I tell you this, but you're never going to hurt her again."

"How do know that?" I asked sucking back the small salty droplets of water.

"Because you're not." She smiled kissing my cheek.

My eyes opened shortly after she pulled away. Anger started to rise again which ment I had to get out. Mum removed her arms from me as I stood up, hastily walking out of the waiting room and into one of the empty hallways. I didn't know what to do. For the first time in my life, I felt so alone. So confused. I never thought I'd be able to care for someone the way I do with Paige. I thought I'd be fine by myself. But now that I am, in wishing to have her back in my arms. I want to hear her laughing for me to stop tickling her with my kisses. I want her to look down once I point out her blush and deny to me that's it's because something I said it did. I just want her here.

My cries started to become unbearable to hold back. The only thing I felt needing to do was just sit down and cry as loud as I can. But I can't cry. I have to stay strong for Paige.

I walked over to a wall, roughly hitting my back against it as I slowly felt my legs get weaker and only bring me down to the ground. I was now on my knees, slowly bringing my arms up around them to let my head fall between them. I bit down on my blazer as hard as I could until tears quickly raced down. I was careful not to be so loud and closed my eyes for the best, only I didn't expect a flashback to come in as I did.

*Flashback*

"What about blondie over there?" Liam asked turning his head around his shoulder.

I rolled my eyes, picking up my glass to take my last shot of the night. "No, she's too blond."

"So now the chick is too blond?" Harry joked, "Is that even possible?"

"Guys, we're never going to find girls to take home here. Let's just go somewhere else?" I offered setting the glass back down.

"Hey, I already have a girl." Harry pointed out, "It's you two losers who need to find one."

I found him charming, but fucking annoying when he brought his girlfriend up. They're a waste of time, he's still young. That girl has him on a leash, as well do all girlfriends. Guys should remain single and stick with the ones who just want some and move on. It's something any guy can live up by.

"Ooh!" Liam mocked, "What about her?"

I followed his finger behind my shoulder to spot a girl with long black hair and dark blue eyes behind the bar. She wore a black dress and let me tell you, she rocked it.

"Who is she?" I asked observing the way she walked over with a tray in her hands to clean a table that was just left unoccupied.

"Beats me?" I heard Liam say, "I'm going in."

"Hold on!" I quickly stopped him before he did.

"Oh, I think he's found himself a winner." Harry joked.

Liam took a seat back in his chair, waiting to see what I had to say.

"I think I should go first." I started.

"And why is that?" Liam asked.

"Because you already have three picked out. I have none." I shrugged my shoulders, "Just let me see if I can get at least this one?"

Liam shrugged his shoulders, "Fine, whatever."

I smirked as I straightened out my jacket, holding back in my seat as Harry stopped me.

"I bet ten bucks they won't make the night." Harry smirked.

"Twenty!" Liam exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't going to go along with this, if that girl finds out she's a bet, she'll tell her other girlfriends and then I'll be left with nothing.

"Just keep me out of this, and watch how the master does it." I grinned turning around to see a another guy was already making a move.

My face turned solid, angry that he was going to get her and make me look like a fool in front of my friends. He noticed me. It's a good thing I have a reputation too or else he'll never leave.

Sadly, the girl also noticed me, and it scared her. I decided it was better to just pick another one since that one's already no use.

Liam and Harry started to laugh as I walked back, empty handed.

"Oh come on, no, that's cheating!" Harry exclaimed.

"How?" I asked taking a seat.

"You had to at least try to get her." Liam shrugged his shoulders, "Besides, I can't lose those twenty bucks."

"Look, I already ordered us some more drinks. You'll get her then." Harry nodded.

"Why do I have to get her?" I asked.

"Because it's amusing seeing you try." Liam joked.

"Zayn Malik doesn't try." I pinned my eyes at them.

"Shit, here she come." Harry looked down at his empty glass, trying to act natural.

This is it, I couldn't let her get away. How bad could she be anyways?

"Okay guys, here you go." She continued passing out our drinks.

I never left my eyes from her. She was really pretty, shy too. I've never done it with a shy girl before. Now I really wanted to get her.

"Can I get you guys anything else?" She asked.

"No thanks, beautiful." I smirked.

I had her, right there, that very moment.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

That was the night I was first rejected by a girl. I made it my goal to get her because of that and soon enough down the road, I even forgot about why I decided to chase her in the first place. I fell for her. Paige is not just some girl I met at a bar as she cleaned the tables, she's more than that. I mean, look at everything that has happened because of my selfish ways and my daring friends. Then again look at where its ended up to be.

"Zayn?" I heard my name being called.

I immediately stood up, wiping away my dry tears and getting myself back together as the voice got closer.

"There you are!" Harry exclaimed racing towards me.

"What do you want? Did the doctors say anything about Paige?" I asked in hopes he'll say yes.

Harry nodded his head, gripping my shoulder to then pat it.

"Sorry, Man, but they haven't said anything yet."

"Then what do you want?" I asked in anger.

"I came to check up on you." He grinned.

"I'm not the one you should be worried about." I looked down.

"Yes I should, you're my friend, Zayn, and seeing you like this isn't fun." He started to get angry on me.

I shot my head right up to look at him. I couldn't believe what I was turning to. All he's doing, all everyone's doing, is worrying about me and this is how I treat them? I have to be grateful they didn't run away with the others. They stayed.

"I'm sorry." I sighed rubbing my hands over my face in order to wake me up.

Harry looked at me, slowly relaxing as he watched me go crazy on the inside.

"I know you didn't mean it." He finally spoke.

I couldn't help but laugh, trying hard not to look at his face. Has he seen where we're standing?

"I'm serious, Zayn." He said again.

"I know you better than that. And for the record, so does Paige."

The smile on my face disappeared, finally looking back at him and remembering something from before.

"Was she really crying when she was with you two?"

Harry's silence was all I needed for an answer. It was also an answer for me to feel even more guilty.

"She was scared you were done with her and she felt like it was because of her." He finished. "Is that true?"

"Of course not!" I quickly answered. "I know we had a small problem, but it's all over now."

Harry nodded, looking down and coming closer. "She really likes you, mate." He smiled, "And so do you."

I shrugged my shoulders. It was a fact anyone knew, even us. But what does that have to do with anything?

"Don't overreact because you can lose her."

I thought about his words, hoping it wasn't true but later finding a point in it. I was left pondering over it and didn't realize for how long we've been standing here in complete silence before it was actually broken off.

"Oh, I told Louis about what happened." Harry continued, "He said that he's on his way along with the rest of the guys."

I nodded my head, still looking away in front of him until I heard him walk away. Shortly after, I was accompanied once more by my mother.

"Zayn, honey, I'm going to go with the neighbours back to the house and change into something more comfortable." She paused, "Do you want to come with us?"

I nodded my head, still thinking about my conversation with Harry. It was all I could do, he left me wondering.

"Do you want me to bring you something?" She asked stepping closer.

I turned to her, thinking before saying my answer, "It doesn't matter."

Mum stared back up at me, pulling me into a quick embrace before pulling away. "I expect you to have eaten something when I come back."

I smiled as she started to walk away, nodding my head and watching her leave. Another thing I should feel guilty about is having her dinner ruined. She didn't have to say it, but I know she lost her job. It was why she was crying when she was cooking. That little surprise in her job the other night caused a bit of a ruckus, I guess. Tonight's dinner was full with people with job offerings. I know she was hoping on getting one out of them. But it's too late now.

***

I sat back down in another chair of the waiting room, far away from everyone else. It was now just a few people left. Not that it bothered me as long as they didn't come near me.

And I spoke too soon.

"I thought you left with, Mum?"

"What do you want, Avan?" I asked pestered as I saw him take a seat besides me from the corner of my eye.

"Relax." He paused, "I just came to bring you some water."

I looked back up, staring at the bottle in his hands. Should I be worried if it's poisoned or not? After all, he would do such a thing.

"Could you just drink it?" He scoffed handing it to me.

I decided it was better not to argue with him. It's because of that Paige is here tonight instead of back in bed and in my arms.

"Look, I'm sorry." He finally spoke.

The water I was starting to drink from the bottle was almost spit right out as I heard his words. He can't be serious? I closed the tap back on and finished swallowing the cold liquid down my dry throat.

"I didn't think it'll get this carried away."

"Just stop talking." I kept looking forward, nodding my head. I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to hear him.

I tried to forgive myself to him but he just couldn't let it be without a fight.

"No, I was just trying to make a point." He started again. "But obviously, I was wrong."

"Yeah, you were." I pinned my eyes, turning my head to look at him.

"I'm really sorry, Zayn." He looked back down again.

"Sorry isn't really going to do much, now is it?" I asked in an aggravated tone.

Avan grunted, "God, okay, I get it! What do I have to do to get you to accept my apology?"

"How come you get to do something but when I tried to apologize to you, I get this?" I grinned in anger.

"I thought I was doing the right thing." He admitted.

I made my blood pressure relax. I couldn't take things out on him anymore because it made me realize I can get carried away. A lot.

"I'm sorry you didn't get to grow up with the perfect brother, but the truth is, I'm not perfect. I can't be something I'm not." I continued in a more stable manner, "I was never proud of myself. I just did all that stuff because I always do mad and felt like that's what needed to be done, I guess. But I never wanted you to follow me. It was dangerous and I was already screwed, one of us had to come to the top. So I was never ignoring you, I was only trying to help you not become into me for the better in yourself."

I couldn't believe I actually confessed that to him after all he's done. But it's better he knows now before he goes and screws himself up, again.

Avan stared blankly into space, absorbing what I just told him.

"I-I never knew that." He stuttered.

"Well now you do." I shrugged my shoulders, looking out in front of me to get a second sip from the bottle.

"Now I really feel like a complete ass." He chuckled.

"Yeah, no shit." I followed.

There was a moment of silence as both Avan and I realized we were actually continuing to get along. I'm still mad, though.

"I forgive you, Zayn." He nodded.

"Yeah well." I continued closing the top again. "It's about time."

I was going to forgive him, but he just needed to know that right now wasn't a good time. I proved to him I did change, the hard way too. So now all I have to see is him feel like he actually did forgive me. It's always one thing to say and another to do.

"I'm really sorry about Paige." He added.

"Me too." I looked down.

Me too.